u/SwaggeringRockstar

When baby witches want to cord cut. This is what we see them actually doing.

Another sub going to the trash heap. They finally get a post that doesn't have stupid baby Witch language or asinine questions and they delete it.

I admit it. I confess. I've been reading, altering, editing and defacing your posts. I replace your words with words that make just as much sense.

I've taken your 'intentions' and changed it to 'Diarrhea' so yes, I've been reading how you stir your Diarrhea into your coffee every morning. How you focus and attempt to shape your diarrhea. How you repeatedly shake up the diarrhea you put in a jar for self love.

You see how this could be dangerous?

Please forgive me.

I'm so tired. Bored to death about reading how witches are scared of their own shadow. How they are under attack and didn't do anything to provoke this nasty witch into acting against them. Oh, yeah these witches are soooo innocent. Like 100% of the time. And to add to their bullshit ball of wax they add...context. Who the fuck needs a backstory from a movie?

Where are my Scumbag witches? Where are the dirt bags? Where is the actual experience? Every 'witch in fucking distress' story I read here sucks. I've read all the variants. Come up something new, like I don't know...the fucking truth! You fucked around and you found out.

MeSsAgE OvEr!!!!1

Soon to be a #1 Best Seller!

Rumored that if you read too much at one time, you go blind.

Will they ever return or are they just mythical history?

I'm a baby witch and I am so tired of being told to study and read books and mind my energy. It's too slow and I get nothing from it. You guys just look down your hooked noses and pop your warts in dismissal at baby witches. Well now these old cranks can serve a real porpoise.

Well, I discovered a new new method of learning. Instead of learning from some boring old farts, I'll just drink it out of them. I picked up a blender and went to the local botanica and bought a witches hand. I ground it up and mixed it with Coors Light and drank that shit. I can feel the knowledge flowing through me. Her power is now mine, even after the waxy aftertaste.

I figure if I drain a witch of their fluids once a week and blend it up, I'll be doing just fine. Finally you old witches have a use other than gatekeeping and killing people with boring lectures. If you are good enough we might only use a toe or a finger from you one at a time. I'll make a religion out of it too.

I'll call it Juicy-ism.

Are you tired of all the inane questions asked by new folk fifty times a day? Do you feel like sticking an athame down your throat because of how stupid they are? Does their insecurities make you want to chug straight Belladonna molasses? Well, look no further!

We are introducing a new spell, the Cabbage Head. It takes up less room than a freezer spell, is cheaper than a cord cutting. More versatile than a love spell, requiring less effort than recommending a witchcraft book they'll never read.

It is a simple visualization spell to turn their head into a rotting cabbage. It's quick and easy and you can do it to groups of people with minimal effort. Also the absurdity of a rotting head of cabbage trying to talk is amazingly funny. The best part is you don't have to do anything after the spell is cast, they recycle themselves!

So, ground, center and let them rot!

Blessed Be, and Peace to All.

Y'all need to band together and form a cult. They achieve goals. What have you achieved, Derrick? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

At least they have priorities...right?!? Right? Oh, gods! 😭😭😭

I bet none of you have one of these bad boys!

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I recently did a chord cutting on my ex cousin. Things were great for the longest time but IT got weird. So, in an effort to keep myself free of toxicity I did first of a few magical workings.

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The cord cutting worked great! Watching the candle flame flicker and her body melt. I felt so free, I took the remaining lump of wax and pressed it to my chest until it got hard. A talismanic trophy of the trauma I've been put through.

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For some reason the chord cutting didn't work as well as it should have. So I did it again. Watching her burn and be consumed by my power. It was like being on top again but not with her...

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The next few days I felt so light on my feet. I decided to do chord cuttings on my abusive dog, my drunken father in law and my sexist mail man lady. Pure freedom through simple use of fire. It is truly magical. Tonight I'm doing another chord cutting on my ex cousin again, having found these princess candles at the dollar store.

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The thrill of tying this princess candle with scented oil and getting to watch it burn. Over and over. Fire is so freeing and destructively beautiful.

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I need to find the rest of this unholy text, where can I get a copy of this world changing ritual?

Ive heard that posting pics of witches is bad. But my coven is sooooo cool and dark I just had to at least post a drawing of them. We are not like those Wiccan love and light types. We get the work done. We step up when y'all get scared. And we are always taking in new members. This drawing was done just after the Scorpio Orgy Super Moon.