u/_OBDG

This post is an update post in the first comment. Can’t list a link here

Here is the link to previous thread for reference. Put it in comments because in the body it got automodded

TLDR: found out this week if I’m getting fired (I’m not) from my job of 11 years.

She’s on vacation this week and told me I can reach out. Please read previous post before commenting on our texting. I’m aware it’s out of the norm. I’m evaluating if it is helping or hindering my healing.

So today I found out I’m keeping my job. Which is a huge relief with an8 month old and another on the way in January.

Well since it wasn’t bad news I decided I wanted to NOT text her and sooth myself. It’s bittersweet, I’ve been miserable at this job for a long time…

So I’m going about my day with my decision not to share the news until next week.

Well she knew I was going to find out yesterday or today, and she contacted me asking for an update.

This is messing me up. I think I need to tell her not to text me… I mean but I like it?

Any advice or discussion is appreciated. Please be kind!

Hi everyone. Anyone can comment as long as you’re friendly. I guess this is discussion?

I have a long history of addiction (almost 2 years sober from everything but cannabis!). I have OCD particularly rumination, and pretty significant attachment trauma. I’m anxious. I’m depressed.

My previous therapist and I uncovered a lot of maternal longing and abandonment wounds, and then our relationship ended abruptly. It was honestly traumatic for me.

I’ve been seeing my current therapist for ~ 9 months, and attachment has become the core of our work. We do IFS/parts work.

From the beginning, she told me I could text her between sessions if I needed support. A few months later as she kept saying it, and I got to feel a little comfortable… I asked what she meant because I didn’t want to overstep. She clarified that if I was struggling or needed support between sessions, I could reach out. I’ve only done it a 3 times, always when I genuinely needed help.

One time after a severe panic attack, we texted back and forth for hours and she actively helped me regulate.

The other two were a few texts back and forth I needed clarification on or got stuck on, mentally.

Recently, at the end of a session, she casually mentioned she’d be on vacation next week. Then she added, “Well… I might work one day. I’ll let you know.”

For most people that probably wouldn’t matter, but for someone with attachment system, that uncertainty became a magnet.

I found myself obsessing over whether I’d have my “safe hour” that week. I ended up texting her because I needed clarification on Friday so I could maybe get space over the weekend.

She apologized for not telling me sooner, explained that childcare had fallen through so she wouldn’t be working, said she wished she could be there in person because she knew how big and stressful fh the week was, and reminded me I could still reach out if I needed support. Next week and since she couldn’t be there in person, she wants to offer that additional support.

For context, this is probably the most stressful week of my life in….. a long time. I’m finding out if I lose the job that’s supported my family for over a decade, my wife and I are finding out the sex of our unexpected second baby (after previously needing IVF), (2 under 2!!!) and I’m trying to stay sober through all of it, and my therapist and I had literally just updated my safety plan because my suicidal thoughts had gotten louder around the possibility of losing my job.

Here’s what I’m struggling with.

Part I know she’s my therapist. I know that this is not permanent. She’s helping me while I learn to sooth and comfort myself. I’m not expecting this forever. Nor do i want it to be. My little boy part definitely seeks her out, but I can reel him in.

The other part of me wonders whether all of this is actually making me more attached. I know I’m going to want to text her next week if things get really hard, and she has repeatedly told me that’s okay.

The question:

Does this sound like healthy therapeutic boundaries for someone with attachment trauma? or does it sound like a therapist who’s unintentionally fostering dependence?

I’m genuinely asking because I can see both sides, and I don’t know which is more accurate. I want honest opinions, not validation.