u/This-Elephant8929

*Sorry if this is long, just alot of explanation needed here.

I (51M) have been with my fiancé(50F) for about 2.5 years. I lost my wife, the mother of my son (20M), to cancer 7 years ago. My fiancé divorced her ex-husband 5 years ago. They have two children together: a son (23M) and a daughter (19F).

My son knew I was dating someone, but we hadn't introduced our families yet. I also knew he had been seeing someone for a while and was planning to bring her over soon. He'd told me her parents were divorced, she wasn't very close with her mom, but that he'd met her dad. He always spoke highly of him.

My son absolutely adores this girl. They're both students at Yale ,she's pre-law and he's pre-med. He often tells me how smart and driven she is. He also said her father is a neurosurgeon, which is the specialty my son hopes to pursue someday. From everything he'd told me, her dad had been very welcoming and supportive of their relationship.

A few days ago, my fiancé and I decided it was finally time for everyone to meet. She came over for dinner with her daughter.

The moment they walked through the door, everything fell apart.

Her daughter is my son's girlfriend.

No one had any idea beforehand. My son and his girlfriend were completely blindsided, as were my fiancé and I. Dinner ended almost immediately because everyone was in shock.

As everything unraveled, I learned something else that has made this situation even worse. My fiancé had always told me that her marriage ended because they were constantly fighting and eventually grew apart. During all of this, I found out that wasn't true. She had an affair, and her ex-husband divorced her because of it. I also learned that's a major reason why her daughter has never fully repaired her relationship with her.

Now I'm struggling with the fact that my fiancé lied to me about something so significant. If she had been honest from the beginning, I would have appreciated the honesty far more than finding out like this.

To make matters even stranger, she also lied about her ex-husband's race. She had told me he was white, but he's actually Black. Their children are obviously biracial, so I genuinely don't understand why she'd lie about something so easily disproven. It wouldn't have mattered to me in the slightest.

Now everything feels like a disaster.

My son is understandably upset. There's tension between him and me, even though neither of us did anything intentionally. There's also tension between my fiancé and me because of the lies.

If we go through with getting married, my son's girlfriend would legally become his stepsister. I know they're not biologically related and didn't grow up together, but the dynamic is incredibly uncomfortable for everyone involved.

I honestly don't know what to do from here.

Edit: I should probably add another important detail because people will likely ask about my fiancée's son.
The affair wasn't with a coworker or someone her own age. It was with the older brother (25 at the time) of one of her son's friends. It was completely consensual, but understandably it caused a lot of damage within their family.

That's also why her son didn't come to the dinner. I had assumed it was simply because he lives across the country (he's currently in medical school at Stanford) but I've since learned their relationship has been strained ever since the affair. The distance wasn't really the reason.

I (M19) have been dating my gf (F19) for about 10 months now. Our relationship is great, we love eachother. I adore her, she’s amazing.

She doesn’t get jealous of other girls or of the ways I spend my time when I’m not around her at all. And I’ve never had a problem with it, if anything, I’m grateful for it. She actually encourages me to have a personal community and identity outside of just our relationship, and she believes that we should also have our own personal space so we don’t suffocate eachother. I love her for this, I’ve never met someone who understood that concept.

I was having a chat with my boys and they mention how their girls get hella jealous, clingy, possessive and even “Crazy”. They said it like it’s a normal thing, like their girls get pissed when they wanna hang out with the boys or have personal time. Or that their girls wanna call 24/7, or constantly interrogate them about other girls.

I’ve personally never had that experience. My girlfriend is very intelligent, emotionally regulated, and mature. If something ever bothers her she usually approaches me about it and we just talk it out (she’s very well spoken so I always understand. I’m not always able to articulate my thoughts as well as she does but she’s patient, listens and understands me or whatever she did that upset me). I said this to my boys and they all immediately said stuff like “She dosent love you” or “if a girl truly loves you she’ll be insanely jealous over the tiniest things and would want to live in your skin 24/7” .My gf isn’t and I’m starting to get a bit worried.

It’s not like I want her to constantly be jealous because I love her so much I’ve never even considered looking at other women or doing anything that could break her trust. My girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous. She’s amazing. She’s smart (goes to an Ivy League), kind, beautiful, confident but not arrogant, reliable, the type of girl who everyone immediately trusts, supportive, matches my ambition and mindset. she’s everything. And theres no competition. Like none whatsoever.

But now I’m wondering if her lack of jealousy means she doesn’t care as much as I believe she does. Is this a bad thing?

So my boyfriend (M19) cheated on me… the girl told me cause she felt bad or whatever. I actually didn’t give a shit because dating him strategically benefits me career and connections wise. Anyways, I confronted him and pretended to be heartbroken. He cried, apologized, begged. I played along ofcourse. I “forgave” him. Anyways his dad got me an internship at JPMorgan lol. I think I may be a little too ambitious. I’m a sophomore in college btw.

I’ve been wondering, can married couples who reconcile after an affair still be happy? I (F18) found out my father had an affair in my early high school years. Me and my siblings were only told because it resulted in a half sibling. This half sibling is in between my sister and I. So a year older than me and a year younger than my sister. (Yes, this affair occurred while my sister was probably a new born).

At first I was so angry about it but it was like everyone had just accepted it. Now, I’m in college and it’s been dwelling on my mind a lot recently, now that I’m older I’ve been analysing my parents dynamic. They seem like a regular happy couple now, hugging and all lovey dovey. I don’t know how my mother does it. He didn’t cheat on me but everytime I look at my father, the word cheater is in the back of my head. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad and I’m very privileged in my family and way of living. I recognise a lot of people have worse situations.

I’ve always prided my mother on being the most intelligent and in tune with her emotions person. She has a PHD, graduated from John Hopkins med school. She’s always been so aware. So I just don’t understand. My dad has always been the childish mommy’s boy. I don’t understand how she chose him. They’re nothing alike.

Can married couples be truly happy after that? Would you personally stay after that?

I need some advice on this situation. I (F18) found out my bf (M18) kissed one of his friends (M18) when his friend group hung out. His friend group is all guys btw.

I confronted him about it because I was unsure of how to feel about it. He says it was just a joke with his friends and wasn’t a big deal. Apparently it’s “bromance” or “brosexual”, a common thing with straight male friends.

I still feel very unsettled about this whole situation. I don’t kiss my female friends. I’m starting to think maybe I’m doing too much and overthinking it. Is this a normal thing for guys? Kissing their friends?… I don’t even know if I should classify this as cheating, I’m so confused.

So I’m asking all the straight guys out there, is this a normal thing you guys do? Or should I be worried?