u/Verni_ssage

I'm basically 100% certain people have a victim bias or something. I don't know how to explain it but I'll give some examples;

I was sexually exploited and groomed as a child from when I was 12 to 17. I went through and heard some gnarly shit but I'll never actually repeat what I was told because it still haunts me and I wouldn't want to put someone else through hearing what I heard from these people. The furthest I've gone to mentioning it is literally saying that/"I've been told some disturbing things that still stick with me". But I do think it's fair of me to put that I do genuinely struggle to see myself on the same level as other people because I think that's just the genuine truth. It's unfortunate, but it's the truth.

If I post a vent about this (in a vent sub that allows it), it'll be instantly downvoted and a day later I'll still be at zero downvotes, maybe two days later. I could leave that up for a week and the post is still at zero downvotes, zero comments.

But a post made an hour ago talking about how someone's mother told them they will get nowhere in life after they snuck out to do weed with their friends on a school night will have like 1k upvotes and 400 comments, all telling OP how they're in the right and how it's okay and things will be fine.

I posted earlier asking for clarification on something that happened to me when I was 13. To put it bluntly I think I was touched by a family member when I was 13 and I've been in denial about it for years because genuinely who the fuck would think "Oh, I should be careful around my family members in case one of them decide to touch me innapropriately!". Especially when it was something as subtle as what happened to me, it's not like I was brutally attacked so I can think a straight "yes, this is 100% assault".

I've been genuinely fucked up the past few weeks and I just heard this person's probably going to die soon, so of fucking course I'm going to start worrying if I've spent the last few years of their life ignoring them over me overreacting. I want a human opinion, I just want someone to tell me "yes, you were assaulted, you don't have to feel guilty." " No, you weren't assaulted, go see them and apologise."

It's been up for a few hours, over 2k views and I got downvoted 30 minutes in. Still at zero downvotes, still at zero comments. It's not like my post was like "guys this is NOT abuse even though it obviously was, but can I get some sympathy pretty please?" I even fucking said I'm on a waitlist for therapy so I'll also be talking about that, I just needed some reassurance in the moment as I've already got so much on my mind.

Oh but "I have anger issues and hit myself when I'm angry, no I will not change, I refuse to seek help." posted ten minutes ago already has 100 comforting, supportive "oh it's okay hunny I know how hard things must be!" comments have already been made.

Okay, so, if what I'm going through isn't convenient to stomach, does that mean I just don't deserve sympathy? Because it's not something simple or easy to hear about?

Genuinely the way people act on here with serious or disgusting trauma's make me feel like there's an iceberg, and the tip of the iceberg is like general sad inconveniences, and then just above water is like the 'vanilla abuse', and you stop deserving comfort when you get to below the water when you start reaching the actually disgusting shit like incest or CSA.

Like, news flash guys; Believe it or not, I actually DIDN'T enjoy being treated like a prostitute when I was twelve. Wooooah such a shocker, you can put down your "you deserved it with how you act now" comments! But alas, I guess I deserve the worst. I should probably just go jump off a bridge now because what I went through wasn't easy enough for you to handle or something, idk.

I hate Reddit lol.

(And if you're wondering, no, this is not just because of that latest post, this has happened so many fucking times and I've even seen it in other people's posts too)

Yeah I'm going to be one of those "I complain about something before it's even released" today, I honestly couldn't really care.

I'm trying to be excited for Cyclops coming out as I've been waiting for him eagerly as an X-Men/Cyclops fan, but it looks like he's going to be a dps and that's just depressing to me.

I've been stuck going tank or support because no one wants to, and if I go dps once I always seem to get coincidentally put in matches where everyone else also wants to go dps so either I'm forced to fill or I stay on dps and the match is a guaranteed loss.

Who wants to lose?? Personally, I don't enjoy it and rather put in the effort to give winning a chance but not a lot of others seem to feel the same it genuinely feels like.

While, yes, there are way too many dps in the game I'm more frustrated that I literally won't be able to play him because no one wants to play anything else.

I don't care if that sounds selfish; people claim support is the easiest role but refuse to play it over the dps they proceed to go 2/19 on, and tank is a whole other issue considering no one wants to play tank and will swap off it if someone goes second tank so you're usually stuck going solo regardless and that's just as miserable.

I enjoy playing support because I like helping the team but I want to play something else sometimes too you know?

But I literally can't play dps even if I wanted to unless I'm willing to throw the match by being one of those instalock dps players that don't swap off. I genuinely haven't been able to play dps in ages and the times I have, have been when I was playing with my duo because they filled so I could play dps. I do the same with them because they deal with the same thing and they should also get a chance to play dps from time to time.

When I started playing Rivals I played for Magik and admittedly I was an instalocker who wouldn't swap off. I pretty quickly realised how much one support or no tank comps didn't work so I learnt to play a few characters in both roles so I could fill. Then I started to realise I could hardly ever play Magik anymore, or just any dps in general because I learnt others, because no one wanted to fill.

I've said this already but it genuinely feels like if you want to play dps you have to either get super lucky, instalock and put the responsibility on your teammates or throw.

This is going to sound super toxic but I don't think I care anymore. I rarely play the game anymore because people are just so toxic in game and I have most subs muted because I literally got harassed on here for a month straight by some random 40 year old man because he threw my comp game – I am tempted to just stop caring. I like Cyclops and I've been playing support and tank so much unwillingly, all my highest hours are in those roles; maybe I'll just join the annoying instalock cult.

Like obviously I'll swap off if I'm going negative on a character because I just personally don't like not contributing, but I genuinely shouldn't have to be stuck on support or tank 24/7 because our instalock Iron Fist, MK, SW and Spidey doesn't want to contribute to the team.

Maybe things will get better when there's an even number of characters in every role but the way people talk about the support and tank role make it just feel like people just want to go solo on dps. I can't imagine change happening anytime soon, so I'm just going to start turning off comms/chat and enjoying the characters I like, even if that, again, means embracing the dps mindset.

Honestly I think I kind of deserve it after all the times I've been told to kill myself, berated or threatened by dps players because I didn't magically develop the ability to heal through walls or skip cool down timers, or because I like many other tank players get annoyed when I get off dps to go second tank to not make the solo tank have to go in alone and they swap to dps.

But then again I usually play QP because comp is hell, so many this doesn't matter that much lol

All I can really do is hope that this is an overreaction and Cyclops is a tank, then maybe I can just laugh at this dumb post and enjoy the character, but I don't have very high hopes for that.

Edit: Most of you guys are actually so much nicer than I remember, wtf lol. Thank you guys for being super understanding about this, it's a lot more then I expected 😅

Edit#2: I love how besides that one guy, everyone was being super friendly and understanding so I had that first edit to say thank you, and then maybe a minute or two later I get a comment calling me dumb lol. Not in relation to the edit but I find the timing ironic lmao

When I(18 now) was younger (under 12, primary school years) I went through a pretty rough few years. My mother drank a lot so there was constantly alcohol in the house and I remember I would occasionally drink some behind her back when I was feeling particularly depressed. There were also times with specific friends when they'd steal their parents alcohol and we'd drink it.

Into highschool I also drank occasionally. I felt compelled to drink whenever I felt depressed and I would steal alcohol from my father or get older kids to buy me alcohol that I would hide and drink when upset then too. Somehow I was less inclined to want to drink if it was to just have fun, but I did still drink when I was hanging out with friends or at parties and would drink to the point where I was drunk and not stop until I was.

I liked to joke at the time that I had an alcohol problem because I had a history of drinking for so long but admittedly I was being incredibly insensitive, the thing is now I'm starting to question if I do.

I never really believed it was an issue because when I hear alcoholic I think drinking basically every day or constantly being drunk or something, but I was just drinking when I was depressed, immediately thinking about being drunk when I was depressed and making sure I get drunk as quickly as possible in social settings. It did sound like an issue but I tend to invalidate my feelings a lot unfortunately lol so unless it's a 10 with me it's not an issue for some reason. (Not saying this applies to others)

Surprisingly as I was approaching my 18th while I still drank I started to get nervous or even feel nauseous at the idea of drinking alcohol or getting drunk. Even the smell alone would immediately trigger a headache and cause me to get dizzy.

Since turning 18 I've considered going out drinking alone or buying alcohol, trying to mix drinks at home, etc but I've never followed through with it because of how it makes me feel and I don't particularly like the taste of any of it.

The issue is I had a particularly horrible thing come up earlier today and while it didn't hit immediately that I felt like shit, on the probably 15 minute bus ride thanks to traffic I found myself with the unshakeable urge to get off at the next stop, walk to the alcohol store and buy something and just drink the entire thing. That was all I could think about, not even how alcohol started to make me feel; just that I needed to get drunk.

Not sure if it helps get a general idea at all but my family has a very long history of alcohol problems, I've heard that can be passed down I'm just not sure if it's true.

It was like that the entire walk home, the only reason I didn't go straight there was because my bag was already full and I didn't want to walk five minutes back home down the street with a bottle of bottles of alcohol in my hand at the time kids would be waiting for their parents to pick them up.

I can't remember what changed my mind when I got home and emptied out my bag, I think I just broke down, but the urge to go out and drink has still come up every now and then when I think about it. I feel like the urge to drink comes up pretty often when I feel like shit, it's just the fact that as of recently even if I have turned 18 I haven't actually gone out to buy anything.

I don't know why I've only now come to properly question if I have a problem but I think it's partially because I genuinely feel like I have no other way to cope and getting drunk to stop thinking about things sounds like the better option then feeling like death for the rest of the day.

I'm mainly asking to get an opinion on whether I should mention this to my doctor (don't have a therapist yet) as I would be extremely embarrassed to come up to her one day and say I think I have an alcohol problem and it turns out I'm just being unintentionally edgy or something.

When I was younger (under 12, primary school years) I went through a pretty rough few years. My mother drank a lot so there was constantly alcohol in the house and I remember I would occasionally drink some behind her back when I was feeling particularly depressed. There were also times with specific friends when they'd steal their parents alcohol and we'd drink it.

Into highschool I also drank occasionally. I felt compelled to drink whenever I felt depressed and I would steal alcohol from my father or get older kids to buy me alcohol that I would hide and drink when upset then too. Somehow I was less inclined to want to drink if it was to just have fun, but I did still drink when I was hanging out with friends or at parties and would drink to the point where I was drunk and not stop until I was.

I liked to joke at the time that I had an alcohol problem because I had a history of drinking for so long but admittedly I was being incredibly insensitive, the thing is now I'm starting to question if I do.

I never really believed it was an issue because when I hear alcoholic I think drinking basically every day or constantly being drunk or something, but I was just drinking when I was depressed, immediately thinking about being drunk when I was depressed and making sure I get drunk as quickly as possible in social settings. It did sound like an issue but I tend to invalidate my feelings a lot unfortunately lol so unless it's a 10 with me it's not an issue for some reason. (Not saying this applies to others)

Surprisingly as I was approaching my 18th while I still drank I started to get nervous or even feel nauseous at the idea of drinking alcohol or getting drunk. Even the smell alone would immediately trigger a headache and cause me to get dizzy.

Since turning 18 I've considered going out drinking alone or buying alcohol, trying to mix drinks at home, etc but I've never followed through with it because of how it makes me feel and I don't particularly like the taste of any of it.

The issue is I had a particularly horrible thing come up earlier today and while it didn't hit immediately that I felt like shit, on the probably 15 minute bus ride thanks to traffic I found myself with the unshakeable urge to get off at the next stop, walk to the alcohol store and buy something and just drink the entire thing. That was all I could think about, not even how alcohol started to make me feel; just that I needed to get drunk.

It was like that the entire walk home, the only reason I didn't go straight there was because my bag was already full and I didn't want to walk five minutes back home down the street with a bottle of bottles of alcohol in my hand at the time kids would be waiting for their parents to pick them up.

I can't remember what changed my mind when I got home and emptied out my bag, I think I just broke down, but the urge to go out and drink has still come up every now and then when I think about it. I feel like the urge to drink comes up pretty often when I feel like shit, it's just the fact that as of recently even if I have turned 18 I haven't actually gone out to buy anything.

I don't know why I've only now come to properly question if I have a problem but I think it's partially because I genuinely feel like I have no other way to cope and getting drunk to stop thinking about things sounds like the better option then feeling like death for the rest of the day.

I'm mainly asking to get an opinion on whether I should mention this to my doctor (don't have a therapist yet) as I would be extremely embarrassed to come up to her one day and say I think I have an alcohol problem and it turns out I'm just being unintentionally edgy or something.

Just forewarning for ableism I think?

My father isn't a very open person despite saying he has a very high IQ. It just doesn't feel like he thinks about what he says or does sometimes.

Like for one he's a massive fucking racist but he says he isn't. You're just going to have to trust me on that though because I don't know if I should go in depth about the shit he used to say as it was pretty dehumanising/messed up. I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway I literally tried everything to get him to stop making these comments around me because that amount of dehumanising level of hate made me really uncomfortable. I tried ignoring him, nodding along, staying silent, arguing, debating, etc.

There was this one time I tried arguing with him, explaining my personal views which obviously got me nowhere. I'm pretty sure in my argument I mentioned flatly that the shit he was saying wasn't just some harmless opinion or something, it was just straight, plain hate and he argued that it wasn't hate because he hates everyone equally (even though apparently he just so happens to hate POC more and feels like white people are oppressed, but it's equal hate so don't worry!)

Anyway later that night he sends me a reel and I go to check it out because I don't often get sent videos/reels from him.

"Something something you are doing no wrong, people that call your opinion hate are hateful, disgusting people something something they do not truely care outside of their own views something something."

You can't tell me that wasn't targeted, right? That it wasn't just a coincidence what I said was the main topic of that video?

But tonight; I get sent a video. Topic of the video? "Having Autism isn't a personality".

I genuinely don't know where tf this came from, but my first thought was that I have autism and we spoke about it recently. I have a clinical diagnosis that took me years of waiting to get, signed by actual, proper doctors. It was NOT a self diagnosis, I didn't even want it lmao I just wanted to see what was wrong with me and get help for it.

I don't talk to him often about it and I was literally hesitant to even tell him when I was diagnosed because I know his views on all that. The thing is he was telling me recently about how he wanted to get a diagnosis for ADD, and asked how I got into the service I did to get my autism diagnosis.

I told him honestly that it took me a fair few years to get it done. I'm pretty sure I was 14 when I got put on the waitlist and did a cognitive assessment (what I told him) and I only just got the official diagnosis back at the start-mid 2025 when I was 17. He laughed at that and said that was stupid, that it shouldn't have to take that long and sort of just brushed off what I said.

We spoke a fair bit after that about everything and I told him about some of the stuff that I didn't realise was autistic traits before hand but after getting the diagnosis and having it all explained to me; it made a lot of sense.

We were on the topic of autism and diagnosis' and all that so I thought why not talk about it. It's not like I brought it up out of the blue and I stopped talking about it when it wasn't relevant.

I know I don't make my autism my whole personality, I hardly even talk about it and I actually prefer people don't know I have autism. I feel like since I got diagnosed I actually get treated more like Autism is ME, like it's all I am now that I have the diagnosis to say I have it. Like I'm fragile and people need to walk on glass around me when I just want to be treated normally like I was before I knew.

The thing is after the last time he sent me that subtly targeted (or at least that's how it felt) reel, I can't help but wonder if this is also targeted. I genuinely want to ask him to elaborate when he sends me these things because after the last time and knowing how he feels about this stuff I'm inclined to believe it was a jab.

The guy in the video just talks about how people with ADHD, Anxiety and Autism makes him want to die because they're "stupid" and make it their whole personality. That "half of these people make having it like they're high and mighty when they just look like nerds and are dumb", etc etc.

Like wtf? Are you kidding?

I've told him I have Anxiety, I am clinically diagnosed with GAD, PTSD and Autism among other unimportant things. I've mentioned those to him probably two or three times because the conversation was on the topic that suited me mentioning them. It's not like I mention them 24/7 everytime we catch up but we spoke about mental health recently and I brought up my own issues and how I was diagnosed/helped with them because he was asking about it.

I don't know, I feel stupid that I'm looking into this so much but it just feels targeted, some of the shit he sends me. Like idk what to do but I want to do SOMETHING because I feel like shit now.