u/anonymous123445677

I am a 30 something year old mom of 3 and I am incredibly depressed.

I have healthy children, a wonderful marriage, a house, and I stay home with the kids. We’re making ends meet decently well and have gotten to do some fun little vacations. I have a terrible relationship with my only living parent (lots of untalked about narcissistic abuse/gaslighting) but they still watch the kids every few months for a date.

I have hobbies that I do when the kids are in bed like coloring, painting, watching tv. We go to the gym. We go to kids preschool classes and socialize with friends often.

I live somewhere where it’s sunny all the time so it’s not seasonal depression.

I am just so flat. My house is too small I can’t even host my family but to move would double our mortgage to $4k a month. I’ve thought about going back to work but don’t qualify for anything more than what daycare would cost and I don’t want to work some awful customer service job just to pay for daycare. Husband gives me a lot of time to myself if I need it and is 100% a competent and equal partner in parenthood. Did therapy for a bit but was $500 a month and couldn’t afford it, plus it put me in a horrible mindset for several days. I’m trying to be a better mom and it was just constantly reminding me of what my parents weren’t.

I’m scared for the world my kids have to grow up in. I have no inspirational elder people in my life. Both my parent and grandparent are lonely and bored and just getting by. Never got to see a happy old couple traveling the world like they waited for retirement for.

Then everyone talks about how great the toddler years are. I’m so damn depleted by them but they’re right. My kids will never be this innocent or cute or sweet or loving ever again. My 2nd grader is still amazing but it’s a much tougher relationship now.

I genuinely have nothing to look forward to. I’m already on 75 mg of Zoloft and still have this constant inner dialogue of how numb I feel. Nothings wrong. Life is good. But jeez I can’t live like this forever. Any advice welcome.. or if you feel this way too it’s a safe space to rant.

I’ve lived in the greater Phoenix area my entire life other than a 2 year stint in Dallas. Everyone who moves here makes me question my own brain because of how much they “love” it while I’m battling the depression of seeing a literal dead earth everywhere I go. Oh, another tree down? Surprise surprise. Oh more grass replaced with rocks? Ok guess we’ll find somewhere else to play soccer. It wasn’t awful until I had kids and until the concrete jungle just keeps getting worse.

I’ve done my best to make peace with it because our family is here (only 1 living grandparent to my kids), because we have a low cost of living (bought in 2021), and my husbands job, however the idea of my kids being stuck here in 20 years amidst a water shortage and unlivable temps weighs on me daily. I’d rather take the leap and start them somewhere that they can thrive long term (if they choose to obviously). The problem is I just don’t know where.

Hopeful criteria:

1. green grass
2. mature trees that change in the fall and lose leaves in the winter (this was my fav part of TX)
3. blue or purple would be ideal but too blue like Portland is a bit too much. we don’t mind a little external politics and religion but Christianity is the new personality trait here where we are and it’s suffocating.
4. we’re not foodies but do like breweries
5. we don’t mind a lack of culture (do love traveling for it though!)
6. we love getting outside but a local park or walking path is plenty, don’t need lake access or frequent hiking
7. a decent equestrian presence would be fantastic

Barriers:

1. We currently have a $1,900 mortgage which is very cheap for AZ standards now.
2. My husband makes $170,000, I’ll stay home for another 3 years until my youngest is in school and then hopefully get some basic customer service type job.
3. that being said, we’d likely need to find a job making at least $150k which is my biggest concern because it seems the higher paying jobs = higher housing cost. He’s currently in IT management / cyber security. As far as housing I think we’d be maxed out around $550k to stay comfortable.

Extras:

1. my family is from Wisconsin (I’m sure if anyone knows me irl by now they know it, so hey!) and we spent a ton of summers plus a lot of winters there for GB games. I never once minded the snow but I do know that living in it is different. It’s stressful not knowing how you’d react long term, but personally I always wanted snow around Christmas growing up and feel my kids are missing that experience too. We sweat on Christmas here and it’s miserable.
2. we didn’t mind the humidity / heat in Texas because there was often reprieve with storms or rain or just clouds. Hot is hot whether dry 115 or wet 100. we left TX because we moved there during covid, the election, and the ice freeze which was horrible timing but left a bad taste in our mouth. aside from the people we enjoyed the seasons and scenery.
3. family of 5 with 2 daughters so definitely weary of how that is impacted by politics

Contenders:
Maine: Lots of friends and family there, LOVE the history, architecture, people but worried about the lack of jobs, long winters, and cost of things like heating and taxes (don’t mind paying them just worry we’re not in the right bracket for it haha)

Madison: familiar to me, still have family there but also worried about the lack of jobs and winters

Charlotte: found several jobs my husband would qualify for that would keep our income the same but worry about schools and living in the south politically

Idaho: it’s just green that’s literally all I can say for it

Colorado: can’t find any jobs that would pay enough to afford the housing

Washington: I know nothing but do love a good pine tree.

Before anyone mentions flagstaff.. we’d love that but we cannot afford a $700,000+ house and/or my husband driving a 4 hour commute (he’s in office).

This was an insanely long post. If you read it (get it?) then thank you for any help in advance.

This might not be the right sub but it’s my favorite so giving it a shot here.

We bought our house 5 years ago for $430k and a 2.5% interest rate. Mortgage is fantastic at $1,900. However this was always a “5 year home” for a multitude of reasons, whatever they may be we have always planned on settling down elsewhere.

Our value hasn’t gone up at all since we bought (woohoo peak of the market pricing) so we only have about $100k in equity (before fees) and $60k of that was what we put down, the other is what we’ve paid off.

There is a house listed both for sale and for rent (investors) that we’re interested in. Here’s the thing, the rent is $2,800 and the mortgage with $60k down (equity minus fees) would be $3,100. Why wouldn’t I choose to rent at that point?! Yes the investment of ownership but $1,000 of that per month is interest anyway with the rates the way they are!

I don’t even know the point of this post I guess I’m just feeling defeated with the housing market. Even those of us who aren’t first time buyers are feeling the frustrating, I can’t even imagine if we hadn’t gotten lucky and bought first in 2016.

Our take home is $9,000 a month, to even buy the exact same house we live in right now our payment would be 1/3 of our income.

Has anyone gone from owning to renting? We also have $45k in debt that we are in the process of eradicating. In 3 years I will be able to go back to work (my job never paid enough for daycare) so our finances will be different and we’d look into buying again. I’d also love to take my time buying our next house, we’ve always had to rush because it was such a hot market. Renting would give us some flexibility there.

We’ve been super fortunate to have been to Disneyland 3 times with our kids (7, 3 and 2). We’ve been planning our next trip and Aulani popped up as an option due to a sale and the fact that we have airline points we need to use. Is Aulani worth it after having been to the parks? The hotel is a partial ocean view room for $3,700 (6 nights). We’ve been to Maui but not Oahu. It’s such a great deal and I’m sure we’ll never get this opportunity again (currently have the SW companion pass until the end of 2026 so one of our flights is free) but would we be better off saving that $3,700 towards our next trip? Our kids love swimming and fish if that helps!

I’m afraid of being underwhelmed after loving the park so much, but we’re also at a point where we could stand a break from the go go go of the parks if that makes sense. Thank you for any help!

**EDIT: I realized that this is the last year we’ll be able to stay in a normal room as one of my kids is still considered an infant, once she turns 3 next year we’d have to do a suite or villa (double the price) so we’ve decided to go for it and make the most of it. :)
Any tips, warnings or recommendations for Oahu or aulani are still welcome!

I used to use Kiss as it was the only set that fit my wide nail beds but since they changed they no longer lay flat on my nails. Is there any brand you can recommend that I could find in stores this weekend? I’m in Phoenix so plenty of options, I’m just tired of spending money just to find that they’re too narrow!

Retail brand: none. Help please!

Hello! We are scheduled to arrive to the Disneyland hotel on 5/24 which is also the day of a Formula 1 race. I’m trying to think of a place we could camp out and watch the race on our iPad. I was thinking that little grassy courtyard area but does anyone have any other good ideas? We have 3 little kids otherwise we’d happily camp out at the bar. I was thinking the splash pad area but is that too close to the pools to relax with toddlers? Thanks for any tips!