u/SuurRae

I don't really know where to begin with this so I'll try to leave out the extraneous details for the initial post. We have a 2.5 year old and a now 6 week old at home. A week before I as due to have my c-section we were informed that my husband's dad took a turn for the worse and is actively refusing food. At 2 weeks postpartum, his (asshole) brother called and said that his dad was dying. I encouraged him to make the 5 hour trip to see him and my disabled mom came to town to help me as much as she could. He was gone for 6 days.

During that time, my toddler was running a 102-103 degree fever, which meant no babysitters would watch him. I was also sick with a fever and experiencing postpartum rage/depression that started soon after birth. My mom did her best to help, but all she could do was hold the baby since she's recovering from hip surgery. I still had to do all the parenting of my toddler, who also has insane tantrums (we're having him tested for autism) and was just recently kicked out of his daycare because of them. So I ALSO had to do school visits that week to see if I could find a place that could take him.

Since then, he's left two more times at the insistence of his brother. The first time for 4 days and the second was just for 2 days/1 night. He just came back a few hours ago and is already talking about going back either Monday or Wednesday for another overnight since we'll have a night nurse then.

The problem is - I am resentful as hell that this is all happening at the same time. My husband has always been emotionally distant so EVERYTHING falls on me in terms of emotion and executive function. During my pregnancy, I had to focus on his father's care and future care options, deal with his estranged mother, support him at his job (which all conversations revolve around), and deal with literally everything regarding keeping a house and having a possibly autistic toddler. I never felt that I got to enjoy my pregnancy and, now that I'm no longer pregnant, I now have to support him with the fact that his dad is deteriorating. I KNOW he needs to be up there to see him but Im struggling with the fact that I'm at home dealing with everything and in between his visits to the nursing home, he is going to see movies, at the beach, having dinners out, etc.

Meanwhile I'm barely keeping my shit together and the only reason I haven't had a total meltdown is because my mom was here, but she left this morning. I am already on medication for postpartum depression (which he knows), but guys...this is going to ruin my marriage if this continues. I understand that everyone deals with dying differently, but this seems crazy to me. His dad had a major stroke 6 years ago and has been slowly getting worse ever since. This should not be a surprise that it's happening. He has had AMPLE opportunities to say goodbye.

I want my husband back. Our toddler needs him back. I did not sign up to solo parent two kids because he can't come to grips with the fact his dad is dying. Every time I talk to him about my feelings he either shuts down completely or flies into a rage because his "dad is dying". As of yesterday, his dad is in hospice but we're being told this could take anywhere from days to months before he passes.

Send wine.

ETA: he just asked about going back next Wednesday and after I said “no”, he told me that apparently his day dad is doing much better this evening. I asked what his plan was and he said he’d go back up “anytime he takes a turn for the worst”, indefinitely. I’m starting to wonder if he just wants to get away from us.

I just want to preface this by saying we have not been difficult about this and have suggested several times that we're happy to find a new childcare arrangement if this is no longer a good fit. We have taken every single suggestion from our son's (very expensive Montessori) daycare seriously, followed through on all of it, and are now 8 months into this process with nothing resolved.

Some context:

• Our son is 2 and a half. His daycare is concerned about his ability to emotionally regulate. Specifically, they have mentioned that he melts down during transitions (lining up, walking outside, moving between activities) and is frustrated when he can't complete a task independently on the first try.
• We have seen three different therapists/evaluators - a clinical psychologist, speech therapist, and occupational therapist - all recommended by the school. Every single one (and his pediatrician) has said he does not need Early Intervention and would likely not qualify based on current information. The general consensus is that this is fairly typical for his age and he should grow out of it by 3-4.
• We are not reflexively dismissive of their concerns. They did catch his speech delay and suggested a therapist. We immediately enrolled him in twice weekly therapy and he is at age level (perhaps slightly above) now. So, we're not just ignoring them because we don't like what they have to say.
• Despite all of this, the school keeps circling back to Early Intervention and have recently told us that they had to hire a 1-1 para just for him. We've also been told that he will likely need "continued support" in school. When we ask which specific category they think applies (there's a checklist - adaptive, cognitive, communication, physical, social/emotional, diagnosed condition, etc.), nobody will actually put an answer in writing.

So at this point we're stuck in a loop. He's been tested specifically for autism and ADHD and the psychologist said he does not show signs of either at this age. No one else - babysitters, family, friends with kids of the same age we vacation with, etc. - has had any problem dealing with him for long stretches of time. He's a sweet kid who is very gentle, has what everyone keeps telling me are normal meltdowns, and has a fondness for trains, numbers, and the sprinklers at the playground.

For those of you who work in ECE - is this normal? We have another meeting later this week to discuss his "issues" but truly we do not see his behavior as being anything more than the terrible 2s with a kid who is slightly ahead academically and has big feelings.

I am genuinely looking for the teacher/admin perspective here and not just parent sympathy.

Thanks.

I had a weird experience with my OB yesterday and just want to see what other people think before I escalate things. I went in for my 33 week appointment and was shocked when my blood pressure was 148/87. The PA had me sit still for 10 minutes and then re-did the reading on my other arm, where it measured 128/82. For reference, my normal blood pressure throughout this pregnancy has been a steady 110-115/65-70.

I did bring it up to my doctor when I saw her and she said to "not worry about it". I then checked my chart this morning and saw that they had completely left the higher measurement off my records. This wouldn't concern me too much, except that I have a blood pressure cuff at home and have been measuring 135-145/80-90 since after I got home from my appointment yesterday.

I realize this is not a sub for medical advice, but what would everyone else do in my situation? Am I being anxious for no reason or is this something that may warrant further evaluation? My next appointment isn't till early July (35 weeks).

I just got back from a showing at Old World Diamonds and this particular stone just spoke to me. I only own one other diamond and am not exactly a jewelry person, so I would love to know what more experienced eyes think of it.

https://www.instagram.com/stories/oldworlddiamonds/3886389192049887487?reel_id=1283823530&reel_owner_id=1283823530