Have you ever been strongly pressured into something that turned out to be a scam or overhyped, only to end up being blamed and shamed for your choice?
I’ve started wondering about something.
Modern civilization views parenthood as a form of fulfillment—especially for women—that provides a sense of purpose in life.
Religion is used to reinforce this idea, but nowadays, the theory of evolution is increasingly invoked as well. I’ve come across the argument that, since reproduction is the species' primary imperative—second only to survival—humans must derive purpose and joy from it because, you know... "biology."
Parenthood is always portrayed as one of life’s pleasant, joyful experiences—right up there with buying a house or getting married—in contrast to events like death, infidelity, or divorce, which are considered highly stressful.
But is that really the case?
If you look at history, motherhood looked completely different for the vast majority of human existence, and very few women viewed it as a form of fulfillment.
Children worked in the fields, in factories, and looked after younger siblings as soon as they possibly could. Even very young children were deprived of a childhood, and I suspect parents would get furious if a child, for some reason, couldn't help out or bring money home.
Domestic violence was rife and child mortality high; within the family hierarchy, children often held a subordinate position—much like animals, or, I dare say, in some cases even lower.
Wealthy people and rulers would entrust their children to the care of servants; it seems that back then, no one really viewed children as a source of fulfillment or joy, but rather as a burdensome duty to be fulfilled in order to secure future benefits, such as an inheritance or support in old age.
It is almost as if people had no desire to spoil or love their offspring unless faced with strong external pressure—much like the situation today.
For we have swung to the opposite extreme. Motherhood is now regarded as a source of happiness and a blessing, and anyone who thinks otherwise faces ostracism and a lack of understanding.
It has been barely a few hundred years since children left the factories; evolution does not work that quickly, nor does it alter our perceptions so drastically.
And yet, I see the concept of motherhood as a form of fulfillment being pushed everywhere; even in movies and series set in the Middle Ages or the Industrial Age, mothers are very often portrayed as carbon copies of modern women—simply dressed in different costumes.
It’s as if someone were trying to cover up history or manipulate it at all costs.
What do you think about this?
We all know how misleadingly the hardships of parenthood can be portrayed—as if it were a walk along a rainbow—and I doubt any of us actually believes that.
I wanted to talk about all the hype surrounding the concept of "love" in relation to children.
"Children are little miracles," "unconditional love," "an all-encompassing feeling of love that only a parent understands," "I’d kill for my children," "I love them so much it hurts."
Practically every parent—even those who have regrets—claims to love their children fiercely and unconditionally, saying they would lay down their lives for them.
Parental love is almost always depicted as some kind of mystical concept, while childfree people are regularly shamed or made to feel—in a passive-aggressive way—like they are missing out on something.
Mothers are almost always portrayed as fierce lionesses protecting their offspring.
There seems to be no other archetype in any culture; the concepts of children and family are inextricably linked to the feeling of love all over the world.
If there is so much love flowing within families—love that "hurts"—then why are the effects of it not visible in our world, which is rife with violence, corruption, racism, and social inequality?
After all, this species hates itself. Men hate women (and vice versa), people hate those of a different skin color or sexual orientation—often for no apparent reason—the poor are arguably the most hated social group, and life is hell for the ugly and the disabled, too.
And no, this isn't a matter of isolated psychopathic leaders or "bad people"—that’s a very lazy excuse, because repulsive human behavior is evident in ordinary, everyday social interactions.
Any child who was bullied at school knows this. There was likely a small group of psychopaths actively inflicting harm, while the rest—"normal" kids from middle- and upper-class families, those families supposedly "overflowing with love"—joined in the taunting and aggression, laughed at the victim, or remained passive, too ashamed to interact with the victim for fear of losing social status.
The only things people care about in others are looks or money; almost all discussions about dating revolve around these two issues, which makes it hard for me to feel sympathy for lonely men and women.
If you don't meet twisted social standards, you get treated like trash.
There is something terrifying and repulsive in the thought that ruthless drug dealers command more respect and social standing than street sweepers—though, of course, no one will admit this due to virtue signaling.
I believe the concept of parental love is vastly overrated—or simply irrelevant—because it has no bearing on how our society functions, though I realize this is a very unpopular opinion.
So I ask again: if there is so much love within the family, where does all the hatred in the world come from?
I (32, F) can spend entire free evenings watching the same clips from Disney movies over and over on YouTube and daydreaming about them.
I don't know why I do this, but women my age don't. They have children or careers and act "seriously."
Even if they do watch cartoons sometimes, it’s certainly not as compulsive as it is for me.
As a child, I played with toys, dolls, and teddy bears for a very long time. Meanwhile, girls my age were starting to go on dates and wear makeup.
I’ve noticed that some neurotypical people outgrow childhood incredibly fast; sometimes they stop playing with toys as early as age eight.
I’m 32, and I experience maladaptive daydreaming that still centers on scenes from cartoons and Disney animations (though I create my own characters within those universes).
It’s embarrassing for me, and I feel like a weirdo—like I can’t grow up or something.
I wonder what it’s like to take life so seriously, to have a respected career (instead of just a minimum-wage job chosen to avoid getting too emotionally invested, which is my case), or to have children.
Those are huge responsibilities, and I feel abnormal because none of those social roles appeal to me; I’d rather just be an "eternal child."
I don’t know where to start. I likely suffer from some form of mental disorder which, combined with my current life situation, completely cuts me off from reality.
I (F, 32) have absolutely no achievements. I don’t have a driver’s license, a career, or interesting hobbies; I have no friends and no children. I only have my husband.
I have no desire whatsoever to join the rat race or live up to societal standards—though I won’t lie: I do feel lonely, and I feel like an weirdo.
I’ve been escaping into a fantasy world since childhood. I’ve created an entire universe, and lately, I’ve been using AI to turn it into a story. I don’t share it anywhere; it stays between me and the AI. I do this because I lack writing talent and, being completely isolated, I feel no need to share my ideas with others.
The truth is, this story and my maladaptive daydreaming (MD) make up my entire identity.
Everything—from the music I listen to, to the things I read—revolves around my universe. It’s not an issue in my day-to-day life, but it becomes a problem when I have to spend time with other people.
I have nothing in common with people because I’m indifferent to most of the things they want to talk about, even when those topics concern me personally (politics, health, work).
I also have nothing to boast about, as every day of mine looks exactly the same.
Because of this, I isolate myself heavily; any interaction with others is incredibly stressful for me because I quickly run out of things to say or get terribly bored.
I can only talk about my own universe, but most people aren't interested; they view it as an eccentricity and don't take me seriously—especially since the creation of these worlds exists only in my head and with the help of artificial intelligence, without translating into tangible successes I could boast about, such as publishing a book etc..
Pytam serio jaki mechanizm za tym stoi, bo schemat ten wydaje się być wyjątkowo spójny dla konfiarzy, ich działaczy i ogólnie środowisk radykalnych tego świata.
Wiecie o co pytam, o przykładowy zakaz aborcji dla "plebsu" ale dla konserw to już sytuacja wyjątkowa.
Jaki mechanizm psychologiczny się za tym kryje i jak ci ludzie potrafią ignorować takie sprzeczności w swoim myśleniu i zachowaniu?
W przypadku polityków rozumiem, że chodzi o hajs, wpływy i władze ale również normalni ludzie, zwykli wyborcy tych partii funkcjonują na zasadzie tego schematu. Autentycznie znam ludzi mających srogi bol dupska że kobiety nie chcą rodzic dzieci, a sami latami tkwią w zwiazkach DINK ciesząc się hedonistycznym życiem.
32F. No career, no friends, no driver's license, no achievements. I only have my husband.
My life is crap, and my personality has stopped developing. I don't even know if I have this disorder (I don't have a diagnosis), but everything points to it.
As a child, I was that girl who would hide in the school bathroom when the teacher asked everyone to recite a poem—hiding because I didn't want to speak publicly in front of the whole class.
That little girl never died. I’m still here, and I’m still scared like a small child. I’m afraid of everything: people, competition, challenges, failure. I also have a whole range of "normal" phobias, like a fear of the dark or insects; I’m a bit afraid of dogs, too.
A few years ago, I emigrated with my husband. We live in Germany now, and I’m very disappointed. I have no friends here, and I can only do manual labor for minimum wage; as a result, my life is a terribly BORING routine—doing the same thing over and over, like Groundhog Day.
I feel disrespected, disregarded, and invisible. I work as a hospital clean lady now, and I hate this job.
A lot of duties are imposed on me, and since I’m not a high-ranking or highly qualified employee, nobody cares about my opinion on the matter.
This feeling of being a nobody also comes up in everyday interactions. When I want to clean something at work and doctors or nurses are in the way, and I politely ask them to move, I’m almost always ignored. I have to "squeeze" my way through the crowd because almost everyone ignores my presence and requests.
I can't change job. I live in a small town where there are NO jobs, I don't have a driver's license, and my German is poor (I studied, took courses, and paid thousands of euros, yet whenever I have to speak to people, I can't because of my phobia).
I can't go back to my home country either, because the same issues I mentioned would make it impossible for me to find a job that pays enough to support myself (my husband is a manual laborer too, so he wouldn't be able to help).
I hate myself. Every day, I’m plagued by two conflicting existential fears: the fear of being the center of attention and the fear of being invisible or insignificant. Both paralyze me.
I cope in two ways: THC and maladaptive daydreaming (I often combine the two).
I’ve created a world of my own in my head; it’s very brutal because my imagined characters are mafia members—people whose personalities are the exact opposite of mine, as you might guess.
I’m deeply immersed in it; I can truly get inside these characters' heads and use them to experience emotions and states of mind that have never been accessible to me in real life.
My characters are powerful; they wield authority and control, bending reality to their whims. They aren't dismissed or disregarded the way I am. When I create and imagine scenes involving them, the sense of power is so intense and addictive that these fantasies have become a second life for me.
"Go to therapy." "You have to try out a lot of therapists before you find a good one."
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Do the people who say things like this have absolutely no respect for their own money and time? Seriously?
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Therapy is NOT the same kind of service as buying a defective product that you can simply return—provided you have the receipt—and get your money back.
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Therapists charge you HUGE sums for sessions, and sometimes their "true self" only comes out after months or years. Then you have to switch therapists and start the whole cycle over again—while in the meantime, you’ve lost thousands of dollars or euros on a poorly delivered service that you’ll never get back...
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I swear, the people who stubbornly cling to the idea of finding the "right" therapist are either manipulated or privileged and filthy rich...
I (32, F) began experiencing this disorder a few years ago when I first encountered "Red Pill" ideology.
I have always suffered from high levels of anxiety. I suffer from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) due to severe abuse experienced both at home and at school.
In short, I was born with a mild disability and a visual impairment. I am physically unattractive, and throughout my entire childhood, I was rejected by my own family and bullied by other children. I have a HUGE inferiority complex—a deep-seated belief that I am "lesser" and "not enough"—especially given that, now as an adult, I still haven't made any significant progress in my life (I don't have a driver's license or children, and I work as a clean lady).
When I met my husband 10 years ago, I entered into a relationship with him because we got along well and he didn't physically repel me. At that time, I didn't have any intrusive thoughts regarding our relationship; those appeared somewhat later.
When I first stumbled upon the Red Pill, I began to have doubts about my marriage—doubts that persist to this day and are becoming increasingly intense.
The Red Pill premise suggests that women are hypergamous—that they are constantly seeking out the "best" men in terms of physical appearance and financial status.
This toxic ideology resonates deeply with my own insecurities, as it implies that if a woman is with a poor or unattractive partner, it is only because she lacks better options—that she is a "low-value" woman who has simply "settled."
I do not consider my husband to be an ugly man, but OBJECTIVELY speaking, he does not meet all of those societal standards. He is overweight—a condition he struggles to shed completely despite dieting and exercise (he suffers from a thyroid condition)—wears glasses, and is starting to balding. He doesn't earn a high income or hold a prestigious job, as he works in a factory. I, too, have to work; I am not financially supported by him (we still split our bills in proportion to our respective incomes).
According to "Red Pill" ideology, I am with him solely because I am unattractive and couldn't find anything better.
My psychological distress emerged specifically because of the Red Pill; this ideology literally FEEDS into my complex—the deep-seated belief that I am inferior and broken. Perhaps the worst part is that... there is a grain of truth to it, which is precisely why it exacerbates my intrusive thoughts.
If—THEORETICALLY speaking—I were to divorce my husband, I still wouldn't stand a chance of finding a wealthy or conventionally handsome man, simply because I bring nothing to the table myself and have never garnered any interest from men.
I try to steer clear of the Red Pill sphere; I’ve deleted all my social media accounts and stopped reading that kind of content. Yet, what I *did* read has STUCK WITH ME regardless; I cannot shake those theories—they keep resurfacing every so often, fueling my obsession.
There is one more thing. In my country, there is a certain female influencer who is affiliated with Red Pill ideology. She is utterly toxic; her statements are blatantly racist and homophobic, she mocks victims of SA, and—generally speaking—she hates women (something she herself has written about on numerous occasions).
At the same time, she is in a relationship with a rather attractive man who holds a white-collar job and financially supports both her and her child (he, too, subscribes to the Red Pill ideology).
I’ll be honest: comparing our lives makes me feel inferior, and this intensifies my anxiety and sends me spiraling. I used to OBSESSIVELY stalk her social media—something that had a destructive impact on my mental health and my relationship, and served as a form of self-harm. Now—much like with Red Pill content—I’m abstaining from it; it’s been three months, but I literally struggle *every single day* against the urge to seek out that content, and it’s absolutely exhausting me.
I (32f) am working-class. I also come from a Catholic country that strongly romanticizes family and having children.
Everyone in my immediate circle already has children. I don't mind contact or friendships with people with children; it doesn't make a difference to me.
In any case, I'm lucky that no one around me is trying to pressure me into having children. In fact, people either advise against it or are very skeptical and "cold" when I ask if it's worth it (it seems like they're not sure what to say).
It's completely different with the men around me (coworkers, family members, my husband's friends). They always react DEFENSIVELY when they find out I don't want children and that my husband doesn't want them either. Their reaction is a combination of disbelief and anger, as if I'm taking something away from them by my decision (indignation).
Anonymous, complete strangers on the internet are yet another group trying to convince me to have a child. They either behave like the men around me or sell me a Disney-like, romantic vision of parenthood, full of "a sense of purpose," "getting carved up for a child," "the most beautiful smile that's worth it," and "an immense, almost divine sense of happiness." Raising children by homo sapiens mammals is elevated to a divine, mythical, and almost ecstatic activity, full of meaning and fulfillment, and "love so much it hurts."
I don't know what drives these people, but it's very telling that I'm being convinced to have children by groups of people who:
- don't get pregnant or give birth
- are complete strangers to me
It's hard for me to believe in their good intentions.
I have a whole universe imagined in my head, and recently I've been using AI to "write" an entire story with my characters. The AI sometimes directs me to cool ideas or suggests ways to develop the plot, which gives me a sense of control over what I'm doing.
My fantasies are quite dark because they're about the mafia.
I've recently realized that the older I get (I'm 32 now), the more I escape into MD because, in reality, under the guise of mafia stories, there are fantasies about EVERYTHING I'm missing in real life, and unfortunately, most of these things are unattainable for me. My fantasies include:
- beautiful women, models
- aesthetic surroundings
- luxury
- adventure
- a sense of purpose
- a sense of control
- high social position, power
- powerful men who defend their families
- strong family ties
What is my real life like? It's literally the opposite of all that.
- I'm unattractive.
- I live in a boring country where it's rarely warm (forget about exoticism), in a rented apartment with a rather low standard.
- I'm not poor enough to be unable to pay the bills, but I still earn almost minimum wage.
- My life is a boring work-home routine. I live in a small town where nothing happens.
- I lack meaning in life. I feel like my life is Groundhog Day and I exist to earn billionaires' fortunes.
- I feel like I have no control over my life.
- I've had a low status my entire life. First, as an ugly girl from a poor family, I was bullied throughout my childhood, and now as an immigrant doing menial jobs that the people of this country don't want to do (I'm a clean lady).
- My parents were weak. I was severely bullied as a child, and my parents NEVER stood up for me. They allowed me to be abused and treated like a doormat (even in front of them).
-My parents died when I was 10 and 11, and I've been an orphan ever since.
Do your fantasies also symbolically reflect what you lack?