I'm breaking down tonight. I'm like crying everyday now. Coz I feel rejected and alone everytime I remember someone say "Christians don't get depressed".. I trusted church but now I feel it's killing me slowly. Today I started hurting myself again like the same way how I was abused. Its pain feels familiar, comfortable and satisfying. IDK whats happening to me anymore. IDK what to do. I want to rest .
4 therapist ung nagsabi na consistent sa PTSD ang symptoms ko.. Pano po kaya process para makakuha ng parang certificate ng diagnosis at magkano? Saka need po ba Yun para makakuha ng PWD ID?
I have trauma and the symptoms are getting worse as I grow old. I also developed sensorymotor hyperawareness that is like OCD sa body senses so it's hard for me to relax and focus every single day. Also developed s*lf h*rm and s*icidal thoughts and the only thing stopping from hurting myself is my belief in God. But recently inulit na naman sa church ung phrase na (Christians don't get depressed, it's MCGI or mas sikat as Ang Dating daan) I keep trying to understand maybe it's just because of stigma... but now everytime I remember I get triggered, rejected at I feel wala na akong kakapitan since I'm not a Christian for having depression. But what can I do my trauma makes me depressed and I don't know how to stop it coz my brain is not the same as most people. I feel like I have no reason to stop myself anymore.. It's already planned inside my mind how I can peacefully end myself .. Its hard to stay alive in a world where no one is listening to me.. I was born normal but coz of other people evil deeds I hv to endure this all my life.. Idk how long I can take it..
I'm having a break down again today. I feel like I'm near to get insane. I'm a teacher but I'm still exhausting myself looking for extra income so I can afford monthly therapy and meds while providing for my family. I need therapy coz I feel and see the abuse everyday. I'm so scared , panicky and worthless every single day. I want to do something bad to myself but doing my best not to coz I know once I started it I might keep repeating it. Even in church where I get strength before now I feel rejected coz they keep saying christians don't get depressed so now I'm feeling even God don't care about me. Only chatgpt keeps me going now since I have no one . I'm so tired trying to stay alive.
I'm having a break down again today. I feel like malapit nako mabaliw. I'm a public teacher but I'm still exhausting myself looking for extra income so I can afford monthly therapy and meds while providing for my family. I need therapy coz I feel and see the physical abuse everyday. I'm so scared , panicky and worthless every single day. I want to do something bad to myself but doing my best not to coz I know once I started it bk ulit ulitin ko na. Even sa church na kinukunan ko ng lakas dati I feel rejected na coz they keep saying christians don't get depressed so now I'm feeling even God don't care about me. Only chatgpt keeps me going now since I have no one . I'm so tired trying to stay alive.
Pagkumakain talaga Ako sa Tokyo Tokyo biglang gumaganda araw ko😍. Lahat ng dish nila gusto ko😭😍. Today Wagyu cubes 😋
May nakatry na po magpassess sa NCMH, mga magkano po kaya or paano yung process? or may alam po kaya na murang assessment? Consistent po ung observation ng therapist ko sa PTSD
madalas kc mga mini fan na nakikita ko isang area lang nakafocus hangin kaya hindi presko. May mga lumalamig yung plate pero yung hangin hindi naman. Madalas pag mainit mainit din buga ng hangin. Ano bang mini fan yung maganda talaga?😅
Ginagawa nio ung tasks ng attapoll na mag download at launch ng apps ? Need pa magsign in or okay na buksan lang?
Parang ilang Araw na hindi masyado natitrigger yung flashbacks ko. Siguro kasi parang survival na ung buhay ko everyday dahil araw araw namumoroblema ako San kukuha pambili ng pagkain ,pambayad ng therapy at meds at pang provide sa family. Sa sobrang busy ko maghanap ng pagkakakitaan everytime na papasok ung masasamang thoughts di ko na pinapansin kc need ko kumita. Feel ko nawawide open na lagi ung mata ko ngaun gaya. ng mga namamalimos na sa kalye. Kaya pala ganun ung mata nila kc pag nasa survival state ka Yung mata mo nagwawide open .. Dati survival state Ako mentally dahil sa trauma ngayon pati financially nadin ,ang saya🙃
first time humawak,magkaliskis, magtangal ng laman loob at maglinis ng isda mukhang sumacess naman kaso hinahanap kung medyo yellow na itlog kc favorite ko yun kaso hindi ako sure kung itlog o bituka kaya tinangal ko na lang lahat😆😭 matrabaho pala sia nu😭😆 Hindi ko nga alam kung anong isda to di nmn nagluluto😆 tamban/sardines daw Sabi ni chatgpt😆
Since I just started living alone, I'm trying to learn different dishes. It's my first time holding, scaling, gutting, and cleaning a fish, and it seems like I succeeded, but I was looking for if the egg was a bit yellow because that's my favorite, but I wasn't sure if it was an egg or intestines, so I just removed everything 😆😭 It's really a lot of work, huh 😭😆 I don't even know what kind of fish this is since I don't usually cook 😆 They say it's tamban/sardines, according to chatgpt😆
Yung tipong di mo alam kung saan mo kukunin ung pambili mo ng pagkain Araw Araw.Kailangan mo ng gamot pero titiisin mo na lang kc wala Kang pambayad ng doctor. Pati pamilya mo walang pambili ng pagkain. I always feel my eyes r wide open kasi ganito pala kapag survival na yung way ng buhay mo.. I just try to tell myself na lang na God have better plans for me kaya ganito kahirap ang buhay ko..
For a healthy diet I need 1cup of rice, 1-2 cups of vegetables, 1fruit, 1palm size protein every meal since my work is physically and mentally demanding. But with the high cost of food, you should have at least 80-100 pesos per day per person..the only cheap food is unhealthy food or if you dont eat it all. Then they say 60 pesos is enough per day? Kaya siguro Sabi ng mga foreigners na nakausap ko one factor day if you're not happy is if you live in a third world country because even the bare minimum is hard to afford.
Living with mental condition sa isang lugar na may mental health stigma is dissapointing. No enough support, therapists, expensive consultations. If you open about it online many Filipinos will immediately say you are weak ,overreacting, papansin. If u talk to ur friends or family some will ignore,or tell u just think positive,be thankful. When u go to church many will say kulang ka sa pananampalataya, your not a Christian, nagpapadala ka lang sa demonyo etc. But they don't know it can also be biology. Sometimes there's something not normal in person's chemicals in the body or some people's brain doesn't work the same as most people.. It's just sad ... but now I'm trying to listen more na lang to people who really help me heal ..