How many times and how many team members opening HR cases does it typically take for HR to see the manager as the problem or a liability? Let’s say they are one rung above individual contributor and have a team of 6. Complaints would include false accusations, calling their subordinates liars, being on a recorded meeting where their tone and voice volume became loud and aggressive. Retaliatory behavior, pregnancy discrimination.
Hi, located in US-NH in a global position at a tech company. I returned from maternity leave today and there is no transition plan and my role has completely changed and I am doing none of what I used to work on. Is this something I should consult HR with? I’m feeling very overwhelmed.
Title says it all. It’s all I hear about, how the job market is so slow and competitive right now and seeing so many out of work, but unemployment is low… how is this the case? I know there’s a lot of corruption in the government at the moment but are the unemployment numbers just lies? What’s it going to take to tilt into a recession given what’s going on?
First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/pW81WDMOci
We have not engaged in the drama. Today I got this voicemail, here’s the transcript…
Hey [OP], it's Ann. Um, I feel like we need to talk, not text, and not. Yeah, not text. Um, Because I'm getting very uncomfortable with, With everything. I don't want to keep [FIL] from [OP’s baby son]. Um, and I'm just really unclear. Nor do I want to be blamed for everything because I don't think that was appropriate or fair. And so, you know, I mean, we're coming up to where we would be babysitting. And certainly, as we always have, wanted to help you and [OP’s husband] out. You know, be it with Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas dinner, be stew, vava veggie soup, brownies. Um, and anyway, I'm getting concerned about the distance and I think, Apparently, [OP’s husband] thinks it's between you and me, although he and you both came up with the conclusion that Ann was the one to blame. Um, anyway, we need to clear it out. So we can have a relationship and um, Again, probably face to face would be better, maybe uncomfortable, but better if we can move forward. And [FIL] can continue. You know, the relationship he's waited for for a long time. Um, With [OP’s baby son]. So anyway, hope to hear from you. you. Bye.
This is how she reacted to me sending a text after a visit with “just a suggestion, maybe skip the perfume when you come to babysit because I know you said baby cries because he doesn’t spend enough time with you but he spends the same amount of time with MIL and he doesn’t cry when she holds him. I think that could be what made him cry today”. This has been an entire week of her spinning out and then left me that voicemail. I don’t even know how to respond, it makes me so mad that I’m even dealing with this drama right now as I get ready to go back to work and have this last week as the primary caretaker for my baby. I don’t want to go back to my job, I’m weaning breastfeeding. I’m emotional AF and this is sending me over the edge. How fucking self-centered can you be?! Just needed to get this out.
I’m going back to work at 5.5 months PP and I feel like I have dementia. I walk into a room and I don’t know why I’m there, I pick up my phone to do something and sit there holding it not remembering what I was going to do. I cannot think of words or tell a story for the life of me. My job is very high stakes and high stress. I’m worried this will be the end of my career if I’m not able to perform. My boss was not only not supportive during my pregnancy but was actively documenting my every move before my leave, so needless to say, she will not be giving me any grace. Am I doomed? I’m so worried about this jobless economy. Will the mom brain get better, or should I start thinking about new careers?
I’m going back to work at 5.5 months PP and I feel like I have dementia. I walk into a room and I don’t know why I’m there, I pick up my phone to do something and sit there holding it not remembering what I was going to do. I cannot think of words or tell a story for the life of me. My job is very high stakes and high stress. I’m worried this will be the end of my career if I’m not able to perform. My boss was not only not supportive during my pregnancy but was actively documenting my every move before my leave, so needless to say, she will not be giving me any grace. Am I doomed? I’m so worried about this jobless economy. Will the mom brain get better, or should I start thinking about new careers?
My Step MIL is a miserable old cow who thinks everything I say is victimizing her. She needs a hobby or two so that flipping out for days over anything I say to her is not her hobby.
My mother’s advice is to “not feed the monster” just yes her to death so that she can’t gobble up anything to point to to say I’m victimizing her.
She’s driving me nuts. When they come over she has to be invited inside. My FIL walks in and I say hi, and he goes “Ann come inside, she whispers something to him along the lines of “ask if I can come in” so he then rolls his eyes and says to us, “is it alright if Ann comes in”. Like it’s gobsmacking weirdoness. So I say of course all cheerful. But I really want to say, what would you guys do if I said no and then laugh. It’s fucking bizarre and passive aggressive AF.
Her most recent grievance is that we went to their house and any time she held my 5 month old baby he would cry. At the time I said, oh he’s teething to try and make her feel better, but her perfume is so strong it assaults my senses, and I thought that’s probably what it was. Then they come over to our house because my husband says it’s probably the candles, it could have been that too since my eyes were burning they were so strong. And awesome, now this is an all day thing. But then when they came over the baby still just cried with her and was calm otherwise. It could also have been that she tries to always get my baby alone and he was screaming in his room alone with her. She knows I don’t like it, has said it to me, does it anyways. She tries to say his crying because they don’t see the baby enough. They have seen him every other week if not more often since he was born, which is plenty. My MIL (yes I have two, lucky me), also comes every other week and he doesn’t cry with her unless he needs something. So I gently say this to her in response to how she doesn’t see the baby enough (they want to babysit him without us there, it’s not happening, they are too old and frail and they ask us every week which we say we’ll let you know. She also has been buying baby stuff for their house “for when they babysit” which I’ve told them he’s not going to their house alone until he’s older (probably not even then), their insistence is really pushy and I’m starting to loose my patience), you guys see the baby as much as MIL and he doesn’t cry with her, I think it could be the perfume you wear because it’s a bit strong. And that before they come to babysit (will be watching the baby while I work from home starting in May until he starts daycare in July) she might want to skip the perfume.
This has made her spiral for days, two days now of saying I’m creating drama and I’m mean or whatever. She’s been texting my husband, FIL has been texting my husband. I sent a text in the group chat saying please don’t be offended it was just a thought.
I’m exhausted by her bullshit and I’m so worried about their babysitting while I’m working because I need to be able to say things to her about how I want my son cared for. Like get the fuck over yourself. She needs to put this shitty energy into a hobby and get a life.
How do I deal with her when it comes to caring for my baby?