u/Throwbo909

Hate living at home. Cant afford to rent tho. No hobbies. Everything looks and feels boring or scary. Im too anxious to do anything. To like anything. I hate sharing anything about myself with my family. Feels like im just stuck and stagnant for the past 4 years ive been doing university. Lost all my friends slowly. I cant make anymore. Idk shit about social life really. If im lucky ill be able to make acquaintances. Never friends. I suck at everything.

No hobbies, no ability to do anything, no hand eye co ordination or reaction time. Like I couldnt catch balls until I was like 14 and even then its usually only like 50% of the time im successful. Feel like a fuck up, people always get mad at me for mistakes I never make on purpose and I always end up apologising and trying to please them. Its pathetic on every level.

And its like as time goes on I get stupider. Simple tasks arent making sense to me anymore. When people speak english it sounds like gibberish. Then i ask them to repeat what they say like 5 times until they get sick of it. What the fuck is going on with my BRAIN????? I dont think I have common sense outside of the common sense I was taught or practised.

Last year I failed a module of uni and wasnt allowed to go into the next year unless I retake. I tried this year. Failed one assignment again. "No worries I can resit right?" Failed my resit. Now I have to retake this fucking module again but I have zero faith I can pass. I hate this course just because of that one assingment ngl. It feels like every improvement I make is actually ten steps back in reality and everyone wants to see me fail and laugh at me.

This isnt even going into my body dysmorphia or hatred of living in a religious household when im lgbt. I should have been aborted, true failiure. I could never be loved.

How popular is this app in brizzle for people in the kink lifestyle? Ive tried others and theres not a lot of people on there.

Spent literal hours trying to set up wallets to be ready for conversions on tails. Tried electrum, most guides arent really that up to date.. (plus its only bitcoin when I meed a monero wallet too) looked at conversion websites. Cool but I need an anonymous and untraceable wallet too. I looked at cakewallet and featherwallet. Same issue, I try following different guides but when it comes down to it practically theres always a step where I find out I cant use it because "x feature was changed/removed after z update". All of it is just driving me up a wall and ig maybe my brain js too tiny bruh. Or maybe not. And its weird because converting the currencies and transferring them on mobile apps arent hard at all. Its just tails being so different from the guides that throws me off... I dont wanna keep racking my skull over this.

I have a million reasons to reject any sort of progress. Cant make friends. Cant be loved. I cant live like this anymore. Its so lonely.

22NB (amab), south asian, lives in UK and have AuDHD. I have been at uni for 4 years and am in my 2nd year of university (I did a foundation year and i had to retake a year because I failed some modules). I have lived in the UK my whole life.

My living situation rn is that I live at home, go to uni, work part time for 2 days. Its the sooner or later future im scared about.

Im failing the same module I failed last year even tho this is my retake year. It feels so crushing. Tbh I dont really like my course im just indifferent to it. I try but I suck. Im just not enough for it.

I hate that I feel so stagnant in life like i havent changed in the past 3 years. I hate that I live at home under really intense parents. Honestly despite all the intense verbal and physical abuse I still feel so guilty about having to let them and 2 little sisters go. Ik i should leave my parents and never look back, they treat my siblings a lot better than they treat me so I dont want to make things worse by leaving and never speaking to them again.

Im pretty useless at work because it takes me so long to understand things and pick them up, i dont process things as quickly and I dont always concentrate on tasks as much as I think I do because I always seem to have time blindness. Im trying to get as much of this sorted out but stafting adhd meds so late in my life doesnt make my problems related to it suddenly disappear.

Im so socially blank that I struggle to connect to people in a way that is more than just an acquaintance. Ive lost all my friends I used to have because welll long story that I wont get into. I cant even make friends anymore. I want to be loved. I'm so unbearably lonely, that I even get clingy to online friends no matter how much I try and pretend im not clingy. Ive tried joining hobby groups but I am so anxious I cant even concentrate on what Im doing.

There is literally nothing in life that interests me much. I love art but I realised this too late in life. It kind of broke me plus im not consistent at it like I am in anything in life. It feels like it takes me years to have full reflexive mastery over what other people can learn in a week. It made me quit art. I havent improved in so long.

My parents are christian and pretty right wing. Ive known for half a decade I was bisexual. Ive known for the past 2 years I am non-binary. For the past 6 months or so the thought that I am transgender has been creeping up on me too. I dont think I am ready mentally to embrace this at all but I dont want to be miserable. Ig my siblings couldnt love me either if I really am trans. I probably am... no cis person spends every single day debating it.

Like I could leave but I would have zero support. Not easy to find a job let alone find a job that won't care if my AuDHD makes me awkward and take longer to get a grasp of things. I have awful reflexes, likely due to being beat as a child, i dont think theres a lot of shit im capable of doing ngl.

And if I leave then what? I cant handle university and working and keeping on top of bills all at the same time. The rent here is crazy high. I dont wanna work minimum wage for the rest of my life.

I think I need psychiatry/therapy but i dont really have the privacy or the money to get it. Im so alone. I want all the eternal loneliness to end. I just dont see much of a way out where I dont come out unscathed. I could live with my parents for my final year but idk if I can retain my sanity around them.

Im so so lost. Idk what my next steps are. Idk whay i should prioritise. Idk what I should do last. Every single thing feels so painful to do. Im so alone.

22NB (amab), south asian, lives in UK and have AuDHD. I have been at uni for 4 years and am in my 2nd year of university (I did a foundation year and i had to retake a year because I failed some modules). I have lived in the UK my whole life.

My living situation rn is that I live at home, go to uni, work part time for 2 days. Its the sooner or later future im scared about.

Im failing the same module I failed last year even tho this is my retake year. It feels so crushing. Tbh I dont really like my course im just indifferent to it. I try but I suck. Im just not enough for it.

I hate that I feel so stagnant in life like i havent changed in the past 3 years. I hate that I live at home under really intense parents. Honestly despite all the intense verbal and physical abuse I still feel so guilty about having to let them and 2 little sisters go. Ik i should leave my parents and never look back, they treat my siblings a lot better than they treat me so I dont want to make things worse by leaving and never speaking to them again.

Im pretty useless at work because it takes me so long to understand things and pick them up, i dont process things as quickly and I dont always concentrate on tasks as much as I think I do because I always seem to have time blindness. Im trying to get as much of this sorted out but stafting adhd meds so late in my life doesnt make my problems related to it suddenly disappear.

Im so socially blank that I struggle to connect to people in a way that is more than just an acquaintance. Ive lost all my friends I used to have because welll long story that I wont get into. I cant even make friends anymore. I want to be loved. I'm so unbearably lonely, that I even get clingy to online friends no matter how much I try and pretend im not clingy. Ive tried joining hobby groups but I am so anxious I cant even concentrate on what Im doing.

There is literally nothing in life that interests me much. I love art but I realised this too late in life. It kind of broke me plus im not consistent at it like I am in anything in life. It feels like it takes me years to have full reflexive mastery over what other people can learn in a week. It made me quit art. I havent improved in so long.

My parents are christian and pretty right wing. Ive known for half a decade I was bisexual. Ive known for the past 2 years I am non-binary. For the past 6 months or so the thought that I am transgender has been creeping up on me too. I dont think I am ready mentally to embrace this at all but I dont want to be miserable. Ig my siblings couldnt love me either if I really am trans. I probably am... no cis person spends every single day debating it.

Like I could leave but I would have zero support. Not easy to find a job let alone find a job that won't care if my AuDHD makes me awkward and take longer to get a grasp of things. I have awful reflexes, likely due to being beat as a child, i dont think theres a lot of shit im capable of doing ngl.

And if I leave then what? I cant handle university and working and keeping on top of bills all at the same time. The rent here is crazy high. I dont wanna work minimum wage for the rest of my life.

I think I need psychiatry/therapy but i dont really have the privacy or the money to get it. Im so alone. I want all the eternal loneliness to end. I just dont see much of a way out where I dont come out unscathed. I could live with my parents for my final year but idk if I can retain my sanity around them.

Fucking hate this toxic and mamipulative household. Mentally stunted me from being able to do anything. Its made me more isolated than ever. 4 years down the fucking drain and im still failing my modules. I dont have acquiantances I can talk to casually let alone friends. It broke me tbh, i dont think i will ever recover. Only 1 way forward from here bro.

Its not like violent vertigo, i can deal with it but im worried that its stayed for this long. I hope I dont have to go to the hospital and it clears up soon but it feels wrong...

Yes I am aware its way more than the dose im supposed to have.

I ate half of a 60mg edible on friday morning at like 5am. Was just buzzed but I eventually sobered up. Kept fallig asleep on ths bus.

Went home, ate the rest of ths same one at 4pm. The cannabis was clearly not concentrated evenly at all, 80% of it was in the second half I ate that evening...

Note to self, dont buy really strong products and say "i can just split it up", lesson learned.

Tbh i never felt the euphoric or laughing sensation when getting high.

Now i gotta wonder if it even was thc that i was ingesting