u/Substantial-Cup-124

Met this enby trans masc on a t4t app 32 (nb) 30 (Op posting). Reaaaaallllllyyyy like them.

But so scared to get close and harm myself in the long run. Have so SI issues along a string of personality disorder issues and dissociative disorder issues.

Am disabled. Think they’re so hot 🥵. Was wondering if it was wise to tell them I need a few months and consistent therapy to talk to them again? They’re going through a lot…..I just wanna cuddle and nom their neck and back and make out with them.

Im a trans man btw.
Am on the ace spectrum but moreso demi/grey leaning considering some of my alters are more sexual. I really….rrrreeeeeaaaalllllyyyyy like making out with them. Could do it all day. Like giving them a lot of massages.💆 But only saw them once in person. We both have mental disabilities and they also have alters and BPD…and they’re so hot. But im scared we’ll trigger one another.

Really like their 🍑….okay imma stop now

Any other disabled trans men over 30 here?

Am mostly homebound. But am not disabled physically.

Mostly autism (noise sensitive kind) and have alters and hear voices. And of course the usual PTSD.

I just want to connect with other trans men. Especially if you have BPD/DID/AUTISM. Or are even a recovering people pleaser. Im STILL in recovery……just because finding a therapist is hard. And we rely on our little siblings and a few friends to take care of us.

Am at an age where going back and forth to the hospital is…..our younger alters dont like it. So we have a lot of safety protocols and Respite/IOP options. AM VERY ISOLATED….just because we don’t want to hurt anyone else. And/or trigger ourselves to the point of SH.

TW: Self Harm, People Pleasing and Abuse

I should also disclose i am not holier than thou or just always the best human being. I have a history of not being fully there in evictions for other trans people when I should have. As I was over giving. OVER GIVING of my benefits. And when I was 27 I did sleep with someone younger than me one time. She was Age 22 at the time. Which is inappropriate. THOSE are things I do NOT want to repeat and that we are not proud of and have been called out/in about. I am still in contact with the person (now 25). And told her years ago i don’t want to continue this connection in that way and we agreed to stay friends. Just voicing this because I was called out about this by an older trans woman who I hurt by not being effective during an eviction. I did give her about $3K of my disability benefits in hopes it will make sure they okay during an eviction. But I had to leave the eviction situation once I started SHing again and my alters were screaming at me for not eating because I was tending to other people’s needs. I am trying not to play savior anymore or get involved in EVICTIONS. And tend to my needs.

Need to share this because people deserve to know when I do harm. And the harm I have done before being my friend.

I do have a tendency to go in an out of hospitals (been 5 times). So I do apologize if I don’t get back to you on time. But we do text A LOT. And can cut it for those who need. And/or send voice messages if needed.

A lot of trans men and trans masc people (regardless of agab as there are intersex trans masc people too) suffer from very bad levels of mental health issues.

Myself included. As we have a strong list of diagnosis. And this goes well into the overall trans community.

After various suicidal attempts myself. wanted to ask this group if there is a virtual space to speak to one another about this?

Even a zoom meeting works. Cis men do have a high suicide rate but trans masc people have 8X that amount.

In dating other trans guys I’ve noticed that a lot. And honestly it has prompted me to heal myself. As I see a lot of myself in all of you. And have deep love and care for you all. But won’t deny that I have failed some of you when I have been SHing and Im situations where I give and give and give without thinking about my own cup.

Just ended up harming other people. This includes other trans people. It was 🚫 healthy. And just taught me a lot about being a human being. And being responsible to value my own life. With the guy Im seeing, there is a lot of people pleasing too.

Im really into him. But he has his own string of diagnosis which we know and CANT blame him for. But also I want him alive. Even if they don’t want to be. And it hurts and I really want to talk about mental health issues amongst trans masc. we have a very high suicide rate. And I need us alive and here. He’s really hot and sweet and I want him here too.

He’s also one of the few people that gets our dissociative identity disorder and autism. And hospitalizations. As he has a LOT of disabilities. I hope God/Spirit sees how valuable every life is. I thinks my life is valuable now. And I KNOW their life is too. Especially because theyre an educator. And seeing the good in people as a teacher is an essential trait ro teach babies and all of us to hone in on that. To grow. I want them here bur I know it’s not up to me and I can’t save them. This is the second trans guy I like with similar issues like this and we just wanna give yall so much hugs. You’re beautiful to me

It is hard to find another person from the islands who has a white mom. With Black family members as she is mixed race!! But looks really pale.

And a Black dad. With some white family members. But his white side is mixed so he quite literally looks unambiguously Black, as do his siblings. Navigating the world as a Black man.

Im from the Dominican Republic (essentially Haitians that speak Spanish atp). It’s a colonized side of the island 🏝️.

I don’t think I experience colorism. Because I have literally Beyoncé/Zendaya’s complexion.

But I want to ask other people with this experience how they managed to heal their racial trauma? It is not like my mom…..basically does not understand the Black experience. She grew up with a mother who basically gave her that. But she is….white in presentation. With my type of hair texture 3b/3c.

And when asked i do say she’s yt. Given on the islands they dont have a one drop rule. And relate a lot to biracials with yt moms. But imagine the yt mom relaxed her hair too. And was forced to assimilate to whiteness even more than she does. Given she can literally blend. Now imagine she attacks you for years. When we have similar hair problems.

She’s changed as of late. But I want to heal this better because the pain of skin bleaching products (put on me as a kid when coming back from the islands) it haunts me man. But she’s changed. It just took a LOOOOOT of fighting and homelessness and getting my own place (am trans too) to be here.

Also would I be Black here? We do say Black and Latino. But in Haiti/DR, I would be mixed. That island has a majority Black population all THROUGHOUT. Please keep that in mind. The United States is different. Feel like we relate to Prince, Tina Knowles, or even Zoe Kravitz in some form. As this is multigenerational mix.

Met someone via a trans 🏳️‍⚧️ 4 trans 🏳️‍⚧️ app.

We both have borderline traits and autism. With me having dissociative identity disorder.

Im mixed race (Black and white) and they’re primarily Asian.

Given my racial trauma, I did not think I’d be matched with anyone who doesn’t personally understand anti Blackness and transphobia. But the app is faceless.

Regardless, I still have them a chance and cuddles and made out and other things. But im hesitant. They’re sweet and gentle. We’re both disabled.

But honestly want to date another person who reflects those parts of me that we like, like our fluffy hair and sun loving skin. We love that in ourselves. They’re sweet though.

This person is also polyamorous, not monogamous. I want to be prioritized for once. They have another partner. Which I respect. I think I should leave it be and look elsewhere….just because I’m monogamous.

But still open to being friends. What do you all think? What advice can be given?

Am a formal sex worker. Am also a trans man.

Definitely wanted to join this group.

Given, maybe we can provide another sector to the conversation. Pornography dehumanizes you. Can be extremely dysphoric! And one can internalize these literal beliefs and feelings towards one self.

ALSO porn industries are NOT PROTECTING SEX WORKERS.

They exploit sex workers, children, even trans people and women. Porn industries will use your content (porn hub) and when you delete everything and want to take everything down. They will literally keep it. And NEVER pay you anything.

When we were actively doing porn it was for survival. We were homeless. Not just abused but also BEING ABUSIVE to others. It’s healthier to deviate from the porn industry itself because it quite literally is run by Epstein and pedophiles. Literally those sent to Israel 🇮🇱.

Am also a recovering porn addict. Just because not only were we in it to get money. But it was the only time we were shown what felt like love. But it’s not love. It’s lust. And these men (and even some women) were not seeing me for who I am. We want to be a better person. And want to do right by our body and what makes us feel better. We have also been abusive to ourselves and others, even looking at a trans guy the way we look at ourselves.

That’s not okay. Felt bad we talked about another guy’s chest like that when we hate our own. Ans we were internalizing and repeating the weird fetish comments the consumers had about this body. PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW MESSED UP THAT IS.

So yeah. Stop watching porn and fueling Epstein and them pockets!!! As soon as we had we feel more comfortable with ourselves and our body. And left sex work given how mentally unstable it made us.