u/TreeToadintheWoods

I like to have a smoothie for breakfast to ensure I get a few servings of fruit and vegetables, plus some protein. Right now I use orange juice and a splash of whole milk for my liquid, frozen fruit (some combo of berries, cherries, and mango), fresh spinach, a 1/3 of a container of plain Greek yogurt, and a serving of unflavored protein powder. As I’m approaching 40 (I’m a woman) I’m holding onto more weight. I know this is normal, but I also want to look at what I’m eating and ensure I’m making the best choices. I’m wondering if the liquid I’m using is the best nutritional choice. I want my smoothies to still taste good so I’m not open to switching to water or something like that, though I could do a combination of water and orange juice now that I think of it. Any suggestions?

I’m 38 years old and still can’t figure this out. How do other women drive with their hair up?! Other than a super low ponytail at the nape of my neck I can’t drive with my hair up because I can’t rest my head on the head rest, and it’s incredibly uncomfortable to sit with my head tilted forward. What are the rest of you doing? I’m into slick backs right now but can only do it if I’m driving somewhere within like 5 minutes of my house. It’s hot out today and I have to tie my hair up in a bun, take it out when I get in the car, then tie it up again when I arrive at my destination. How are the rest of you doing it?!

EDIT:

1: Y’all STOP REMOVING YOUR HEAD RESTS. Technically they’re called head restraints. They’re there so in an accident you don’t get a severe neck injury or whiplash. Severe neck injuries can = paralysis. Just don’t.

2: Flat claw clips unfortunately don’t work in my hair.

I need a gut check/advice. My ex has repeatedly told me I’m saying things around our 10 year old (we also have a 12.5 and an almost 6 y/o) that she shouldn’t have to be a part of. But the thing is, sometimes she’s misconstruing things and other times what he’s bringing up feels pretty innocuous to me.

Two examples:

1. Misconstruing: I recently misunderstood a message from my ex and thought he was bringing her to practice. When she called asking where I was, I told her “I thought your dad was taking you; is he there?”, then while she responded to say he wasn’t I pulled up the message and said that I was so sorry, I had misunderstood what he said, and that it was my fault. I got a message from him a few days later): “[Daughter] told me you said that I told you I would take her. I would appreciate if we avoided blaming each other for mistakes that happen. We both do a lot for the kids and know we are doing our best and I am trying to be supportive but I am increasingly concerned about things I hear from them that are negative comments or blame about me. I don’t think that is healthy for them or in their best interest.” (Yes, he uses the O F W AI tool to rewrite his messages more nicely).

2. Feels innocuous: There’s this ongoing thing with my son’s (6) skin. The 3 of us were discussing it on the way to school because I wanted to take some pictures before he went to their dad’s after school so we could see how quickly it escalates and try to pinpoint what’s causing it (it’s only irritated at his dad’s). 10 y/o was asking questions and I said that I thought it was the laundry detergent and that their dad said his gf prefers to use scented detergent and that I needed to talk to her about it. I said I thought this was something he should address, and then my two kids started brainstorming solutions for how at their dad and gf’s house, my son’s stuff could get washed separately with unscented detergent. Next day I get a message from ex: “[GF] and I felt uncomfortable from the children perspectivet with hearing about things about [son’s] skin from [daughter/10 y/o]. I think it is best to avoid comments that she doesn’t need to be involved in as she has said some things she really shouldn’t have to be involved with as a kid and has made several comments about her anxiety and having “panic attacks” so I think avoiding things that she doesn’t need to concern herself with is better for her.” - Was this so bad of me?

Ex and I both filed to modify parenting agreement in January (everything was done through mediation prior). His (ex) request included an attorney for the children who the kids met with in March, and who provided feedback to our lawyers (basically said neither of us were bad and that we had trouble communicating and would benefit from a coparenting app). But, what else do they do? The AFC said our kids could contact him any time but I honestly don’t know what else their role is. I know they can look at our communication on Our Family Wizard but I think that’s by request?

Something came up today that I’m just not sure how to respond to but it feels like something the AFC could help with. The situation is that my youngest has either eczema and/or very sensitive skin. In my house we’ve identified what works for his skin and we stick with it. Nothing fancy: unscented laundry detergent, Eucerin lotion, Aquaphor healing balm, and a certain baby wash that’s available in places like CVS/Target/Amazon/the grocery store (in other words nothing expensive or difficult to obtain). I’ve brought it up with my ex a few times gently and have even purchased the whole bit for him twice (he has the money—I was trying to make it as easy as possible as this issue keeps happening). Without fail though my son comes back with red/raw/chapped lips/chin/cheeks, and his hands, wrists, and arms up to his elbows are a mess as are random patches on his body. We do week on/week off and thankfully after about 2 days with me he’s much better but it breaks my heart seeing his skin in this condition when it’s so preventable. I’m literally concerned about staph infections that’s how cracked and scaly it gets. I’ve communicated with him about it either 4 or 5 times. Today I messaged my ex a very gentle message saying our son let me know he keeps on top of using the right body wash and lotion, and that I think the laundry detergent is the likely culprit. I can smell the detergent on the kids clothes and also our son’s blanket which he rubs on his face and keeps close to his face. I asked if he could use the unscented detergent and also encouraged him to wash not only our son’s clothes but his linens with the unscented detergent.

In the past my ex has explicitly told me I am never to contact his girlfriend. His girlfriend is perfectly lovely and has encouraged me to reach out any time I need but I never have because of my ex’s boundary (I did send her photos of my daughter’s first dance because the app wasn’t accepting them, and she’ll text me happy Mother’s Day or the occasional photo). But today he told me he’s punting this request (about the detergent). His response “Thanks. I prefer to buy all organic non fake smelling stuff. I wanted to buy the free and clear detergent and powder. [girlfriend] didn’t want to buy that so maybe talk to her as I’m not going to fight with my girlfriend and ex wife so I’m going to punt on this one.

Our legal issues are affecting our relationship as my time with work is such that I have to work 80+ hours when I don’t have the kids. On top of that being sued to lose custody of your children after being promised otherwise is just hard to comprehend so it’s really not in a good spot so I’d rather not bring this up to her if that’s ok with you to reach out to her yourself.”

[context: I filed for sole legal, keeping joint physical but reverting to a previous schedule where he had less time; he also filed in Supreme Court at the same time to include a restraining order that was denied—because I knocked on the door inside his garage; he has to work extra (he owns his own financial advisement practice) because he requested 50/50 but assumed I would watch the kids after school every day and refused to make any plans otherwise].

I’m not going to reach out to his gf. IMO he can and should recognize this is a health issue and wash his own child’s clothes if she refuses to do it with unscented detergent.

Is this something the AFC can help with? I don’t even know how to respond.

I recently found out through our lawyers that my ex is moving out of state (NY > NH). We’re in the middle of modifying our parenting agreement and he proposed a strange schedule so I had my lawyer ask what the reasoning was so we could better respond. I had asked to go back to our previous schedule of him having every other Thursday-Sunday and week on/off in the summer, and he countered with requesting the first 10 days of the month October-June, 10 days on/off July-September. It’s the same number of overnights so this just seemed like a really bizarre schedule as our society works on 7 day weeks, not 10 day chunks. That’s when I found out he’s moving 6-8 hours away. He will come back to the area the kids and I live for his visitations. He and the kids currently live with his girlfriend (I like her) and I don’t know if she’s moving with him or staying here and thus don’t know where the kids will be staying when he’s in town. He plans to move this fall. My lawyer has asked when he proposes the new arrangement to start and his lawyer has been really nasty about it “If you read previous correspondence you know it’s this fall. My client has repeatedly stated it is this fall.” So no actual date. I don’t know if fall means September and thus the start of the school year; if it means Thanksgiving and thus after fall break and one of our kid’s bdays.

My kids don’t know this yet. I don’t know when my ex plans to tell them. I’m concerned about the narrative he will give them. The reason he’s moving is because the state he’s going to (New Hampshire) has lower taxes, and he’s a business owner so he feels this will be particularly beneficial to him. We are three years into separation/divorce and in the beginning he frequently told them how he was poor because I took all his money. I’m concerned he’s going to tell them he’s moving because he can’t afford to live here because he pays me child support (this is absolutely false—he does very well for himself). While my oldest (12.5) sees through this and my youngest (almost 6) is still oblivious, my 10 year old latches onto what he says and spirals. For example, I misunderstood a message he sent and thought he was taking her to practice. When she called to see where I was, I explained that I misread his message and I was so sorry and I made sure to say it was my fault. She’s 10. So she told her dad that he said in a message that he was bringing me. So then he told her there was no message, and sent me a lengthy message about how I shouldn’t say bad things about him to the kids etc etc. There’s just a lot of confusion and misunderstanding and she gets incredibly hung up on it and upset. So I’m worried about him giving her the message that he’s moving out of state because it’s cheaper and he’s broke because child support. The kids know he eventually planned to move there because it’s cheaper (a few months ago he told them he was in 5 years; neither the 12 y/o nor I thought anything of it because he comes up with grandiose plans frequently and never carries through, and this is how we comforted the 10 y/o, by explaining this was like when he said he was buying the bowling alley and the pizza place and the shoe store and being a foster parent—all different/distinct plans of his that never came to fruition and we’ve learned to just ignore them) so they already have a bit of this.

Idk. Just looking for advice and commiseration.

In January I filed for modification of our parenting agreement in family court. My ex simultaneously filed for modification in Supreme Court, thus his case was seen first as Supreme Court moves faster. We had very similar requests. We both requested that the other party cover our attorneys fees, though his request did not follow the required format in New York State. Our attorneys met with the judges clerk about a month ago and we’re scheduled to meet again at the end of this month. In the meanwhile, we got an email from his lawyer, which explained that my ex had come up with a plan he felt would mitigate our challenges and basically solve all of our problems. It’s a really strange request, with him requesting to have the first 10 days of every month and me having the remaining 10 days except for July and August when he would do 10 days then I would do 10 days, and in September, I would do the first 10 days and he would do the next 10 days and then I would have the remaining 10 days. I asked my lawyer to see what the reasoning was behind this schedule because in my opinion, it makes things quite a bit more complicated as our lives run on seven day/week schedules. It turns out that he is moving out of state, between six and eight hours away. He didn’t think it was prudent to include this information as he thinks it won’t impact our coparenting or shared to access.

I’m trying to get an idea of if it is likely that he will be required to pay my attorneys fees as while we originally went to court for one thing this is now turning into a modification based on the fact that he is moving out of state. I am over $3000 in fees just for the past two months and that doesn’t include if we have to make a court appearance.

My ex is moving out of state. I want to have very clear language in our parenting agreement (we are in the process of modifying the agreement and this bomb just got dropped—he didn’t think him moving 8 hours away was relevant or necessary information for the modification process). He plans for his visitation to be here where the kids live (I’m not sure where he’d stay with them?). I’d like to address who will pick the kids up from school and keep them overnight if he is delayed (me if I’m available; who will it be if I’m on a work trip or something?). What do other people do? What am I potentially not considering that I should? What does your language look like?

My ex is going to move to a different state. I’m wondering how this may impact child support (he pays me). I had planned to file to modify child support in a few years. We came up with our current child support which didn’t use the state’s calculator, and the judge signed off on it. Which state’s child support calculator would be used? If we file for a modification of any part of the parenting agreement, in which state’s court is it considered? The move is because he will save a lot in taxes in this new state (yes, he’s prioritizing saving taxes over being around his children).

Posted on here a few weeks ago about my ex requesting a weird access schedule. We are currently week on week off. I had asked to go back to our old schedule of him having every other Thursday after school through Sunday evening. He came back with a schedule and agreement which his lawyer said he felt solved all of our conflict/problems. His proposed schedule is him having the first 10 days of the month and me having the remainder October-June; we do 10 days on 10 days off for July and August (we’re in the northeast so that’s summer break); I have the first 10 days in September (start of school) then he has 10 days then I have 10 days. This schedule made no sense to me (it complicates a lot of things, like splitting weekends, messing with some holidays, etc) so I asked my lawyer to inquire about the reasoning/logic. The answer? He’s planning to move to New Hampshire this fall. He had told the kids he’d likely move to New Hampshire in 5 years because of a more favorable taxes structure (he’s a small business owner). But apparently he’s moving this fall. He didn’t think this was information I needed to know as part of our parenting plan modification process. Meanwhile, I’m thinking of a 100 things in my head. Where will he stay when he comes here (he plans to do his access time here; kids will still participate in their activities)? What if his flight is cancelled or delayed? And I know this isn’t part of the parenting plan but what kind of parent leaves the state to save some money on taxes (his AGI was $525k last year—he’s not hurting) and how will the knowledge that their father is prioritizing finances over them impact my kids?

I could use some input from folks who have been in a similar scenario. What am I not thinking of that needs to be requested in our modification? So far I’ve considered
He must have clothes, toiletries, etc to them
I need to know where they’ll be staying when with him
Something about weekends—I don’t love them having to split a weekend if the first of the month is on a Sunday for example

Any language/ideas around flights inevitably being cancelled? What am I missing?

Ex and I have been separated/divorced for 3 years. I still live in our small town where his parents spend half the year, and his sister/BIL and nieces (my kids cousins) live. This means I run into them. His sister strongly dislikes me, and her body language shows it even when there are others around and we don’t interact. But she’s a wonderful teacher and does a ton for her students and all the students in our district. Toward me though she’s a martyr and will lecture/correct me. For example, in the beginning I posted on Instagram about how I had installed a magnet to prop a door open in my house, and a different time about how I fixed a lazy Susan
. I didn’t mention my ex—I was just pumped my life was easier after fixing these things and that I had mastered using a drill. She literally asked to come to my house to discuss these things because “didn’t I see how that could make my ex feel, like he should have fixed them?” I’m an adult (and older than her). I have my masters. I’ve basically raised 3 kids on my own. I have a job and a pension. But I freeze when she does this and feel like a little kid.

My ex MIL has always treated my mom like she’s a bit less than. My mom is a very kind person, was an ICU RN for 3 decades. So there’s nothing “less than” about her. It’s kind of like my ex MIL is a queen bee, but everyone else thinks she’s wonderful. It KILLS me how she treats my mom because I know how it feels from my ex SIL treating me like this.

I got a brief text from ex MIL a few days ago about dropping something off at my house and the last part was “Ran into your mom at the store. Was nice seeing her after snowbirding.” Today I saw my mom and she told me that my MIL brought up a bunch of things about me at the grocery store (so literally in the aisle in the only grocery store in our town). It wasn’t good. She said stuff about a custody/access issue we’re working through and how my ex’s gf was crying on the floor about it. She brought up something that happened over 6 months ago where my ex blew up when I pointed out he had sent the wrong boots. There were several other things. My mom had no idea what to do. She feels the need to correct/clarify but at the same time my MIL
keeps throwing more at her, and she’s like…we’re in a grocery store! These are two former professionals btw—not women who would get in a fight or something.

I don’t really know what to do. Part of me wants to text my MIL and say “My mom let me know what you brought up at the store last week. It’s not appropriate for you to make her listen to your grievances with me, especially in a public space and when there is no objective but to complain.” I could really use some input.