u/YesTomatillo

Manifesting this as my motivation this week to keep the units low.

My GOD. I worked outside yesterday for only a short amount of time, then drank beer instead of water, and my head is killing me today. My mouth is so dry.

I'm going through some shit right now including recovering from a health issue and addiction recovery, and I am looking for some light-hearted non-fiction storytelling podcasts in the same vein as Mortified and The Moth.

It doesn't have to be that same format, but I'm endlessly soothed by hearing other people tell stories from their lives. I want a podcast that's easy to listen to, tugs at my heart strings, makes me laugh and generally gives me that "it's gonna be okay because life is a journey and it's not that serious" vibes.

I am typically a true crime/horror listener, but also have really enjoyed podcasts like Ear Hustle, for other examples of vignette story-telling pods where the story is told in part by the subject, even though that is decidedly NOT comedy. Just looking for fresh new directions that put me in a good mood and make me feel less alone with my own mind.

I've been thinking about this with myself and I often find myself wondering about it with other people when I read their posts as well.

If you can look at your history of drinking and identify the point that it went off the rails, what was that moment? Was it a specific event? An emotional state? A bad hangover where hair of the dog just worked and then you never stopped?

If you could go back and tell your past self: "this is where you start going past the point of quitting with ease," what was that moment?

I've had GERD for most of my life - it has gotten better and worse with dietary/lifestyle changes - and for the past year or so I have been on 40mg Omeprazole daily under the supervision of my doctor. Sometimes I only do 20mg, but 40mg is the big gun. 20mg famotidine 2x daily as needed, but I rarely need it.

I had an endoscopy last year that came back normal.

Here's what's been happening lately - CONSTANT BURPING.

Every time I eat, I burp for a minimum of an hour afterwards. I burp often throughout the day. I often feel as though I have gas trapped in my stomach. ONLY in my stomach, it's not coming out the other end. This causes nausea and discomfort and reflux, but I don't really feel any pain with it. No stomach pain that would be caused by acid or burning in my esophagus.

Anyone else experience this and solve it? It's a drag because every time I burp, a bit of stomach contents rise with it, and it generally makes me feel like I'm going to puke at any moment.

I have a great rapport with my local liquor store owner/workers. They are all super sweet guys with various limited ranges of English, but they are all just the best. I like to chat with them when I go in - which is often. I usually befriend cashiers bc if I'm going to be buying booze multiple times a week, I want to be friendly. Eventually I tend to get to know them a little bit enough to ask about vague life stuff, so regular cashiers remember me. Also bc I am there so often and I'm autistic and do and say the exact same greetings and physical actions almost every time. Friendly though I am, I almost always am running social interactions on a script in my head.

Today I go in to get a six pack of IPA.

Two guys at the register today, one doing my order and the other filling a doordash order. Doordash order cashier gestures and goes "small."

There is some back and forth between them that I do not catch. Then the same guy looks at me and goes "usually it's the 12 or 18 packs for you!"

I said - because I have no script for this comment - "well, I'm cutting back! I'm gonna quit. Hopefully I won't see you guys much anymore!"

They both get real happy and laugh and the same guy goes: "We'll see! We'll see!"

CRAZY WORK FROM MY BUDDY BEHIND THE COUNTER.

Yeah you will see!

I'm back to a dedicated taper. A real one this time. I've been a nightly drinker for 10 years, used to be liquor, then only IPA. At my highest intake, I was drinking 375 ml of bourbon a night, which eventually became much less and 2-3 IPAs a night, back to 375 ml of bourbon, which became only 6-8 7% IPAs a night.

Presently, I am at ~4 7% IPAs a night which is about 5.6 units. Not the worst, I know. I'm small. 5'2", 125lbs. My doctor knows I'm cutting back.

Stepping down to this amount wasn't a conscious taper, I still get inebraited at 6 beers but 3-4 beers keeps me clear-headed for the next day. I just defaulted to where I am the most functional while still drinking at comfortable levels. I do not have cravings during the day, I do not drink during the day, my normal consumption window is between 9p-2am, maybe earlier, maybe later, but same time frame. So I'm starting here and decreasing.

I have never experienced WDs to my knowledge, and I feel better when I cut back. I've had nights that I've had 1 beer and been fine. I typically experience cravings but nothing else.

Anyhow, you don't need my life story. I am tapering because it is the safest option for me and one that is the most sustainable as I work with my therapist and doctor.

My question is - I also have severe chronic GERD (since childhood), OCD, and anxiety in general. I feel like shit as a matter of course everyday. I'm no stranger to vomiting, shaking, racing heart, etc., just because my body is doing what it's gonna do.

I know that 4-6 beers, even IPAs, is not *that* much, but it's also nothing to sneeze at after a decade.

As I taper, I will be able to tell the difference between regular bullshit and WD symptoms, right? The Fear is not just run of the mill panic, and the shakes are not run of the mill shakes from dehydration or anxiety jitters right?

tl;dr on a baby taper, will I be okay? Encouragement is welcome.

Now I understand that some of you may disagree with jeggings or leggings as pants, and that's fine, we will agree to disagree. I don't do regular jeans, haven't for a while now, and will continue to probably avoid true denim.

I recently ordered Nine West jeggings and found that not only did they fit my legs perfectly, but they were stretchy in the stomach. ALL of the reviews on amazon mention the pants having a wide waist and posters with larger mid-sections said the pants were great.

I'm a size 4-6 in pants and the 4 fits like a glove; larger customers also posted that the waist worked for them. Amazon link to read the reviews I'm talking about, but of course you can buy these wherever you want. Quality feels decent as well.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09GHP4X7N?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title&th=1

Man. It's after midnight. I got up to bring my dog in, wondering why she was playing in the pissing rain.

I know now - she found the best toys in the world, two baby rats (??!?!?!?!?!).

First of all, I know my street has rats. It's not new. But this is the first time she CAUGHT them. BABIES! Poor things. Squealing and squeaking, one nearly dead, the other pinned under her paw. That one got away when I pulled her in by her collar, but the other poor thing is still out there.

This is worse than the fucking possum slaughter of '23, that I had to clean up 3 separate gored possums.

To spend all night deep cleaning or no?

I don't even have a working washing machine right now, all of my clothes, towels, and bedding has to be hand washed and dried in a dryer or outside.

My dog sleeps on my bed. Not tonight. OMG.

And Moral OCD - what do I do about the wee little thing outside? I can't shovel it to death. I can't. It's pissing down rain and I can't go slam it into the mud. The last time I had to try to mercy kill an animal my dog got (lots of wildlife around here, if you couldn't tell), I just made it worse. What the heck. I'm praying a hawk gets it tomorrow morning.

What to do? What to do?

I was supposed to wake up early tomorrow to build a lovely charcuterie plate for my guests, including a BABY. A BABY who has less immunity to germs than adults!

Grounding advice please as I finish hand washing my towels to at least have dry towels for cleaning.

Everything feels so gross and contaminated. I feel horrible for the little baby rat outside in my yard. I feel grossed out that my dog did this and wonder how many times she has done it without me knowing, then came and slept in my bed with me. I don't know where to start cleaning or even if I need to. AH!

Not really venting, because I think this is a funny manifestation of a compulsion. Why does voting trigger my compulsions to check things?

My state has primaries today. Every time I vote, and I have been voting in every single election for over a decade at this point, I leave going "omg what if I accidentally bubbled in all the wrong names? Can I go back and ask for my ballot to check? Of course not. OMG what if my vote is the one that makes the wrong candidate win? That's not how it works."

WHY? It's so silly and low stakes and irrational.

"Yeah, it can be easier to lose track of how much you're drinking in social settings."

I don't drink in social settings.

"Maybe you can talk to your friends about socializing without alcohol?"

I don't drink in social settings. Most of my friends don't drink.

I think I throw my therapists, doctors, and even med managers for a loop because I: exclusively drink beer (maybe bourbon around Christmas), I exclusively drink alone, and I exclusively drink at night.

Every night. Night in, night out.

I might have a beer at a concert or a wine with dinner if I am not driving, but I do not drink in social settings and social settings do not pressure me to drink.

I drink to relax and reward myself at the end of the day. What on earth is better than getting in soft clothes, getting a shower, and crawling into bed with a book, my laptop and whatever stupid slop I'm watching on it, my pets, and a nice cold craft beer? Or six of them? Day in, day out, for years now.

Apparently this behavior is extremely confusing to non-specialist medical professionals. "Well, that doesn't sound so bad. You can probably just quit." After a decade of this, Martha?

There is like no consistent information about this online.

I'm doing red beans in a slow cooker for red beans and rice for dinner tomorrow.

Getting a bag of dried kidney beans - 1lb.

I know to soak overnight, but do I need to boil them before adding them to the crock pot? For how long? I've seen everything from 10-30 minutes.

The crock pot will be on low for 7-8 hours. Will that not break down the beans into mush?

EDIT: I will now be soaking the beans overnight and boiling for 10 minutes before proceeding with the recipe.

So, my new question - after the beans have been prepped safely, is the crock pot just an unnecessary step? Should I just do the red beans and rice on the stovetop?

EDIT 2: I will be using small red beans, not kidney beans, will prep them safely, and have simply decided to the red beans and rice on the stovetop since it will build better flavor and I'll be home anyway.