Over 30, career ruined, anger I can no longer contain has this happened to anyone else?
I am an adult over 31 and my anger toward my narcissistic family has reached a breaking point.
It isn’t just anger over having toxic or narcissistic parents, or finding myself unemployed at this age with a ruined career despite all the effort I put into my education.
It is anger because they raised me in a bubble, preventing me from forming genuine connections, friendships, and professional contacts that could have helped me both handle the situation with them and find a job.
And then there is the deepest anger of all: when I tried to report the abuse or seek help from the authorities, I wasn't believed despite having evidence. They downplayed everything. And when my relatives were questioned, not only did they minimize the situation too, but they denied that any problems existed at all. Yet I had always treated those relatives well; I had even defended them in the past.
Now, the anger is so intense that I have intrusive, obsessive fantasies I can't switch off: I find myself imagining them finally gone, picturing the day of their funeral as a moment of liberation as if it were the only thing that could bring me some peace amidst this whole nightmare. I know that sounds frightening, but it’s what I feel inside, and I can no longer stop it; a part of me feels ashamed for even thinking it.
I have so much pent-up anger that I’m afraid I’ll explode in front of people who have nothing to do with the situation. I feel like I’m at my limit; I can no longer bear being around normal people with normal lives and families, and I feel completely alienated and isolated.
Have any of you gone through this phase of total, obsessive anger? Did you actually explode in the end? How did it go? How did you manage not to get overwhelmed or ruin everything?
Any advice on how you handled this part would be helpful.