u/TrashMasterChunkz

It’s been a month and a half since I was discharged from my third mental hospital stay, and I feel like I’m getting worse and worse.

I’ve had a lot of struggles in the past since I was a kid, but the past two years felt like I’ve been getting way worse. I used to excel in college, I was going out to all kinds of stuff around the community, and I was really good at taking care of myself. Nowadays, I rot in bed, I have zero motivation, I spend weeks in the same clothes, and I struggle a lot with hallucinations.

I’ve been going to therapy and various appointments since my discharge, but I haven’t had much of anything that helps. What really hit me hard was that I have two separate psychiatric providers, (one was set up for me while I was in the mental hospital, and the other is a local place I’ve been going to for case management,) and both providers diagnosed me with bipolar 1 and schizoaffective disorder.

Since then, I’ve been feeling more and more disconnected from everyone around me. My mom has been trying to be supportive, but at the same time, she’s said stuff about “having a decent life” and “having people check up on me daily” that makes me feel like I’m a lost cause. I tried to talk to my friends, but they either ignore me or tell me they don’t know what to say and don’t want to make things worse.

I’m really concerned, because I feel like the past two years have been a downward spiral, and I have no idea if I’ll pull through or get even worse over time. I’m taking a break from college until I get back on my feet, but what do I do if I never reach the same functionality I had? My friends joked about taking my driver’s license away one time, and I’m actually scared of that happening.

Apologies for the wall of text. I’m just lost.

I put “Newly Diagnosed” as the flair since I got my diagnosis in writing in court documents, but I’ve had psychiatrists and doctors suggest bipolar for months now. Don’t know if it’s I or II.

Anyways, I’ve been really overwhelmed since my discharge. I’m loosing my apartment, dropping out of college, and I feel like I have to pick up the pieces of my life pretty much. I feel way more unstable than when I was in the mental hospital.

There’s so much I want to talk about, but I have no idea where to start, and I don’t want to ramble or go off the rails on tangents. I’m trying so hard to write this coherently, but I have so much shit going on in my head both really good and really bad.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, or where I’m going in general. I’ve been wanting to post in here for a while, but I never really knew where to start.