u/ada_aspargus

It feels like the air don't go all the way down to my lungs, but kinda stopped half way down. It's so frustrating. Like when you think you're gonna sneeze, but then you don't. In order to feel like I'm actually getting air to my lungs I need to do a big yawn or sorta hyperventilate a bit, which makes me lightheaded. I know it's just in my head because when I don't focus on it I'm alright, but it's still really uncomfortable. I hope it will just go away on it's own eventually, but I would love tips if anyone got some.

It's also really pissing me off how there's always some new bullshit to deal with. I just stopped having panic attacks on public transport and found a medication that helps me sleep at night. I though life was gonna get easier now, but noooo I just had to develop a weird mental breathing problem thing. God it's always something isn't it?

My dad has an old dvd (from the 90s) with footage of my family. He wants to make copies for other family members so he's asked me to rip it bc I own a dvd player and sometimes rip dvds for fun. I tried using makemkv, which is what I usually use, but I have run into some issues. It says the IFO file is corrupted and claims the length of all the titles are false and is actually zero. I don't understand any of this. Could someone explain to me what this means and what I could do to fix it? Is there any other programs I could use that would be better?

Edit:
I tried Handbrake instead and it worked! Thanks for the tips :)

I've recently started therapy and is processing a lot of stuff from my childhood. A memory that has been stuck on my mind recently is when my mom blamed me for the death of our family dog.

I was 15yo and had a friend over for dinner. Our dog died the previous year due to complications during a liver operation. This came up during the conversation. My mom claimed it was my fault the dog died bc it wouldn't have needed the operation if it wasn't so fat, and it wouldn't have been so fat if I had taken it for more walks. She also claimed that the health of the dog was my responsibility bc I was the one who wanted a dog in the first place.

This is obviously bullshit for so many reasons:

1. When an adult purchases a living animal, even if it is for the benefit of a child, it is still the responsibility of the adult. I was 6yo when we got that dog.

2. I did walk the dog every damn day after school.

3. The real reason the dog was so fat was due to overfeeding. We lived next door to a veterinarian who told us many times that the dog was eating too much. I was never in charge of buying of measuring dog food.

4. My mom had the dog get pregnant 3 times, so she could sell the puppies for profit. I really don't think this was good for the dog, especially the third litter which seemed to really exhaust her.

Despite known she was wrong, I still felt guilty and shameful. Especially bc my friend was there to vitnes all of this. When I tried to defend myself my mom would turn to my friend and convince him to agree that I had killed the dog. I've later realized that my friend only agreed bc my mom pressured him. At the time I though my friend must surly hate me now bc he thinks I'm a dog killer. I ended up crying of course, which my mom then made fun of me for. The incident left me devastated and really damaged my friendship.

When I moved out, about 3 years ago, I cut all contact with my mother. She lives pretty far away from me now, but a few time a year she comes to town to visit my sister. I've often had this fear that she might show up where I live, as she knows my adresse, but I always assumed she wouldn't cross that line. I was wrong.

Yesterday she showed up at my door with no previous warning and asked if she could talk to me. We had a short conversation before I left for work. She cried a lot, said she was sorry and claimed that she had changed.

I don't belive her. First of all, she said she didn't know why I won't talk to her. How can she be sorry if she don't even know what she is sorry for? I tried to give her some examples of things she had done and she would immediately apologize for it ... at first, but then later in the conversation she would try to excuse, justify and normalize her behavior. I brought up how she never respected my boundaries. Of course that was all in the past and now she very much respects them...she claims after showing up at my home where she know she is not wanted.

She wanted to see me again of course. It is difficult to tell your mother "no" when she is crying. I really do feel sorry for her, but her happiness is not my responsibility. If I were to accept her offer, and we would meet whenever shes in town, it would be exclusively for her benefit because I simply wouldn't get anything out of it.

The strange thing is, I didn't really feel much. I've had nightmares about this exact scenario before, and yet when it actually happened I was able to shake the whole thing off and go about my day immediately after. It almost makes me feel bad that I don't feel bad. My mother was pouring her heart out and I was cold, barely affected and somewhat annoyed at her for making a scene. Then again, this is pretty much how my mother would react when I would cry to her as a child. I suppose it's maybe a learned response.

Growing up, I wanted my mothers love and support. I wanted to trust her and share my life with her. My mother was not willing or capable of giving me what I needed, and so eventually I stopped wanting these things from her. Now, she is willing and capable of being a loving and sporting mother, or so she claims, but it's too late.

She doesn't seem to understand this. Throughout the conversation she kept repeating over and over how much she loves me and how proud she is of me. It made me cringe really hard because I could tell she was expecting this to have an effect on me, but the words just didn't hit at all. They don't have any value to me anymore.

A little bit about me:

• I'm a student, currently getting my master degree.
• I'm from northern Europe.
• I am queer and neurodivergent.
• I enjoy movies, music, reading and going for walks.

A problem I've had recently is that my social energy is quite limited, but I enjoy talking to people and feel very bored in the evenings when I'm at home by myself. So I thought it might be a good idea to get an online friend. We don't need to talk every day or about everything, but I just thought it would be nice to have someone to tell about my day and send random stuff to. I would prefer someone around my age in a similar timezone. If you are interested, please introduce yourself with you age and tell me a little bit about you :)