u/ZealousidealBar7107

Why do I love you ?

You wiped away my tears everyday from the day we met without even realizing it.

You showed me what it meant it be truly loved without any conditions whatsoever.

You made me feel like being myself was and will never be a crime.

You made me feel free.

You made me forget the pain and the darkness. You brought happiness and light into my life.

But an even deeper explanation?

My soul and spirit fell in love with you before my heart ever could, because they knew that you are good and will be good for me. Because they knew you would love me back and treat me right. I never believed soulmates existed until I fell for you. Words will never express how deep my love for you is rooted in me. And I wish ,I wish so bad that I had more time with you. I miss you.

We started watching 13 reasons why together, I love you like Clay loved Hannah, Jeff and Justin . He lost all of them in the end, just like how I lost you, but you didn't watch till the end with me. You left with a huge part of my soul, but what's mine is yours so I'm not complaining. Justin once said "He is my positive influence " you truly were and you still are. I want to hold you ,kiss you, touch you ,smell you and just be next to you one last time. We used to listen to the song , The night we met by Lord ,and now I can't even listen to the first 20secs without breaking down. I really did have all and then most of you,some and now none of you. Loving someone is a euphoric feeling losing someone you love is just dark. Clay once said "you can love someone and still let them go" so baby. I'm letting you go.

Idk what to do

So my friend (18F) who we will call Leah was my(18f) best friend. So basically last year we became friends with this other girl(18f) ,who we will call Zoe. So we became a trio right. So as time went on ,they became super duper close, and I was being left out of conversations, and all that jazz. So naturally I became distant, this went on for like 7months , so basically Zoe has an ex ,who we will call Peter. So Peter and Zoe's relationship is complicated.

But leah completely despises Peter so much. So being her BFF I didn't speak to Peter whatsoever cause I have my friends back. So basically I started disliking Zoe, because of how two faced she was and how she intentionally caused issued between leah and Peter. I told leah about Zoe but she didn't believe me. Until a few months later she saw it for herself and cut her off completely. Then I had my bestie back again ,everything felt okay. Everything was okay. Until they reconciled in June. So I was reminded of the pain and the isolation I felt from last year and just started being distant from them when they were together. But the thing is ,they were always together, always. So that means I wasn't with her irl and we don't really talk over the phone.

In that span that we didn't talk. She never asked me if anything was wrong, if I was okay ,no ,nothing. So in July I decided to text her ,I told her my feelings ,about the pain,the isolation i felt. I told her how much I hate Zoe. But then she accused me of not wanting her to have other friends ,which is not true because I know for a fact I have NEVER EVER had a problem with anyone ,she chooses who she wants to be friends with, it's her life afterall but I told her about my feelings toward Zoe so that she understands why I'm not around them ,for the sake of my mental health.

She then said that they didn't give me a reason and that I just distanced myself ,which is also not true because in the beginning I did truly love our trio ,until everything happened and I didn't. I just would not become distant unprovoked. Then she said that she felt like she had to be my friend because of the "sacrifices" I made ,which is odd because I never told her I made any sacrifices because I hadn't. Which me me feel that she didn't really want to be my friend ,she jus felt like she was forced to be and when I tried to get to the bottom of it then she shut the whole conversation down. Okay. A week without communication passed , I couldn't bare it, we are seniors btw, so I apologized to her (basically for telling her my experience ) ,I asked her if we could continue being friends. Not best friends but just friends for the rest of the year. She agreed.

But then she made no effort, did not speak to me, so I had to act like nothing happened and just talk to her like we didn't have some sort of fallout. And then things kind of went back to normal but anyone could feel that it was no longer the same. So now ,what I noticed today was that she doesn't talk to me unless I speak to her. She makes everything weird, she does look at me like she wants to say something ,to talk but she will never make the first move. Not even to say hi. Which pisses me off because I rmb last year or the year before she really ignored me for the whole day because she felt as thought she always has to initiate conversation with me. And I reflected on that and I changed. But since then. This relationship has been a one way street. I always give 100% just to atleast get 1% from her .

Which made me realize our friendship has been over for longer that I realized. So today, she didn't speak to me ,didn't say anything, idk why she does this but when we weren't speaking in class, we sit next to each other ,she knows I have something she wants ,instead of asking me ,she literally goes to someone further away to ask them for that thing. I offered it to her, she declined and then continued going to that person . Which honestly made me feel idk like at peace in a way, that I tried my level best with her and the rest really truly is up to her. Ig what did break my heart was that I would end any relation I had to anyone she hated like I hated Zoe, but she couldn't do that. She can't. More like she doesn't want to . I don't fault her for not having the same values as me, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I've come to terms with the fact that we are not compatible any longer. And honestly? I'm so tired.

So I (18f) got out of a relationship with (19f) sarah,and went through the worst time in that relationship, it took a mental toll on me. So my best friend (19f) kim knows everything about this relationship and has been there for me . So kim had a girlfriend a little over 10months ago (19f) Monica. So when they broke up ,she didn't have closure ,Monica broke up with her with using some lame ass excuse. So then when schools opened this year ,beginning of the year, we saw her with some other girl we will call Melissa (19f) , we didn't know if they were dating or not , till we found out they are . So obviously this took a toll on Kim because she was madly in love with her ,and also realized that she lied to her about the reason they broke up since she moved on so quick, questioning her own worth, If Monica ever really loved her ,so by default she ended up disliking Mellisa so much,all that jazz. I was there for her through it all cause I love her ,she is my friend. So after Sarah and I broke up, I met (f18) Alex, we started speaking and eventually dating . So this past Tuesday, Alex told me that she is basically sisters with Mellisa, she loves her to bits and Monica hates her for it because she thinks that Alex is trying to steal her girl but wtv. It shocked me that Alex and mellisa knew each other and are so close but it didn't also because Alex is a very social and extroverted person. I ended up forgetting about it and all that. Then this past Thursday Alex tells me that she has to introduce me to someone on monday since we dating and all, intrigued I asked who it was ,she said it's Mellisa, then I remembered who Mellisa was , then I felt bad because I involved myself with someone who is involved with someone who indirectly caused my friend pain. On that same day I told my friend what Alex said ,her closeness with mellisa , us meeting and allat because I didn't want her to just see me meeting her on Monday and think otherwise. So I told her and all she said was "ohk" and I knew that she didn't like that at all, and she started getting cold towards me . On Friday when I saw Kim she didn't speak to me but I saw her speaking to Sarah ,mind you they never spoke but out of the blue they were , so this obv hurt me because she KNOWINGLY spoke to Sarah knowing all I went through and how it affected me . And to this day (it's Sunday) Kim hasn't spoken to me . I don't even want to meet Mellisa and I would hv told Kim that if she gave me the time of day, but she hasn't and I'm thinking of even breaking up with Alex because this is tooo much for me. Kim always does this instead of communicating and it hurts. She literally left me on Friday, sitting all alone to go and speak to people she has never spoken to . I get that she is upset and why she is ,rightfully so, but to talk to my ex ? That she never even spoke to when she was my girl ? That's a very low bar ,very shallow and petty, atleast in my opinion . It hurts cause I have never done that to her ,I would never , as a matter of fact when she and Monica broke up ,I cut all contact with Monica, didn't greet her ,didn't even look at her ,never spoke to her ever ,literally deleted her from my life cause I love my friend so much and I wouldn't bring her pain of seeing me talking to her ex , and I would expect the same, but wtv.

So AITA??

So I (18f) got out of a relationship with (19f) sarah,and went through the worst time in that relationship, it took a mental toll on me. So my best friend (19f) kim knows everything about this relationship and has been there for me . So kim had a girlfriend a little over 10months ago (19f) Monica. So when they broke up ,she didn't have closure ,Monica broke up with her with using some lame ass excuse. So then when schools opened this year ,beginning of the year, we saw her with some other girl we will call Melissa (19f) , we didn't know if they were dating or not , till we found out they are . So obviously this took a toll on Kim because she was madly in love with her ,and also realized that she lied to her about the reason they broke up since she moved on so quick, questioning her own worth, If Monica ever really loved her ,so by default she ended up disliking Mellisa so much,all that jazz. I was there for her through it all cause I love her ,she is my friend. So after Sarah and I broke up, I met (f18) Alex, we started speaking and eventually dating . So this past Tuesday, Alex told me that she is basically sisters with Mellisa, she loves her to bits and Monica hates her for it because she thinks that Alex is trying to steal her girl but wtv. It shocked me that Alex and mellisa knew each other and are so close but it didn't also because Alex is a very social and extroverted person. I ended up forgetting about it and all that. Then this past Thursday Alex tells me that she has to introduce me to someone on monday since we dating and all, intrigued I asked who it was ,she said it's Mellisa, then I remembered who Mellisa was , then I felt bad because I involved myself with someone who is involved with someone who indirectly caused my friend pain. On that same day I told my friend what Alex said ,her closeness with mellisa , us meeting and allat because I didn't want her to just see me meeting her on Monday and think otherwise. So I told her and all she said was "ohk" and I knew that she didn't like that at all, and she started getting cold towards me . On Friday when I saw Kim she didn't speak to me but I saw her speaking to Sarah ,mind you they never spoke but out of the blue they were , so this obv hurt me because she KNOWINGLY spoke to Sarah knowing all I went through and how it affected me . And to this day (it's Sunday) Kim hasn't spoken to me . I don't even want to meet Mellisa and I would hv told Kim that if she gave me the time of day, but she hasn't and I'm thinking of even breaking up with Alex because this is tooo much for me. Kim always does this instead of communicating and it hurts. She literally left me on Friday, sitting all alone to go and speak to people she has never spoken to . I get that she is upset and why she is ,rightfully so, but to talk to my ex ? That she never even spoke to when she was my girl ? That's a very low bar ,very shallow and petty, atleast in my opinion . It hurts cause I have never done that to her ,I would never , as a matter of fact when she and Monica broke up ,I cut all contact with Monica, didn't greet her ,didn't even look at her ,never spoke to her ever ,literally deleted her from my life cause I love my friend so much and I wouldn't bring her pain of seeing me talking to her ex , and I would expect the same, but wtv.

So AITA??