u/THROWRA_al_Camp_9263

I am overweight, and have been overweight for almost my entire life. About a year ago I have started losing weight, and its going pretty well for me, I still have a little way to go though.

My friends have all gained a lot of weight in the past year and a bit. I guess because I have been all over that, I am now the authority figure and they are all cominig to me for advice.

But I dont know how to help them, I have never experienced their problems before. I dont even know where to start.

One has prediabetes and high blood pressure. I have never had a medical issue thankfully, although I do attribute that to youth mostly. Or they are struggling to find clothes that fit. They are currently larger then I have ever been, I used to just go to the plus size section some stores on the high street would have. I have never not had that as an option for me, but for them its not enough.

They even try to relate to me about struggling to walk around. Or when their shoe lace unties itself.

I dont know, I havent experienced any of that. But they are all coming to me as a fellow fat girl and its stressing me out. I want to be nice, but there is no way I can be nice about it. Your fat, get on with it or lose weight.

My NLOG phase featured heavily in my early teens. Around 12 to 16 years, before fizzling out by the time I was 19 when I realised girls are cool and I am like them.

I am now 27, and I am realising the people around me (that I also knew growing up) still treat me like the angsty 14 year old that I was. I dont know why, and I dont get it either.

My close friends had a NLOG phase similar to me, and have grown away from it as well. We were all still in contact in our early 20s, but off to different universities, so we did have space apart as well.

The edgelord that I was used to say things like I would wear a suit to me wedding instead of a dress. So now when we went shopping recently for an event, they were trying to show me pant suits and gentle parent me about it. All like I dont have a vision of me in a cute frilly dress and getting my hair and makeup done.

And its about everything that centres around traditionally feminine things. Working a way around it all so I dont have to shave, or wear heels, or they offer to do my makeup for me for a night out and explain how everything works. Even when we all talk about guys, or person hygiene, it takes them a minute to realise I am interested as well.

And now to do some NLOG-ception here. I am not like my aunties/ cousins/ friends that do all this. (/s) out of all of us, I am the one most likely to be wearing makeup, or freshly waxed with a dress on, or any other 'girly' thing. So I just find it so weird that people around me struggle with this idea that I am into all of this now. Its not like I am trying to keep up, I just deeply adore being one of the girls. Its also been like 10 years, cant a girl just grow. Damn.

This has been going on for years. I always want to bleach my hair to an ash blonde. Not super light, maybe around an 8 (I think) on the hair lightening chart. But everyone refuses to do so and instead does a warm summery, beachy blonde.

I have a neutral, pale skin tone. My eyes are grey blue, my eyebrows/ eyelashes are cool toned. I am a natural mouse blonde. Theres no reason it wouldnt suit me in my opinion.

Is this just a trend they are following or what? I dont get it. I want etheral, cyber, Targaryen vibes. I want you to look at me and think sci-fi or fantasy. Not bleached baddie.

I have finally just bit the bullet and done it at home, and guess what? it suits me. I look great.

So what gives.

I grew up away from anything looks focused. My mom is very butch, I struggled making friends growing up, I studied and work in male dominated spaces where I am the only woman.

In many ways I am grateful for the life I have experienced. But I have always adored this hyperfeminine lifestyle that has always felt out of reach for me. Its silly but my mom could never work out how to plait my hair as a kid and I resented her for it. I remember being 14 and all the girls at my school wore this bow from claires accessories, so I saved up and brought one for myself. Within 5 minutes of going to school wearing it I was bullied so hard that I put it in the bin.

Every time I tried to do something that was feminine I was pushed back into the masculine bucket.

I am older, wiser, and have disposable income now. I have been figuring out how to do all these things, and dress myself and I am so happy about it.

I really like DCC. I know theres a lot of issues and controversy around this sort of thing. But it feels nice to experience 'dressing table talk' for once.

I am not looking for anything thats more drama and dragging people down though.

This is probably one of the more frustrating things I have experienced.

There is this woman, I will call her A. Me and A were very good friends from the age of 6 to 18. We had classes together, hung out at lunch times and after school. We even did a few after school clubs and later volunteered together.

We never had any friendship difficulties. I wouldn't even say we stopped being friends, we both just went off to different universities and slowly lost contact as time went on.

We were both good kids, I know I am biased here. But I also cant think of any particular thing I would have done growing up that would make someone wary of being friends with me. I was a bit awkward and weird sure, but in the same way most teen girls are, I could point at A and say the same thing about her.

I am 28 now. I saw on social media that A has recently moved nearby. I messaged her saying 'hello, I see you have moved back to XXX. How are you? We should get together and catch up soon. Let me know if you need any help with anything'

And she replied with a paragraph that boils down to she doesn't have the time to be friends with me. She is different now, with different priorities such as going to the gym, working, chores, and other hobbies, she has a boyfriend now. That I wouldn't get it, and started talking about a few traits (that we both shared, not that she mentioned it!) back in school. And then she unfriended me.

Excuse me? I was just checking in on her and being nice, not asking her to be my bestie and spend every day after work together again.

Also, all these things she says we cant be friends over because I dont get? I do them. I moved out on my own before she did. I go to the gym, all the hobbies? working? Chores? Normal adult things EVERYONE does. I am fucking ENGAGED. What does she mean she has a boyfriend now like thats special at our age? Half our class have kids and are married.

Does she genuinely think I am sitting here wanting to go to the mall, get some accessories and a smoothie with her after doing our homework?

Is she actually that dense that she doesnt think maybe I have grown up a bit as well since I was 11 years old.

If she doesnt want to be friends with me, then she doesnt have to be. But its somehow incredibly offensive how she messaged me trying to explain that she is an adult and I am still mentally a child.