u/TheKoreanSylveon

I just discovered my Korean adoption was likely fraudulent. I don't know what to think.

I've been just recently looking at my information again to try and start the process to search for my mother. Nothing has gone according to plan.

I was born in 2007, and was adopted at eleven months old and was sent abroad to the United States. There I was basically fed the story that my mother was unwed, that she wanted me to have a better life. And I believed all of it...

...until I looked at my records closer this time.

There are multiple glaring contradictions, big red flags that are telling me I can't trust anything from my records anymore. My records claimed my grandparents abandoned her when she was little, and had no memory of them, yet her father reported her to the Korean hojuk registry in 1994, when she was 10. I'd be surprised if a 10 year old couldn't remember even something small about her father.

Then, on my Statement of Release for Adoption, my mother signed it, but the two witness spots required under Article 878, Paragraph 2 of the Korean Civil Law were entirely blank. Then later, I was appointed a guardian as an 'orphan'.

Or, the fact it says my mother has two brothers when she only had one.

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I can BELIEVE if anything on my records is true anymore.

I've been in this subreddit for a long-time now- I think... a few years? I have been trying to build the courage to come out of my shell, meet other people, talk to other people. And I think I finally have the strength to talk about something important to me.

This is the Story of My Life.

I was born on a warm summer day near the end of July in 2007, in the bustling city of Pyeongtaek, on the west coast of South Korea. I was born to a single-mother who was homeless, poor, and had virtually no support network due to Korea's social stigma against single mothers at the time. I was her third child. According to at least what I can only hope to believe in my records, when she had her second child placed for adoption (as her first one was), she was heart-broken over that decision, and I was the one she desperately wanted it to end with as she still tried to raise me on her own. But ultimately because she didn't have any money, and no means to care for me, she had to place me up for adoption.

And that altered the trajectory of my life forever. Out of her three children, I was the only one of her three children sent abroad.

At not even one year old, I was boarding a one-way flight out of Korea, and heading to the United States.

My life growing up is... something a bit touchy. I grew up in a very racially isolated city in the south of Arkansas, near the Louisiana border.

I don't want to touch on it, but growing up in a predominantly black and white school, where I was usually the only Asian person in my class, carried a special kind of pain. Isolation. Though my brother was also Korean himself, we barely talked much, if at all. So there wasn't much of a racial reflection in my own family, due to my parents being white. My eyes were constantly made fun of, my glasses teased, the food I ate (even if it was typical western food) was interpreted as 'dog'. People even asked if I could do their math homework, going off of that myth. I had consistent microaggressions made against me, as I constantly had to repeat that I was Korean, and not Japanese or Chinese, or answer the debilitating and most common question, "are your parents Korean?".

I was told growing up to be thankful. That I would've died if my mother hadn't "given me up" because I was seriously sick before I was adopted, in and out of the hospital fighting for my life.

Why was I treated like some commodity? Turns out, it was because my adoptive parents couldn't have a baby naturally. And that best course they thought that it would let them have a family and give a child a good life.

As I aged, I grew up in a very religious family, and when I departed from their values at 13 by coming out as a trans girl, all of that supposed unconditional love for me was thrown out the window. I had to make an escape just after I turned eighteen by a Greyhound bus to New England just to have peace from it. I did make sure to bring one thing with me, and it was a Korean flag necklace from Korea, with my Korean name and birth date engraved on the back.

I only just recently was given access to my adoption records before I cut my adoptive parents off a second time. When I read those documents, read the names of my family members, my MOTHER'S name. I cried, for the first time in a long time. I finally knew her name, but not where she was.

Though my parents claimed to have tried to introduce me to Korean culture, they never once did the research prior, erased my name, or tried to introduce me to my language. They just took me to just a "Korea Camp" during the pandemic that didn't help at all, and simply amplified my loneliness.

To me, international and trans-racial adoption have altered the trajectory of my life forever, for the worse. I've lost everything. My culture, my food, my language, and my mother. I would give anything in the world be that little baby again in her arms, but now, I do not even know if she is still alive, or if she even wants to see me again.

So, that is it. That is my story. I will end this with a poem I've written, to just combine all you've read into one piece:

Life. The sweet breath of life

How it has been marked by many,

As a virtue of good, hope for no strife

For the life to come, so much to live for

Yet in the innocence of a little one,

So stuck in the present.

Sweat and blood, hatred from one, so detested

Yet still, it goes to another.

Striking the innocent down, guardian at its knees

Though the innocent dare never stand

Dare never fight, yet still suffers?

For that great breath of love of life,

halted so soon?

Told love can come;

from yet another.

For that figure, embracing.

Embracing the orphaned.

Such embraces feel like thorns.

Thorns on a cool day.

The comfort, yet the pain.

Oh, a sharp pain!

A pain not physical,

a stake in a heart.

Such confusion I hear,

from the people I’ve grown to fear,

are such lies necessary?

We share the same speak,

Yet my throat grows weak.

Gratefulness, I supposedly must give.

But for what fullness, does my heart feel?

A lack thereof, that it is.

Clutching my heart, my soul, and my hope.

Bundled into a small tear I can only weep.

That guardian finally stands, weeping themself,

for mistakes gone by, wishing for a different past

from wherever they may be,

Their heart aching, a million times more

Yet they do not hear the other

Separated by vast seas

Such a hope be retained,

That a guardian and their tears;

Shall not give pain,

Instead hope, so empowered

That the innocent, and the guardian

Be reunited, as such a story goes.

Thank you for taking your time to read my story. <3

Just shy of over a year ago, I ran away from my parent's home in Arkansas, just two days after I turned 18. Honestly, don't know what to think of it. It just feels very polarizing, where I still wonder what life would've been like IF THEY HAD accepted me. But at the same time I feel relief. I don't know if anyone can relate to this.

A little backstory, I was originally born in South Korea, and was adopted when I was very little. My (now estranged) adoptive parents basically raised me in the church, going to Sunday school, Church events, Vacation Bible School (VBS) and the like.

Originally, I was deeply Christian, but then when I was like 13, I realized I didn't feel like well, a guy. I spent about a year figuring out my identity as non-binary, then realized I just felt like a girl. Naturally as any child would've done out of pure hope, I told my parents, and the reaction I received is still very polarizing to me to this day.

They initially asked me why, my answer wasn't enough, and then it led to an exorcism in my bedroom where my mom hugged me and tried to 'pray the devil out of me'. Then what followed was the worst week of my life, where I had my bags searched, my feminine clothes found, phone searched, just a lot. Yet they also said they 'loved me as who i was' except that me being a girl was wrong and that 'god didn't make you a woman in a man's body'.

For the next four years it was basically a living hell, hiding stuff, and hiding my identity from my brother, (who later told me he regretted not standing up for me earlier).

And then when I turned 18, packed my bags, got a burner phone, and just left. I got picked up by someone because it was the middle of July, summer heat. Later figured out that he called the members of the church to intercept me, which involved a lot of me fiddling with a prepaid card for an Uber and demanding I be left alone, then the police came, told them about what was going on at home, showed my license, they let me go, brother helped me get some needs, took me to my bus stop, then I left.

Obviously worries didn't stop there when I got to New England. Was homeless for seven months in a car, started transitioning and dealt with plenty. I even reached back out to my family and offered to give them a second shot (which they failed at), resulting in me cutting them off for the second and probably last time.

Then, here we are now.

I have a partner, live with her now, and feel happy, but I also feel... strange. I feel this sense of regret for leaving my brother, my cousin, my best friend, and my stable life in Arkansas for this rough new start. I don't know. Was this in any way worth it? Am I just overreacting?

Sorry for the block of text.

Hi. I am Juneau. I spent just over half a year living in my car in New Hampshire. Waking up those mornings, cold or blisteringly hot, was far from what I wanted to experience in my waking moments. At times, I felt hopeless, and I cried many nights wondering when this suffering would end, or if it would ever end. My story originally began after I got kicked out in early January of this year, at 18 years old by my former roommates. After calling a police civil standby to grab my things, I was on my own. Initially, I had no sleeping bag, and was cold every night, and wrapped myself in my hoodie. Briefly, I went north, being brought into the Salvation Army shelter. But due to mistreatment, I left not too long after-- due to the loss of dignity in shelters like the Salvation Army being so immense. Many charged fees, put cameras in the most dehumanizing places, or in my case as a trans girl, put me in rooms where I felt unsafe- and threatened to discharge me if I missed fees. Once I left, I decided I could not handle a shelter anymore, and I solidified my decision that car living was my best bet moving forward.

Now that I'm living with my girlfriend and being added to her lease in the coming weeks, and now 19, I have a sense of stability again, routine, and a warm roof over me. I wanted to share my experiences, and tips to those currently experiencing car living.

From my initial instability, I learned lots of tricks to make it by without being caught or forced to leave, and handle basic needs without spending too much on water or food, and being able to get an okay sleep at night.

1. Avoid fast-food if at all possible. - Do not get me wrong, fast food tastes great, and when hot, is a great comfort you may not always get in a car. You should always treat yourself to something warm for your morale and well-being. But fast-food is ridiculously expensive for a filling meal. Most places like McDonald's have meal deals for $5, but it adds up. If at all possible, go to grocery stores, buy non-perishables like peanut butter crackers, peanut butter and single-serve jelly, and protein bars. They will generally last in cold and hot conditions without going bad for a long period of time. I could normally survive off of $20 of groceries a week including all I mentioned above + replenishment and occasional snacks for morale.

2. Buy large water jugs and a reusable water bottle. - Especially during this summer, water is something we desperately need to stay cool and avoid heat stroke while living in a car. However, one thing even I did initially wrong was buy individual water bottles at gas stations. While good for emergencies, you end up spending way more than you should. If you go to Walmart, buy one or two of their big one gallon water jugs, and a cheap reusable water bottle, you end up and cut your water expenses down to like three or four dollars a week. And, if you don't have water on hand, many places will let you fill up with water for cheap or free if you're nice and just ask.

3. Avoid Park and Rides like the plague. - While it may initially seem like a great idea, the state police tend to patrol these lots relatively often, and shine lights to ensure no one is sleeping inside, which can get your car towed if you are not careful. If you MUST park there, (such as due to severe fatigue) turn off all lights like phones or computers, and block all your windows with items, jackets, or dedicated window covers. At night it'll make your car look like it just has tinted windows, but do not stay there multiple nights in a row, or cops WILL come up and knock.

4. Safe Parking Alternatives and Vehicle Choice. - If you are currently looking for a vehicle, I recommend either a station wagon or a minivan for the space, and for the ability to stretch your legs and avoid cramps. As for parking, places like Walmart have generally stopped allowing people to park overnight due to how poorly the lots are treated. Invest in a membership at a 24/7 Planet Fitness for the showers, and park there, as traffic IS expected, and most cops will just drive on by without a second thought.

5. Sleeping - Regardless of vehicle, you need the proper sleeping bag. During the summer, get a very light sleeping bag. It'll keep you warm at night but prevent you from getting too hot during the day. During the winter, invest in a 10 degree sleeping bag. It let me sleep during the early winters without freezing to death.

6. Charging, Internet, and other Tips - During the day, go to places like fast-food places, libraries, or other places you know with public outlets. Use your time there to recharge, rest, get a bite to eat or drink if you're hungry, and charge your devices. I recommend investing in a 20,000 mAH battery pack from .onn or another basic brand. It'll charge your phone at full charge about four times, and is generally not more expensive than the 10,000 mAH alternatives. But when charging, always buy something small to be a customer, and not be called a loiterer.

I wanted to share these tips to those that are still struggling, and to give you hope that the end of homelessness will come sooner than you think!