u/Unlikely_Dimension55

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im a guy almost turning 20 and have self hate issues and fear of judgement, i avoid chatting with people because i constantly overthink the convo like if they haven't replied, replying late etc.. I have heard people say talking to people especially opposite gender can be good and improve conversation skills which inturn improve other parts of your life but for me its more damaging than good, i am very afraid i make them angry, sad or if i might come off as rude or boring. I can talk with guys effortlessly but with girls i struggle to start a convo mainly because im afraid what kinda image she has for me.

One time tho i got some courage to talk to my crush whos with her friends and first impression was good until next meet i asked her a question "why you cut your hair short" which triggered her then i apologized and backed out and never approached her or anyone again. I even overthink and blamed myself for being a creep

There's also one more fear that is Fear of that person leaving, fear you never see them again after having such deep convos and fun times together. You can't love someone else till you learn to love yourself first.

accidentally coming off as creep is a big fear for me too.

I am looking for just friends whom i can talk to, i am looking for variety, different perspectives, share my opinion etc..

Im an artist and yes this self hate affects my art too.

How do i stop overthinking, love myself and be able to talk to opposite gender effortlessly.

ANYONE or anyone's friend facing this or have faced this but found a solution?

so i was reading the Yandev p3 fan fiction and i wondered how it would be for you to have sex with your own persona? according to Jungian psychology

I walk inside my home (since im too uncomfortable to go outside) and have been doing this for many years, i don't know how much steps since i don't count but usually its about 1-2 hours daily.

Also i just can't sit still doing nothing so i just walk to think stuff, come up with story ideas, imagine scenarios, discuss stuff in my head etc.

i don't walk for weight loss since im already pretty skinny i walk to think, i just can't think while just sitting still.

I also walk even if it starts aching my legs, i just walk a lot probably, never been sick last time had just a cough (don't even remembered exactly when)

Never knew walking had so many benefits until i searched up, I've been doing this unintentionally.