u/TrConscious

I started taking to a guy from before I was diagnosed.

We had an amazing time together, he moved, he wants me to go visit, and it made me spiral into who I became positive from (sorry if it’s not the correct way of saying it, it’s only been 5 months), because he mentioned wanting to do BB with me.

For context, we both had our tests, we both trusted each other and at the moment decided to do it BB, as we had both being tested recently and had not done it with anyone else unprotected.

Anyways, point is, it got me thinking again about who it was… it’s been five months that this didn’t cross my mind, I stopped that after the first week because I knew it was not healthy.

I found myself checking my list (I know, but I was “paranoid” even from before, hence why I have it) and the dates and people just don’t add up. I asked all my previous hookups, I used protections, the time I didn’t was so long ago and I got tested after those (expecting the time), so those are discarded.. it doesn’t make sense.

And I don’t think I got it from any other way like syringe or something because is even less likely… I just feel like this right now 🫠

I started taking to a guy from before I was diagnosed.

We had an amazing time together, he moved, he wants me to go visit, and it made me spiral into who I became positive from (sorry if it’s not the correct way of saying it, it’s only been 5 months), because he mentioned wanting to do BB with me.

For context, we both had our tests, we both trusted each other and at the moment decided to do it BB, as we had both being tested recently and had not done it with anyone else unprotected.

Anyways, point is, it got me thinking again about who it was… it’s been five months that this didn’t cross my mind, I stopped that after the first week because I knew it was not healthy.

I found myself checking my list (I know, but I was “paranoid” even from before, hence why I have it) and the dates and people just don’t add up. I asked all my previous hookups, I used protections, the time I didn’t was so long ago and I got tested after those (expecting the time), so those are discarded.. it doesn’t make sense.

And I don’t think I got it from any other way like syringe or something because is even less likely… I just feel like this right now 🫠

So, basically I’m an intern at a company. Since I arrived I saw that the guy next to my desk was… too well put together, and it gave me the gay vibes.

I didn’t think much of it, every day he takes a pill at lunch, I think to protect his stomach or idk. The thing is, today when he opened his drawer I had my leg in the way so I turned to see and took my leg off, he opened the drawer, got his pill and closed it, but it gave me enough time to recognize the Biktarvy bottle, same medication I use, a medication that is only used to treat HIV, so now I wonder.

Would it be rude if I ask him about it? I don’t know any other person that has HIV in my circle, knowing someone could be nice.

But I also don’t want to be unprofessional.

(I’m not assuming that he’s gay because he takes Biktarvy, he just happens to give me the vibe, and also takes Biktarvy, which I take, so I want to ask him about it.)

So, basically I’m an intern at a company. Since I arrived I saw that the guy next to my desk was… too well put together, and it gave me the gay vibes.

I didn’t think much of it, every day he takes a pill at lunch, I think to protect his stomach or idk. The thing is, today when he opened his drawer I had my leg in the way so I turned to see and took my leg off, he opened the drawer, got his pill and closed it, but it gave me enough time to recognize the Biktarvy bottle, same medication I use, a medication that is only used to treat HIV, so now I wonder.

Would it be rude if I ask him about it? I don’t know any other person that has HIV in my circle, knowing someone could be nice.

But I also don’t want to be unprofessional.

I’ve had a history of internal hemorrhoids since age 18. Most recently, I’ve noticed some skin and structural changes that I need help identifying:

• Discoloration: About two months ago, a purple shade appeared at the top of my anus after some irritation. Recently, the bottom area has also started turning a purple/whitish shade after anal sex encounter.

• Internal Lump: When inserting a finger, I feel a small, ball-like bump right on the anal ring. It is located on the same side as the initial purple area (toward the perianal zone, not the back).

• History: I previously felt a deeper lump that dissipated with hemorrhoid cream, but this specific "ball" on the ring remains.

• Context: I occasionally experience minor tearing or burning during anal sex that heals in 24 hours. I use lube and take breaks, and I have no external lumps or protrusions.

My questions:

1. Does a small, fixed lump on the anal ring align more with an internal hemorrhoid and can it be the cause of the purple color?

2. Could the purple/white discoloration be related to vascular issues from hemorrhoids or scar tissue from minor fissures?

3. Should I continue with hemorrhoid/fissure creams, or does this sound like something else?

PS: STI tests came back negative.

I was recently diagnosed at the start of February. The news came as a total shock during a phone call I barely understood due to the language barrier in the country where I currently live. Even though I’ve already started treatment with a great doctor, I’m still feeling the "why me" of it all.

The irony is that I actually wrote a thesis on sexual education and have been extremely diligent with protection for the past year. My doctor told me to think of it like driving a car: you can obey every rule and still have an accident.

Emotionally, I’m managing, but I’m struggling with the unfairness of it, seeing people take zero precautions while I tried so hard to be responsible.

I’m also a little anxious about disclosure: I haven't told my family (will only tell my sister) and I'm scared my friends will see me differently, if I ever tell them.

I’m looking for advice on the "little things" that turned out to be important, and a breakdown of the common terms and abbreviations. It feels like everything I knew about the subject has just disappeared from my brain, and I’m struggling to believe that it really just comes down to taking one pill a day and nothing else.

A part of me believes there must be other things along with this virus, a diet, a list of things to avoid, a list of things to do, like, it’s something that was so scary in the past that it seems impossible for me to think medicine got so far that is only just one pill.

P.S. I was careful, used condoms, used DoxyPEP, and was as responsable as I could, still got it, also informed my previous partners as soon as I saw the results.

Edit: It’s a positive HIV result, still managing the whole “saying it” aspect of it, sorry if it caused confusion.

PrEP is expensive where I live, that’s why I didn’t use it, couldn’t afford it.