u/StopRacismWWJD

I feel completely alone in the depth of my Faith. No one around me seems to understand. Not my spouse, not my adult children, maybe more my teenager but still not quite... I'm completely alone. I feel like one of the prophets who were hated for the depth of their faith and relaying the messages of God back to the people. No one understands and this is such a lonely place to be when everyone around you find offense. I speak to my family with love and they still don't get it.

Every time I tell my husband I want him to pray more with me, he tells me that I must think I'm better then him. What?? When I tell my young adults how alcohol puts a separation between them and God, they get offended "it's not that big of a deal". But yes it is!! If you are struggling and asking God to help you, yet you spend your blessing on intoxication, yes it is that big of a deal! This isn't about a wedding party celebration that ends and drinking stops with it until the next one. Be of sober mind - otherwise you will not be able to fully commune with the Lord while intoxicated. Bottom line.

And why is it offensive to ask those that you love to join you in deep prayer, to pray over more than just your food, to pray as a preventative to the enemy's attacks against you!?! Why does the Word of God bring so much anger and hatred! You cannot dance with the devil and expect God to bless that! You cannot take God's blessing and pour it into the kingdom of hell and expect God to give you more! And if you ate already rich or at least very comfortable and you are partaking in the world, then the enemy isn't fighting you because it already has your heart and therefore your soul!! Friendship with the world is enmity with God!!!

I don't understand anyone who doesn't want more of the Lord. How can you see God's beautiful face and not want more of Him?? And why are you angry at me for trying to lead you closer to God?? You only want the words that make you feel comfortable and if any of those biblical spiritual words interfere with your life in the world, then I must be self-righteous?? NO!! I am not perfect! We all fall short of the glory of God! But I tell you, you would be the man who looks at himself in the mirror and forget what he looks like! Hears but does not listen. Sees but does not see. Without revelation, the letter brings death. Obey! At least try by bringing your heartfelt petitions to the cross each and every day!

Grace is no excuse to sin -- in fact, grace as an excuse to sin is that very enmity with God that He warns us of!!! Wake up, do not slumber, the enemy comes to devour, to steal and destroy. The Lord weeps. People, do not grieve the Holy Spirit. Chose Light over darkness. For there is no greater joy than the true joy that is found in the Lord and only the Lord Himself!!! I'm exhausted by the persecution I feel. I know, all the saints and all the Prophets were as well. But I need encouragement today, friends of God, but I feel completely alone. I have God, yes, absolutely. But it is a lonely home to be in when no one understands or wants the Lord the same way that I do.

I would sincerely appreciate hearing from others who are there or have been where I am. But all advice is genuinely appreciated. Thank you and God bless.

How can I clear this??

What are some ways you keep your data organized? I think this is very specific for us as memoirists because we’re gathering ABs organizing information rather than creating it solely from imagination.

What programs / applications, etc. or even just processes are you using to do so, and how are you personally and specifically organizing your information?

I’ve tried scrivener in the past but the learning curve was frustrating (just annoying, 2019 version) so I dropped it early on (maybe better used for fiction, I guess?) Truthfully I can’t stand complicated tech and it just didn’t feel as smooth as other customers stated it would be.

I have a lot of data and I’m very meticulous - maybe too meticulous - and sometimes it’s overwhelming. Any experience you’re willing to share would be very helpful!!

Thanks!!

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Writing is writing, but my main focus is nonfiction, specifically memoir this season. I’ve tried scrivener in the past but the learning curve was frustrating (just annoying, 2019 version) so I dropped it early on - truthfully I can’t stand complicated tech and it just didn’t feel as smooth as other customers stated it would be.

What are some ways you keep your data organized, especially for nonfiction where you’re gathering information rather than creating it solely from imagination? What programs / applications, etc. or even just processes are you using to do so, and how are you specifically organizing your information?

I have a lot of data and I’m very meticulous - maybe too meticulous - and sometimes it’s overwhelming. Any experience you’re willing to share would be very helpful!!

Thanks!!

Writing is writing, but my main focus is nonfiction, specifically memoir this season. I’ve tried scrivener in the past but the learning curve was frustrating (just annoying, 2019 version) so I dropped it early on - truthfully I can’t stand complicated tech and it just didn’t feel as smooth as other customers stated it would be.

What are some ways you keep your data organized, especially for nonfiction where you’re gathering information rather than creating it solely from imagination? What programs / applications, etc. or even just processes are you using to do so, and how are you specifically organizing your information?

I have a lot of data and I’m very meticulous - maybe too meticulous - and sometimes it’s overwhelming. Any experience you’re willing to share would be very helpful!!

Thanks!!

Went to a career event 2 months ago. I was aware an old business partner (who I previously dated) would be there with the company I collaborated with.

Going back further, a year ago, I discovered my husband of over 10 years was having an affair for some months, along with evidence of him sleeping with or trying to seduce other women.

Yes, I stayed for personal reasons. And That’s irrelevant.

Fast forward back to 2 months ago. We had plenty of arguments regarding my lack of trust for him. One of those days he stated he was sick of this and wanted a divorce.

He locked me out of our financial accounts so I would have no access to money to pay bills, buy food, etc. I was not employed (a student and initiating self employment). HENCE me going to the career event where the ex / business partner’s company was as well.

My husband has been accusing me of having someone at my home that weekend. So I called him out on his bullshyt and reiterated who was there that could confirm (including business photos online located on two separate websites!!)

NOW he’s threatening to divorce me for knowingly attending a business event where the ex / business partner was. He moved into the spare bedroom saying he never wants to talk to me ever again. lol wt*

I told him, “Where I went for business And who I did or did not talk to when you left me with divorce papers on the table, disappeared and locked me out of our financial accounts, was NONE of your business!”

He’s calling me a bigger A-Hole for going there knowing he doesn’t like the guy simply bc I dated him 20 years ago, and 10 years before my husband and I ever met!!

Facts and Opinions:

I went where there was potential for INCOME.

It was BUSINESS, NOT PERSONAL.

It was a PUBLIC EVENT!!

IT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS !!

WT* !! Who’s the actual A-Hole here?!?

Is it true that when someone passes away, if they didn’t have a will, then whoever still lives in the home becomes the sole owner of everything left behind? State: FL

The depth of the grief I've been in has kept me from being able to write anything here. Mom passed several weeks ago, but I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it. I've been so depressed and so alone in it all. No one understands. Unfortunately, I know that some of you do. And I need a hug. I need a kind word. I need the support I can't get in real life.

Grieving a parent is so different from grieving anyone else. Of my 3 children, my daughter has taken it the hardest, but even her grief is different from mine. I can console her... But no one can console me... and I'm not sure I want consolation... I don't know what I want. I just need to know that someone understands from the very same place where I stand.

My husband doesn't get it. he has both of his parents, neither of which are ill. I've lost both of mine. I didn't grow up with my dad but we did have a good relationship, so although I grieved my father deeply for many years, grieving my mother has been a completely different kind of pain. I was so much closer to her. I was her baby. I stuck to my mom like a conjoined twin (I hope that's not offensive to anyone - if so I'm really sorry.)

I called my mom every single day. I knew her schedule like the back of my hand. We talked about everything. Matter of fact, we were writing her memoir together, when suddenly our time was up, she was gone, nothing but a warning of some hours. That's all. Hospitalized then gone. That was it.

I had such a hard time with this that I failed out of school. I cant focus on working. I can hardly get myself out of bed, but I do it because I have a kid and I also don't want my husband looking at me like I'm lazy. He doesn't get it. He says he does, but he doesn't. This isn't like losing a friend of a few years, like he compares it to. And school...I feel like such a failure. I'm having a hard time looking for work, which makes me feel like even more of a loser.

I try to live life. I don't let the world see me cry. I don't cry in front of my family most times - sometimes it just comes out and I'm a mess, but I try my best not to. My husband gets angry with me because I'm so disappointed with life right now. I pray through it. I write through it. I journal. But those are all individual things. I don't have my counselor right now (temp uninsured) and I do have the number to grief counseling, but I don't even want to call.

She's gone and I don't know how to live with this. Worst of all is feeling so alone. She was the person I called when my heart was heavy... Now I can't....

I'm sorry for the venting, but I had nowhere else to go.

TL;DR

Trouble getting over husband’s past infidelity(ies?) and denial of marital issues; won’t take pastors or counselors advice but pretends he will; good traits still feel bad; feel like all he wants is a silent, sexual, trophy wife with no autonomy except if it’ll fatten his own bank account (not mine). I’m now depressed all the time and feel like an utter failure (was a full time student but failed out when life fell apart).

PROBLEM:

1 My husband cheated on me a little over a year ago (while also footing with other women including a friend of mine that he didn’t know I knew) and I’m still having trouble getting over it. There are so many triggers everywhere. Including his ongoing threats to leave me every time he’s angry (he recently left for a few days in April, and returned saying the pastor suggested he leave for a few days to cool off - shouldn’t this have been communicated to me BEFORE actually leaving instead of letting me think he was gone for good?!?)

2 Anyhow, we argue a lot. I know I’m not easy to deal with (I’m grieving the loss of a loved one, among a ton of other life challenges and failures) but also being that there are a lot of transgressions against me that stay at the surface because he doesn’t change much, but he also thinks he’s the better person between the two of us (don’t know how he came to that conclusion, but whatever). He says that bc I don’t always shut up and deal with it, that I’m the problem for thinking about it and mentioning it.

3 It angers me that he just walks through life without consequence, without accountability, without taking any of the advice that our past and current pastors and Christian counselors have given him. He’ll agree but never actually do it or change what needs to be changed. Forget about trying to discuss it on our own - it’s a huge blowout every time.

4 We’re over a decade into this marriage. I feel like all he wants is a wife who doesn’t talk, will cook 3 square meals a day, and have s\^x whenever he wants - and I do believe these are his issues with me, that I don’t stay silent during injustice, I won’t spend my day in the kitchen (I have kids and serve in ministry and am attempting to pursue a career, etc.) and dare I even hint at rejecting his sexual advances, he’ll alienate me from intimacy until after my next cycle - it’s literally on a clock) 🤦🏻‍♀️

GOOD??

His good traits are he does try to start each day with a clean slate, most times he doesn’t go to bed angry - but I feel like he’s just sweeping our problems under the rug or simply pacifying me with an apology because nothing changes.

The other, he helps around the house - but then he also doesn’t allow me to be independent.

And I do love that he’s very affectionate - but I don’t feel so “special” anymore because it also reminds me of his past infidelity(ies?) and especially when I know he sees some of those women at job sites. He says “no one just dropping their panties for me” and I said “it only takes one”. For me, it’s way too easy for him to cheat on me again, and the fact that he always threatens to leave / divorce me when he gets upset.

CONCLUSION

This marriage has been so damaged and I don’t see a way to fix it other than prayer of course, but there are so many problems that I don’t even know what to do anymore but to be completely silent which also angers him (he’ll accuse me of grey rocking or stonewalling him). I may be the one to raise my voice in anger when I’m fed up, but he’s the one who’s causing most of these arguments in the first place, many of which are just ongoing issues through our marriage.

I don’t know what to do anymore. On one end, I do see staying as an opportunity to fully pursue my kingdom purpose and stay hopeful that things might get better. But this life with him has made me such a miserable person, I’m depressed and easily irritated all the time, and I feel like I’m living everything I tried to avoid. I don’t know how I ended up here!

TL;DR

Trouble getting over husband’s past infidelity(ies?) and denial of marital issues; won’t take pastors or counselors advice but pretends he will; good traits still feel bad; feel like all he wants is a silent, sexual, trophy wife with no autonomy except if it’ll fatten his own bank account (not mine). I’m now depressed all the time and feel like an utter failure.

PROBLEM:

1 My husband cheated on me a little over a year ago and I’m still having trouble getting over it. There are so many triggers everywhere. Including his ongoing threats to leave me every time he’s angry (he recently left for a few days in April, and returned saying the pastor suggested he leave for a few days to cool off - shouldn’t this have been communicated to me BEFORE actually leaving instead of letting me think he was gone for good?!?)

2 Anyhow, we argue a lot. I know I’m not easy to deal with (I’m grieving the loss of a loved one, among a ton of other life challenges and failures) but also being that there are a lot of transgressions against me that stay at the surface because he doesn’t change much, but he also thinks he’s the better person between the two of us (don’t know how he came to that conclusion, but whatever). He says that bc I don’t always shut up and deal with it, that I’m the problem for thinking about it and mentioning it.

3 It angers me that he just walks through life without consequence, without accountability, without taking any of the advice that our past and current pastors and Christian counselors have given him. He’ll agree but never actually do it or change what needs to be changed. Forget about trying to discuss it on our own - it’s a huge blowout every time.

4 We’re over a decade into this marriage. I feel like all he wants is a wife who doesn’t talk, will cook 3 square meals a day, and have s^x whenever he wants - and I do believe these are his issues with me, that I don’t stay silent during injustice, I won’t spend my day in the kitchen (I have kids and serve in ministry and am attempting to pursue a career, etc.) and dare I even hint at rejecting his sexual advances, he’ll alienate me from intimacy until after my next cycle - it’s literally on a clock) 🤦🏻‍♀️

GOOD??

His good traits are he does try to start each day with a clean slate, most times he doesn’t go to bed angry - but I feel like he’s just sweeping our problems under the rug or simply pacifying me with an apology because nothing changes.

The other, he helps around the house - but then he also doesn’t allow me to be independent.

And I do love that he’s very affectionate - but I don’t feel so “special” anymore because it also reminds me of his past infidelity(ies?) and especially when I know he sees some of those women at job sites. He says “no one just dropping their panties for me” and I said “it only takes one”. For me, it’s way too easy for him to cheat on me again, and the fact that he always threatens to leave / divorce me when he gets upset.

CONCLUSION

This marriage has been so damaged and I don’t see a way to fix it other than prayer of course, but there are so many problems that I don’t even know what to do anymore but to be completely silent which also angers him (he’ll accuse me of grey rocking or stonewalling him). I may be the one to raise my voice in anger when I’m fed up, but he’s the one who’s causing most of these arguments in the first place, many of which are just ongoing issues through our marriage.

PRAYER REQUEST

I don’t know what to do anymore. I need prayer, lots and lots of prayer please. When I opted to divorce him last year, God told me not to leave him. I do see staying as an opportunity to fully pursue my kingdom purpose. But this life with him has made me such a miserable person, I’m depressed and easily irritated all the time, and I feel like I’m living everything I tried to avoid. I don’t know how I ended up here!