u/ThrowRA98213

I’m 28, and I’ve been out and staying clean for almost six years. When I was 22, I made a really stupid decision during a pretty bad period of my life. I broke into a parked car and stole some electronics. I got caught, went to prison for 18 months, and did my time. I’m not going to pretend I was innocent. I fucked up, I paid for it, and I’ve spent the years since trying to build a completely different life. After I got out, finding work wasn’t exactly easy, but I eventually got hired at a mid-sized logistics company. I started in the warehouse doing pretty basic stuff, worked my way up, and over the years I ended up becoming a shift coordinator. I’ve actually done pretty well there. No write-ups, no incidents, nothing like that. I show up, do my job, and go home. My direct manager knows about my record. He’s known for years and has never really made an issue out of it because he’s seen how I work. The problem is that the company was acquired recently, and apparently the new owners are doing another round of background checks, especially for people in supervisory positions. Yesterday, my manager pulled me aside and told me, pretty quietly, that my background check had been flagged. He said he didn’t know exactly what HR was going to do, but he’d been given the impression that they were seriously considering letting me go because they didn’t want to take the risk. He made it pretty clear that he wasn’t officially telling me anything, and he couldn’t promise that I was getting fired. But basically, he told me I should prepare myself for that possibility. And honestly, I’m exhausted. It’s one thing to know that my past is still out there. I’ve never expected it to magically disappear. But I really thought that after almost six years of doing everything right, working my way up, and having a clean record since getting out, I’d finally gotten past the part where one stupid decision followed me everywhere. Now I might lose the job I’ve spent years building because someone sitting in HR sees a conviction on a report and decides I’m a liability. I’m not saying I shouldn’t have consequences for what I did. I already had them. I’m just frustrated that it feels like I’m being punished all over again after actually changing my life. I’m planning to wait and see what HR says before I do anything stupid, and obviously I’m going to start looking at other jobs just in case. Has anyone else dealt with something like this after turning their life around? If your background check came up years later, were you able to explain the situation or appeal the decision, or did the company just let you go?

قررت اكتب هنا لأني والله ما عاد أدري وين أروح ولا مع مين أتكلم. ما عندي مكان أطلع فيه اللي بقلبي بدون ما أسمع نفس الجملة: اهدي بس، هذا ولد عمك وسندك عمري ٢٧ سنة، ومتخرجة من الهندسة المعمارية. من أيام الجامعة وأنا أحلم إني أعيش باستقلال وأبني لي مستقبل بشغلي وتعب يدي، وأشتغل في مجالي وأكون لي حياة خاصة فيني. لكن قبل سنتين، وتحت ضغط أهلي وكلام من نوع القرايب أولى وستر البنت أهم شي /انحطيت قدام أمر واقع وتزوجت ولد عمي. من أول الزواج وأنا حاسة إني دخلت حياة ما تشبهني أبد. هو تفكيره غير عني بشكل كبير، وكل شي عنده قائم على إن الرجل هو اللي يقرر والمرأة عليها تسمع وخلاص. ما كان يشوف شهادتي ولا تخصصي ولا شغلي شي له قيمة، وكل ما حاولت أتكلم معه أو أشرح له وش أبي، يحول الموضوع لصراع على مين اللي يمشي كلامه. حتى شغلي في الهندسة المعمارية كان يشوفه شي ثانوي، وكأني درست كل هالسنين بس عشان أحط الشهادة في الدرج. تحملت كثير، وقلت يمكن مع الوقت يتغير الوضع، ويمكن أقدر ألقى طريقة أعيش فيها بدون ما أخسر نفسي. لكن بصراحة، كل يوم كان يخليني أتأكد أكثر إني ما أقدر أكمل كذا. من فترة وأنا أفكر بالطلاق وأحاول أرتب الموضوع بهدوء، بدون مشاكل ولا فضايح، وما كنت أبي أكبر السالفة ولا أخليها توصل لأهلي كلهم. قبل شهرين اكتشفت إني حامل. المفروض إن خبر زي كذا يفرح، لكن أول شعور جاني كان الخوف. حسيت كأن الباب اللي كنت أحاول أفتحه انقفل بوجهي. الأسبوع اللي راح صار الشي اللي للحين مو مستوعبته. زوجي جلس معي وقال لي بكل برود إنه ناوي يخطب بنت عمته الثانية. سألته: «ليش؟» قال لي إن الزواج الثاني بيخليني أهدأ وأفكر ألف مرة قبل ما أطلب الطلاق، وإنه كذا «يطيح حطب المشاكل» على حد تعبيره. وقال إنه يعرف إن أهلي وأهله ما راح يوقفون معي، وإن وجود طفل بيننا بيخليني بالنهاية مضطرة أكمل معه. حسيت وقتها إنه مو بس يبي يتزوج، حسيت إنه قاصد يحطني في زاوية ما أقدر أطلع منها. رحت لأهلي وأنا منهارة. كنت أبكي وأقول لهم إني ما عاد أقدر أكمل، وإن الحمل زاد خوفي بدل ما يخففه، وطلبت منهم يساعدوني أطلع من الزواج وأشوف وش الخيارات اللي قدامي. كنت أتوقع، ولو مرة واحدة، أحد يقول لي: «حنا معك». لكن اللي صار كسرني أكثر. أبوي وإخواني وقفوا معه، وقالوا لي بالحرف تقريبًا: «هو ما سوى شي غلط، الرجال يحق له أربع، وأنتِ حامل بولده. وين بتروحين؟ اقعدي ببيتك وربي ولدك». حاولت أشرح لهم إني مو قاعدة أتكلم عن الزواج الثاني بس، أنا من الأساس تعبانة من هالزواج وأبي أطلع منه. لكن محد كان يسمعني. كل كلامي عندهم صار «دلع بنات» و«تأثر بالجامعة» و«هذي أفكار ما لها داعي». الحين أنا عايشة بين أربعة جدران مع شخص ما عاد أحس إنه زوجي أو حتى إن بيني وبينه حياة طبيعية. أحس إني محاصرة، وكل باب أفكر أطرقه أحصل وراه أحد يقول لي: «اصبري، هذا ولد عمك». أكثر شي يوجعني إني درست وتعبت سنين عشان يكون لي قرار في حياتي، ودرست وتعبت على تخصص مو سهل، والحين أحس إني ما أقدر أقرر حتى وش أبي لمستقبلي. وأنا مو قاعدة أقول إن الموضوع سهل، ولا أقول إن الحمل شي أقدر أتجاهله. بالعكس، هذا أكثر شي مخوفني، لأني ما أبي أتصرف بقرار وأنا منهارة أو أندم عليه بعدين. أنا بس أبي أعرف: هل فيه أحد مر بشي قريب من وضعي؟ كيف قدرتوا تطلعون من زواج كنتوا حاسين إنكم محاصرين فيه، خصوصًا لما تكون العائلة كلها ضدك؟ وكيف حافظتوا على نفسكم وعقلكم وسط هالضغط كله؟

I’m 24F and honestly don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Guess I just need to get it off my chest to someone outside my family because it’s been eating me alive for two weeks now. I’ve got an older brother (27) and a younger sister (20). Growing up, my dad always treated my brother different nothing super obvious, but he got away with more, and my dad was way more protective of him. They had this weird vibe I could never wrap my head around. I just figured it was a regular, messy father-son thing. We were never crazy close. He’s pretty low-key, moved out a few years back, and hates being drilled with questions. If something’s bothering him, he’ll just ghost for a couple of days instead of talking. So, two weeks ago, I was helping my mom declutter their place since they’re moving. My dad has this desk in the spare room nobody touches, and my mom asked me to go through some old papers. Mostly boring stuff taxes, bills, school records. Then I found a folder with my brother’s name on it. Thought it was just school stuff, but inside were hospital docs. The dates made zero sense. My parents always said he was born at our local hospital, but these papers were from a completely different state. I kept digging and pulled out a birth certificate. His name was on it, but the mother listed wasn’t my mom. My dad was on it, but not my mom. I was literally shaking. The next day, I brought up his birth hospital to my mom real casual. She went completely silent—not confused, just dead quiet—and asked why I was bringing it up. When I told her I found old paperwork, she said, “We’re not doing this over the phone.” That’s when I knew. That night, I confronted her, and she broke down crying. Turns out, my brother isn’t my mom’s biological kid. My dad got a woman pregnant before he met my mom. The woman was going through a rough patch and wasn’t ready to raise a child, but my dad wanted him. My mom was dating him at the time and stepped up to raise my brother as her own, eventually adopting him legally. Neither my sister nor I had a clue. My mom claims they meant to tell him when he got older, but “the timing was never right,” and it snowballed into this massive secret. And here’s the kicker—his bio mom is alive, lives an hour away, and my brother’s been seeing her for years. My dad knows. My mom knows. Pretty much everyone on my dad’s side knows. I was the last to find out. My brother found out when he was 16 because of medical records. He begged my parents not to tell us because he was terrified we’d treat him differently. That broke my heart. I spent years being jealous, thinking my dad loved him more, while my brother was carrying this heavy weight thinking we’d stop seeing him as a brother. Now I’m just mad at everyone. Mad at my parents for lying, mad at him for keeping it from us, and mad at myself for the petty jealousy. To make things weirder, he actually visits his bio mom on holidays he just doesn’t call her “Mom.” It completely rewrote my childhood. Every time my dad was overprotective, every time my mom acted weird about his birth, every time he vanished over the holidays it all makes sense now. Part of me wishes I never touched that folder. My brother is still my brother, but I feel like I stumbled into a room in my family I was never supposed to see. I haven’t told my sister yet because I don’t want everything to blow up, and my mom begged me to let my brother tell her when he’s ready. I just feel sad for all of us. My parents built our family around a secret, my brother’s been holding it in since he was 16, and now I’m stuck holding it too.

It’s been about a day since my last post, and I finally talked to my mom. I asked her to step outside the hospital with me for a few minutes. I didn’t want to corner her in a hallway or start yelling. Honestly, I was terrified of what she might say. I told her I wasn’t trying to judge her. I just wanted her to be honest with me because something about the way she acted around my dad’s doctor had been bothering me. She got angry immediately. She asked me why I was watching her, why I was going through her phone, and how I could possibly accuse her of doing something like that while my dad was fighting for his life. I almost backed down. Then she started crying. Not the angry kind. She just completely broke. She admitted that the doctor had been texting her outside of the hospital. At first it was about my dad’s condition, but apparently the conversations slowly became more personal. She said he would check on her, ask if she’d eaten, tell her to get some sleep, stuff like that. Eventually, they kissed. She says it happened more than once, but that they never slept together. I don’t know if that’s the entire truth, and honestly, I’m not sure I even want to know. The part that really scared me was when she admitted she’d started feeling like she needed him. She was exhausted, terrified, and basically living at the hospital. He was one of the few people who seemed to notice how badly she was doing. She also told me she’d been scared to cut things off because he was still involved in Dad’s care. That was the part that made me stop thinking about whether my mom had cheated and start thinking about whether Dad was safe. I didn’t confront the doctor. At least, not myself. I called the hospital’s patient relations office and explained that there was a potential conflict of interest involving someone on my dad’s care team. I didn’t give them every detail over the phone. I just asked what the proper process was and whether Dad could be evaluated by another physician. They took it seriously enough to arrange for another attending to review his case. Nobody dramatically “fired” the doctor. Nobody threatened anybody. It was actually a lot more boring than I expected. But honestly, boring was exactly what I wanted. The new doctor came in later that day, went through Dad’s chart, spoke with us, and explained the treatment plan in a way that made me feel much more comfortable. My mom has also agreed not to contact the original doctor privately anymore. She deleted the number while I was sitting with her, although I told her that ultimately the decision had to be hers. She’s also agreed to talk to a counselor because I don’t think she’s handling any of this well. As for the original doctor, I don’t know what will happen. The hospital said they would review the situation, and I’m leaving that part to them. I’m still furious with my mom. I’m also furious with him. But I’m trying to keep one thing straight in my head: my dad is sick, and right now his care matters more than getting revenge or blowing up everyone’s lives. I wish I could say everything feels resolved now. It doesn’t. We’re still a complete mess. But at least Dad has another doctor looking over his case, and for the first time in weeks, I don’t feel like we’re completely powerless

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 29M. We’ve been together for almost four years. We don’t live together. I own my apartment, and he rents his. About six months ago, he lost his job. At first, I was completely supportive. I helped him with applications, paid for more things when we went out, and even offered to help with his rent temporarily. The problem is that six months later, he still hasn’t found another job. He applies occasionally, but he’s also turned down several jobs because they paid less than what he used to make. I’ve tried not to judge him for that, but I’m starting to get frustrated because he keeps saying he’s running out of money while not really changing anything. Last week, he told me he might not be able to afford his rent anymore and asked if he could move into my apartment. I said I wasn’t comfortable with that. I offered to cover half his rent for two months instead, which he didn’t take well. He said he couldn’t understand how I could let my boyfriend of almost four years struggle when I had an extra bedroom. I told him the apartment is my home, and I don’t want our first experience living together to happen because he has no other option. He said that after four years, calling it “my apartment” instead of “our home” says everything he needs to know about how I see our relationship. That hit me harder than I expected. Now I’m questioning whether refusing to let him move in is going to damage our relationship, especially because I do see a future with him. At the same time, I’m not sure I trust him financially anymore. I’m worried that if I let him move in, a temporary arrangement could quietly turn into something permanent, and I’d end up supporting both of us indefinitely. I also don’t want him to feel like I’m abandoning him just because I’m not ready to live together under these circumstances. For people who have dealt with something similar, how would you approach this conversation and set clear expectations about temporary financial help without making it sound like I’m rejecting the relationship itself?

يا بنات، عمري ٣٣ وزوجي ٤٢، لنا متزوجين حوالي تسع سنين، وعندنا محل صغير نديره أنا وهو. الفترة الأخيرة حياتنا كلها مشاكل وضغط، وصار إذا صار أي غلط أو نقص بالمحل على طول يرسل لي صورة ويقول: “شوفي وش نسيتي”، أو “ليه ما انتبهتي؟”، ومع الوقت صرت أصدق إن المشكلة فيني، وإني أنا اللي دايم مقصرة. اليوم من أول الصباح وهو معصب علي بسبب أكثر من سالفة. بعضها مجرد سوء تفاهم بيننا عن مين المفروض يسوي الشغلة، لكنه كان يشوفها إهمال مني وقلة اهتمام. وبعد كم ساعة من النقاش بالواتساب، راح للمحل عشان ياخذ له كم غرض، وبعدها أرسل لي صورة لباب المحل وقال: “وين لوحة اسم المحل؟”. وبعدها جلس يلومني ويقول لو إني منتبهة كان لاحظت إنها مفقودة من بدري، وإن هالشي أكبر دليل إنه هو اللي دايم ينتبه ويتحمل المسؤولية، وأنا لا. أنا من زمان أعاني من التشتت والنسيان، وأحاول قد ما أقدر أكون مركزة، وبما إن الأيام اللي راحت كان فيها هوا قوي، قلت يمكن اللوحة طاحت بسبب الهوا. قلت له: “براجع الكاميرات وأشوف متى اختفت.” لكنه رد بسرعة وقال: “لا تضيعين وقتك، ما لها داعي.” مدري ليه، لكن حسيت لازم أشوف التسجيل. ولما فتحت الكاميرات انصدمت. شفت زوجي بنفسه، قبل لا يرسل لي الصورة بدقايق، واقف عند الباب، وفك لوحة اسم المحل وشالها بيده، وبعدها صور الباب وهو فاضي، وأرسل لي الصورة عشان يثبت لي إني أنا المهملة اللي ما انتبهت. إلى هاللحظة وأنا مو قادرة أستوعب اللي شفته. حنا الاثنين نعرف إن المحل فيه كاميرات، وهو رجال ذكي، وعشان كذا مو قادرة أفهم وش كان يفكر فيه يوم سوى هالحركة وهو يدري إنه ممكن ينكشف. قبل لا أشوف المقطع كنت ألوم نفسي وأحس إني فعلًا مهملة وما أنتبه للتفاصيل، لكن بعد اللي شفته صار خوفي من شيء ثاني. تذكرت مواقف كثيرة قبل، كان يقول لي إن أشياء صارت بطريقة معينة، وأنا كنت أتذكرها بشكل مختلف، وبالنهاية أقتنع إن المشكلة في ذاكرتي وإني أنا اللي ناسية أو فاهمة غلط. أما الحين، بعد اللي شفته بعيني، ما عاد أدري وش أصدق. قاعد يلف براسي سؤال واحد: كم مرة قبل كذا خلاني أتحمل الغلط وهو يعرف من البداية إني بريئة؟ للحين ما واجهته بالمقطع، وماني عارفة وش أسوي. هل فيه تفسير منطقي للي سواه؟ ولا الموضوع أخطر من اللي متخيلته ولازم آخذه بجدية؟

والله إني مترددة أكتب أو لا، بس وصلت مرحلة ما عاد عرفت أفكر لحالي. يمكن بعض الناس يحكمون علي من العنوان ويقولون إني قاسية، لكن أتمنى تقرون الموضوع كامل قبل لا تحكمون. أنا عمري 30 سنة، وزوجي عمره 39، لنا 7 سنوات متزوجين وعندي منه ثلاثة أطفال. الحمد لله حياتنا مستقرة، وبيتنا مثل أي بيت فيه مشاكل وضغوط، لكن بشكل عام أنا أحاول قد ما أقدر أحافظ على عيالي وبيتي. زوجي كان متزوج قبل، وعنده ولد عمره 14 سنة. الولد يعيش مع أمه من يوم انفصلوا، وكان يشوف أبوه بين فترة وفترة، يعني العلاقة بينهم موجودة، لكن مو مثل علاقة الأب بولده اللي عايش معه يوميًا. قبل فترة صارت مشاكل عند أمه، وبدأ زوجي يتكلم عن إن ولده ممكن يجي يعيش معنا بشكل دائم. أنا ما قلت لا من أول لحظة، لأني أعرف إنه ولده بالنهاية، وما أبي أكون إنسانة تمنع أب من ولده، لكن بنفس الوقت ما أقدر أقول إني مرتاحة للفكرة. أنا عندي ولد واحد ، وعندي بنتين، وبيتنا مو كبير. أنا اللي أدير تفاصيل البيت وأعرف كيف الوضع عندنا، وأعرف إن دخول مراهق عمره 14 سنة بشكل مفاجئ بيغير أشياء كثيرة. مو قصدي أظلمه أو أقول عنه شيء، بالعكس أنا ما أعرفه زين عشان أحكم عليه، لكن عمره حساس والمراهق يحتاج تعامل خاص، وأنا أخاف تصير مشاكل بينه وبين عيالي أو يصير ضغط على البيت كله. زوجي يشوف الموضوع بسيط، ويقول لي: “هذا ولدي، وين يروح؟ مكانه عندي.” وأنا ما أختلف معه في هالنقطة، بس أحس إنه يشوف الموضوع من زاوية الأب فقط، وما يشوف كل التفاصيل اللي أنا بشيلها يوميًا. أنا قلت له ممكن نساعده بطرق ثانية، ممكن يكون قريب منا ويجي كثير، أو نلقى حل يناسب الجميع، لكن فكرة إنه ينتقل عندنا بشكل كامل صارت تخوفني. اللي مضايقني بعد إني أحس لو قلت مخاوفي الناس بيشوفوني كأني زوجة أب شريرة، مع إني أحاول أفكر بمصلحة عيالي وراحة البيت. أنا ما أبي أكون السبب إن أب يبتعد عن ولده، لكن بنفس الوقت ما أبي أوافق على شيء وأنا داخلي مو مقتنعة وبعدين أندم. للحين ما كلمت أهلي بالموضوع، وأبي آخذ رأي ناس محايدين. هل أنا أنانية إذا فكرت في استقرار عيالي قبل ما أوافق؟ ولا طبيعي إني أخاف من تغيير كبير مثل هذا داخل بيتي؟

Sorry if this isn't formatted correctly. I don't know how to link the original post, so hopefully people who read it will find
this update. First of all, thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I honestly wasn’t expecting so many responses, and I’ve spent most of today reading through them. A lot of people told me I should tell my fiancé, and a lot of you also said that keeping something like this from the person I’m about to marry probably wasn’t the right idea. I kept going back and forth because I genuinely didn’t want to create drama. My plan was actually to let it go and pretend I never heard the conversation. The problem was that I couldn’t. I barely slept last night, and every time I looked at him I felt like I was hiding something. It stopped being about what his mom said and became about the fact that I was keeping a secret from the one person I tell everything to. So this afternoon I finally told him.
Before I said anything, I made him promise me something. I told him I wasn’t asking him to confront his mom, I wasn’t asking him to choose between us, and I definitely wasn’t asking him to start an argument. I just needed to get it off my chest because I couldn’t carry it around by myself anymore. He’s my fiancé, and I honestly didn’t have anyone else I felt comfortable talking to about this. He listened without interrupting me, and when I finished he just stared at me for a few seconds. He looked genuinely shocked. He kept asking if I was absolutely sure that was exactly what I heard, and I told him yes. After that he got really quiet. I honestly thought that would be the end of it and that he just needed time to process everything.
I was completely wrong. While I was still at work, he drove straight to his mom’s house without telling me. I had no idea until he called me afterward. Apparently they had a huge argument. He asked her why she would say something like that about me and why she was still comparing me to his ex after all this time. According to him, she didn’t deny saying it. Instead, she immediately became defensive. She got angry that I had “been listening” and accused me of spying on her. Then she started saying that I was trying to turn her son against her and destroy their relationship before the wedding. He told her that none of that changed what she had actually said, and that what she said about me was hurtful and unfair. He asked her to apologize to me, but she refused. She apparently said she had nothing to apologize for.
Then things somehow got even worse. He told her that if she couldn’t respect the woman he was about to marry, then he wasn’t comfortable having her at the wedding. She apparently thought he was bluffing, but he told me he was completely serious. As of right now, he told her she isn’t coming unless something changes.
I honestly never wanted any of this. I didn’t tell him because I wanted him to fight with his mom. I didn’t tell him because I wanted her uninvited from our wedding. I only told him because I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine, and I felt like I was hiding something from him. Now I just feel sick because this turned into something so much bigger than I ever imagined. Part of me feels guilty even though I know I didn’t make his mom say those things. Another part of me is terrified that this is going to permanently damage their relationship. Our wedding is only a couple of months away, and I genuinely never expected today to end like this. I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.

Hi everyone. I’m 29F and my fiancé is 31M. We’ve been together for almost five years, engaged for nine months, and we’re getting married in about a month. I made this account because I really don’t want anyone I know finding this. Last weekend we went to his parents’ house to pick up a few wedding things they were storing for us. My fiancé was outside helping his dad load the car while I went back inside because I’d forgotten my purse. As I was walking through the hallway, I heard my name and stopped without really thinking. His mom and aunt were talking about the wedding. I only heard part of the conversation, but I heard his mom say she wished he had ended up with his ex instead of me. A few seconds later she said she knew he was happy, but she’d always imagined he’d marry his ex. I walked away before they noticed I was there. Nobody knows I heard it. Since then I’ve been acting completely normal, but I can’t stop thinking about it. His ex was someone he dated for a few years before we met, so I understand why his family knew her well. My fiancé has never given me a reason to think he isn’t happy with me, so this isn’t really about him. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do with what I heard. I haven’t told him because I don’t even know what I’d expect him to say. I also haven’t told my family or friends because I feel like once I do, everything changes. Maybe I’m making this into a bigger deal than it is, but our wedding is only a few weeks away, and I can’t get those words out of my head Would you tell your fiancé, or would you let it go???