u/anaamtnez

hi guys. so i'm starting to get tired of how much i use my phone and the tool it's taking on my mental health so i've been thinking about buying an ipod. but: i cannot afford to buy music. i pay for apple music monthly so i've been wondering whether there is a particular ipod model i could use with apple music if it's possible at all. please, explain how you would to a five year old, my talents are many but none include software/IT talk. thanks!

we were talking about my recently diagnosed OCD, which spiked dangerously after i was told my father was suing our family (mom, brother and me). we are domestic violence survivors and i was starting to get better until i heard this crushing news. then, the new diagnosis.

i told my therapist my psychiatrist had lowered my ADHD medication since it could make my OCD worse, and that i got it and understood, but was also scared of how messy my life could get. she replied id have to get used to the mess or find systems that work for me since i probably "won't be medicated forever and, when you handle the trauma of your father, your ADHD will start to get better because it'll be a coping mechanism you won't be needing anymore".

she's a great therapist, she's helped a lot and understands me deeply. this incident im describing happened about a month ago but im still thinking about it. should i bring it up again and ask what she meant? do i let it slide? what would you do?

i'm actually better lately so we're seeing each other once every 3 weeks, but maybe it's a good time to stop going altogether?

im a vegetarian but can't eat LTP high fruits/vegetables. i'm still concerned about getting all the magnesium and potassium and vitamins i need. im also an insomniac so having a good set of supplements is important. how can i substitute the foods i can't have? is taking vitamins the only way?

im thinking about endometriosis or polycystic ovaries. i suspect i have endometriosis and get my period (irregularly but i do), but i know why these conditions, fertility doesn't always happen.

and also, could the husbands reject their wives because they can't get pregnant when they were promised they would? although i think most of them wouldn't complain about getting a handmaid...

now i'm feeling angsty before sleeping which obviously means i sleep terribly. i already had insomnia (and im on treatment), so now with all this new anxiety and sleeping like three or four hours only.

what happened is i had a dream premonition (which i've always had) about my SIL. when i woke up i asked my bf if he was okay since he seemed off. he said something happened to his sister. now i can't let it go.

is this my responsibility? did it happen because i dreamt it or i dreamt it because it happened? if i told him i dreamt it, would he forgive me? how to differentiate from premonitions and anxiety?

any tips are welcome

(i'm on therapy through the healthcare system so it'll take a while for me to be able to see my psychiatrist again. im also on sertraline but i don't think it's helping)

he said his sister (L, 29) (who's been with her boyfriend for five years and living with him for four -and also who we just visited last week, when i met her for the first time) left her boyfriend (J, 27) right after our trip because i texted J via instagram. i sent him my number and i "text me, handsome!" because we were prepping for a surprise party for her and my boyfriend usually has his phone in silent mode. the three of us had had a chat about sharing each other's phone numbers just in case.

i am an open person. i call "sweetie" people i don't know but i find kind. i called L sweetie and lovely and pretty a hundred times that week. i called him handsome once, to which he replied "heyaaa babe" and a sassy sticker.

my boyfriend said she left him because of his reply, but he also said she had some other reasons as well. he didn't specify if the reasons were other things i did or other things of their relationship.

he didn't even want to tell me why he was evasive and angry over text. i pressured him once he said we'd talk next week. im sorry but OCD or not that's just cruel. we argued, he told me all this stuff i just wrote.

he said that, because of this, he now needs to "think about this and make a decision". think about what and make which or which decision? i do not know.

but honestly im getting pretty tired. he wouldn't have told me he was feeling weird if i hadn't asked and he's behaving like a teenager since a couple of months in our relationship (such as, not washing his sheets or towels in four months and only doing so after i said im not spending another minute in his place) and the mental load is impossible to bear.

on the other hand, i tend to go fully into angry mode and not think clearly until a while later, so i fear my calmness with this potential break up is not real. i'm actually in a city that's having festive days from friday to monday and im already thinking about all the people id like to kiss when im drunk.

idk im tired of him not being responsible and putting all the emotional labor on me. but i also would definitely miss him and not want to fall in love again after this. so many plans... to the trash i guess.

i don't know. what would you do? any questions or advices are welcome.