u/ThrowRAwhatacatch

My boyfriend (33M) and I (27F) have been together for a little over a year. We both live in the Barcelona metropolitan area and work in Barcelona. He’s Catalan born and raised, while I’m South American and have been living in Spain for three and a half years.

Recently we started seriously talking about moving in together.

I currently rent an apartment in Gavà (30 minutes away from the center of Barcelona by train). My apartment isn’t very big, but I love the area. It’s close to work/the beach and I can get to Barcelona very quickly. I don’t have a car and I don’t want one because public transport works perfectly fine for me.

On the other hand, my boyfriend owns an apartment in Terrassa (1 hour away from the center of Barcelona by train), which he bought last year. His apartment is significantly bigger than mine, and I understand that financially it makes more sense for us to live there together.

The problem is that I really don’t want to live in Terrassa.

Terrassa is a perfectly fine city and has everything you need, but it feels much farther from Barcelona, farther from the beach, and generally more suburban. My boyfriend drives to work and says that if the one-hour train ride feels too long for me, he could drive me when needed.

But I’m still not convinced. I prefer living in Gavà. I like being able to get to work in 30 minutes, spontaneously go to the beach on weekends since it’s only 20 minutes away from my apartment to run or swim, and come home late at night without having to deal with a considerably longer train ride.

I suggested that he could rent out his apartment and that we could rent a place together in Barcelona, because I know he loves the city too and would buy an apartment there in a heartbeat if prices weren’t so absurdly high. He replied that it wouldn’t make sense because he already owns a place and is paying a mortgage on it.

From his perspective, I’m being impractical and romanticizing Barcelona too much. From my perspective, he’s underestimating how much a person’s environment can affect their happiness.

I want to clarify that if we moved into his place I wouldn’t be paying his mortgage. The apartment is under his name and he’s solely responsible for that loan, and there’s no expectation from him that I contribute to it.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I live in the Barcelona metropolitan area. He wants me to move into the apartment he owns in Terrassa because it makes the most financial sense, but I love my current lifestyle in Gavà and don’t want to give up the shorter commute to Barcelona, proximity to the beach, and overall convenience. He thinks I’m romanticizing Barcelona too much, while I feel he underestimates how much environment and daily routine affect happiness.

Mi novio y yo llevamos juntos más de un año. Ambos vivimos en el área metropolitana de Barcelona (aunque no necesariamente tan cerca) y trabajamos en Barcelona. Él es catalán nacido y criado aquí, mientras que yo soy sudamericana y vivo en España hace tres años y medio.

Recientemente hemos empezado a hablar seriamente sobre mudarnos juntos.

Actualmente alquilo un piso en Gavà (a 30 minutos del centro de Barcelona en tren). Mi piso no es muy grande pero me encanta la zona. Está cerca del trabajo/la playa y puedo llegar a Barcelona muy rápido. No tengo coche y no quiero uno porque me manejo perfectamente con transporte público.

Por otro lado, mi novio tiene un piso en Terrassa (a 1 hora del centro de Barcelona en tren) que compró el año pasado. Su piso es bastante más grande que el mío y entiendo que económicamente tiene más sentido que vivamos allí juntos.

El problema es que realmente no quiero vivir en Terrassa.

No hay nada de malo con vivir en Terrassa pero se siente mucho más lejos de Barcelona, más lejos de la playa y en general más “suburbana”. Mi novio va al trabajo en coche y dice que si el trayecto en tren me parece muy largo puede llevarme en su coche si hace falta.

Pero no, prefiero vivir en Gavà. Me gusta poder llegar al trabajo en 30 minutos, ir espontáneamente a la playa que tengo a 20 minutos de casa los fines de semana para correr o nadar, y volver a casa de madrugada sin tener que hacer un trayecto en tren considerablemente más largo.

Le propuse que pudiera alquilar su piso y que nosotros alquiláramos un piso en Barcelona juntos, porque sé que a él le encanta la ciudad y que compraría un piso en Barcelona sin dudarlo si los precios no fueran tan altos. Él me respondió que no tendría sentido porque tiene un piso en propiedad por el que ya está pagando una hipoteca.

Desde su perspectiva, estoy siendo poco práctica y romantizando demasiado Barcelona. Desde mi perspectiva, él está subestimando cuánto puede influir el entorno en la felicidad de una persona.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (27F) have been together for a little over a year. We both live in the Barcelona metropolitan area and work in Barcelona proper. He’s Catalan born and raised here, and I’m South American.

Recently we started talking seriously about moving in together.

I currently rent an apartment in Gavà. It’s 30 minutes away from Barcelona by train. My place isn’t huge but I love the area. It’s close to work and the beach, and I can get into Barcelona very quickly. I don’t own a car and honestly don’t want one because I can get around just fine with public transportation.

On the other hand, my boyfriend owns an apartment in Terrassa that he bought last year. It’s 1 hour away from Barcelona by train. His place is much bigger than mine and I understand that financially it makes more sense for us to live there together.

The issue is that I really don’t want to live in Terrassa.

Terrassa is a perfectly fine city and has everything you need, but to me it feels much farther from Barcelona, farther from the beach and overall much more suburban. My boyfriend drives everywhere and keeps saying it’s not a big deal because he can always drive us places if needed.

But I don’t want to depend on my partner to drive me around. Even if he means well, I really value my autonomy and independence. I like being able to spontaneously go into Barcelona after work, meet friends, walk around the city or come home late without having to think about transportation.

I suggested that he could rent out his apartment and we could rent a place in Barcelona together, because I know he genuinely loves the city and would buy an apartment here in a heartbeat if property prices weren’t so insanely expensive. He immediately said it would make no financial sense because he already pays a mortgage.

From his perspective, I’m being impractical and romanticizing Barcelona too much. From my perspective, he’s underestimating how much your environment and lifestyle can affect your happiness.

I want to clarify that if we moved together into his apartment, I wouldn’t be paying his mortgage. The property is under his name and he’s solely responsible for that loan.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (27F) have been together for a little over a year. We both live in the Barcelona metropolitan area and work in Barcelona proper. He’s Catalan born and raised here, and I’m South American.

Recently we started talking seriously about moving in together.

I currently rent an apartment in Gavà. It’s 30 minutes away from Barcelona by train. My place isn’t huge but I love the area. It’s close to work and the beach, and I can get into Barcelona very quickly. I don’t own a car and honestly don’t want one because I can get around just fine with public transportation.

On the other hand, my boyfriend owns an apartment in Terrassa that he bought last year. It’s 1 hour away from Barcelona by train. His place is much bigger than mine and I understand that financially it makes more sense for us to live there together.

The issue is that I really don’t want to live in Terrassa.

Terrassa is a perfectly fine city and has everything you need, but to me it feels much farther from Barcelona, farther from the beach and overall much more suburban. My boyfriend drives everywhere and keeps saying it’s not a big deal because he can always drive us places if needed.

But I don’t want to depend on my partner to drive me around. Even if he means well, I really value my autonomy and independence. I like being able to spontaneously go into Barcelona after work, meet friends, walk around the city or come home late without having to think about transportation.

I suggested that he could rent out his apartment and we could rent a place in Barcelona together, because I know he genuinely loves the city and would buy an apartment here in a heartbeat if property prices weren’t so insanely expensive. He immediately said it would make no financial sense because he already pays a mortgage.

From his perspective, I’m being impractical and romanticizing Barcelona too much. From my perspective, he’s underestimating how much your environment and lifestyle can affect your happiness.

I want to clarify that if we moved together into his apartment, I wouldn’t be paying his mortgage. The property is under his name and he’s solely responsible for that loan.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (27F) have been together for a little over a year. We both live in the Barcelona metropolitan area and work in Barcelona proper. He’s Catalan, born and raised here, and I’m South American.

Recently we started talking seriously about moving in together.

I currently rent an apartment in Gavà. It’s 30 minutes away from Barcelona by train. My place isn’t huge but I love the area. It’s close to work and the beach, and I can get into Barcelona very quickly. I don’t own a car and honestly don’t want one because I can get around just fine with public transportation.

On the other hand, my boyfriend owns an apartment in Terrassa that he bought last year. It’s 1 hour away from Barcelona by train. His place is much bigger than mine and I understand that financially it makes more sense for us to live there together.

The issue is that I really don’t want to live in Terrassa.

Terrassa is a perfectly fine city and has everything you need, but to me it feels much farther from Barcelona, farther from the beach and overall much more suburban. My boyfriend drives everywhere and keeps saying it’s not a big deal because he can always drive us places if needed.

But I don’t want to depend on my partner to drive me around. Even if he means well, I really value my autonomy and independence. I like being able to spontaneously go into Barcelona after work, meet friends, walk around the city or come home late without having to think about transportation.

I suggested that he could rent out his apartment and we could rent a place in Barcelona together, because I know he genuinely loves the city and would buy an apartment here in a heartbeat if property prices weren’t so insanely expensive. He immediately said it would make no financial sense because he already pays a mortgage.

From his perspective, I’m being impractical and romanticizing Barcelona too much. From my perspective, he’s underestimating how much your environment and lifestyle can affect your happiness.

EDIT #1: I just realized I accidentally wrote 27M instead of 27F 😭 My bad. We’re a straight couple.

EDIT #2: If we moved in together, I wouldn’t be paying his mortgage. The property is under his name and he’s solely responsible for that loan.

My boyfriend (33M) and I (27M) have been together for a little over a year. We both live in the Barcelona metropolitan area and work in Barcelona proper. He’s Catalan, born and raised here, and I’m South American.

Recently we started talking seriously about moving in together.

I currently rent an apartment in Gavà. It’s 30 minutes away from Barcelona by train. My place isn’t huge but I love the area. It’s close to work and the beach, and I can get into Barcelona very quickly. I don’t own a car and honestly don’t want one because I can get around just fine with public transportation.

On the other hand, my boyfriend owns an apartment in Terrassa that he bought last year. It’s 1 hour away from Barcelona by train. His place is much bigger than mine and I understand that financially it makes more sense for us to live there together.

The issue is that I really don’t want to live in Terrassa.

Terrassa is a perfectly fine city and has everything you need, but to me it feels much farther from Barcelona, farther from the beach and overall much more suburban. My boyfriend drives everywhere and keeps saying it’s not a big deal because he can always drive us places if needed.

But I don’t want to depend on my partner to drive me around. Even if he means well, I really value my autonomy and independence. I like being able to spontaneously go into Barcelona after work, meet friends, walk around the city or come home late without having to think about transportation.

I suggested that he could rent out his apartment and we could rent a place in Barcelona together, because I know he genuinely loves the city and would buy an apartment here in a heartbeat if property prices weren’t so insanely expensive. He immediately said it would make no financial sense because he already pays a mortgage.

From his perspective, I’m being impractical and romanticizing Barcelona too much. From my perspective, he’s underestimating how much your environment and lifestyle affect your happiness.

Am I being selfish or unreasonable for not wanting to move into his apartment even though it’s objectively the smarter financial option?

Six months ago, I started seeing a guy I met on a dating app. I’m 27, he’s 33. On paper, he’s what most people would consider a catch. He’s attractive, tall, smart, cultured, great conversation, owns beautiful house, drives a nice car, etc. The sex is amazing too.

We’re both mechanical engineers, but our careers are very different. I work at a mid-sized company with a pretty standard 9–5 schedule. He works for a big international corporation and regularly stays online until 7 or 8 pm. When we first met, I was genuinely surprised when he told me that because we live in a European country where working until that late isn't really the norm. I remember telling him that for me my day starts when I leave work. He laughed and joked that he also has a life, even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside.

At first, it didn’t bother me much because after work I’m usually busy too (gym, sports, classes, seeing friends, etc.) We’d still end up free around the same time. Over the last few months, we’ve been seeing each other pretty consistently, around 1–2 times a week, and I genuinely have a great time with him. But the longer I’ve known him, the more I’ve realized that his job is the most important part life.

He works from home three days a week, while I only do one. Sometimes he invites me over so we can “work together". We’ve done it a few times, and he genuinely sees sitting silently in the same room staring at our laptops all day as quality time. To me, it just feels like… work, but at someone else’s house. The highlights are lunch together and maybe sneaking in sex between meetings. As much as I enjoy seeing him, I’d rather our time together not revolve around work at all.

I’ve been working full-time for almost six years, and in previous relationships, during the workday we’d just text here and there because we were both busy. But then we’d clock out around 5 and actually have time afterwards — either together or doing our own things. With him, work never really seems to end.

He’s also extremely career-driven and keeps telling me I could be way more ambitious and should aim for a bigger corporate career. Every time he says that, all I can think is: what if I don’t want the kind of life you have? From the beginning, I told him corporate culture was never really my thing. I prefer a lower-profile job that gives me stability, comfort, and a good work-life balance. I like my job, but it’s not my entire identity. I care much more enjoying my life outside of work.

After these months, I’ve realized that even though I really like him and there’s a lot of chemistry between us, we may not be compatible long term.

We’ve talked about the work-life balance issue several times. He’s said he’ll try to improve it by cutting back on overtime and not bringing work home, but realistically, that hasn’t really happened yet. Some weeks are better than others. We met a few weeks before Christmas, and after our first date we didn’t see each other again for over a week because he was booked with work and meetings until 10 pm every night. So honestly, 7–8 pm is actually the “good” version.

I told my friends about all of this, and they think I’m insane. They keep saying guys like him are rare, that he’s a total catch, and that I’ll regret ending things over something like this. And maybe they’re right that I’d probably have a very comfortable life with him. Every relationship has trade-offs, and maybe this is just one of those things where you “pick your hard". But at the same time, I feel like he’s never fully present because work always comes first, and I don’t think I could live with that forever.

I hadn’t dated anyone seriously in almost a year before this, so now I’m wondering: am I being too picky or is this actually a valid incompatibility?

TL;DR: I’ve been dating a guy for six months who is a great partner in many ways, but I’m realizing his career dominates his life to a degree that may make us incompatible long term. He regularly works late, struggles to fully disconnect from work, and even sees working side-by-side as quality time, while I strongly value work-life balance and a life centered more around hobbies and friendships. We’ve talked about it several times, but nothing has really changed. My friends think I’d be crazy to leave such a “catch”, but I’m starting to wonder if our lifestyles and priorities are simply too different for a lasting relationship.