some places were really bad but i didn’t have to deal with the outside world while i was in those places. i felt like a prisoner in some of those places but i could just exist without having to worry about work, bills, school, abusive partners, bad home life, etc.
I got a call from my niece who ghosted me after she turned 18. Shes 25 now. She sent me a text today saying hello aunt. I found it weird she would text me and she has never called me aunt. I told her it's weird for you to text me so what's up. She said it wasn't serious she just wanted to wish my happy 4th. I just found it weird that's all because I never gotten on well with my living siblings because they hated the fact I was different than them. Even as adults they still don't like me and I don't talk to anybody on my late dad side of the family. And I moved to another state to get away from them. So she texted me from another phone saying I'm the weirdo and that's why nobody on my dad side fuck with me. She said my kids hate me. I know that part isn't true. See I always knew my dad side don't like me and don't talk to me. And I don't talk to them either I don't even claim them. But my niece confirmed that nobody on my dad side like me. It was a little hurtful but I'm not surprised because I knew all of this since I was 12 and I'm 51 now. But it's kinda different when you know something but another story when someone else confirms it. And she would know because she's close to her granddad side of the family. So have y'all ever not been close to family members and someone else in the family confirmed the reason why.
Not sure if I'm on the right page here ...
I'm suffering from panic attacks daily, vomiting, i can't eat or sleep. 4 months ago I slept with a friend. It started cos he pinned my wrists, I said 'i can't do this' and he kept going and told me not to stress. Eventually I gave in but i don't know if i kissed him back or if he kissed me??? I remember him doing stuff at beginning (won't go into detail), I just let him and lay there (can't picture my surroundings). I didn't lie that I I enjoyed the feeling physically and then I just thought about my boyfriend and that's where my memory cuts. I only remember hearing a knock and a drink being spilt, no context around it i.e. positions. I dont even recall if I still had my top on or not. When i told my boyfriend after, this is genuinely all I can confidently remember. After I apparently facetimed my boyfriend but I didn't know I facetimed until he told me about a month after it happened. No memory of conversation/ where i was when I made this call. I know I was participating and went along with it in the moment, guy told me I was moaning which makes me vomit and shake now. but memories feels so far and blurry. I can't piece anything together chronologically or clearly so my OCD is just filling in gaps with how I normally behave during sex. My friend said we had sex again after that but I don't remember the initiation, although I did text him saying it was fine to come down. I don't remember letting him in the room either. I just have two flashes of 'participation' and then it cuts to me faking it to get the friend to stop because 'i'm tired' didn't work. Next morning, he tried to have sex with me again. I said no. This weir d'numb calm' got instantly shattered when suddenly I vomited and went cold and shaky into shock. I was so horrified. I never wanted this. This is genuinely all I remember 100%, my boyfriend knows everything and broke up with me.My therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD from this night and said i couldn't consent/didn't consent but it still feels like cheating. Thinking about the memories I do have makes me vomit and shiver. I feel so horrible already but I feel like its all my fault. The guilt and anxiety is crushing, just looking for some advice
Hi everyone, I hope all of you are doing well. This has literally been the worst week of my life. I’m a teenage girl and I know a lot of you are wiser than I, so I need some help. Also, the meal attached is a seafood boil with garlic noodles—-if you’re ever in Hell’s Kitchen NY check out shaking crab!
I’ve liked a guy for six months. I met him through a volunteer organization and i always sensed something between us because of his body language and some of the things he would say in our conversation. We didn’t interact much outside of volunteering, but a couple of weeks ago, when I didn’t show up, he sent me a message saying “you really ditched me Friday” and attached was a selfie of himself frowning. I responded with something dumb which I thought was cool for whatever reason and the conversation ended pretty quickly.
At this point, I thought, ‘oh he must like me.’ All signs were kind of pointing to it but I’m also completely delusional.
I texted him a bit after that but I suck at texting so none of the conversations were interesting at all. A week ago, I saw my friend had followed him. He has 100 followers which isn’t many so I thought it was pretty bizarre. This same friend had previously been my best friend but I found out she dated her best friend and my friend’s situationship behind her back for two months… And when I confronted her about it she turned it on me saying “the first thing I think of when I think of you is you cutting people off” when I told her to dump him because she barely likes him. I still loved her though, even though she hasn’t been treating me well over the past couple of years. Then, I found out she didn’t invite me to a party she threw so I thought communication was the way to go so I called her sobbing and expressing how I felt about our friendship and she responded with a very fake tone of voice saying “noo I’m so sorry you feel that way!” And I was super offended because clearly I cared way too much and much more than her. After that, I felt a little better because I thought we were in a better place, but I still wanted to distance myself because of what she did to my friend.
I was hanging out with that same friend who is her best friend on Saturday, and she told me that girl had started volunteering at the museum a month ago. I was surprised it hadn’t come up because everyone knows I volunteer there and like a guy from there. And I’ve told her multiple stories about it. I was surprised because this girl also isn’t the academic or do things for the good of humanity type of person.
Then my friend told me she apparently (while having a boyfriend) really likes one guy there and asked him out. At this point I knew it but I was hanging onto hope, so long story short it was the same guy and she claimed she “forgot”
I kind of understand why he would agree to go out with her even if he did like me just because she’s super direct and confident and whatever we have is ambiguous and unpromised and I can’t give him anything more right now.
I didn’t speak to her after that, but the next day, I met up with a different friend to talk things through when my friend called me saying she had something very serious to tell me. I was caught so off guard and told her to tell me right then but she refused and told me to find a place to sit. I sat down, and she told me my other friend >!had passed away a week prior in a terrible, terrible way.!<
I was screaming and crying on the sidewalk and I was so in shock I couldn’t even have a panic attack. I still obviously haven’t recovered from any of this and this was just five days ago and I’m doing the best I can to be mature about it, but does anyone have any advice?
It’s not CSA it’s SA but idk how to use the custom tag. I just got away from him but my heart hurts so much.
I have a problem. Yup. I need to lose this hubby ~ he's sick of my s***???
Virginia is not my style ~ I'm tired of meeting takers.
I am done with this bs.
I'm old and tired of his crap.
Too much to get into atm.
JUST VENTING... been here 13 years, and now it's time to leave.
Virginia itself is fine... just not for me.
Broke as a joke 😃
Blah blah blah 🙄 😑
🤧🤢
i begged you not to leave me with him. image is OC
my wife has locked me out the house via court order. we've had many fights over the years, never physical. but verbal shouting matches that carried over outside the house. even in front of our 3 kids.
i've messed around on her physically before marriage and still struggle with cyber cheating as a married man. my anger on top of that led me to over the top behavior to her and in front of the police and now i have a court date to decide my fate, yet alone if she will even have me back.
how can i cope with the situation? i want my family, i've sucked as a husband. she hasn't been perfect but ive let years of trauma and resentment build up to the point of combustion, and take it out on her. she has every right to leave, but i still feel there is hope.
leading up to the event i missed my therapy sessions which id been consistent on, thinking i was okay. and now i may have ruined my family with this terrible outburst. (i have a session this week)
again how can i cope during this wait out without constantly depressing over being separated from my wife and kids right now. i really hope we can work things out. i do love her.
tl;dr
wife filed court order and locked me out the house
The sun came in through a window I had covered in my upstairs apartment in south bend I was gonna kill myself it’s winter time I’m getting ready to loose this apartment I’m on drugs and I can’t find a job I don’t believe in god but just cause I saw this that day I’m still alive I still lost everything I’m doing better now the only thing I wish I didn’t loose is a girl I’m in love with who hates me I’m back home sober and just thinking I was just suicidal sometimes I still am and tbh nothing makes anything better for me every day I feel more alone and it’s starting to hurt I wish I could find a way through to the good stuff
I started a community a couple weeks ago! The goal is to build a cozy, judgment-free sanctuary for people who want to share their personal experiences, heavy/complicated thoughts, and mental health struggles without any filters. This is a space dedicated to mutual support, healing, poetry/art, advice, affirmations/quotes, therapy tools, and meaningful connection. Philosophy and thoughts or struggles about finding who you are, especially after trauma, are welcome as well. New or anonymous accounts are always welcome!!! Everyone is seen and each and every user matters dearly to me and in this subreddit 💛
If you are interested, feel free to pay r/growfromtrauma a visit and join if what you see resonates with you!