u/Usagi2throwaway

2020: estoy harta de trabajar precariamente en consulados, voy a volver a España y trabajaré de traductora autónoma desde mi casa. ¡Con mi gata en mi regazo! ¡El sueño!

2021: no entiendo por qué tanta gente se queja del trabajo autónomo. Probablemente no son demasiado inteligentes. No puedo imaginar que nunca en la vida vaya a dedicarme a otra cosa. De hecho, voy a mudarme a ese pueblo remoto de Castilla que está lejos de absolutamente todo porque claramente nunca necesitaré estar cerca de una gran ciudad otra vez.

2022: no pienso pagar por el seguro ese de autónomos. Al fin y al cabo, no puedo imaginarme ningún tipo de enfermedad que me impidiese hacer mi trabajo. O sea, si se me rompiesen las dos manos y no pudiese teclear, usaría un dictáfono.

2023: ah, joder, ha muerto mi padre y me ha dado una depresión tan extrema que soy incapaz de trabajar y he perdido a la mayoría de mis clientes. Afortunadamente tenía ahorros suficientes para estar nueve meses sin ingresos. En cuanto me recupere volveré a como estaba antes.

2024: ostras, con esto de la IA soy incapaz de recuperar el flujo de trabajo que tenía antes. Pero no pasa nada, me dedicaré a la revisión y edición de textos.

2025: no, en serio, ¿qué mierda es esta?

2026: por favor, matadme ya.

Hola, soy la que siempre hace preguntas sobre propiedad horizontal.

Situación: comunidad autogestionada de 5 propietarios, una vecina problemática que no reside y se niega a asistir a las asambleas. Exige se la llame por whatsapp en lugar de estar presencialmente. ¿Se puede contar esto como asistencia a la asamblea? ¿Es válido su voto?

Una vecina se ha negado a pagar una derrama sustanciosa (varios cientos de euros) que fue pactada en asamblea.

Tengo entendido que a los propietarios morosos se les puede negar el derecho al voto. Mi duda es: ¿es necesario algún procedimiento para ello? La comunidad es autogestionada (5 vecinos) y aún no le hemos hecho requerimiento de pago. Por lo tanto, nosotros sabemos que es morosa, ella lo sabe, pero no se han enviado burofaxes ni nada por el estilo.

¿Se le puede negar el voto en la próxima asamblea?

Tengo localizadas las convocatorias en mi comunidad, pero hay miles de dudas que no sé cómo resolver: ¿te lo juegas todo al aprobado? ¿Hay bolsa de trabajo? ¿Hay categorías?

No sé, muchas preguntas de ser muy novata. Es la primera vez que me planteo opositar. Soy traductora pero con la IA ya no puedo trabajar con los ingresos que solía tener. Llevo 15 años sin hacer un examen y me siento un poco insegura.

I recently posted about feeling anxious in my relationship: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1t62n77/how_to_deal_with_anxiety_in_a_relationship/

Last Thursday, which was also a grief anniversary for me (my dad passed three years ago, we had a complicated relationship) I had a very serious panic attack in the middle of the night. My rescue medication seemed to have no effect. I phoned my boyfriend crying and told him all the crazy thoughts racing through my mind – about him but also my dad and past relationships. He didn't reply anything. He said he was just listening to me. Even when I told him I sometimes feel unloved or undeserving of love. He didn't reply. At the end I hung up and cradled myself to sleep.

On Friday we went on a date which was mostly ok. None of us mentioned the late night panic phonecall. We came back to my place and while I was driving I apologised for the craziness, and said that I was aware that my anxiety was playing mind games and making me feel like there was some distance between us. Again he didn't reply. I didn't feel anxious or anything, at this point I was just mildly upset that he couldn't just reply, "it's ok, you know I love you". So I called him off on that and suddenly he was upset that I was doubting his feelings. Like, what else did I expect him to do?

It wasn't an argument, but it wasn't a nice conversation. At some point I tried to talk about my dad (who, remember, died unexpectedly three years ago this week) and my boyfriend cut me off and said his dad (very much alive) was much worse. And then proceeded to talk about it for twenty minutes.

The weirdest part was when he moved from talking about his dad to talking about why he doesn't want children, and then asked me if I was ok with that. I'm child free by choice, it was on my OLD profile, and we have talked extensively about me not wanting children. I don't really understand where that came from.

Again, he's struggling with his mental health too so maybe I should be more understanding. But I suddenly feel emotionally checked out. To make things worse, he's a clumsy man and today he broke my favourite vase, which was a Christmas present from my godfather. It's a minor thing, but he didn't offer to replace it.

I don't know. Something is really broken, and I don't mean the vase. I'm not anxious anymore, but I'm also not happy. Should I try to reconnect?

Soy nueva conductora y hoy he ido a coger un autobús. El parking estaba lleno, yo tenía prisa, así que he aparcado el coche en zona azul fuera de la estación y he pagado con la app. La app me ha dejado reservar 23 h (hasta mañana que vuelva) pero me ha cobrado solo dos, y luego he visto un aviso de que no se puede aparcar más de dos horas.

Yo ya estoy fuera y hasta mañana no voy a volver. ¿Qué posibilidades hay de que pueda renovar el pago en la app o de que me toque una multa?

My eDad passed in July 2023 but for some reason grief comes to me in May every year, on the anniversary of his diagnosis.

He was my first front of defence against my dBPD mum's abuse, but he was also the person that kept her in my life and forced me to stay in touch with her. I now realise he actually thought he could fix her. On his final days in hospital, he asked me to keep her away from him. Clarity had struck and he didn't want to die next to her. So I spent all the time luring my mum away from his room, instead of with him.

I've been having a hard time remembering him this year. I suddenly realised that I was never his priority. Even if at first sight he was a very loving dad – he was the "mother" in our household, since my actual mother couldn't be bothered to think of anyone else but herself – I now feel like he never loved me fully. He was anxiously attached to my mum and keeping her happy was his priority. Very often, I was an annoyance – as a child, because of my need for attention, and as an adult, because I used to call him out on his enabling ways.

I have an appointment with my therapist coming up on Monday to discuss this, but what angers me the most is, how do you not put your child first? I'm more securely attached nowadays, but it's taken me years of therapy to actually believe that I'm worthy of love. What kind of parents allow that to happen?

The funny thing is, I'm mostly over my BPD mum nowadays. I'm LC with her and I feel nothing but indifference towards her. But remembering all the ways my dad made me feel unloved hurts so much, which makes grief anniversaries so much harder. It's so messed up to miss and resent a person at the same time.

I feel dumb asking this at my age (42F). My previous relationships all ended before the six month mark, and my one LTR which lasted 5 years should have ended way earlier – I never felt anxious because I never actually wanted to stay.

I've done extensive therapy and I believe I might be insecurely attached, which accounts for my previous fearful / avoidant behaviour in relationships.

Last summer I was travelling with a friend and suddenly I thought: I now have the tools to be a great partner and to be happy in a relationship. So I went on the apps and met my current boyfriend (36). I believe I did all the right things in the beginning. For example, I broke up with him after our fourth date when he said he wasn't sure about a relationship. I knew I liked him but I prioritised my emotional wellbeing, which I'm proud of. He came back two months later and we've been together since.

He's struggling with his own mental health issues. He's currently on leave from work due to depression and anxiety. He said I love you way too soon IMO (one month into the relationship). And he's currently on the process of being diagnosed with ADHD (he's got his appointment planned for the end of the month).

The first couple months I felt happy and calm. I could have stayed, I could have left, it was all very well for me. But then I started catching feelings, and suddenly I'm the least happy person on earth. Six months in, I'm terrified that he's not saying I love you as often as he used to. I'm terrified of coming across as nitpicky. Of being too clingy and too standoffish. That he might be having doubts about the relationship and not telling me.

I talked to my bff yesterday and she reminded me that I already had a full life without him – I own a nice home, I have a good job, I have friends and family who love me – which eased like 30% of my anxiety, but the rest is still there. Every morning that he's not a my place I wake up one step away from a full panic attack. I'm so ready to end things just so I stop feeling like this, but I know logically that doesn't make sense either.

I have texted my therapist to get an appointment sometime next week but I feel like I should be able to deal with this on my own. If anyone else has been through this and has tips, I'd love to read them. TIA

I wonder what your experiences have been dating men who had ADHD or were ADHD-adjacent. Mine is undiagnosed, although he's currently in treatment for depression and anxiety, and he's loving, patient, caring, and all the green flags you can imagine.

He's also The Drama.

He'll plan on doing something for me (for example, dropping by the vet to fetch my cat's meds) and he'll either be somehow unable to do it, or that's the only thing he'll manage to do that day. As in, he'll skip gym, won't finish his chores, or go to sleep at a reasonable time. Because he doesn't seem to be able to add one tiny chore to his list without it throwing him off completely.

He often cooks for me and that's definitely his love language but he never manages to plan accordingly. If we agreed to have dinner at 8, he'll start cooking at 8... Or at 4. And then realise he's missing half the ingredients. And it's a holiday so the stores are closed. But instead of ordering something he'll insist on cooking so we end up eating plain white rice... At 9:30.

He's also completely time blind, it's so stressful trying to get to places in time. The worst thing is that it's stressful for him too, sometimes it was him who wanted to go do something and we ended up missing out because he was unable to leave the house in time. Then he beats himself pretty badly for not being able to plan.

I'm pretty patient and mindful of his mental health struggles and right now the good things outweigh the bad ones but I can't help but wonder if this behaviour is sustainable. I love him but if we were living together I know I'd be way more stressed than I am now.

Hopefully other people have had relationships with men in my boyfriend's situation and can share some optimism?

EDIT to add to the vet story which is what prompted me to write this – the vet technician is a friend of a friend and she told me my boyfriend started tearing up when he got the meds, and he explained that he had been terrified of not making it in time before they closed and having to tell me. I felt bad hearing about this because I've dated men before who just didn't care but it's obvious my boyfriend does care, he just can't manage.