u/ameobabarnacle

Probably more of a mild take but this REALLY gets my goat.

Lately I have noticed that a lot of people forego commitments they have made to their friends whether it be coffee or something bigger because it’s not convenient for them. Or they are just not doing things that ARE inconvenient anymore.

I think within this I have realised that if you want to see your friends (unless you live really nearby or together or have another circumstance) ONE of you has to be inconvenienced and because of that it feels like no one wants to hang out anymore because no one wants to be inconvenienced and it feels like convenience culture is really ruining friendships.

Listen, I know the title suggests that I may be a Karen that hasn’t gotten her way and I’m posting out of anger to get validation but that is not the case.

I am simply an autistic 20 something that notices problems within systems and trends especially when it comes to customer feedback that is not being addressed by companies big and small.

For context, I work at the front desk at a decently large company that claims to value feedback (I have also worked in multiple companies previously that have said that feedback and honesty is their biggest values and that does not ring true with their actions) and I receive a lot of feedback daily.

Now I am aware that you can’t tailor everything to everyone so obviously some of this feedback has to be taken with a grain of salt, but I still note the feedback down and send it to higher-ups (as I am supposed to).

The first issue with this comes with the immediate judgement whenever any negative feedback is received. This feedback is always dismissed as someone just being grumpy and everyone that works there ends up commenting on the falseness of the complaint and how wrong the customer is without actually discovering if there’s any merit to their complaint in terms of our operations.

The second relates to the aforementioned subjectivity of the feedback that renders the feedback effectively useless. Often, after I have written the feedback down, I find that colleagues will say “ you can send that but it won’t go anywhere because it’s just their opinion”. Again, I get that you can’t tailor everything to everyone but if enough people complain about it then it becomes a trend but often times not enough people complain about it even though the problem exists.

Thirdly, on this topic of trending complaints, the most frustrating thing I’ve seen is employees (namely me) noting these trends - trends to which are not a result of my work but of strategic decision decisions from higher up- and being told that it is my fault that they have this complaint even though that decision that they are complaining about was not my doing. This has happened in multiple workplaces I’ve been at even to the point that I saw the same complaint from 30 people and it was just pushed back onto it being either my fault or the customer‘s fault with little to no reflection on whether their own operations and strategic decision decisions could be the problem.

So I’m recently rediagnosed ASD and there was a really interesting question in the two hour interview about metaphors and if I take them literally.

How I answered this question was as such: Quite frankly, I’ve never understood what they mean by taking things literally because for example I know it is actually not raining cats and dogs because that is impossible scientifically so it has to mean it’s raining a lot. So, I don’t translate it literally but I can ascertain what it means based on the word usage and a process of elimination. Another one would be like a bull in a china shop. I know there’s not literally a bull in a china shop but if there was, I can imagine it would cause damage because it’s quite large and would probably knock over and break all the stuff and therefore applying it to someone that is very clumsy can make sense.

Apparently this answer does in fact mean I take the somewhat literally but I’m confused because the definition of taking something literally is to take something in a strict or exact sense but I am very aware that metaphors are not “literal” so why tf am I being told I’m taking them literally?

So I really just need to rant and also be validated in this experience that I am not going crazy, so TIA.

I am a 26 year old female with Autism and ADHD (I was diagnosed Asperger’s at 6 - obviously, not an appropriate label anymore- diagnosed ADHD at 22 and rediagnosed/diagnosed with ASD at 25 because I needed an updated diagnosis for other reasons). I also happen to have a very special interest in Autism, ADHD and human behaviour in general. So much so that I’m studying to be an interaction designer specifically for physical interactions between spaces, objects and experiences of Autistic and ADHD people. I mention this because I do know a lot about it and am therefore quite self aware about my own experience.

Now, here is what is getting my goat… it feels like everywhere I go, I am consistently hearing about how legitimately everyone has ADHD and Autism (not in a “everyone is a little autistic” though, more like a oh yeah my brother is autistic or whatever) and look, I’m not gate keeping it but I feel like I’m going insane when I’m thinking about my experience of the world is just like everyone else’s because everyone seems to have it? I don’t even know if this makes sense but I’ll try put it into an example:

I just got disability funding approved and people are shocked right and I try to justify why I need the funding (I shouldn’t have to do that but I get defensive because of this internalised ableism I have against myself I guess?)

So I’ll say things like: “I can’t leave the house if there is a crinkle in my sock but I can wear odd socks as long as they have the same texture. “

“I can seem lazy and disorganised but if the candle is moved a centimetre from where I need it to be, then I can’t brush my teeth that day”

“ I have a visceral reaction that leads to a stomach ache when someone rearranges my stuff yet I can be messy sometimes”

“I only feel emotions when they are a 10 because my body has a reaction. I can’t name the emotion, and I also can’t tell when I need to pee when I’m busting”

Now this is gonna sound bad but what annoys me is that the people I tell this to (who I know are not autistic or ADHD) identify with it rather than recognising that it’s dysfunctional and it’s therefore becoming seen as a lack of discipline rather than a genuinely disabling thing. Because so many people are identifying with it now, which YES, PLEASE INCREASE AWARENESS, but this increase in awareness feels taken advantage of because now, because everyone seems to have some form of it, it’s minimising the actual things I struggle with and turning them into a poor reflection of character.

Does this make sense? I could be totally in the wrong here but it’s just starting to annoy me that the “everyone is a little autistic” sentiment is starting to feel true. And again, I’m not trying to have an individuality complex, i just feel like I’m going crazy.

Am I crazy? Am I just in a Vaccum where I only know and converse with NDs? Do I have imposter syndrome ? WHAT IS IT?!