u/Successful-Pumpkin72

I've always been an over-achiever, and I've been told that I'm too harsh on myself by almost everyone around me. Every moment of my day has to be productive/beneficial to my goals. I don't allow myself any rest because I feel so guilty if I know what I'm doing isn't productive.

It's so bad that o don't even allow myself to watch films/TV shows. I only allow myself to watch informative videos and documentaries. I used to let myself relax and watch TV while crocheting, but I gave that up ages ago. I want to be able to get back to that again. It's even worse in the summer because I feel even more guilty if I'm inside when it's sunny.

I'm so exhausted and it's making me stressed, but I don't know how to relax at all. How do I stop being so harsh on myself?

As the title says, I'm 24 and I've never had a job, I have no partner, I'm living at home with my parents. I feel like such a failure.

I graduated university at 21 with a first class degree in Psychology, but I never ended up using it. It was a complete waste of time, and now I'm struggling to even get a basic retail job. They want people with precious job experience, but I have none. Meanwhile old classmates are pilots, vets, are married, having kids etc.

I want to be successful so much. I feel like a complete failure. I'm so lost and scared. I feel like I'm never going to be successful and get what I want from life. I don't even know what my interests are anymore. I used to be so driven and passionate about animal behaviour/wildlife, but now I have no real passion. I feel like an empty shell. I have no drive.

I'm volunteering as a wildlife ranger, hoping it might land me some future job in the field, but I don't even know if that's what I want to do. I enjoy it, but I feel like I lack the knowledge and skills. I've also suspended my masters degree in wildlife conservation, and have no idea whether to return to it.

With relationships, my first ever one was last year, and now it's just a fwb situation. I live him so much though, and im so utterly heartbroken that it devolved into that. We were so passionate, but the long distance killed it. I see him when I'm in his country, and we message all the time, but I want someone who wants me around forever. I want to be married and have kids. I wanted to be a young mother, but I feel like that'll never happen now. Meanwhile my friend is getting married, and old classmates already are, and have kids.

I feel like such a failure. Sometimes I think there's no point trying anymore. I hate my life.

This probably sounds really stupid, but I've been thinking about it all night. I want to believe there is something after death. Throughout my life, I've been an atheist with no spiritualism or belief of any kind in the afterlife. I am a scientist. But I want to believe there is something else.

I have an extreme fear of ageing and death, and it upsets me so much to think this is the only chance I have on earth. The thought that after I die, there will be nothing scares me so much. I have major depression and bdd, and I've seen so many people whove taken up religion recover and feel more positive in themselves and life in general.

I really like post-apocalypse books involving some kind of journey/ survival game. I really loved The Last One by alexandra Oliva, Bird Box, The Long Walk, Battle Royale and the Stand.

I'm very lonely, I volunteer 2x per week, I'm not healthy enough to join a club or do too much physical activity. I go on a few dates here and there. I read and do short walks. I'm bored all the time, I feel like I'm just Wasing the days. Its getting me depressed.

How do I make my life less boring?

Lately, I've completely lost all my old passions and interests. I used to love to crochet, watch documentaries about animals (I'd get obsessed), run, draw/do art, cycle...

It's like I don't have the mental energy for it anymore, I hate it. I don't feel anything. I just feel so numb, and I don't find happiness in anything I used to. I've tried forcing myself into my old hobbies, but it just doesn't feel the same. I don't enjoy them anymore. It's not just my hobbies either, I don't feel like seeing my friends, etc

I don't feel like the same person anymore.

I have been diagnosed with severe depression. I was on medication, but I had to come off because of side effects.

I just want some advice on things I could do to feel something again. I'm reluctant to take other medication (ive tried sertraline and mitrazapine. Ive been prescribed lexapro but ive not taken it), but I'm happy to hear any success stories with meds

I keep checking my phone for messages from you. It's so sad how we drifted so fast. We used to message all throughout the day, and you used to be concerned if you didn't hear from me. We used to text all day every day when we were apart, call for hours on end talking about everything under the sun. Now my phone is silent. We can go a day without communicating. I'm always hoping that every notification is you, but I know its not. Id give anything to go back to the early days. I was so happy then. Blissful.

I want to reach out, but I know it's over. That it was the last time i'd ever see you. Our final goodbye.

They say that it's easier to move on from long distance relationships. They're wrong. You may have never visited here, but it doesn't make it any less painful. You were my first love and i'm heartbroken. In some ways I'm glad you never visited my country, there are no physical reminders of your presence here apart from the bench I used to take your calls on.

When I'm in your country it is painful, everything is a reminder of us- the house, the road we kissed on for hours, your car, the mountains, familiar roads, familiar scenery. The house feels like a museum of us, I hear our laughter, see where we kissed and held each other.

I know I'll be back there soon, I know i'll see you again, I can never stop myself. I tell myself Ill move on, that I'll be strong and not tell you when i'm back at the house. We know it's bad for both of us, we know it will cause nothing but pain. I remember how painful it was when you broke down on my last day there, and I held you to my chest for hours while you sobbed hard.

I wonder what it is like for you. Do you still think of us? Do you think of me as much as I do you? Or is it easy to forget me when I'm not there?

You used to send videos and photos of when you'd pass the places we went to, comment about how much you missed me and wanted me back. You promised over and over that you'd come and visit me. When I was there last it was different. You didn't visit me every day. The spark had gone. Every interaction felt like empty unfeeling routine. You used to message me first thing in the morning until last thing at night. Youre not there anymore.

You told me that I should just move on. Where do I even begin to start?

I love you, but in some ways, I wish i'd have never met you. Then it wouldn't be so painful.

I've been stuck in a terrible bdd episode for months. I'm miserable everyday. I deleted all my social media (apart from this 3 years ago). I can't stop mirror/selfie checking and browsing plastic surgeries online. I have extremely strong urges to ask people how old I look. I'm very depressed too

How can I make myself happy again? I can't live like this