r/traumacore

I am 37, new mom and a therapist with zero client right now but I am hoping to can get that. I studied psychology to understand myself, I definitely had some traits of borderline personality (0-100 in a sec), anger issues, never suicidal though no real sense of self, push and pull in relationship, some traits of histrionic- very look at me, sex addict at one point.probably little NPD as well - a lil manipulative.
I am a SA survivor and I have inattentive adhd self diagnosed, looking into medication. Been in therapy for last 3 years and have therapy training gestalt 2 years and SE 2.5 years (5 modules) finishing soon. Learnt a lot and helped in my career too. But still not there. Motherhood definitely unmasked adhd.

Always been with humanistic therapy so hints but not real diagnosis yet. Hehe lot medical student syndrome probably. Content in life and learning and savouring every moment.
Have a loving partner and the most amazing 8 month old. Reconnected with family but distant with my alchoholic abusive father. Mom is still with him and it bothers me. so some acceptance remaining to do. I need to remind myself I am not her mom. She is mine.

Raw thoughts and love that I can be so raw here on Reddit. New to Reddit and just using this for more perspective. Need to get my shit together so that I can enjoy my motherhood more.

This has been a lifelong question about my life, so I joined Reddit just to ask it! So I broke my shoulder when I was about 6/7…. With no memory of it!!! My dad said I was sleep walking and he saw me and put me on the bunk bed ladder (I slept on the top bunk) and that I fell backwards off the ladder! He said he thought I was faking the sleep walking so he put me on the ladder… Mind you I am not a sleep walker I have never done it in my life. I did not even wake up after allegedly falling off the ladder and breaking my shoulder.

All I remember is waking up tossing and turning in bed later that night as my shoulder was hurting, but fell back asleep. It gets weirder. The next morning when I woke up, I could not even sit up to get out of bed. My dad had to remove the whole railing on the side of the bed. He tried to pick me off the top bunk, but could not do so alone, so he called my uncle and together they lifted me off the top bunk. So if my dad couldn’t get me off the bed alone, then how did I get up there?!? The day went on and my dad did not take me to the hospital, and I was walking around with absolutely no idea that my shoulder was even broken! About a week later, my mom picked me up from school (I did not live with her) and she immediately noticed that my whole arm was blue and took me to the hospital where they said I had a broken shoulder.

I am now 25 and the story has always been fishy to me. I have asked my dad many times throughout my life what happened as it makes no sense to me. He has told me different versions of the story. Last night, we were talking about it and I asked him was I really sleepwalking do you promise? And he said he doesn’t remember exactly what happened. My dad is a good person as far as I know but the story is very concerning to me and he doesn’t like when I bring it up and his answers and reactions to my questions are very suspicious. How does one break a bone and not wake up? Please if anyone has any explanations I would love to hear them, or do you think my dad is telling the truth? It is a big question I would love to know the answer to. Thank you!!

Edit:
It is also the only bone I have ever broken.
I do not think I broke it while awake. I remember mostly everything about my whole life. I remember the whole aftermath of the next morning to my mom’s reaction to seeing my arm to being at the hospital, and all the details. I think I would know I broke a bone if it happened while I was conscious, or at least be in pain. I would know. It must have happened while I was unconscious. I have never taken medications (which could have explained not waking up) and I do not have any medical conditions. Can someone sleep walk just one time and never again? And if not what could have happened. I just do not understand. And may never know which is chilling

I just need somewhere to vent. I(24f) was with my boyfriend (23m) for almost 6 years. However, we had known each other for over 12 years. I loved him more than anything even though we were toxic. In the beginning of our relationship he would cheat a lot. Never physically but emotionally and it was enough where I left him back in 2024. I tried to move on, but he was my person so we reconnected after 3 months of no contact. We had been back on for almost a year. He tried to be better for me, I could see it in his eyes. But we were having the same old fights and my needs were still not being met. Anyway, I broke it off a few days ago and it was the harder than last time. Partly because I knew there was no coming back, and partly because he didn’t do anything wrong this time. Every fiber of my being wants to scream that I didn’t mean it. I wanted it to be us. But every time I pushed my feelings to the side I knew I was betraying myself. He was all I really had. I have no siblings, no dad, hardly any friends, and a rocky relationship with my mom. That feeling of erasing myself is heavy on my mind. I would never actually do anything but my brain is spiraling. I miss him so much even though I know he would be better for someone else. He said that he hated me and it tore me apart, because he has every right to. I hate myself and I just want to feel alright again.

Hear me out. I am 52. In recent years I have done so much work on myself and I have had improvements at times. But the last week or two I just feel so tired of all the triggers and I just feel so discouraged and probably depressed tbh. I have been reflecting on my very early life. When I was born I was posterior and took 3 days to come out (possible brain damage?). I was a very fractious baby that cried a lot. My mother smoked during my pregnancy, I guess I had to withdraw from tobacco as a newborn? I’ve also heard this can lead to depression. When I was a toddler I used to have giant tantrums and bash my head against the wall repeatedly (I don’t remember this). My parents used to lock me in a room during my tantrums because they would get so frustrated with me. From there I think I was a pretty normal kid until at age 12 I decided I must be defective due to all the bullying I had. I have done so many things to try to help myself. Last week or two I have felt as defeated and terrified as ever.