I am 6 weeks pregnant, home with a toddler and last night we night weened. So neither of us slept well. Usually Thursday is my cleaning day where I deep clean a room or 2, but I just can’t today. Validate my decision please yall!
Edit: you are amazing women, thank you for the support. Cutting myself some serious slack.
I did vacuum though…😂
I am weening my 21 month old from her night feeds (still nurses to sleep and wakes up 1-2x a night). We read a book about stopping nursing at night. I plan to nurse her, then read a book. And then not nurse again til the AM. But I can’t believe I am writing this… I literally don’t have other ways to soothe her. Like what am I going to do when she inevitably cries and cries? Cuddles, sing a song, let her cry a little. I feel so lost. Breastfeeding has been amazing but I feel like I hasn’t worked on any other ways to make her feel better.
My husband has been going through this for an about half a year. I feel heartbroken for him and also the children that are the ultimate victims.
But sometimes I feel like my husband could be doing more to try to see them. Reaching out weekly or going to games?
When I try to discuss it, I feel he shuts down.
Can anyone provide some insight into why he may not be doing these things? I understand that it hurts him to be rejected but I still think he could do a bit more…
I am trying to approach this from an empathetic point of view to better support my spouse.
Thank you for any insight into the decision making when you’re an alienated parent.
Kids are middle school aged, fyi.
Rewatching some seasons and seeing how Ryan acts with Lydia’s mother with her feet on the couch is…. Unhinged. Actually scary. Makes me think of my abusive father growing up. And Brianna trying her best to calm her down because I am sure she knows he can loose his sh*t. I seriously am sick to my stomach watching his controlling behavior!
I’ve posted something similar in the past but deleted it because I’m paranoid.
I don’t want to get the specifics, but my husband wants full custody of his two children who are pre and early teens.
And I TOTALLY understand wanting your children FT, and to have your babies with you. But… I just dont think he *really* understands how much work, time, effort, money, energy it will take. I also think a lot will fall in me or fall through the cracks.
If I bring something up, he thinks it’s just because “I don’t want the kids here” while actually it’s “I don’t want to be the full time parent to your children.”
I feel like he’s in a fantasy land.
He doesn’t think it’s legally going to happen so he doesn’t think it’s worth discussing our boundaries.
Ugh. It’s so annoying. I know it’s not every situation, but I don’t think he gets the “running calendar and agenda” that mothers carry.
I don’t want the mental burden of being their primary parent. If that make sense. Like, the actual administrative position that it is to the be the parent. Can someone validate that feeling/role? I wish there was a name of it.
I will help out with stuff but that mental load scares me.
I am not trying to bash men, and I know there are dads who do it all. My husband has just never been one of them.
Also they’ve got some social, personality issues. So it’s this whole other level.
So SO frustrating.
I feel like when you marry someone with children, you make a lot of sacrifices. Some that have impacted me are
- not being able to relocate
- money being spent on kids (obv my choice to spend my own money)
- being hyper aware of how choices will impact them
- shared savings drained for custody battle
- husband attends intensive therapy with kids multiple times a week
- atypical children who haven’t developed to normal independence and are super high needs
- constant anxiety and stress regarding relationships snd actions of BM
Now I understand I decided to enter this marriage, and knew I would be making some of these sacrifices, but the full picture isn’t shown until you’re in it.
Now here’s what’s more frustrating, my husband and I have a toddler and have unexpectedly become pregnant again. (Yes we should have worked harder to prevent, but we literally got pregnant after having sex one time last month, and yes I know it only takes once).
My husband does not want another child. He cites reasons like retirement, our savings, the feelings of his older two children, upcoming custody battle. And I GET it. He’s not wrong and I worry about these things too. But, part of me is like we sacrifice SO much for the older two children, and now we’re considering terminating a pregnancy?
I don’t want to paint a picture of overall unhappiness, I am just trying to describe this weird situation that a SP may find themselves in. We give and sacrifice, but then that same “grace” might not be given to us. Not sure how to describe it…
can anyone better articulate my feelings? Also, I could be totally wrong! I am open to that, too.
Dont tell me to leave my husband, it’s not happening.
Not sure where else to vent this. It was unplanned. We really haven’t been having sex, but one time and bam. His first response was “fml”…. And “I will be 60 something when the kids graduate, I want to enjoy my life and be able to retire.”
And then I responsed, we can explore our options but idk why I even said that, I would not terminate this pregnancy.
We have a beautiful toddler and our family is happy.
Ugh. Im going to let the shock wear off and see what else he says.
Please, I don’t need bashing of my husband in the comments. I already understand he is doing the wrong thing, hence the title.
To keep it short and sweet- my husband has not seen his two adolescent SKs in months, outside of therapy. The therapist has said she believes this is a case of parental alienation.
His lawyer says because of this they should get full custody.
I do believe their BM is being manipulative BUT…. my husband is not stepping up.
He has not attempted to see the kids more. He isn’t going to their games or practices. He isn’t begging to see them. I would be BEGGING AND INSERTING myself if I were in this scenario. I would be volunteering at the school, trying to help out with their teams. ANYTHING to see my kids.
And he’s not. But he wants full custody?
I already told him that I will not be picking up his slack if they’re with us FT.
Also I feel like he is fulfilling the prophecy (does that phrase work here?) like BM is bashing him, and his actions dont counteract that. He isn’t a bad parent but he is SO conflict avoidant that he will literally just make the wrong choice. In my opinion.
Not sure how to even discuss this with him, or if I should. Part of me thinks he just should make his bed and lay in it. The other part of me thinks if he get full custody, who is going to do ALL the things with the kids?
Ugh.
The kids are the ultimate victims.
I don’t want to give too many specifics because I worry about HCBM looking here. Yes I am paranoid.
My two SKs who are adolescents may be living with us full time starting this summer. I am very worried because of their behaviors that they have seemed to adopt from BM. Obviously these are not desirable behaviors, hence why she is potentially loosing custody.
My husband and I also have a toddler, who I will not leave alone with SKs.
I told my husband before the court decision about custody, we need to have a discussion about the logistics of them being here 100% of the time. That way we are prepared, I don’t want to have the discussion after.
So- thats where y’all come in! What sort of things do you think I should bring up in our discussion? I have the obvious ones already in my head, like cleaning up after them, pick up drop off. But what else do you think would be important to discuss?
Thank you!