(37M) (30F) Need advice on what I need to do/ get us back to a better place
In Dec I met a woman on a dating app. We hit it off even to the point she spent Christmas with my family as hers didn’t celebrate it. Things seem good but we’ve really hit some tough patches especially the last months. She was in a pretty tough place when we met coming off a break up where she got dumped by her bf that or well yeah. She wanted more certainty on their future which he then dumped her as he wouldn’t give them. Fast forward- I’ve been really supportive of her attempted to bring herself back. She’s worked on her diet, being more active again, etc. I say all the time how proud I am. I do express some concern that her schedule really takes a toll on her which she seems to take exception. She works crazy hospital hours for weeks and I know she’s very capable but I see what it does to her when she takes on shifts that she doesn’t have to. She gets absolutely burnt out and I think she also takes that stress and exhaustion out on us. Her friend base is very small. Her family and her aren’t particularly close. Long story. She sees them and such but honestly she sees me a lot more as she tends to feel like she’s under a microscope. Typical Asian high expectation family some of which thought the last bf was it and then he dumped her.
She takes major pride in being independent so like I expressed concern on a long mountain hike which was much longer than she’s done and known for being dangerously or when she wants to run woody trails at night alone in a more questionable she took alot of exception. Basically the stop acting like my dad. The thing is I haven’t attempted to dominate her time. She’s made mistakes of her time for us but that’s not because I’m like don’t see your friends or family. I’ve never discouraged her from so I feel like any figure pointing regarding the time she spends with them or lack of really isn’t on me.
I’m always quick to thank her when she’s got my a gift, cooked me anything, or treated us when we go out. Like I tend to pay more often but I don’t get hooked up on it. Both have great jobs but she makes a lot more than me but I don’t think we get hooked on that. She’s gotten a bit upset at me over planning stuff claiming I don’t especially with her schedule but I planned a weekend getaway for us recently among other getaways. I always ask for her input as I want her to have fun when she’s actually off.
I guess I just don’t know where I’m not doing enough? She’s almost like suggesting that I act like she’s not worthy enough, doing enough, or that I’m not caring enough but I feel like I’m doing that and I get pushed back on then? She has said that her work does to her so much that times when calling she’s looking for a fight but when she’s with me she says she just can’t smiling seeing me, stares at me sleeping as she thinks I’m so cute then, etc.
TL;DR: We’ve had a lot good times and we obviously care a lot about each other. Her schedule tends to really put a strain on her relationships and she seems to have a real issue with me expressing concern over her well being. She’s made a lot of changes since being a dark place when we met and I’m really proud to have supported her through it. I’m just not sure what to do now. She just been questioning herself alot as far as her timeline too regarding marriage and kids or even having them at all now which I think she definitely wants them.