u/Vannattaka

I was diagnosed with autism when I was three, but didn't properly get all the accommodations I needed until high school. My middle/elementary school had the classic fire drill alarm that I'm pretty sure we're all familiar with. If not, it's loud enough to shake the entire school. Sounds never really bothered me that much growing up. I heard more than most people I would later find out, but sounds never hurt my ears or overstimulated me. The one thing I couldn't stand was the fire drill. The fear of it jumpscaring me at the volume got worse every year. We had to have one every month, and since we only ever had two days at the end of august to start the year off I would beg my mother to not take me in those first two days to avoid it. It got to a point where I would have panic attacks and I press on my ears so hard it was causing damage. The teachers did nothing. They never offered headphones. They started taking me out before the alarm in eighth grade after I sobbed in the guidance office begging, but even then they tried warming me up to it so I wouldn't act that way in highschool.

The alarm at my highschool is completely different and doesn't bother me, but this last year I've started attending a technical school, where they have the same alarm. I talked to my teacher about it and she was very supportive. We aren't supposed to have noise canceling devices in class, but my 504 got me an acception. Everything went fine until my teacher forgot to tell me one day and I heard the alarm. To my surprise, it didn't bother me at all. You could kind of hear an echo in this one before the full on blast, so it gave me a preview. Since then I haven't been wearing the headphones.

Now I joke about being on the spectrum alot. I call my headphones the tism ticklers and my friends are all well aware. Ive even let some people borrow them when the class is too loud. I was wearing them in preparation for a drill when the girl next to me thought it would be funny to take them right off my head and put them on herself. When I asked for them back, she replided, "you don't even need them anyway. You were fine last time." Now I'm really good with jokes but that rubbed me the wrong way. Joking has been my way of blending for so long, so many of my jokes have gone way to far, but I do it because that's just how I feel included. I'd rather have my friends joke about my autism then say nothing, because atleast then they're acknowledging it's there. ​​​​Now looking back I'm really loud with them and not everyone laughed, someone said I was being offensive. I never intend to hurt anyone, but I can see how it could come across that way. It seems like I'm making fun of people on the spectrum and I'm an ablist piece of shit. In reality joking is how I bring light into my situation. I've barely been using my headphones anymore. Originally to stop panic attacks, now I feel like everyone in that class sees it as an accessory for attention. I feel like I'm coming off as awful. The average bystander wouldn't be able to tell. People have said straight to my face that they didnt notice any signs of autism in me until like a year or two after meeting me because I'm so used to masking. From a bystanders perspective I'm a piece of shit.

Apologies for any grammer/spelling errors. I wrote this on my phone at midnight so it might be rough around the edges.

I'm 17 and recently got my first job at Mcdonald's. Going into fast food work I knew that the customers weren't always going to be nice, but how is the crew somehow worse?

For context, I have a lisp. I've had it my entire life ​and have been going to speech therapy for a total of 10 years trying to fix it. It's not perfect, but it's​ in a much better position than it once was. I've been at Mcdonald's for about a month now and last week I was put in front of the register for the first time. Typical customer orders and complaints, until one of the crew members comes up to order a crew meal. I'm punching his number in when he looks at me and asks, "is there something wrong with your jaw?" I asked him if there was anything on it, but the thought that it could be a comment on my lisp already came to my head. Lisping makes my jaw move funny and my invisalign definetely doesn't help. This 50 year old man then proceeds to tell me that I talked funny, and it kinda sounded like someone was abusing me and not taking care of me and that was why my jaw didn't finish developing. I think I handled the situation pretty well. I told him that I just had a lisp after I overcame the temporary paralysis from that comment, then my boss comes in and notices something is wrong and asks him to leave.

The reactions I get when telling people this story are insane. My parents told me that the whole situation was absolutely awful and that I should complain to my boss. Boss already stepped in, and if this is embarrasing or hurtful to anyone it's him because what do you mean at your grown age of 50 you can't comprehend that people over the age of 5 have speech impediments? Now when he told me this he seemed to have no harmful intent. His facial expression was written in concern so I really don't think he meant to be mean, he really seemed to believe I was being abused. I personally think this whole thing is really funny, but through experience I've learned to laugh encounters like this off. When no one can understand you it happens all the time, and if you take it to close to your heart it'll eventually destroy you. Alot of people just aren't taught what's socially right or wrong to say or aren't able to see the line, so I always laugh it off because more often then not they don't mean harm. I wish people were more educated on topics like this though. Everyone handles things differently and say something like that to the wrong person, you're strangled from across the counter.

OK so every year when our Tri M honors society inducts new members, we have a recital afterwards that members can voluntarily sign up for. I wrote this entire song about how self doubt and comparison to others can destroy you. It's my favorite thing I've ever created and I was so excited to share it with an association I've felt like I've been ignored in for the past three years. I've performed at the Tri M inductions before, but never an original song. I don't think anyone at our school's ever donr it before. This song also had a G5 I was belting. I can hit it, but I've never done it in front of an audience. ​My nerves got the better of me. I have really bad anxiety and I just forgot how to sing. I was shaky and flat on alot of notes, and I voice cracked not once, but twice on an E5. I hit the G flawlessly, but I went into the bathroom afterwards and started panicking that I just made a fool of myself. People in Tri M are known to gossip, I couldn't go back out their, especially since the girl after me was singing the fucking Ballad of Jane Doe. After 30 minutes of panic I come out of thd stall and get so many compliments about my song writing skills. I got asked about the program I used, how long I've been songwriting, someone told me I should submit it to a scholarship fund it was so good. Not a single positive comment on my vocals, which makes me even more worried about how bad it sounded to the audience. I can't stop thinking about the voice cracks, they haunt my dreams. I wasn't using the right technique because I was so nervous. I've always been brushed over for someone better than me and I feel like I just proved why. I uploaded the song to my Instagram to prove that I am in fact capable of singing. Though I hit the high notes, I'm really raspy in the beginning because of again, fear. All my Instagram comments are overwhelmingly positive, no one mentioned the mishap on stage, but I'll never live it down. Singers, how do you move on from bad performances?