Burn out
I hate how I can't keep conversations
At this point I think it's my personality, I hate it, I hate hearing about how everyone's personality is different and that I shouldn't try to become like someone else. It hurts me. I wish I could speak up in group settings. I wish I had a friend group and a boyfriend. It all ends up being bleak and my life doesn't allow me to enjoy due to how self aware I am all the time. I can't talk to anyone, I need like 5 days of recharging my social battery after barely one hangout with my friends. If a guy asks me out I just never talk to him and bore him to death, I fear it to be even worse if I'm the one who asks someone out so I never do it. The human connection, constant socializing takes a toll on me and I can't deal with how lonely it makes me, every single thing in life relates to how social I need to be. I wish I had a fun personality that wasn't so easily burnt out. I can feel the cognitive decline just accelerating and there's nothing I can do to stop it.