Am I broken/unfixable?
Hear me out. I am 52. In recent years I have done so much work on myself and I have had improvements at times. But the last week or two I just feel so tired of all the triggers and I just feel so discouraged and probably depressed tbh. I have been reflecting on my very early life. When I was born I was posterior and took 3 days to come out (possible brain damage?). I was a very fractious baby that cried a lot. My mother smoked during my pregnancy, I guess I had to withdraw from tobacco as a newborn? I’ve also heard this can lead to depression. When I was a toddler I used to have giant tantrums and bash my head against the wall repeatedly (I don’t remember this). My parents used to lock me in a room during my tantrums because they would get so frustrated with me. From there I think I was a pretty normal kid until at age 12 I decided I must be defective due to all the bullying I had. I have done so many things to try to help myself. Last week or two I have felt as defeated and terrified as ever.