u/WhereasHopeful

2 years ago I was I was invited to a cookout and swimming at my boyfriends uncles house for the 4th. They also had a little tiki bar. I drank a cut water for the first time, and his family was offering me rumplemintz shots, I agreed and I don’t even know how many i took. Before I move on, at this point I’m still very nervous around his family, super shy, barely can get words out my social anxiety is so bad.

So after the cutwater and shots, I started getting more talkative. Apparently I told his sister I wish my boyfriend was more “out there” as a joke cause he doesn’t drink. I remember being goofy and just dumb I’m so embarrassed. That’s not even the worst part. I was having so much fun I didn’t want to leave. My boyfriend was tired and it’s been hours. I kept telling him he can leave but I can stay, but he knew I was too drunk. He tried convincing me to go home, and I started crying. Then once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop, just waterworks. Everyone saw me and I can’t stop thinking about that.

He said his mom had to trick me into thinking we were taking a group photo to walk to the car. I don’t remember that but I guess it worked. I got home, passed out. Woke up hours later, my boyfriend playing video games and I overhear him telling his friends what happened. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out.

It’s been years and I still think about it. I started to tonight for some reason and it replays and cringe at how I was acting. My boyfriend said they didn’t care, the next time I went over they jokingly asked if I wanted a rumplemintz shot and I wanted to just disappear, was hoping they’d all forget. I hate when moments like this pop in my brain I can’t stop the spiraling :(

I’m 29F, my grandma is in her mid 80’s. My parents got divorced when I was around 5, my dad had custody so when he was at work, my grandma was basically my mom. Up until I was a teenager/young adult, she was always there for me (still is). But I mean in ways a mother would, she’d take me to and from school, take me shopping, spoil me with gifts, help me with homework, doctors appointments. When I was a young child, I was scared to sleep alone in the dark. We had a large couch that would fold out into like a giant bed, so almost every night I’d sleep with her and I felt so safe.

Once I moved out, and got a partner and job, we obviously saw each other less, but her house was the place that would hold Christmas, birthdays, holidays, she’s the glue to the family. We talk on the phone every other day to keep in touch, checking in on each other. Anyway, lately it’s hitting me more that I have less time with her than I would with my actual mother. Each year passes is a year closer to her death, she’s losing her sight as of recently, more appointments due to random health issues, and I try not to think about it but can’t help one day soon she’ll just be gone. And the thought crushes me because she was essentially my mom.

I know loss is normal, but idk why this one feels like it’s hitting so hard, and it hasn’t even happened yet. I try not to think about it, but when I do all I wanna do is cry. I get this way too about other family members, even my fiance but more with her since she’s actually getting to that age and she was there for me my whole life basically. Anyone have tips on how to stop the spiraling? The thought crushes me so bad, and ruins my mood a lot of the time. :(

I rarely drink anymore, I hate the hangxiety after, the hangovers, i dislike it all, but my friend asked me to go out last and i said yes. Before she picked me up, i made myself a drink, im really socially awkward even around her sometimes so it makes me more social and comfortable.That’s basically the only reason why I drink anymore. If I wasn’t so awkward I wouldn’t drink at all but it’s what makes me feel normal socially. I know I was getting some drinks while out but I wanted to take the edge off for when she picked me up cause we were going to hang for a bit first

She picked me up, we got there and i had 3-4 drinks. I felt fine up until the last one. Started getting memory gaps, don’t remember the ride home. I worry I said something weird or wrong. I want to ask but idk. When I got home she went inside with me and I don’t remember that at all. After she left I remember i couldn’t stop crying while laying in bed with my fiance. I can’t even remember why.

It’s the next morning I kept asking if I was acting weird he just said i seemed tired and obviously tipsy. I apologized for crying he keeps saying it’s ok but idk it’s so embarrassing. I’m also so anxious and emotionally flat. I hate this feeling so much:( I just want this feeling to go away

So last night I got drunk the first time in a long time. I get tipsy here and there but that’s about it. When I would get drunk I’d get hangxiety over something I did/said but last night I had a lot of fun and nothing went wrong but I still feel so off!!

Had a few drinks at a restaurant came home and made my own and me and my fiance just hungout watched YouTube videos and tv together played some video games it was a good time. My memory started fading when we went upstairs to bed and I don’t remember if I took my meds or anything like that.

Woke up at like noon, so thirsty drank so lots of water. Surprisingly no headache or nausea I think I slept through it since it was so late. But immediately keep trying to remember if I was too annoying, talking too much, said or did anything weird, feel off that I don’t remember stuff near the end. Then this kinda numb feeling of like guilt but I didn’t even do anything. I told him for some reason I feel embarrassed and hope I wasn’t too much and he said I was fine and he had lots of fun. It helped a tiny bit knowing he had fun still but I still feel off and not in a good mood. Does this happen to anyone else what can I do to shake off this feeling?

I’ve never tried therapy and really struggle with social anxiety, masking, fear of being perceived, any type of socializing basically. It’s been getting to a point where it affects my relationship and work. I see a doctor for medication management for my meds but that’s about it.

Since I’m not a fan of socializing I wanted somewhere I can just message or at least to start. I found Talkspace. I signed up and linked me with someone the next day. I told her everything, a full long message about my social anxiety, how it affected me growing up, partially about my ocd and spiraling and very little about my anxiety itself like panic attacks and what not since it’s not been so bad also not my main focus.

I then answered her assessment questions and she responded to my anxiety part, asking my symptoms and how I cope. I told her lately it’s not bad, it’s the socializing but explained but when I do get anxiety it’s just the usual racing heart, etc just to answer her question. She never once acknowledged the social anxiety and proceeded to tell me about breathing exercises, information on flight or flight, etc. I told her I appreciate the info, but I’d like to focus on the social aspect, which if that’s not her focus area I totally understand and would like her to explain so I can find another. She left me on read and she’s working today.

I feel like I’m talking to a wall. I explain all my issues and what I want to focus on and she just tells me about breathing exercises and how to calm the vagus nerve when that’s not what I need help with, and never acknowledged the main issue I brought up why chose therapy, it all sounded so copy and paste. Unsure if I’ll get a response but idk is it supposed to be this way?

My boyfriend has a dog who’s he’s had since she was a puppy 8-9 years ago. Me and him didn’t start dating until 3 years ago. Before him, I didn’t really own dogs, or not around them much, so I didn’t really have much of an opinion.

At first it was ok, she’s a big dog breed with droopy lips so when we moved in together I noticed the windows all smeary from her looking out them, when she’s hungry she drools all over the floor, and if she grazes you or your clothes you will get wet. That’s the first thing that made me start to not like her, I know she can’t help it but it’s still disgusting. Slowly things like that would get to me, the drool, her stinky farts, the prickly itchy hair, when on the bed or couch her heavy breathing that shakes the whole bed you can’t even relax.

Anyway after a while she started to follow me everywhere, as if I’m her owner and not him. I don’t baby talk her, give her lots of attention, pet her much, none of it, but yet she still chooses to follow and be around me. It doesn’t sound like a huge issue but when we both get home from a long day from work the first thing I wanna do is lay in bed and relax and he goes on the couch to chill. She’ll immediately follow me, jump on the bed all excited, tries to sniff me with her wet mouth which will stain my clothes or if I’m wearing shorts all on my leg. Then she’ll lay down and pant and shake the whole bed and I end up kicking her out and shutting the door and he asks why and says it’s mean. Like ??? I just want to relax and not have a big stinky dog drooling and breathing in my face after a long day. Even when she calms down she always farts and it stinks so bad and of course has to lay right next to me. This happens every single day after work, follows me everywhere.

Today I had a bad day, irritable, hot, could not wait to get home and relax in my comfy bed. I got home, my boyfriend did his own thing while I wanted to lay down and of course she follows me everywhere. From the kitchen, to my room where I change and then to the bedroom. I couldn’t do it, I locked her out. She’s currently laying by the door crying to come in while my boyfriend is downstairs doing his own thing which I don’t understand why she’s so persistent on being around me when it’s obvious I don’t want her around. Her crying out there is just as annoying as her heavy panting in bed.

Anyway, end of my rant. I just want to come home in peace after a long day and not have a drooling stinky dog following me around whenever I go 🫩

So she’s been my best friend for 3 years. The first year was good but she would slowly get upset at me for tiny things.

Last summer, I was having a bad day. She said she’d hangout with me to cheer me up and I agreed. My day got worse I was bawling my eyes out and I messaged her saying I’m so sorry I might not go I’m crying and was having a bad day that got worse. She responded with “that’s the second time in a row ttyl.” Not caring about my feelings. The first time she’s referring to is when I asked her to go to a bar. She replied with “I don’t have my ID” no other context so to me it was a no, and I made other plans with family. She never said we can go anyway so I assumed her not having her id as a response is no but she took that as bailing on her due to miscommunication.

Another time was when we were texting about her day, she wasn’t doing good. I was giving her advice, and near the end I said “I wish I could do more to help:(“ and later on she said nobody can help just like you said. I never said that, she took that comment the wrong way. Next one that almost ruined our friendship. We were going to hangout a week day after work. I got home, she messaged me asking if we still had plans and I said I don’t think so, then not long after I said oh yea we do, when I remembered. I slipped my mind for literally 2 minutes. I thought she’d say ok cool and go with the plan. But she crashed out. Said she always makes time for me, wanted to ruin our Snapchat streak, cancelled plans for the next weekend, said “should we even be friends?” I was so stressed. She also said I’m going to be the one that has to make plans from now on. We could’ve still hungout but she just lost it. Ever since those times I feel like I’m walking on egg shells.

The one that’s making me consider our friendship was a few days ago. I asked if she wanted to hang the 4th, and said honestly probably not she’s been having a bad week. I said totally understandable no worries, I then said “we have plenty of weekends to hangout!” Then her mood shifted. She said she was upset I said there are other weekends when her bday is the week after and we made plans. I told her that wasn’t my intent and I didn’t forget as I meant weekends as a whole and was putting less pressure on the 4th. She was short, saying she won’t tell me how she feels anymore, and cancelled her bday plans with me. My heart rate gets so high every time this happens and I get so stressed and overthink and it’s not helping my mental health. I don’t like walking on eggshells. One time we went 1-2 days without talking and the next day she said she’ll let me talk first because it seems like I don’t want to talk. It was only 1 or 2 days. And I said sorry some days I’m busy or having off days and she said “I always tell you when I’m busy” it’s like I never do anything right.

She did apologize for the time I forgot our plans for 2 minutes and shouldn’t have acted that way. I forgave her but still worried about the future. Then yesterday she responded after I gave her space and she said she wasn’t mad at me and couldn’t deal with me spiraling because she was going through so much that I wouldn’t understand, then said she can tell our friendship is falling apart. Then 2 messages later she says she loves me and we can get through anything and from now on she’ll watch her tone. I just feel this constant stress to be perfect say things the right away and not cancel without being a big deal. I’ve never had a friendship since school so idk is this normal? She’s a good person, but I’m also autistic so I spiraled that day because I didn’t want her to think that was my intent so I tend to over explain myself then she thinks I turned it into a big deal.

She still said she doesn’t want us to do something for her bday (me and her) but is making plans in general which I feel left out now, so idk. Before her I hate to say I never had this sorta stress before :/

My main question is, is this normal in friendships? Anyone go through something similar and did you get them off or work it out?

TLDR: best friend gets upset over small things, feel like walking on eggshells and it’s draining unsure of how or to end friendship or if this is just how they’re supposed to be.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m 29F, when I was 15 I got together with my ex I met in high school. He was also 15. We broke up in 2022. It started out good, butterflies, the spark, but months later he got possessive, controlling, nothing physical but all mental and because of that I didn’t take it that seriously.

Started as he didn’t want me talking to guys, any guys. Even if I had a partner in class, he’d tell me no. I was scared to lose him so I’d do it. I had to block or delete Facebook friends. Then it transitioned to female friends. I lost my best friend because she was a “bad influence”. He said that because she noticed I was becoming caved in and tried to help but he saw it as her pulling me away, so I lost her completely. If I messaged anyone other than him, he said he saw it as “replacing” him, and he didn’t feel as special. So when we text he would constantly ask if I’m talking to someone else currently, like texting, and if I was he’d send a sad face, and act all sad. So I’d stop talking to others. Then family, my mom noticed so he didn’t like her side of the family, I also became distant with them. I was slowly losing everyone.

Then what I wore. Makeup. I loved to wear it, it made me feel pretty. He said he didn’t want me to wear it, and called me selfish if I do cause he’s my boyfriend and it should only matter to him. I realized it was because he didn’t want me to get attention from guys. Whenever he’d catch me wearing it, he’d get all sad, or upset and call me selfish. So I stopped wearing it completely.

He was also a compulsive liar. He lied about previous relationships, that he cheated on another girl, and gave details when I found out it wasn’t true. He said he was born somewhere where he wasn’t. He lies to his online friends about his life, that we got a new dog and send pictures and it’s not even ours. I made a “friend” in school from him. Never met her but he gave me her number and we talked for months. She’d ask weird questions like if I’d cheat, thoughts on other guys, I became suspicious. I saw on Facebook he logged into my account, blocked her, and it was him the whole time. He begged me not to leave and said his friend told him to do it, then admitted it was just him and he was sorry. I was dumb and I stayed. He would also message other guys on my account, delete the message so they would message me back to either see my reaction or cause he liked it I don’t even know at this point. He would also make us switch phones during school because he didn’t trust me.

Once we hit 18, I put my foot down and said if he doesn’t change I’m leaving, which I wasn’t even sure if that was true but I had to do something. He suddenly changed. I could hangout with friends again, which was pointless cause I lost them all. But at least I felt free. Still lots of pointless arguing, off and on fights, times where because of my anxiety he’d call me childish and I can’t always be “scared”. there were still “good” times so I stayed. Around 2019 he started drinking a lot, hanging out with another girl constantly, saying she’s just a friend, but I found messages when he was “drunk” that she’s more fun than me and things he would do to her, etc. I had a gut feeling and went through the messages. She died in a car accident, and I felt horrible, he was grieving and was always going to her grave. I felt like I couldn’t say anything. He’d still lie, he made up a girls name put in his contact and say she’s a girl from work when she didn’t even exist. Just to make me jealous.

He met another girl late 2020, same pattern. Always at her apartment, coming home drunk. The worst part is I had a gut feeling and went through his texts. His mom was calling me lazy and boring and said to be with that girl instead..my heart sunk.

By this point, I lost all feeling. No sexual attraction, I didn’t even sleep in the same bed, i felt numb in the relationship. No feelings or spark. I basically needed the courage to leave but was scared to be alone. 2022 I finally left him. I felt nothing, but wasn’t sad but I felt so free. I met my current fiance late that year and we’ve been together since. He treats me amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. I still struggle with worrying about how he’ll react over certain things, or when he’s upset if I should tip toe around his feelings, but I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I try not to worry what others think, our mutuals from the outside saw a perfect relationship just to break up and me move on after. But I wasn’t searching, he just popped in my life and was the best thing that could’ve happened. But I can definitely feel the judgement.

Thank you if you read all this, it’s nice to get it off of my chest. I know it’s not as bad and some others, and nothing was physical, but after being in an emotionally toxic relationship since I was 15 until 25 I definitely need some healing but things are now going great :) if any of you went through something similar feel free to say how you’ve been healing/cope ❤️