u/ThisCan7234

Recently, I told her that I wanted the gold coins gifted to my husband and me by my grandparents because one of my bangles had broken and I wanted to exchange the gold and make new jewellery. My sister is also getting married, so I thought it was the right time. ( Just an fake idea to get my gold because inknow she will creat issue )

The moment I mentioned it, her expression changed.
I also told her I wanted to exchange a pair of gold earrings that had been gifted to me by her side of the family because I know I’ll never wear them. She immediately said I’d get very little value for them. I explained that I wasn’t selling them—I was exchanging old gold for new jewellery.

My husband then said, “But they have sentimental value.”
I replied, “They were gifted to me, so shouldn’t I be the one to decide what I do with them?” And what sentiments they were given to me as a bride
To which she said then the hold coins were given to me by your father ( Lie) so its for me to decide , i said never has my father not given to you i gave it to you to show what me and my husband got from my paretns as i had no locker and reception the same day it was kept with you , i have proof as photos with my grand parents and she gave the same box and my husband said the same thing her grand parents gave it , why did she lie in the first place saying my father gave there is no way my parents will keep something like this without telling me

Then my MIL said something that completely caught me off guard. She said she had always thought the jewellery should be kept so that one day it could be used if we built a family house.
I asked her, “How did you come to that conclusion? Nobody ever asked me.”
To me, advice is one thing. Deciding the purpose of jewellery that was gifted to me is another.
The conversation then turned to the gold coins. She insisted they had been given to her by my father. I corrected her and explained that they were gifted by my grandparents to my husband and me during our wedding, and were only handed to her for safekeeping during the rituals.
At the same time, my husband and I got into an argument. He walked into his parents’ room saying he’d tell his mother to give me the jewellery. I got angry because I don’t believe marital arguments should be taken to parents. The argument escalated, I yelled, and he eventually slammed the door in my face.
When I confronted him, my MIL stepped in and said, “He’s like that when he’s angry.”
I told her I wasn’t asking her to defend him. Just because she accepts that behaviour doesn’t mean I have to.
She then told me that she had also left her parents’ home after marriage and adjusted. I told her that I respect her choices, but I don’t believe I have to compromise on behaviour that I feel is disrespectful.
She also said she thought all my jewellery was with my father because she didn’t know about our locker. My husband and father-in-law both confirmed that they had already told her about it and that my husband is the co-owner of our locker.
Eventually she became very emotional and started crying. By that point I was completely drained and simply said, “You know what, keep the jewellery. I don’t want it anymore.”
I’ll be honest—I wasn’t calm during this conversation. I did yell at my husband, and I regret that. But I genuinely felt hurt that decisions about jewellery gifted to me, and gold coins gifted to both my husband and me, had apparently already been made without anyone asking me.
Am I wrong for believing that gifts given to me should remain my decision, even after marriage? Or is this simply a difference in expectations between

I got the gold Coins ,gift recived by his side of the family i have asked her to keep

Recently, I told her that I wanted the gold coins gifted to my husband and me by my grandparents because one of my bangles had broken and I wanted to exchange the gold and make new jewellery. My sister is also getting married, so I thought it was the right time.
The moment I mentioned it, her expression changed.
I also told her I wanted to exchange a pair of gold earrings that had been gifted to me by her side of the family because I know I’ll never wear them. She immediately said I’d get very little value for them. I explained that I wasn’t selling them—I was exchanging old gold for new jewellery.
My husband then said, “But they have sentimental value.”
I replied, “They were gifted to me, so shouldn’t I be the one to decide what I do with them?”
Then my MIL said something that completely caught me off guard. She said she had always thought the jewellery should be kept so that one day it could be used if we built a family house.
I asked her, “How did you come to that conclusion? Nobody ever asked me.”
To me, advice is one thing. Deciding the purpose of jewellery that was gifted to me is another.
The conversation then turned to the gold coins. She insisted they had been given to her by my father. I corrected her and explained that they were gifted by my grandparents to my husband and me during our wedding, and were only handed to her for safekeeping during the rituals.
At the same time, my husband and I got into an argument. He walked into his parents’ room saying he’d tell his mother to give me the jewellery. I got angry because I don’t believe marital arguments should be taken to parents. The argument escalated, I yelled, and he eventually slammed the door in my face.
When I confronted him, my MIL stepped in and said, “He’s like that when he’s angry.”
I told her I wasn’t asking her to defend him. Just because she accepts that behaviour doesn’t mean I have to.
She then told me that she had also left her parents’ home after marriage and adjusted. I told her that I respect her choices, but I don’t believe I have to compromise on behaviour that I feel is disrespectful.
She also said she thought all my jewellery was with my father because she didn’t know about our locker. My husband and father-in-law both confirmed that they had already told her about it and that my husband is the co-owner of our locker.
Eventually she became very emotional and started crying. By that point I was completely drained and simply said, “You know what, keep the jewellery. I don’t want it anymore.”
I’ll be honest—I wasn’t calm during this conversation. I did yell at my husband, and I regret that. But I genuinely felt hurt that decisions about jewellery gifted to me, and gold coins gifted to both my husband and me, had apparently already been made without anyone asking me.
Am I wrong for believing that gifts given to me should remain my decision, even after marriage? Or is this simply a difference in expectations between generations?

Recently, I told her that I wanted the gold coins gifted to my husband and me by my grandparents because one of my bangles had broken and I wanted to exchange the gold and make new jewellery. My sister is also getting married, so I thought it was the right time.
The moment I mentioned it, her expression changed.
I also told her I wanted to exchange a pair of gold earrings that had been gifted to me by her side of the family because I know I’ll never wear them. She immediately said I’d get very little value for them. I explained that I wasn’t selling them—I was exchanging old gold for new jewellery.
My husband then said, “But they have sentimental value.”
I replied, “They were gifted to me, so shouldn’t I be the one to decide what I do with them?”
Then my MIL said something that completely caught me off guard. She said she had always thought the jewellery should be kept so that one day it could be used if we built a family house.
I asked her, “How did you come to that conclusion? Nobody ever asked me.”
To me, advice is one thing. Deciding the purpose of jewellery that was gifted to me is another.
The conversation then turned to the gold coins. She insisted they had been given to her by my father. I corrected her and explained that they were gifted by my grandparents to my husband and me during our wedding, and were only handed to her for safekeeping during the rituals.
At the same time, my husband and I got into an argument. He walked into his parents’ room saying he’d tell his mother to give me the jewellery. I got angry because I don’t believe marital arguments should be taken to parents. The argument escalated, I yelled, and he eventually slammed the door in my face.
When I confronted him, my MIL stepped in and said, “He’s like that when he’s angry.”
I told her I wasn’t asking her to defend him. Just because she accepts that behaviour doesn’t mean I have to.
She then told me that she had also left her parents’ home after marriage and adjusted. I told her that I respect her choices, but I don’t believe I have to compromise on behaviour that I feel is disrespectful.
She also said she thought all my jewellery was with my father because she didn’t know about our locker. My husband and father-in-law both confirmed that they had already told her about it and that my husband is the co-owner of our locker.
Eventually she became very emotional and started crying. By that point I was completely drained and simply said, “You know what, keep the jewellery. I don’t want it anymore.”
I’ll be honest—I wasn’t calm during this conversation. I did yell at my husband, and I regret that. But I genuinely felt hurt that decisions about jewellery gifted to me, and gold coins gifted to both my husband and me, had apparently already been made without anyone asking me.

I got married a while ago, and after the wedding all my jewellery was kept in my mother-in-law’s locker for “safekeeping.” At the time, I didn’t think much of it.
Recently, I told her I wanted to access the locker and brought back all of my jewellery sets. However, I later realized that a few gold coins gifted to my husband and me by my grandparents during our wedding are still with her. There are also a few pieces of gold jewellery that my in-laws gifted me which were never handed over to me.
The reason I’m struggling to ask is because this isn’t the first time I’ve felt that my belongings weren’t treated as mine.
For example, she has worn one of my sarees without asking me first. She also took the blouse that was designed with a backless pattern and had it permanently altered into a full patchwork blouse without asking me. On another occasion, she wore my brand-new shirt with the tags still attached to one of her parties without even letting me know beforehand. These incidents have made me uncomfortable because I feel my personal belongings are treated as family property rather than something that belongs to me.
Because of this pattern, I genuinely don’t know whether she has simply forgotten about the remaining gold or expects it to stay with her unless I specifically ask for it.
I don’t want to create unnecessary conflict, but I also feel that gifts given to me—or to my husband and me as a couple—should be in our possession, not someone else’s locker

Updateeee e

Recently, I told her that I wanted the gold coins gifted to my husband and me by my grandparents because one of my bangles had broken and I wanted to exchange the gold and make new jewellery. My sister is also getting married, so I thought it was the right time.
The moment I mentioned it, her expression changed.
I also told her I wanted to exchange a pair of gold earrings that had been gifted to me by her side of the family because I know I’ll never wear them. She immediately said I’d get very little value for them. I explained that I wasn’t selling them—I was exchanging old gold for new jewellery.
My husband then said, “But they have sentimental value.”
I replied, “They were gifted to me, so shouldn’t I be the one to decide what I do with them?”
Then my MIL said something that completely caught me off guard. She said she had always thought the jewellery should be kept so that one day it could be used if we built a family house.
I asked her, “How did you come to that conclusion? Nobody ever asked me.”
To me, advice is one thing. Deciding the purpose of jewellery that was gifted to me is another.
The conversation then turned to the gold coins. She insisted they had been given to her by my father. I corrected her and explained that they were gifted by my grandparents to my husband and me during our wedding, and were only handed to her for safekeeping during the rituals.
At the same time, my husband and I got into an argument. He walked into his parents’ room saying he’d tell his mother to give me the jewellery. I got angry because I don’t believe marital arguments should be taken to parents. The argument escalated, I yelled, and he eventually slammed the door in my face.
When I confronted him, my MIL stepped in and said, “He’s like that when he’s angry.”
I told her I wasn’t asking her to defend him. Just because she accepts that behaviour doesn’t mean I have to.
She then told me that she had also left her parents’ home after marriage and adjusted. I told her that I respect her choices, but I don’t believe I have to compromise on behaviour that I feel is disrespectful.
She also said she thought all my jewellery was with my father because she didn’t know about our locker. My husband and father-in-law both confirmed that they had already told her about it and that my husband is the co-owner of our locker.
Eventually she became very emotional and started crying. By that point I was completely drained and simply said, “You know what, keep the jewellery. I don’t want it anymore.”
I’ll be honest—I wasn’t calm during this conversation. I did yell at my husband, and I regret that. But I genuinely felt hurt that decisions about jewellery gifted to me, and gold coins gifted to both my husband and me, had apparently already been made without anyone asking me.
Am I wrong for believing that gifts given to me should remain my decision, even after marriage? Or is this simply a difference in expectations between generations?

I got married a while ago, and after the wedding all my jewellery was kept in my mother-in-law’s locker for “safekeeping.” At the time, I didn’t think much of it.
Recently, I told her I wanted to access the locker and brought back all of my jewellery sets. However, I later realized that a few gold coins gifted to my husband and me by my grandparents during our wedding are still with her. There are also a few pieces of gold jewellery that my in-laws gifted me which were never handed over to me.
The reason I’m struggling to ask is because this isn’t the first time I’ve felt that my belongings weren’t treated as mine.
For example, she has worn one of my sarees without asking me first. She also took the blouse that was designed with a backless pattern and had it permanently altered into a full patchwork blouse without asking me. On another occasion, she wore my brand-new shirt with the tags still attached to one of her parties without even letting me know beforehand. These incidents have made me uncomfortable because I feel my personal belongings are treated as family property rather than something that belongs to me.
Because of this pattern, I genuinely don’t know whether she has simply forgotten about the remaining gold or expects it to stay with her unless I specifically ask for it.
I don’t want to create unnecessary conflict, but I also feel that gifts given to me—or to my husband and me as a couple—should be in our possession, not someone else’s locker

My husband and I currently live with his parents in a rented apartment. The building is going into redevelopment, so we have to move out, and naturally discussions started about buying a new home.

At one point, my husband suggested that we could buy two separate homes—one for his parents and one for ourselves. It was only an idea, but his father became extremely upset and made it clear that he did not want us living separately.

Ironically, his mother, who has usually been the more intrusive one in my life, was actually supportive of the idea. Over the years she has worn my new clothes without asking, even when they still had the price tags attached, taken my sarees, altered blouses without informing me, and generally behaved as if my belongings were family property. While I wasn’t happy about it, at least her behavior was open and predictable.

His father, on the other hand, rarely says things directly. After the discussion about moving out, he stopped speaking to me and barely spoke to anyone else in the family.

The family then started discussing buying a larger three-bedroom home where everyone would live together. During that conversation, the topic of a home loan came up. I said that if this was going to be a family home where his parents would also be living, I was not comfortable taking on a loan or investing financially. My view was simple: if it is a home for his parents and him, then they should contribute accordingly. If my husband and I were buying a home for ourselves as a couple, I would happily contribute and take on a loan with him.

One thing I genuinely don’t know is where the expectation that I should contribute financially actually came from. I don’t know whether my father-in-law specifically suggested it, whether my husband assumed I would contribute, or whether it was simply taken for granted by everyone. No one directly said, “You must take a loan,” but the conversation seemed to move in that direction. That uncertainty is part of why I feel uncomfortable. Before taking on a major financial commitment, I would want a very clear understanding of who expects what, who will own the property, who is contributing how much, and what rights each person would have regarding the home.

Even my own parents offered to help financially, but I declined because I did not want to tie up my finances in a property that was not really ours as a couple. I wanted to preserve that borrowing capacity in case my husband and I decided to buy our own place in the future.

Something else that is relevant is that my husband’s family always spoke about eventually moving back to their native place. That plan now seems to have completely disappeared, which makes me even more hesitant to take on debt for what is essentially their family home.

The day after the housing discussion, my in-laws had a major argument. From what I was told, it started when my mother-in-law threw something at my father-in-law. He threw a shirt back, then a utensil was thrown, and the argument escalated. My mother-in-law then started making accusations about his character and alleged involvement with other women. At that point, he became physical. It was not a severe assault, but there was physical aggression.

This is not the first time there has been a physical altercation between them.

What troubles me is that my husband never really gave me any indication before marriage that these kinds of family dynamics existed. Had I known that major disagreements could escalate to this level, I would have strongly preferred living separately from the beginning.

After the fight, my husband told me that “in a situation like this, how can I leave?” His view is that eventually we will move out, but right now he feels responsible for staying. Shortly afterward, my in-laws reconciled, everything returned to normal, and everyone acted like one big happy family again.

What stands out to me is that after the fight, my husband told me we were not moving out. The original discussion about us having our own place completely disappeared. In the end, everything went the way my father-in-law wanted.

What worries me is not just the housing issue. It is the fact that one person’s anger seems to dictate major decisions for the entire family. There does not seem to be much room for discussion or compromise. When someone gets upset, everyone else adjusts.

As someone who is being asked to contribute financially and build a future in this family, I find that concerning. If I am expected to help pay for a home, shouldn’t I also have a say in where and how I live?

Am I looking at this the wrong way? Is it unreasonable for me to refuse a loan for a house that will effectively be my in-laws’ family home? Should I be concerned that major family decisions seem to be driven by whoever becomes the angriest? And is it fair to feel frustrated that I was never given a clearer picture of these family dynamics before getting married?

My husband and I currently live with his parents in a rented apartment. The building is going into redevelopment, so we have to move out, and naturally discussions started about buying a new home.

At one point, my husband suggested that we could buy two separate homes—one for his parents and one for ourselves. It was only an idea, but his father became extremely upset and made it clear that he did not want us living separately.

Ironically, his mother, who has usually been the more intrusive one in my life, was actually supportive of the idea. Over the years she has worn my new clothes without asking, even when they still had the price tags attached, taken my sarees, altered blouses without informing me, and generally behaved as if my belongings were family property. While I wasn’t happy about it, at least her behavior was open and predictable.

After the discussion about moving out, he stopped speaking to me and barely spoke to anyone else in the family.

The family then started discussing buying a larger three-bedroom home where everyone would live together. During that conversation, the topic of a home loan came up. I said that if this was going to be a family home where his parents would also be living, I was not comfortable taking on a loan or investing financially. My view was simple: if it is a home for his parents and him, then they should contribute accordingly. If my husband and I were buying a home for ourselves as a couple, I would happily contribute and take on a loan with him.

One thing I genuinely don’t know is where the expectation that I should contribute financially actually came from. I don’t know whether my father-in-law specifically suggested it, whether my husband assumed I would contribute, or whether it was simply taken for granted by everyone. No one directly said I was always clear if me and my husband move out and buy a house of our own then i will support him and take the responsibilty of loan

Even my own parents said we should buy a house , but I declined because I did not want to tie up my finances in a property that was not really ours as a couple. I wanted to preserve that borrowing capacity in case my husband and I decided to buy our own place in the future.

Something else that is relevant is that my husband’s family always spoke about eventually moving back to their native place. That plan now seems to have completely disappeared, which makes me even more hesitant to take on debt for what is essentially their family home.

The day after the housing discussion, my in-laws had a major argument. From what I was told, it started when my mother-in-law threw something at my father-in-law. He threw a shirt back, then a utensil was thrown, and the argument escalated. My mother-in-law then started making accusations about his character and alleged involvement with other women. At that point, he became physical. It was not a severe assault, but there was physical aggression.

This is not the first time there has been a physical altercation between them.

What troubles me is that my husband never really gave me any indication before marriage that these kinds of family dynamics existed. Had I known that major disagreements could escalate to this level, I would have strongly preferred living separately from the beginning.

After the fight, my husband told me that “in a situation like this, how can I leave?” His view is that eventually we will move out, but right now he feels responsible for staying. Shortly afterward, my in-laws reconciled, everything returned to normal, and everyone acted like one big happy family again.

What stands out to me is that after the fight, my husband told me we were not moving out. The original discussion about us having our own place completely disappeared. In the end, everything went the way my father-in-law wanted.

What worries me is not just the housing issue. It is the fact that one person’s anger seems to dictate major decisions for the entire family. There does not seem to be much room for discussion or compromise. When someone gets upset, everyone else adjusts.

Am I looking at this the wrong way?

My husband and I currently live with his parents in a rented apartment. The building is going into redevelopment, so we have to move out, and naturally discussions started about buying a new home.

At one point, my husband suggested that we could buy two separate homes—one for his parents and one for ourselves. It was only an idea, but his father became extremely upset and made it clear that he did not want us living separately.

Ironically, his mother, who has usually been the more intrusive one in my life, was actually supportive of the idea. Over the years she has worn my new clothes without asking, even when they still had the price tags attached, taken my sarees, altered blouses without informing me, and generally behaved as if my belongings were family property. While I wasn’t happy about it, at least her behavior was open and predictable.

After the discussion about moving out, he stopped speaking to me and barely spoke to anyone else in the family.

The family then started discussing buying a larger three-bedroom home where everyone would live together. During that conversation, the topic of a home loan came up. I said that if this was going to be a family home where his parents would also be living, I was not comfortable taking on a loan or investing financially. My view was simple: if it is a home for his parents and him, then they should contribute accordingly. If my husband and I were buying a home for ourselves as a couple, I would happily contribute and take on a loan with him.

One thing I genuinely don’t know is where the expectation that I should contribute financially actually came from. I don’t know whether my father-in-law specifically suggested it, whether my husband assumed I would contribute, or whether it was simply taken for granted by everyone. No one directly said I was always clear if me and my husband move out and buy a house of our own then i will support him and take the responsibilty of loan

Even my own parents said we should buy a house , but I declined because I did not want to tie up my finances in a property that was not really ours as a couple. I wanted to preserve that borrowing capacity in case my husband and I decided to buy our own place in the future.

Something else that is relevant is that my husband’s family always spoke about eventually moving back to their native place. That plan now seems to have completely disappeared, which makes me even more hesitant to take on debt for what is essentially their family home.

The day after the housing discussion, my in-laws had a major argument. From what I was told, it started when my mother-in-law threw something at my father-in-law. He threw a shirt back, then a utensil was thrown, and the argument escalated. My mother-in-law then started making accusations about his character and alleged involvement with other women. At that point, he became physical. It was not a severe assault, but there was physical aggression.

This is not the first time there has been a physical altercation between them.

What troubles me is that my husband never really gave me any indication before marriage that these kinds of family dynamics existed. Had I known that major disagreements could escalate to this level, I would have strongly preferred living separately from the beginning.

After the fight, my husband told me that “in a situation like this, how can I leave?” His view is that eventually we will move out, but right now he feels responsible for staying. Shortly afterward, my in-laws reconciled, everything returned to normal, and everyone acted like one big happy family again.

What stands out to me is that after the fight, my husband told me we were not moving out. The original discussion about us having our own place completely disappeared. In the end, everything went the way my father-in-law wanted.

What worries me is not just the housing issue. It is the fact that one person’s anger seems to dictate major decisions for the entire family. There does not seem to be much room for discussion or compromise. When someone gets upset, everyone else adjusts.

Am I looking at this the wrong way?

My husband and I currently live with his parents in a rented apartment. The building is going into redevelopment, so we have to move out. Naturally, discussions started about buying a new home.

At one point, my husband suggested that we could buy two separate homes—one for his parents and one for ourselves. It was only an idea, but his father became extremely upset and made it very clear that he did not want us moving out and living separately.

Ironically, his mother, who has usually been the more intrusive one in my life, was actually supportive of the idea. Over the years she has worn my new clothes without asking, even when they still had the price tags attached, taken my sarees, altered blouses without informing me, and generally behaved as if my belongings were family property. While I wasn’t happy about it, at least her behavior was open and predictable.

His father, on the other hand, rarely says things directly. After the discussion about moving out, he stopped speaking to me and barely spoke to anyone else in the family.

The family then started discussing buying a larger three-bedroom home. During that conversation, the topic of a home loan came up. I clearly stated that if this was going to be a family home where his parents would also be living, I was not comfortable investing or taking on a loan. I said that if the house was for his parents and him, they should contribute accordingly. However, if my husband and I were buying a home for ourselves as a couple, I would happily contribute and take on the financial responsibility with him.

Even my own parents suggested that they could take a loan themselves and help us buy a home, but I told them I did not want to tie up my finances in a property that was not truly ours as a couple. I wanted to keep my financial capacity available in case my husband and I decided to take a home loan together in the future. My parents were completely understanding and gracious about that decision.

It is also worth mentioning that my husband’s family had always talked about eventually moving back to their native place. Now that idea seems to have completely disappeared. If that was always the long-term plan, it makes me even more hesitant to take on debt for what is essentially their family home.

The next day, while we were out, my in-laws had a major argument. From what I was told, the argument became physical simply because my mother-in-law asked what should be done regarding the house situation. This is not the first time a physical altercation has happened. Knowing that makes me wonder whether my husband should have been more upfront about the family dynamics before we got married. Had I known that major disagreements could escalate this way, I would have strongly preferred living separately from the beginning.

What I also struggle to understand is how anyone can reasonably expect me to take on a loan for a house that is being treated as their family home. Today it is the housing decision; tomorrow it could be something else. If every disagreement ultimately ends with everyone giving in because one person becomes angry or aggressive, what happens the next time we do not agree with something he says?

In the end, everything went the way my father-in-law wanted. The idea of us moving out disappeared, and everyone fell in line with his decision.

What bothers me isn’t just the house. It’s the fact that one person’s anger seems to dictate major life decisions for the entire family. There is very little discussion, compromise, or respect for what other adults in the family want. Decisions seem to be made based on who gets upset the most rather than what makes sense.

As someone who is expected to contribute financially and build a future in this family, I find this worrying. If I am expected to help pay for a home, shouldn’t I also have a say in how and where I live? And if a simple discussion about housing can lead to days of silence, family conflict, and even physical aggression, what does that mean for the future?

Am I looking at this the wrong way?