u/antiporn707

It's honestly shocking how the internet, due to the element on anonymity, emboldens people to be terrible at times. Personally I wouldn't say anything to anyone that I wouldn't say to them in real life. Made the mistake of scrolling through random instagram comments on the explore page out of curiosity and the comments... Yikes. Calling someone a c*m dumpster. The judgement, snarky remarks etc. Why? Social media seems to bring out a very ugly side in people and it's so unfortunate. The same people who leave these kinds of comments would be quiet as a church mouse in real life. You can't be mean and also a coward, pick a struggle? It costs nothing to be a decent human being and conduct yourself in a reasonable manner.

I'm happy to get downvoted for this but I think this is the reality pill that a lot of people are unwilling to swallow.

When you observe the chaos, infidelity, unhappiness, labour, compromise and uphill battles involved in relationships, I think the natural conclusion is men and women are not supposed to be together long term. Monogamy was never supposed to be a 65 year + contract.

Women are fed Disney romance and whimsical propaganda from a young age. Their biggest dream is to get married and settle down with a family. Wedding days are considered the best days of their lives and the pinnacle of their existence. Women are generally very nurturing, family orientated and monogamous.

Men on the contrary do not dream about their wedding day, walking down the aisle or being apart of a family unit. Generally their goal is financial success and access to women. The Coolidge Effect is where men experience heightened sexual interest when there is novelty. This is a biological phenomenon present in many mammals including humans. No amount of wishful thinking can override this. How common it is for men to leave their family unit and children behind tells you everything you need to know.

I think the reason infidelity and shifts in behaviour is so common is because monogamy is simply not for most of them. Forcing them to play house with you only leads to misery for both parties involved. The male libido is elevated for longer whilst the female libido steadily decreases through time as well as after giving birth to children. And it well documented how much men value sex in relationships. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see how this dynamic is going to end up. The women end up unfulfilled and craving the loving, prince charming that was there at the start and the men end up feeling agitated, 'tied down' and miserable. Hobby and interest wise, most men and women have little in common. Without attraction, lust, hormones and proximity, there is nothing really there.

Couples therapy, going on a 'break', trying to 'rebuild our marriage', going through a 'rough patch'. If monogamy was something that's so instinctive and innate then why are these problems so rampant? Why do you have to find new ways to 'spice up the marriage'? Also, 'spice up the relationship' is just code for 'I'm starting to get bored of you and the chemical high is wearing off'. The concept alone of meeting someone and staying together in an enclosed space for the next 65 years sounds highly unnatural. If it's the default then why aren't people in these dynamics happy, joyous and delighted? Why are they the most anxious, overstimulated, exhausted, nervous system out of whack compared to happily single people? Shouldn't they be the most happy, glowing and fulfilled with little to no complaints?

During the courtship phase where oxytocin and dopamine is released, people are convinced this is love that will last the next 60 years. Well not really because this chemical high is there to encourage reproduction and then begins to wear off. The performance of romance and courtship is not sustainable long term. It's just basic pattern recognition. I think both men and women are lied to and sold the social construct of marriage and relationships. Men get into relationships for the social status of having a partner, at the cost of their mental health. Women get into relationships due to social conditioning that being a wife defines their worth.

Am I crazy here or are men and women so clearly incompatible long term? Don't get me wrong, short term I get how it can be fun but long term makes so little sense. I'm not saying this makes either men or women bad people, it just is was it is. Acceptance is liberating.

The porn sick men are so sex obsessed that they tell on themselves every single time. How dumb can you be? Their impulse control and self regulation skills are so eroded that they can't even pretend to be a normal person with some humanity.

"Not my proudest fap" "Hehe men of culture we have gathered" "We're edging to this one tonight boys" "I didn't even notice there was a bike in the video I was more focused on her..." "OF link??" "Guess I'll be watching this one handed" "She has a huge pair of... eyes" "Is your ass fat?" "Can you deepthroat?" "I love a redhead, ebony, brunette, blonde, asian" "Gyattt" "How tall are you? I'd loveee to climb THAT" "I love petite girls"

*Sigh* Zero self awareness. They really have no clue how fucking stupid they look. What is there to respect? If I was a male, I'd be mad at these clowns because of how stupid they make men look as a whole. Genuinely it's giving lizard brain (no offense to lizards)... You're so simple minded that you get caught by clickbait thumbnails? They can't even help the pornified language from spilling over into daily life and interactions. That is how damaged their brains are. Dopamine feedback loops fried, reward centre cooked, impulse control incinerated, grey matter burned to ash.

As much as I can't stand the degeneracy I'm glad they tell on themselves all the time because it's a nice wake up call on why exactly I need to remain vigilant, single and diligent. They always let it slip eventually that they're a sexually deviant porn sick creature who views women as objects. They're not even smart enough to pretend for a little while to at least get one foot in the door and MAYBE have a chance. Imagine being so stupid that you fuck up a potential first or second date by asking a woman her bra size. They self sabotage and then later whine about being lonely with no gf. Pathetic. "ShE bLocKed mE FoR nO ReASoN". So out of touch they think women are secretly 'naughty, freaks' who are just waiting to be strangled, spanked and abused. No, we are not secretly 'in on it'.

As much as it's unfortunate they are this way, we women can use their idiocy and complete inability to STFU to protect ourselves from interacting with these sick, deeply disturbed individuals.

Sorry for the rant it's just... So sad and pathetic.😭

What do the following words make you think of?

Smash, Hit it, Beat it up, Tear it up, Destroy, Ruin, Crack, Pound, Jackhammer, Drill, Rail, Gag, Bang, Screw, Fuck, Pull, Score, Wreck, Ravage, Knock up, Clap, Own, Get Down and Dirty, Slap, Get Rough and Nasty, Tap, Break your back, Blow your back out, Use

Violence.

If I didn't know any better I'd think these words were referring to working on a fucking construction site or involvement in combat. I would never think these words were referring to sex between two individuals in a loving and respectful way. Reading these words doesn't make me think 'count me in!'. If anything, it scares me. They make sex seem like something men do to us rather than with us. These are verbs you would use to describe doing something to a fucking object, and an object you don't care about at that. If you were to ask a random man, 'what do these words make you think of?' they would lie through their teeth 'Uhh pAsSiOn? iDk iTs JuSt WoRdS' because they know damn well they are sick and get off to violence and sick power plays. How sad.

The language used to describe sex, perpetuated by porn tells us everything we need to know about the way they see us. A hole to use and nothing more. If I hear any man use any one of these words I consider it a blazing red flag and I don't even want to speak to them anymore. Not only is it disrespectful but it's cringe and exposes how fucked up your brain is from being a porn addicted goon goblin. Because imagine being a 34 year old grown man and referring to sex with your wife as 'We cracked and I knocked her up'. Yikes. I swear porn makes men behave so mentally infantile. If I see a man use any one of these terms, let alone several, you're cancelled and need to stay far away from me. The first red flag you're dealing with a porn addict who has no respect for women is language.

Not only is it always super obvious when a man is a porn addict but they are always so extremely, mind numbingly boring. It's clear that their brain neurons are fried because their conversational skills are so poor. Everything has to become sexual and it's sooo annoying. They can't even pretend to care for what you have to say or see you as an autonomous human being. Yes, it absolutely shows that you're a porn addict and we know exactly who you are.

For example:

Person A: "I had a nice day I rode my horse and went to the gym."

Gooner: "I'd love to ride you ;) Lemme see your gym outfit"

Person A: "I've cut out fast food"

Gooner: "No wonder you're so hot ;) It shows"

Person A: "I had yoga class today"

Gooner: "That's hot, you must be flexible..."

Person A: "Not much, just laying in my bed listening to music"

Gooner: "I'd love to lay on top of you ;)"

Person A: "I had such a long day at work, need to shower and make dinner"

Gooner: "Without me? Proof haha ;)"

Person A: "I suffer from chronic back pain"

Gooner: "Sounds like you need a nice massage..."

You get the point. Every single fucking thing has to go back to sex or them trying to flirt with you and get in your pants. They can't interact with the opposite gender without making it sexual and that is a problem. Lately it's been pissing me off. How simple are you? Porn genuinely rewires the brain to the point they can only view us through a sexual lense. Women's pain, struggle, hardship and suffering, all can and will be turned into something erotic by these brain rotted porn goblins. Porn is simply a public health hazard.

Watching all the shenanigans surrounding relationships as an observer and not a participant is exhausting and only reinforces my desire to remain single. Part of why I refuse to partake is I just cannot trust men. And I don't feel as though this is a 'trust issue' but simply an objective reality. The possibility of getting cheated on, lied to, used for free labour and sex, him talking about you behind your back to his coworkers and friends, getting gaslit, having to do constant emotional labour, coerced into having sex when you didn't feel like it, him following IG models behind your back, him gooning and having a c0rn addiction that he lies about etc. the list goes on, and ON, and ONNN... The possibility is just way too ridiculously high that I don't have a single nanosecond to get myself involved with dating men.

I'm an animal lover and I like venomous snakes. They can be cool. But I wouldn't trust them. I feel the same way about men. I like (some) men but do I trust them? No. Because why would you? Just like you observe venomous snakes or lions from a safari van from a distance, I observe men and relationships from a distance but don't get involved for my own health and safety. You simply accept the way they are, the possibility for things to go wrong and make an informed decision. I don't particularly want to change this lack of trust either because I absolutely adore being single. Can anyone else relate to this?

The dating craze and falling for the mass cult that is modern relationships proves most people simply do not know themselves. For example, let's say you're the kind of person who really enjoys your own company, needs to go to taekwondo after work throughout the week to unwind and feel relaxed. You love going on quiet walks through the park, going to the gym, picking up lunch and going home to read a book. You're not a fan of constant phone calls and love doing as you please. So... Why exactly would a relationship be for you and why would you even think that could improve your situation?

You get into a relationship with a clingy man or woman who is jealous and insecure about you going to taekwondo so they give you an ultimatum to quit. Now your main hobby, passion and way to unwind after work is gone. You have to make sure you constantly have access to your phone to be able to text back. You have to give up your usual routine of reading in the evening or watching a series to get on facetime or a phone call for 2 hours with your partner. Your libido is low but you get into a relationship with a high libido partner who 'requires' sex from you multiple times a week. And then they wonder why they are unhappy, miserable, tired, losing hair, their glow and stressed. Surely this is basic common sense, logic and critical thinking skills. Am I crazy here or? Basic logic should tell you that based on who you are as a person, this relationship is going to grate on you in the long run. Yet we see it all the time, clearly incompatible couples wasting their time because they don't want to be alone.

If you know yourself well, you'd realise that getting into a relationship simply would not make ANY sense for you, especially if you are someone who really values autonomy. But the thing is, people are so brainwashed by the constant romance propaganda in music, movies, social media, advertisements etc. that they gaslight themselves that it's totally worth it and this is an improvement on their quality of life. Um... No? When are people going to get real with themselves? Sadly I think the answer is never for the majority, the social programming and need to fill a void is just too strong.

The sex obsessed masses are actually insane. The entitlement that people have towards another persons body is one of the main reasons I consider it a legit hazard to date. They don't care if the other person is tired, not in the mood, has to wake up early, in pain, anxious or simply does not want to. It's all ME ME ME ME, my lust, my needs. You can go out on a date and all they're thinking is "Will I get to fuck after this? Have I done enough?". What happened to enjoying someone else's company, conversational skills and empathy for another human being? The most lascivious, salacious and licentious people are currently walking amongst us and masking. That is terrifying. Using people for their own personal pleasure and then discarding them if they don't 'put out' enough times a week. And they'll say this with a straight face like they're not sick. But WE are the weird ones? Tell us you have zero self awareness without telling us.

I can't stand when people question why I'm single because it shows how totally oblivious they are to the current state of the dating scene. It's practically sex work at this point with extra steps. The unspoken consensus is "I pay for the date, you give me access to your body eventually". NO THANKS. And why the fuck do women not realise this?! It's literally self harm...

Anyways, I am so grateful for this community <3, it's nice to know there are awake people with common sense.

I booked a flight to Bologna for me and my mother for 2 weeks August 10-22. Then a relative told me that it's the worst time to visit and many of the locals go on holiday and Ferragosto falls between these dates so things will be quiet. I was really excited to visit independent local clothing stores but apparently mostly major chains like zara, h&m will be open? I'm gutted and lowkey (highkey) panicking. Am I overreacting and can we still have a good time? If anyone could share their realistic experience as a tourist in August that would be really helpful. We wanted to visit Rome, Venice, Florence, Verona and Modena.

Are there any solutions such as staying in Bologna for only 3 days and then travelling to somewhere coastal like Cinque Terre? Or is it mainly fear mongering and we will be okay and happy staying in Bologna and making day trips to other towns and cities? Any advice would be appreciated, thank you so much <3

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who took the time out of their day to comment and offer advice, help and perspective. I really appreciate it! I have anxiety so can be a little dramatic sometimes but this thread has really grounded me and I'm so excited to visit your absolutely beautiful country! <3

Hey, I've been training at a gym for 3 months and I'll be switching to a gym that is less expensive for me to travel to so I can train more days of the week. My current coach is a really nice guy and I feel bad and guilty for leaving. He doesn't know my name and we're not that close but I still feel so bad. Should I notify him that I will no longer be coming anymore or just vanish? I've already cancelled my membership and auto-renewal payment. I know I may be overthinking this but I have anxiety and don't want to seem rude or ungrateful.