r/notliketheothergirls

i used to be a top student in high school. now i am not. and ive become such an insecure person. in college, there are like 50 other more prettier girls than me who get acknowledged way more. and idk im not living a life upto my expectations. idk how to but i really wanna stop being jealous of other women and i really wanna become secure in myself. but the momment i enter college and see other girls my confidence lowers. idk how to deal w this. its been one year and now it is affecting my relationship a lot.

Hi girls! I have a situation with some longtime friends, and I’m curious to hear how you would see it.
I’ve known two of my friends since high school. Back then, I was much more shy and reserved, and honestly, I didn’t put much emphasis on clothes, makeup, beauty, etc. I also didn’t grow up with a mother who was very focused on those things. My mom worked all the time and simply didn’t have much time to spend on herself, go to salons, or teach me much about beauty and fashion.

In our friend group, these two girls would often point out that I didn’t dress well, didn’t do my makeup properly, or that I should do this or that differently. At the time, I probably was less experienced with those things, and I think I somehow accepted that role within the group.

But many years have passed since then. From my perspective, I’ve changed and grown a lot. I’m much more confident, I take care of myself, I’ve developed my own style and preferences, and overall I’m happy with the woman I’ve become.

The problem is that they still seem to talk to me as if I’m that same insecure, inexperienced girl from high school.

Almost every piece of “advice” comes across as condescending. What I wear isn’t right, something I choose isn’t right, and if I say I like something, they’ll sometimes explain why it’s actually not a good choice. It’s not the fact that they give me advice that bothers me. I’m completely fine with people having different opinions or telling me when they genuinely think something could be better. It’s the tone and the constant feeling that they position themselves as the ones who “know better,” while I’m still the one who needs to be taught.

It’s starting to make me wonder whether some friendships get stuck in an old version of who we used to be. No matter how much you grow or change, people who knew you during a certain period of your life may continue to see you through that same lens.

Have you ever experienced this with longtime friends? And how do you tell the difference between a friend genuinely trying to help you and someone using “advice” as a way to feel superior or keep you in a certain role?

I ordered about £180 of stuff from SHEIN on 31 July. Evri marked it as delivered at 22:53 a few days later, but I never received it and there was no delivery photo/courier name.
I contacted Evri about 4 times by phone and around 6 times online, but got nowhere. SHEIN eventually refunded me, so I reordered everything because I need it for my holiday on 31 August.
Then today, the ORIGINAL parcel suddenly arrived! Evri has now changed the tracking and removed the old 22:53 delivery, saying it was delivered today instead. SHEIN’s tracking has also changed from “delivered” to “on its way”.
I’ve already had the refund through Klarna.
Has anyone had this happen before? Did SHEIN contact you or let you keep the parcel?

“Kinda chic to collect passport stamps instead of designer bags”
“Kinda chic to not have married a looser”

And so on.
Good grief, seeking validation much? Soooo quirky 🙄
I hate these trends. It’s almost as infuriating as the one “I met my old self for coffee” 🙄😬

I think about this a lot because as I'm closer to graduate college I keep encountering this kind of people, specially young women and girls (essentially because that's the demographic I'm part of) who claime to have this coolness or weirdness about them that makes them so unique and artsy but in reality it's all a curated performance that they're putting for others.

The reason why it rubs me the wrong way comes from the fact that through middle school and highschool I was deemed "weird" but not in a chic or cute way, I was excluded from groups, it was hard for me to make friends, I was struggling with mental issues that were later on diagnosed, I was more quiet and the list goes on; it was never something that gave me the opportunity to connect with people, totally the opposite.

Then you get to college and you meet this kind of girl that claims to be so different and weird when the reality is that they have crafted this very aesthetically looking persona who likes "very niche things" that aren't even niche and there's nothing wrong with it; but then they want to be friends with you because there's something truly different about you that makes you genuinely an interesting person (call it development, call it trauma, it could be a hundred different things). It also plays a part in the fact that once I got diagnosed I worked on myself, a glow up happened because of puberty of course so now I'm conventionally attractive and have a set of social skills that I didn't have back in the day, but this kind of people hadn't gone through anything that challenged them to be better so when they learn that there's something about you that doesn't fit their perfect definition of "cool/quirky/weird" or whatever they become mean and now they want to avoid you and exclude you.

But it doesn't stop there because that's how they deemed EVERYONE who is a little different for the way they dress, for the interests that they have, for the hobbies that they have etcetera so not only they end up making fun of and excluding actual "weird" girls (which at this point is kind of an euphemism to avoid saying "interesting girls" I think) but also have these very strict standards to be friends with them so they're now surrounded by enablers.

This ended up being a longer post than what I intended but I don't want it to sound like I'm invalidating somebody's persona, it is just a very specific way of acting towards others that comes off as not only performative but also mean? I'm kind of going in circles now but I wanted to get it off my chest and if anybody feels the same or has felt the same and wants to comment about it and also get it off their chest just let me know.