u/TiredWinterDisaster

1. What’s your biggest fear?

Losing my mind – like having dementia or something like that. I fear not being myself, losing my capacities and my identity.

2. What’s your biggest desire?

Idk... world peace? Lol... I don't have a lot of personal desires, i'm generally content? Perhaps finally managing to finish writing one damn book. Which is totally dependant on me and only me, I’m aware of that.

3. What are you ''the best'' at?

Problem-solving & seeing several sides of an issue, I guess.

4. How do you see yourself right now?

In a good place, honestly! Generally speaking age has been a good teacher to me, I feel.

5. How do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Probably in somewhat the same position as I am now? Maybe with a new job, I’m getting tired of this one (but it is familiar & comfortable, and allows me a lot of time with my teenage kids).

6. How do you express yourself?

Either not at all, or kinda animatedly – I tend to talk with my hands a lot (I’m also French lol), I like to tell good stories & having people engaged with what I’m telling.

7. How do you feel about those near you (family, friends)?

Good? I sometimes feel a bit superfluous to my friends, but I’m aware that it is my insecurity talking so I try not to engage too much with these thoughts, and to not go into hiding as a reaction. I am lucky to have supportive parents, loving kids & a husbands that’s also my best friend.

8. How do you feel about strangers?

Curious, most of the time – I find others kind fascinating. Wary, often enough.

9. How do you deal with conflict?

Not very good. I tend to clam up or get passive-aggressive – I rarely blow up but it’s not pretty when I do. I can be acerbic & hurtful, I know that. I can wield words like weapons. I’ve gotten slightly better at dealing with them in the past few years, but it’s still hard for me to take conflict as a difference of opinions instead of a personal attack.

10. How do you deal with change?

It depends? Positive change elates me – seeing my kids grow up and becoming more independent is  pure joy – I never understood people who wanted their kids to remain small. Seeing my parents grow older is bittersweet, bc I fear losing them even though I feel lucky to still have them both. More casual change can be scary, but I’ve gotten better at accepting and sometimes even welcoming the unexpected!

11. How do you deal with your emotions?

By getting busy & processing them in my own time? I’m only slightly joking. I often have a slightly delayed processing of them bc I know they can be completely overwhelming, so I often make the conscious decision to hold back and leave myself time to deal. I also come from a family where we did not really discuss emotions, so it remains a bit foreign to me to put names on them and to acknowledge them openly.

12. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

I hope to avoid being mean, uncaring or deceiving. I value kindness, integrity, truthfulness, compassion.

13. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

Being a good human being – not taking too much from others or the Earth. Leaving ‘cinders and a little love’ behind me. I don’t have grand plans, I just hope I am remembered fondly.

14. How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I generally like to feel helpful & competent, so I’ll rarely say no! I think we all need help sometimes so I don’t see it as a big deal (unless it seems excessive or like the person is using me? I don’t think that has happened much tbh), and I could be better at asking for it myself sometimes. I also think that I would like to be helped it the situation were reversed.

15. Do you need logical consistency in your life?

Yes! I like things to make sense. It drives most of my curiosity about, well, everything. How does it make sense? What’s the link?

16. How important is your image in regards to how others perceive you? Do you want to be perceived in a certain way? Does it bother you if you are perceived in some other way than the one you wish to be perceived with?

I wish I could say I don’t care, but that’s definitely not true. I want to be seen as kind, smart, competent – and even decent looking if I’m honest. It does bother me when I think ppl think badly of me – deep down I think it’s because I’m afraid they’re right.

17. How important is financials, security, and survival to you? This includes having sufficient resources, avoiding danger and maintaining a fundamental sense of structure and wellbeing.

Like, normally important? I mean I like to have enough to be able to meet my needs & those of my family and not worry too much about something unexpected happening. I’m not materialistic & I don’t care much about trends or possessions, but financial security & overall structure is important to me.

18. What is your reaction and thoughts to others' rejection, criticism and disapproval of you?

Well, that hurts I guess, which I think is pretty universal - we're social animals and want to be accepted into the group. Beyond the initial reaction (sometimes hurt, sometimes anger) I feel like I’m lacking, not good enough.

19. What is the importance of the concepts, ideas and meaning behind things to you? Are you trying to make sense of your everyday life?

Yes. I’m an avid reader, and I love to understand things. I read as much non-fiction as I do fiction for that reason. I especially like to read on social relationships, psychology, history, the natural world & spirituality.

20. What are your thoughts on expressing your vulnerability?

I don’t especially like it, although I’ve let go of some of the shame around that. I was often made fun of when I was younger for being too sensitive so that’s kind of hard to let go of.

21. Would you consider yourself a jealous and/or possessive person? What do you think is the cause?

Not really in the sense that I tend to trust people who have given me no reason to not trust them. I’m not a jealous lover for example – and if you give me reason to be, it won’t be for long bc I’ll probably be gone then. I’ve never been really possessive or jealous of friends, but I’ve also never been the kind to have like a single best friend who knows everything and all – it’s not that my friendships are superficial, especially those which are decades-long, but I never give everything either, I tend to be rather private. Sometimes I feel bad for not having more friends, but it’s not really that I’m missing something, more that I feel like I should, bc that’s what people do?

22. What makes you feel guilty? How do you deal and cope with such feelings? Do you seek to fix it, or do you dwell on them?

Having been dismissive, unkind. Having done something ‘wrong’. I tend to dwell on that a lot, try to forget. Sometimes I’ll try to fix it, but often my pride prevents it I guess?

Ask me anything else you want to help narrow it down! I've found advice for 1s, 6s and 9s pretty useful. I initially thought I was a 1 (I tend to be rigid on certain points, perfectionist on others, and I totally related to Richard Rohr's comment about how the world is a better place once you've emptied the bins :D)

In another post, I've had an exchange with several folks telling that SD was more yang than FN. I'm puzzled bc SD is 'extreme sharp yang + pronounced yin undercurrent', while FN is only 'yang, bold, blunt' (taken right from Power of Style).

Reading this, to me it means that SD has both yang and yin, while FN has only yang.

For some reason people seem adamant that both D and SD have more yang than FN. I'm really confused about this stance, I don't remember Kibbe ever stating anything like this. D is sharp yang and FN is blunt yang, but both ARE yang IDs. SD and SN both have yin added (pronounced for SD, just undercurrent for SN - again, right from the book).

I'm really curious about this - is it a misconception? Is this a sort of yang ranking, perhaps because there's sharp and blunt yang, so sharp is somehow 'more' yang than blunt is?

I'd love to hear about people more knowledgeable about this point (my comments on the other posts are downvoted so apparently I might be wrong? I'm really surprised bc I don't remember EVER seeing anything like this, apart from that spectrum scale that's not from Kibbe).

*edit to add: someone pointed out that bc D family has 'extreme sharp' yang and N family 'blunt yang', it's 'more' yang in the sense that the sharpness makes it more extreme. Maybe that's the reasoning for D vs FN - but shouldn't the added yin for SD balance things out? Or dear this is becoming even more complicated lol*

*edit 2: so apparently, the fact that FN have 'soft' or blunt yang means their yin/yang balance is less yang than SD, which has sharp yang + yin undercurrent.*

How do you go about managing your wardrobe? Do you tend to have simple basics that mix & match easily, or rather a few special pieces that you love but might be less flexible? Or maybe a mix of both approaches?

Prompted by an exchange with u/Pegaret_Again about it!

A lot of people seem to confuse the clean 'nothing fussy', less is more looks that suit Naturals with Classic aesthetic. I don't think that's what Classic is about in Kibbe's system (I remember him saying somewhere that SC were 'mink and diamonds' for example).

The 'classic' look that people like nowadays is in fact more Natural - think, idk, Ralph Lauren? - than it is truly Classic. I think that also impacts the way ppl 'type' themselves, others & celebs, bc when they do better with clean lines & minimal details, people are quick to deem them Classic, especially if they're overall moderate.

What do you think? How would you differenciate between the 2 in concrete terms?

I have been thinking about this a lot. I initially felt like this picture for the sketch line elongated me compared to candid pictures and, tbh, reality.

Like this is the 10ft, chest height pic:

https://preview.redd.it/k5s7lg4ek82h1.jpg?width=2400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=71a5b3781eddfb5e7a1bedfe75a3319cf76083df

And these are candids of me, which is pretty much how I see myself:

A bit short, wide and soft

But then there pictures like these:

Sorcery! I am suddenly longer and straighter!

I am the same weight on all of these, and hopefully still 5'4 (163cm). None are mirror pics. But I definitely don't look the same.

I think the 10ft & chest pic is actually kind of a mixture of these 2, which helps having a better understanding of your actual silhouette. I am still somewhat stuck with my actual ID but I have a better idea of what I am working with that just looking at pictures. What do you think?