u/Wild-Resident-8311

Sorry i didn’t know what flair to use reddit is new to me.(Just like a trigger warning this involves pretty rough and bad stuff involving kids)When I was 13, yes I know 😞. I really wanted to lose my V-card, before anyone says anything about this whole idea yes I’m aware it was stupid as fuck, I am 16 now. Anyways I met this girl online and she liked me and I liked her and we were talking for quiet a while and she did tell me that she wanted to do freaky stuff and she lived in a different area than me so I somehow convinced her to sneak out, get a train and than a bus at midnight to an abandoned house with a bed in it 🫩. We walked around my town at night talking for a bit and she brang a weed vape and I brang alchohol (we agreed to do this before) and I was already kind of tipsy as I was nervous so i drank. I always urged her to drink aswel as I was soooo nervous.We than started making out in the bed and I always asked her if she was ok to progress. She sometimes would say that she wanted to just not progress right now and keep on just doing stuff we were doing but eventually we ended up having sex. She gave consent as before I progressed in any way I asked for consent. We than just watched a movie together and chilled the rest of the might and the day after she asked to go out with me. Even talking about this cringes me the fuck out please keep in mind I’m 13 shes 14. We are than going out and once again after a week or two of going out she comes to do the same thing and she brings condoms this time and basically the same thing happens. After a month or two of dating I lose interest and I started talking to one of her friends and planned to meet up with her ( ik what a dick move) she found out and was so angry but somehow i convinced her to stay with me but after a few weeks i js broke up with her. She was so upset that she lost her v card to someone that she wont even stay with and was really mad. But we broke up on good terms.

Can I just say I am aware that I was an asshole to her regardless of the “rape” allegation. I really was just so immature and didnt understand emotions and how to treat people, I am a completely different person now.

Anyways so everything was going fine in my life without her until one of my friends says he heard lots of stuff about how I am “terrible at sex” and my dick was tiny and that she didn’t even feel it. And lots of private stuff about me. Didnt bother me that much but not nice to hear rumours about myself especially private stuff, all just petty made up stuff. I then was at a function drinking and I got very drunk and she was there and she confronted because Apparently I “raped” her. She repeatedly punched me and I was so drunk I had no idea what was going on and I knew I couldn’t hit her back so for 15 minutes straight she was shouting at me punching me in the face and I was screaming at her back just eating the punches as I was pretty numb. When I got home my face was completely bruised and swollen from the punching. A girl I know said that she told her that she planned to assault me that night and that was the only reason she went out. I had lots of mental health issues following weaks as I kept getting flashbacks of me just getting assaulted and just feeling of helplessness and how I couldn’t hit her back as if a video of me punching a girl I would be done for. I couldn’t ever sleep at night and I would always punch walls randomly. I ended up breaking my knuckles once from it. I didn’t think much of her saying I raped her though as I was super drunk and didn’t really comprehend it. Than a month later I started hearing about rumours about myself and how I raped a girl. Friends started asking me if I “really raped her?” Girls started ignoring me etc. my friends siblings knew and would tell their parents, my friends parents didn’t want me to hang out with them anymore, in the street I was walking with my mom and she was behind me and saw me and shouted “Rapist!” at me. This got so bad to the point I was fully convinced I raped her and she was the victim. Anyways this was really tough for me but tbh theres no more of the story, time just went on, everything slowly fizzled out and everyone forgot, but it always left a scar mentally for me. I noticed that it gave me a lot of trauma and affected my mental health a-lot leading to trust issues, anxiety, stress and other things. And i like to think I’m not a sensitive person either at all. Anyways I just sometimes feel to this day guilty about it for some reason like I always have and I just want to know how do I know if I didn’t rape her? Obviously not rape but sexually assault?

I met this girl 6 months ago, we went on 3 dates which were fine, just shallow chatting, one was a night out so we got pretty shitfaced but was pretty fun, 3 months ago I had to move to a different country for 4 months, and in less than a month I will be back. I felt a bit dissatisfied talking to her though but I always just thought its cuz I need to get to know her better and build the relationship, but recently shes so tiring to talk to and I have realised that she never shows any emotion ever, shes either extremely boring or she is just not showing her true self I never even know how shes feeling, or how shes doing, she has 0 opinions to share, barely shows affection but does when it is easy. Im her first relationship. I have opened up a lot to her Aswel about my past, my depressive childhood and genuine vulnerability, while if i ask how her life is she replies with “good”. Also she constantly makes these “jokes” about not being interested in me or just insulting me like calling me fat or ugly, I ament fat at all so they are clearly jokes but what bothers me is that we are having a normal conversation and she ruins it by saying stupid BS and if I tell her to stop she doubles down and pretends she is serious. What also really confused me is we had a little fight because my friend told her best friend about our meetups and private stuff we did (nothing crazy) and she confronted me so I just apologised and thought my best friend would keep it private as I specifically told him to and instead of talking it through she just said lets stop talking just straight away? I had to give her like a 5 minute vm from the bottom of my heart to apologise after a week of not talking. Im sorry this shit is so long and probably doesn’t make sense. How do i talk about how i feel? Whenever i try to she shuts it down and doesn’t talk at all. Just to be clear she is definitely interested in me though like she tells me she is and isn’t the type to be talking to other guys. Just incase you think that might be why.

I met this girl 6 months ago, we went on 3 dates which were fine, just shallow chatting, one was a night out so we got pretty shitfaced but was pretty fun, 3 months ago I had to move to a different country for 4 months, and in less than a month I will be back. I felt a bit dissatisfied talking to her though but I always just thought its cuz I need to get to know her better and build the relationship, but recently shes so tiring to talk to and I have realised that she never shows any emotion ever, shes either extremely boring or she is just not showing her true self I never even know how shes feeling, or how shes doing, she has 0 opinions to share, barely shows affection but does when it is easy. Im her first relationship. I have opened up a lot to her Aswel about my past, my depressive childhood and genuine vulnerability, while if i ask how her life is she replies with “good”. Also she constantly makes these “jokes” about not being interested in me or just insulting me like calling me fat or ugly, I ament fat at all so they are clearly jokes but what bothers me is that we are having a normal conversation and she ruins it by saying stupid BS and if I tell her to stop she doubles down and pretends she is serious. What also really confused me is we had a little fight because my friend told her best friend about our meetups and private stuff we did (nothing crazy) and she confronted me so I just apologised and thought my best friend would keep it private as I specifically told him to and instead of talking it through she just said lets stop talking just straight away? I had to give her like a 5 minute vm from the bottom of my heart to apologise after a week of not talking. Im sorry this shit is so long and probably doesn’t make sense. How do i talk about how i feel? Whenever i try to she shuts it down and doesn’t talk at all. Just to be clear she is definitely interested in me though like she tells me she is and isn’t the type to be talking to other guys. Just incase you think that might be why.