u/Willowtheillusionist

I feel so much regret, and I feel so sick. I've had such a rough night. I could barely sleep. I tried smoking some weed to temporarily make the feeling go away, but I was just feeling way too high and still felt such despair. By the time I sobred up, all the feelings I've been holding came crashing down on me, and I ended up vomiting and hyperventilating for hours.

A few weeks ago, my LO friendzoned me after I thought we were doing well and had a thing. She was so attentive to me and told me everything I ever wanted someone to tell me, just for her texts to reduce, and all of a sudden, she told me she wasn't into me. I was heartbroken at the first, but the delusions began to kick in and I thought maybe I'd still have a chance because she admitted that she did have feelings for me at some point but they went away. I thought I could reignite them and we could be together.

I found out last night that she has a girlfriend, and she told me the reason she lost feelings for me was because my personality reminded her of her horrible ex. I didn't think I was affecting her in such a way, I just wasn't showing my true feelings because I was so scared they were going to overwhelm her and make her leave me. When I finally told her everything I thought about her and how I felt about she told me, she wished I was honest and would have been myself.

I wish I could turn back time and show my real colours. Maybe then she would have seen me for who I was, and we could have made it work. She was genuinely such a nice person, and she was exactly my type, too. All of my exes have been emotionally dull avoidants, I couldn't show them an ounce of love without them completely abandoning me. The one time I decided to put my guard up and protect myself was with a person who would have accepted me. I feel like God is laughing in my face right now.

I know it's so delusional and predatory, but all I want to do is beg her to give me another chance. I could give her my heart and the world if she'd let me. She told me the kind of person she was looking for and she described me, but I was so afraid to show it out of fear of rejection. And now she found someone who was brave too, I feel so ill.

My body hasn't let me cry for weeks, and it's all coming down on me now. I feel so much despair. It's like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I don't know how to make the pain stop. it's unbearable.

She said that she appreciates me as a friend, so I'm going to respect her boundaries and stay in my place; but I feel so sick right now, idk what to do

Hii I'm a British content creator (political art channel) and aspiring social media marketer, and I'm trying to figure out whether the O-1 visa is even a realistic pathway for me in the future, and if so, what I should be doing now to strengthen my portfolio.

A bit about me: 18 years old, British and French citizen, 76,000+ YouTube subscribers, 65,000+ TikTok followers, 10M+ total views, Several years of experience creating content and growing online audiences, experience in managing my own social media platforms and developing content strategies, Interested in building a career in influencer marketing and social media management, worked with 2 brands and lead both campaigns, I've been invited as guests to talks, featured in an interview but that's my only media coverage so far.

My long-term goal is to move to the states and work within the creator economy, either by running my own social media management agency, managing influencers, or working with creators on brand growth and audience development.

Based on what I've achieved so far, does an O-1 visa sound like a realistic long-term goal, or would another visa category make more sense? I don't feel like I've managed to do much because all of my work has been limited due to being a minor only a few months ago. I've had brands reach out for work and then backtrack once they learnt I was solo-managing as a teen, so my portfolio isn't as impressive as it should be.

Where did I go wrong with this reading? I was asking if this girl I liked was into me with my personal spread, and the cards seemed promising. However, she sent me a lengthy text saying she wasn't interested in me romantically at all and felt bad for potentially leading me on.

It was quite a lengthy session, but I was hoping someone could help me out?

How she feels about me: page of cups reversed (wants to be loved, feeling too shy to confront it, doesn't know how to express herself)

what she thinks of me: king of swords (intelligent, principled, rational, direct, respects me as a person)

what she wants for the both of us: wheel of fortune (wants to let the relationship unfold into something else naturally, doesn't want to force it)

does she want me back: queen of cups (yes, feels emotionally invested and compassionate with me)

will she ask me 2 be her girlfriend: ace of pentacles, 3 of cups reversed, 4 of swords reversed (wants a new beginning with the relationship, feels awkward to initiate she wants something more, but eventually something new will happen)

should I ask her to be my girlfriend: wheel of fortune & death (Yes, but pay attention to timing. A new chapter will arise as the old chapter ends)

The way I interpreted the cards were there were mutal feelings, but she was having trouble expressing them clearly. A relationship could come to fruition if someone broke the waiting cycle. I should be the one confessing and making the move. It was really ironic because as soon as I was preparing to tell her she told me she wasnt into to me, so where exactly did I go wrong?

Im wondering if the 3 of cups reversed indicated being friendzoned, and the king of swords is her seeing me as someone she respects rather than someone she views romantically. Could the queen of cups just have been her feeling bad about her knowing I liked her, but she didn't like me back?

I've done the first spread a few times already because Im egotistical and enjoyed reading into what she thought about me, and the answer was more or less the same. She likes me, considers me as a romantic partner, and is too afraid to come forward to talk about her feelings.

I couldn't tell her I liked her, of course, to protect my own heart. I was quite disappointed because this wasn't what I expected at all. Im just wondering if my idealism of thinking she liked me blindsided my intuition. All this during pride month too, my heart </3