u/Telesba

Heiii! Æ e en 20 år gammel dame som studerer i Trondheim. Æ e opprinnelig fra Tromsø. Æ e veldig glad i D&D og har lidd med D&D-abstinenser en stund no.

Æ leite etter gjevnaldrige, helst damer eller andre skeive, som e villig til å spille D&D med mæ. Enten noen har en campaign og treng en ekstra spiller, eller om noen vil være venna også kan æ potensielt være Dungeon master. Æ har veldig mye opplevelse med å være dungeon master, så har helst lyst til å være player 😅😆

Hi- I've had a really tough time this summer and it is all because of this stupid dispute and it is triggering every trauma that I have and making my social anxiety very bad as of late.

When I (20F) started university 2 years ago, I met this guy (23M), and we've become almost best friends. When his girlfriend finally moved to the same city as us, I also got really close to her. They are having a baby together in february. Let's call this friend of mine Nate. Nate used to live with 3 other people before moving in with his long term girlfriend. They are all drug addicts and are high on weed 24/7, but I didn't want to judge them, and they made me feel really cool while hanging out with them, especially this girl that we'll call Patricia. She is unapoligetically queer, has a really cool style, and studies gender studies, and always likes to talk about really important topics with our friend group and also debate all of our friends all the time. I honestly think she is too much, and she is the type that I suspect has self diagnosed with a lot of mental and physical illnesses and acts as a spokesperson for these mental illnesses. She claims to be autistic, but I have a lot of friends who are autistic, and I know that no autistic person is the same, but she doesn't come off as autistic to me, she just comes off as having a really unpleasant personality. Everytime you try to contribute to the conversation with her with a personal experience of your own, she will always pick it apart and inform you how you are not woke enough because you used this one word in the slightly wrong context, which ends up derailing the entire conversation away from the topic and towards how you are wrong and she is better and smarter and more woke than you.

If you guys are asking yourselves now "why tf do you hang with her if you don't get along with her?" ... Well, this is where I need your advice.

I am that type of person that will try to win over the people that aren't really convinced about liking me, to the detriment of my other friendships. I know, I know ... And in the beginning, I really wanted Patricia to like me because she is queer (just like me), a bit older than me, very smart, very confident and very cool looking. However, I found it really hard for me to get along with her/for me to like her. I tried my best and tried to be patient with her, but I think I've realized after our falling out that the reason why I had such a hard time becoming friends with her, was because she has always loathed me and has purposely made it hard for us to get along.

In what I will call the second phase of this whole situation, I realized that I didn't really like her (but before I realized that she doesn't like me), but this was after my best friend Nate moved out of the apartment with the two other men and Patricia, and in with his girlfriend. Their usual hang-out spot still remains at Nate's old apartment where these two men and Patricia still live. We used to hang out there very frequently, but at this point it had become basically Patricia's place and not Nate's place.

At this point I was basically treating Patricia like a coworker you aren't really friends with, but speak to out of necessity, and I was at her mercy to be able to hang out with my friends as much as I want to, because they would always hang out at her place.

I eventually managed to get them interested in playing Dungeons and Dragons with me, but after our first session, she wrote in the group chat that her autism and ADHD wouldn't let her continue playing with us, and left the groupchat very abruptly. I had a bad feeling about this, and asked Nate if she didn't want to play with us because of me, and he didn't sugar coat it at all and told me that it was the case. He told me that it is because Patricia feels like I have given her bad looks as if I am judging her (which I most likely have).

Nate has known Patricia for much longer than I have known either of them. My boyfriend has also known them for longer than I have, but he has been out of the city, so I'm the one out of the two of us that has had the most amount of time to get to know Patricia.

Hearing that she has hated me all this time has shattered my mental health. My boyfriend tells me that he gets along great with Patricia (which I now know is because she is not actively sabotaging their friendship as she is with me and hers), and I had to beg him to stop being friends with her because another male friend of mine told me that it was really important for my boyfriend of all people to support me in this despite what the "objective truth" may be.

Now, Nate and his girlfriend wants to stay "neutral" in this dispute and doesn't want to be the messengers between me and Patricia. My boyfriend wants me to talk to Patricia because he feels it is my obligation, but I have to keep reminding him that it was her who just abruptly left the group chat, and that she never told me anything about her opinions on me, and that I had to learn about them through Nate.

I feel totally alone. I feel like my boyfriend is just begrudgingly supporting me in this, and Nate and his girlfriend choosing to stay neutral has confirmed to me that they care more about their friendship wih Patricia, which they have obviously known for longer than they have known me.

All of this has ended with me hanging out with Nate and his girlfriend 70% less because they always hang out at Patricia's house. And it feels really bad to know that my friends are only my friends if I don't make a fuzz or come between them and one of their other friends. They don't want to stand up for me, and it tells me that they don't value their friendship with me enough (not that they don't value our friendship, but they don't value it enough the stand up for me and comfort me).

My boyfriend desperately wants me to confront Patricia and ask her what she despises about me and what's with her not expressing any of it to me, but other people I know have strongly adviced against this because they think it is obvious that Patricia has expressed through her actions that she does not want anything to with me.

I can also slowly distance myself from Nate and his girlfriend. My boyfriend does not want me to do this because he loves them, and insists that me and Nate can still be friends even though Nate is best friends with Patricia. This is hard for me because I feel betrayed inside because Nate doesn't want to support me and tell Patricia that she is unreasonable. Just so you know, I am not asking that Nate and his girlfriend choose between me and Patricia. I just want them to voice to her that they think this in particular was uncool of her. Idk if this is possible, though, because they have already been very clear about not wanting to be involved in any of this and not wanting to be a messenger.

Any advice is appreciated!!

Hi- I've had a really tough time this summer and it is all because of this stupid dispute and it is triggering every trauma that I have and making my social anxiety very bad as of late.

I'll try to keep this as short as possible to keep yall's attention (whoops that didn't work). I really need this advice because I can't afford a psychologist right now (I mean I can, but I also have money anxiety >\_<), and my boyfriend always wants to give people the benefit of the doubt, so he isn't very much help (I love him though).

When I (20F) started university 2 years ago, I met this guy (23M), and we've become almost best friends. When his girlfriend finally moved to the same city as us, I also got really close to her. Let's call this friend of mine Nate. Nate used to live with 3 other people before moving in with his long term girlfriend. They are all drug addicts and are high on weed 24/7, but I didn't want to judge them, and they made me feel really cool while hanging out with them, especially this girl that we'll call Patricia. She is unapoligetically queer, has a really cool style, and studies gender studies, and always likes to talk about really important topics with our friend group and also debate all of our friends all the time. I honestly think she is too much, and she is the type that I suspect has self diagnosed with a lot of mental and physical illnesses and acts as a spokesperson for these mental illnesses. She claims to be autistic, but I have a lot of friends who are autistic, and I know that no autistic person is the same, but she doesn't come off as autistic to me, she just comes off as having a really unpleasant personality. Everytime you try to contribute to the conversation with her with a personal experience of your own, she will always pick it apart and inform you how you are not woke enough because you used this one word in the slightly wrong context, which ends up derailing the entire conversation away from the topic and towards how you are wrong and she is better and smarter and more woke than you.

If you guys are asking yourselves now "why tf do you hang with her if you don't get along with her?" ... Well, this is where I need your advice.

I am that type of person that will try to win over the people that aren't really convinced about liking me, to the detriment of my other friendships. I know, I know ... And in the beginning, I really wanted Patricia to like me because she is queer (just like me), a bit older than me, very smart, very confident and very cool looking. However, I found it really hard for me to get along with her/for me to like her. I tried my best and tried to be patient with her, but I think I've realized after our falling out that the reason why I had such a hard time becoming friends with her, was because she has always loathed me and has purposely made it hard for us to get along.

In what I will call the second phase of this whole situation, I realized that I didn't really like her (but before I realized that she doesn't like me), but this was after my best friend Nate moved out of the apartment with the two other men and Patricia, and in with his girlfriend. Their usual hang-out spot still remains at Nate's old apartment where these two men and Patricia still live. We used to hang out there very frequently, but at this point it had become basically Patricia's place and not Nate's place.

At this point I was basically treating Patricia like a coworker you aren't really friends with, but speak to out of necessity, and I was at her mercy to be able to hang out with my friends as much as I want to, because they would always hang out at her place.

I eventually managed to get them interested in playing DnD with me! Nate was the DM, which is his first time playing DnD and first time DM-ing. I really looked forward to playing a full on campaign again, but after our first session, she wrote in the group chat that her autism and ADHD wouldn't let her continue playing with us, and left the groupchat very abruptly. I had a bad feeling about this, and asked Nate if she didn't want to play with us because of me, and he didn't sugar coat it at all and told me that it was the case. He told me that this is because Patricia feels like I have given her bad looks as if I am judging her (which I most likely have). The other reason is because I told them straight out that I would not play DnD with them if they were going to take a break mid way to get high on weed.

Nate has known Patricia for much longer than I have known either of them. My boyfriend has also known them for longer than I have, but he has been out of the city, so I'm the one out of the two of us that has had the most amount of time to get to know Patricia.

Hearing that she has hated me all this time has shattered my mental health. My boyfriend tells me that he gets along great with Patricia (which I now know is because she is not actively sabotaging their friendship as she is with me and hers), and I had to beg him to stop being friends with her because another male friend of mine told me that it was really important for my boyfriend of all people to support me in this despite what the "objective truth" may be.

Now, Nate and his girlfriend wants to stay "neutral" in this dispute and doesn't want to be the messengers between me and Patricia. My boyfriend wants me to talk to Patricia because he feels it is my obligation, but I have to keep reminding him that it was her who just abruptly left the group chat, and that she never told me anything about her opinions on me, and that I had to learn about them through Nate.

I feel totally alone. I feel like my boyfriend is just begrudgingly supporting me in this, and Nate and his girlfriend choosing to stay neutral has confirmed to me that they care more about their friendship wih Patricia, which they have obviously known for longer than they have known me.

All of this has ended with me hanging out with Nate and his girlfriend 70% less because they always hang out at Patricia's house. And it feels really bad to know that my friends are only my friends if I don't make a fuzz or come between them and one of their other friends. They don't want to stand up for me, and it tells me that they don't value their friendship with me enough (not that they don't value our friendship, but they don't value it enough the stand up for me and comfort me).

I have thought about distancing myself from Nate and his girlfriend. I have hung out with some of my other girl friends a bit lately, who I've admittingly been neglecting. But I feel like there is something missing in my other friendships, and they don't feel fulfilling enough.

I have some options:

My boyfriend wants me to confront Patricia and ask her what she despises about me and what's with her not expressing any of it to me. My boyfriend desperately wants me to do this, but other people I know have strongly adviced against this because they think it is obvious that Patricia has expressed through her actions that she does not want anything to with me.

Slowly distance myself from Nate and his girlfriend. My boyfriend does not want me to do this because he loves them, and insists that me and Nate can still be friends even though Nate is best friends with Patricia. This is hard for me because I feel betrayed inside because Nate doesn't want to support me and tell Patricia that she is unreasonable. Just so you know, I am not asking that Nate and his girlfriend choose between me and Patricia. I just want them to voice to her that they think this in particular was uncool of her. Tbh I could ask them to say this to her, but I have a feeling this will go wrong because they have already been very clear about not wanting to be involved in any of this and not wanting to be a messenger.

Distancing myself from Nate and his girlfriend would also mean I have to start fostering some of my other friendships and making new some friends aswell. The thought of this has become very hard, though. My social anxiety has never been this bad before. I feel totally unlike myself, and I never thought I would be able to have this level of anxiety while even just crossing people on the street!

Or I could just pretend that nothing happened. Before you say anything, this is not a matter of me having to accept that not everyone in life will like you. It was that at first, but this seemingly betrayal by Nate and his girlfriend has totally shattered me, and I fear I will be doing myself a disservice by just pretending that I don't care.

I am scared of not being friends with Nate and his girlfriend anymore because I've been investing everything in these people the last two years. Very typical of me to only care about the approval of people that will never fully accept me.

I will also gladly accept advice on how to get over this kind of mentality. It as always been all-consuming.

Hi- I've had a really tough time this summer and it is all because of this stupid dispute and it is triggering every trauma that I have and making my social anxiety very bad as of late.

I'll try to keep this as short as possible to keep yall's attention (whoops that didn't work). I really need this advice because I can't afford a psychologist right now (I mean I can, but I also have money anxiety >_<), and my boyfriend always wants to give people the benefit of the doubt, so he isn't very much help (I love him though).

When I (20F) started university 2 years ago, I met this guy (23M), and we've become almost best friends. When his girlfriend finally moved to the same city as us, I also got really close to her. Let's call this friend of mine Nate. Nate used to live with 3 other people before moving in with his long term girlfriend. They are all drug addicts and are high on weed 24/7, but I didn't want to judge them, and they made me feel really cool while hanging out with them, especially this girl that we'll call Patricia. She is unapoligetically queer, has a really cool style, and studies gender studies, and always likes to talk about really important topics with our friend group and also debate all of our friends all the time. I honestly think she is too much, and she is the type that I suspect has self diagnosed with a lot of mental and physical illnesses and acts as a spokesperson for these mental illnesses. She claims to be autistic, but I have a lot of friends who are autistic, and I know that no autistic person is the same, but she doesn't come off as autistic to me, she just comes off as having a really unpleasant personality. Everytime you try to contribute to the conversation with her with a personal experience of your own, she will always pick it apart and inform you how you are not woke enough because you used this one word in the slightly wrong context, which ends up derailing the entire conversation away from the topic and towards how you are wrong and she is better and smarter and more woke than you.

If you guys are asking yourselves now "why tf do you hang with her if you don't get along with her?" ... Well, this is where I need your advice.

I am that type of person that will try to win over the people that aren't really convinced about liking me, to the detriment of my other friendships. I know, I know ... And in the beginning, I really wanted Patricia to like me because she is queer (just like me), a bit older than me, very smart, very confident and very cool looking. However, I found it really hard for me to get along with her/for me to like her. I tried my best and tried to be patient with her, but I think I've realized after our falling out that the reason why I had such a hard time becoming friends with her, was because she has always loathed me and has purposely made it hard for us to get along.

In what I will call the second phase of this whole situation, I realized that I didn't really like her (but before I realized that she doesn't like me), but this was after my best friend Nate moved out of the apartment with the two other men and Patricia, and in with his girlfriend. Their usual hang-out spot still remains at Nate's old apartment where these two men and Patricia still live. We used to hang out there very frequently, but at this point it had become basically Patricia's place and not Nate's place.

At this point I was basically treating Patricia like a coworker you aren't really friends with, but speak to out of necessity, and I was at her mercy to be able to hang out with my friends as much as I want to, because they would always hang out at her place.

I eventually managed to get them interested in playing DnD with me! Nate was the DM, which is his first time playing DnD and first time DM-ing. I really looked forward to playing a full on campaign again, but after our first session, she wrote in the group chat that her autism and ADHD wouldn't let her continue playing with us, and left the groupchat very abruptly. I had a bad feeling about this, and asked Nate if she didn't want to play with us because of me, and he didn't sugar coat it at all and told me that it was the case. He told me that this is because Patricia feels like I have given her bad looks as if I am judging her (which I most likely have). The other reason is because I told them straight out that I would not play DnD with them if they were going to take a break mid way to get high on weed.

Nate has known Patricia for much longer than I have known either of them. My boyfriend has also known them for longer than I have, but he has been out of the city, so I'm the one out of the two of us that has had the most amount of time to get to know Patricia.

Hearing that she has hated me all this time has shattered my mental health. My boyfriend tells me that he gets along great with Patricia (which I now know is because she is not actively sabotaging their friendship as she is with me and hers), and I had to beg him to stop being friends with her because another male friend of mine told me that it was really important for my boyfriend of all people to support me in this despite what the "objective truth" may be.

Now, Nate and his girlfriend wants to stay "neutral" in this dispute and doesn't want to be the messengers between me and Patricia. My boyfriend wants me to talk to Patricia because he feels it is my obligation, but I have to keep reminding him that it was her who just abruptly left the group chat, and that she never told me anything about her opinions on me, and that I had to learn about them through Nate.

I feel totally alone. I feel like my boyfriend is just begrudgingly supporting me in this, and Nate and his girlfriend choosing to stay neutral has confirmed to me that they care more about their friendship wih Patricia, which they have obviously known for longer than they have known me.

All of this has ended with me hanging out with Nate and his girlfriend 70% less because they always hang out at Patricia's house. And it feels really bad to know that my friends are only my friends if I don't make a fuzz or come between them and one of their other friends. They don't want to stand up for me, and it tells me that they don't value their friendship with me enough (not that they don't value our friendship, but they don't value it enough the stand up for me and comfort me).

I have thought about distancing myself from Nate and his girlfriend. I have hung out with some of my other girl friends a bit lately, who I've admittingly been neglecting. But I feel like there is something missing in my other friendships, and they don't feel fulfilling enough.

I have some options:

My boyfriend wants me to confront Patricia and ask her what she despises about me and what's with her not expressing any of it to me. My boyfriend desperately wants me to do this, but other people I know have strongly adviced against this because they think it is obvious that Patricia has expressed through her actions that she does not want anything to with me.

Slowly distance myself from Nate and his girlfriend. My boyfriend does not want me to do this because he loves them, and insists that me and Nate can still be friends even though Nate is best friends with Patricia. This is hard for me because I feel betrayed inside because Nate doesn't want to support me and tell Patricia that she is unreasonable. Just so you know, I am not asking that Nate and his girlfriend choose between me and Patricia. I just want them to voice to her that they think this in particular was uncool of her. Tbh I could ask them to say this to her, but I have a feeling this will go wrong because they have already been very clear about not wanting to be involved in any of this and not wanting to be a messenger.

Distancing myself from Nate and his girlfriend would also mean I have to start fostering some of my other friendships and making new some friends aswell. The thought of this has become very hard, though. My social anxiety has never been this bad before. I feel totally unlike myself, and I never thought I would be able to have this level of anxiety while even just crossing people on the street!

Or I could just pretend that nothing happened. Before you say anything, this is not a matter of me having to accept that not everyone in life will like you. It was that at first, but this seemingly betrayal by Nate and his girlfriend has totally shattered me, and I fear I will be doing myself a disservice by just pretending that I don't care.

I am scared of not being friends with Nate and his girlfriend anymore because I've been investing everything in these people the last two years. Very typical of me to only care about the approval of people that will never fully accept me.

I will also gladly accept advice on how to get over this kind of mentality. It as always been all-consuming.