u/Suitable-Raisin-8042

I honestly don’t know where to start or how to explain this, but genuinely, how did you know when you had nothing left to give to a friendship?

Because that’s exactly how I feel, especially after the drastic changes that have happened in my life.
This started 16 years ago, back when we were in high school. We were classmates, but I transferred schools while she stayed. Since I was still in contact with some of the girls from our class, that’s how our friendship with each other became stronger.
We talked, laughed, did everything together.

But there has always been one very clear difference between us: the way we process the reality we’re living in.
She processes things externally, through venting and complaining. Whether the issue is big or small, she has to spend the first 15 minutes talking about it.

I’m the complete opposite. I process things internally. I think things through by myself, connect the dots, and try to solve things. Venting is extremely rare for me.

I feel like I need to give you some examples.

In high school, she would complain about studying and exams even though the teachers literally gave them worksheets with the exact same questions that would be on the exam.
Meanwhile, I was in a public school, following a much harder curriculum, in one of the schools that had a reputation for being difficult. And I would just study and move on.

Aptitude test?
“It’s so hard. I didn’t study properly. Screw all of you.”
Achievement test?
“It’s all because I went to a private school. I can’t put all the information together.”
University admission?
“Oh my God, no. I don’t want to sit at home. I might literally die.”
Got into university?
“It’s so hard, and it’s far away, and it’s so hot!”
Preparatory year?
“Statistics is so hard. I can’t breathe.”
Major?
“Oh my God, this isn’t the major I wanted. I’m going to die.”
(At that point, I was going through some very difficult circumstances and ended up leaving university.)
University project?
“How am I supposed to commute to two different places when they’re both so far away? I can’t. I can’t.”
Field training?
More complaining.
Graduated?
“I’m going to die. I can’t find a job. I’m such a failure. My life is shit.”
Got a job?
“This job sucks. The environment sucks. I don’t want this. I hate my life.”
Didn’t have a car?
“Ugh, I’m spending so much money begging people for rides and using Uber and Careem. My whole salary goes to them. My life is shit. My life has never been good.”
Didn’t have a driver’s license?
“If I had a license, my life would be so much better. But I know my whole life is going to be shit.”
Got her license?
“Ugh, the training is so hard. I don’t want to do this. It’s so far away. My life is miserable.”
Got a car?
“Oh my God, now I have a loan. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m going to die. I don’t want this responsibility.”

And meanwhile, I go through my own problems and stay quiet.
Not because she doesn’t listen to me. I simply don’t have the programming for venting. It’s just not how I process things.

That’s the fundamental difference between us.
Later, my mental health got much worse because of things that happened in my life—things that had nothing to do with her—and I went to see a therapist.
Our friendship continued like this for years. I kept telling myself, “She’s your friend. Just let her vent. What’s the big deal?”

That was my mindset until last October.
I became seriously ill and ended up in the hospital.
After that, my life changed 180 degrees.
My physical health, my mental health, my family situation—everything changed.
She knew about these changes, at least the basics.
During that period, we stopped talking as much because I moved in with a relative.
Meanwhile, she got into gaming and seemed genuinely happy. And something I started noticing was that she had different social circles.

For example, with her gaming friends, they get her laughter, her jokes, her outgoing and playful personality.
But me?
I get the complaining version of her—the one who “can’t breathe.”

See the difference?
And on top of that, she knows I’m currently in a very difficult situation, probably even worse than hers.
This isn’t a competition over whose life is worse.
But seriously, why wasn’t she more considerate of what I was going through? Why add her problems on top of everything I was already carrying?
Especially after I realized that she actually can laugh and joke around. Her mouth clearly isn’t broken. 😂
Anyway, long story short, something became automatically associated in my head.
Whenever I saw a message from her saying:
What’s the crisis this time??!”
I would immediately feel that sense of dread.
At this point, I genuinely don’t have the emotional energy or mental space to listen to anything negative anymore—or even something positive, because there’s always a possibility that she’ll turn the conversation negative.
So I decided to slowly withdraw from the friendship.
If you were in my position, what would you have done?