u/balkanfarmer

Hey! I’m 25, and I’ve never had sex before, a big part is because I had to get a hymenectomy and before the procedure I was scared of sex. I couldn’t imagine anything going into my v without immense pain. The procedure went great and I am able to use the dilators they gave me.

I also finally overcame my worries/fear of birth control so I’ve been on the combo pill for a month now, still kinda worried I’ll get pregnant while on the pill though.

I’ve been with my current bf for about 7 months and I think I’m ready for sex, I’m not scared of sex anymore like before procedure/birth control but I still wanna make sure I’m not overlooking or rushing anything. My bf has never pressured me and wants to move at my pace but idk how to set it to progress more, he’s been more cautious to not move too fast for my sake i think. (Sometimes I worry he’ll leave bc I’m taking long but he has never given me a reason to think that, just from past relationships)

I think any of my main current worries is about UTIs, of course STIs too, so I’ll have to ask him about when the last time he has been tested was even though I’m shy to ask. Is using a condom for the first few times, or majority of the time smart? Even if I’m on the combo pill and I take it the same time, and even after he shows me he’s been tested for STI? Someone on social media said this, should I take a pregnancy test every month just to make sure I’m not?

I’m mainly worried about UTIs because what if the capsules are tricky to swallow and I’m not able to take it? Antibiotics side effects are scary too but I know it’s better than an infection. My emetophobia has made antibiotics seem scary. From my googling it seems like it can come in different forms too.

I’ve also gotten into my head that I need to be perfect and not awkward, which leads me to overthink a lot during our intimate times, am I touching him right? Am I moving/acting weird?? idk how to not get in my head :,) once I reached for his private area without looking down bc I’ve given hjs to a past bf before (and he made it seem like I was good at giving them so I was confident lol) but ended up rubbing his pelvic bone 😭 I was SO embarrassed but he just made a light hearted joke about it and didn’t make me feel bad about it, I wish I was just more confidently sexy.

I just need a big sister talk/advice lol, it kinda sucks I don’t really have one I can just talk to about things like this, I do have a therapist I’ll talk to about this sometimes and it has helped.

I guess it makes sense because text isn’t the same as an in person connection, but I can’t help but feel sad when the texts don’t have the same energy as in person? It makes me feel insecure that he doesn’t care about me when I’m not there in front of him? I don’t know if it’s my anxious attachment talking, or the fact I had caffeine and sometimes caffeine makes me really depressed.

There was only like a brief moment when I was getting to know my bf where he texted a little more, it’s gonna be like 8 months this month. He isn’t really someone that’ll just keep a convo throughout the day, just here and there a couple times a day, sometimes only if there’s a point to the contact, and whenever he’s busy he doesn’t seem to be on his phone a lot, I can’t help but still feel sad about it. Idk how I’d even bring it up, especially in a way that doesn’t sound emotionally charged. I don’t want the messages to be forced I just want to feel like he wants to consistently connect with me more when we aren’t together?? Like I’m usually fine when there’s not much contact but sometimes it makes me sad and feel forgotten.

It makes me feel worried he’s not that into me even though right before I left for a trip we were connected over text and talking about things we can do when I get back, and I spent time with him the day after I got back because he wanted to and he asked to see me like two days after and we connected so well, so just seeing his texting habits fall off so quick makes me confused. Maybe he is genuinely busy, could be but idk.

I want to preface by saying I just came back home from a trip, I had a past relationship where I was broken up with after a trip and I think I’m worried it’ll happen again.

When I told my bf now that I landed he said “oh yay we’ll have to do something soon” and he suggested something today, which is soon and is my first worry is he’s doing it soon to get a breakup over with.

Then just now he got the tickets, they’re cuddle seats though like usual, and I’m like what if he still will breakup but he got the cuddle seats so it wouldn’t feel off?

Then he said let’s meet at the theater (we usually drive midway to each other for movies) since he’s not too hungry but craving popcorn and my brain is worried this is a sign too???

I really hope it’s all in my head ugh!! It sucks that I can’t get 100% certainty

I haven’t really noticed much else stomach wise, thank god, other than feeling more uncomfortable and stopped up at moments. Hoping it’s just because my period was just halted and it’ll eventually alleviate.

Any tips? I notice eating an apple helps but anything else?

Also I’m getting like lower cramps, like ovary areas?

I get to go to Tokyo soon and I really wanna make sure I take home some katamari stuff with me!!

Does anyone know any places that may sell katamari merch?

I do feel ashamed with what I studied in college, I’m really good at what I do and I don’t regret college itself, and I love what I studied, but I do feel super worried about my future.

A lot of people I went to school with are also in a very similar position as me.

I’ve worked retail for quite a bit, I did eventually get a job that aligned with my college skills but it wasn’t THAT great of pay, and it was an incredibly toxic environment! I worked that retail job part time on top of this job, and I’m still at that retail job.

I’m just at a loss now. My dad was trying to get his bosses to have me start working at his workplace, helping out the more experienced designers with more tedious CAD tasks. 90% of his coworkers are a couple years from retirement and he figured it’d be nice to bring in younger people, but his bosses haven’t budged since writing in an email that he’s “very much warmed up” to the idea… but there’s still crickets and it’s been months. They are really swamped at work so maybe that could be a reason no major movement has been made… I’m losing hope though. This job would’ve been decently paid and pretty much change my life.

They even had an intern this summer but apparently he didn’t have much to work on, especially since everyone was swamped with work, and couldn’t train. I felt SO hopeful for this opportunity! Finally, a stable job, wfh most days, healthcare (I’m 26 in November) but I really don’t know how confident I feel it’s going to actually happen!! (Apparently the way the boss talks is an HR nightmare so maybe they don’t want a younger woman joining…) everyone there seems ready to retire and don’t feel like getting the ball rolling.

Now idk what the fuck to do!! I don’t have the portfolio for some design/graphic jobs and I feel so overwhelmed trying to even think of making portfolios from scratch! The industry I wanted to work in is pretty much on fire rn.

I’ve thought of receptionist jobs but they’re super competitive. I’ve also thought of going back to get my masters and become a clinical mental health counselor but that’s super expensive!!! I have enough to pay my college student loans and have some emergency fund leftover but I’d rather not accrue more debt to pay off!! This job at my dad’s work would’ve let me save up and decide what I’d want to do, if I don’t enjoy the work.

I put too much hope into this potential job opportunity and it doesn’t seem super hopeful to happen, i just feel stuck and don’t know what to do next, any ideas I have seem unrealistic.

I’ve thought of selling my art, and making making merchandise/designs on clothing but it’s hard to ignore the possibility of it all failing.

Of course I’ve heard the horror stories. I talked to the midwife about my concerns and she mentioned not a lot of people at all really complained about it, and never made people v… but I still worry!!

I don’t want to be freaking out with how I feel after every single day I take it!!

The thought of taking it for the first time is so intimidating.

I was told to take it during my period and I’m starting to feel the period symptoms creeping in and I’m really getting nervous!!!

I know the meal tip and taking it before bed but I’m worry I’ll still have issues with n*!!!!!

And of course our cdc and fda don’t have the funding to directly link what is causing it, I keep hearing lettuce is potential the case and I had some yesterday, but very little because ovulation was already making me have to use the bathroom a lot. I’m terrified because ai was all like even if you ate a little since it’s a parasite it doesn’t matter

So now I’m really really stressing out!!!

He recently went to Europe and he talked about this really stinky cheese he enjoyed and that inspired me to make a charcuterie surrounding that (idk what the cheese was but I’m hoping to make a good guess) I’d also try to make stuffed dates bc we went to a bar that served them and he really liked them. Then I’ll add the usual crackers, probably a fruit. I’m nervous about the dates and guessing the cheese right…

Is this too much? My birthday hasn’t passed yet so idk how he would’ve gifted for my bday to gauge the tone of the gift… when he went to France he gave me a souvenir of two pretty pins. He is more of an act of service guy when it comes to love languages so maybe he’d appreciate it??

OR do I do more of a hobby gift.. he likes warhammer a lot and games a lot, but I can’t figured out a gift that’s not too expensive or something he already has? I was then thinking gift card but meh… I thought of a lamp/magnifying glass for his figure painting but he has one and seems to be satisfied but it doesn’t have a magnifying glass! And it’s warm toned.

I’m trying to stay relatively cheap, especially since I decided to take initiative for paying for our last dinner and that was a pretty penny

I’ve already spent about $780 this far this month (I bought a dress for a wedding)

I don’t make a ton of money. But I’m not eating into my savings with how much I made this month

The set is $65 but the thing is, there’s 2x rewards points so I’ll get points like I spent 130 on it, rather than me waiting any other time

I’m also planning on going to a hot pot place this weekend and it’s usually 30 per person and idk if I’m gonna let my bf pay or not… he got the last dinner but it was definitely on the cheaper end…

I have two part time jobs at the moment, one I love and I’ve been at for 5 years, and one I’ve been at for over a month or two that feels just like a job & I’m not super happy with it, but I’m trying to get more income as I figure out my next life step.

I want to preface by saying I feel I maybe was being dramatic afterwards and maybe I could’ve made it to work instead of calling in, but at the moment I was freaking out, and truly didn’t think I could.

I was sick two weeks ago and called off for that, and it has been taking FOREVER for my body to get over the congestion, it’s at a point sleeping is so difficult and waking up to clear up the congestion is super uncomfortable. I’ve been trying to consistently take meds and nasal spray everyday.

I was on my way to this job, this may sound gross, and a huge bit of mucus moved down my throat as I coughed and I was freaking out… and in the moment I thought I shouldn’t be driving so distracted, so I stopped by somewhere to park, I only had so much time to get to work so I didn’t think I could make it in time and I decided to call off, I figured it would be unsettling for the guests I had to be near to hear how gross and sick I sound anyway

So I feel awful for calling off but I also feel awful for how she responded… I mistakenly told her it was allergies, I’ve definitely worked while dealing with allergies but I have a condition that releases a lot of histamine so sometimes I feel AWFUL sometimes even food makes me really flare up, she responded with “well everyone gets allergies and just has to work anyway it happens every year” and I feel annoyed because I don’t want to seem like I was just making an excuse, and I wish she would just understand that maybe I really couldn’t make it and there was a good reason I had to call off right before the shift… then she asked if I really liked the job and how I’ve been gone for 3 weeks (it’s only been 2) and how I’ll need to be trained again even though everything is really straightforward and I wouldn’t forget this soon…

For some other things she said in the past that come across passive aggressive, right before I got hired she asked me if I’d be capable of learning and doing the job & compared my past full time job to this job acting as if that job wasn’t difficult… even though it was incredibly hard, and toxic, but I still managed to do great and stayed for over half a year and worked 55 hours

I also once was 4-5 minutes late because before I left I started having a hard time breathing and didn’t want to drive while experiencing that…

I just feel guilt, and I feel bad, but I also feel offended by how my boss talks to me, but I know she has some good points but she’s overall getting condescending. Half a year ago she pretty much lost all of her team of people working with her so that makes me feel like there’s possibly a pattern. I just know I’m a good worker and she’s making me second guess that.

I’ve been overwhelmed with everything in my life and I think I’m planning on putting in my two weeks even though I should’ve just quit during that phone call because now I feel like shit and I probably have to talk to her in person. It just put a bad taste in my mouth, I would NEVER call off if I just didn’t feel like it, I had what I thought was a good reason to tell her I couldn’t make it.

I have a chance to possibly work at the place my dad works at, they just want to make sure I like it, and if I do I’ll get paid so much more, have weekends off, wfh, just be more financially stable so I think quitting that part time job to focus on training on this job may be more worthwhile.

Hi! I’m currently really stressing out about starting birth control. I want to, but the worries of n worry me!!

I’m thinking of the pill, what are potential ways to alleviate the worry/symptoms?

I’ve (25F) have been seeing this guy (25M) mutually exclusively for about 5 months.

Before his trip to Europe he would text me like 2-4+ times a day on average, which I’m fine with, he has texted me everyday these 5 months until the trip.

He left Sunday, he read my “have a safe flight!” message on read (or so I thought) when he arrived. it was Tuesday and I still thought he hadn’t messaged me and it was kinda upsetting me! I understand a drop in messages while he’s away … but to not message at all? It made me start overthinking like “wow does he just not want to text me at all? Is he even that into me?”

Turns out he did message me on discord and I didn’t see it at first. He told me he has data but not cellular… so he can’t message me on our regular format since I have iMessage and he doesn’t.. maybe this is a big aspect of the frequency, I eventually asked him how the trip was so far and I didn’t receive a message until Thursday where he shared pictures with a caption on discord.

Idk, I’m just worried he’s losing interest I guess, last time I saw him he mentioned giving me a souvenir so it’d suck for him to mention a “future commitment (idk how else to say it) and not plan on seeing me after and lose interest. Could the time zone and/or the whole not having cellular on his international phone plan be a big factor?

Either way I’m trying to keep myself distracted but the worries still linger :/ last message was Thursday.

Hi internet parents,

I’ve been dating a guy exclusively for 4.5 months. He recently left for a vacation with his college friends to Europe for like a week and a half, he left Sunday and now it’s Tuesday and he hasn’t texted me since Sunday, not *super* long, but long enough to make me anxious and impact my mood

I understand people are obviously busy on vacation, and he usually isn’t someone that would text much if they’re in the middle of doing something, but I feel hurt I haven’t heard *anything* from him, before leaving he hadn’t missed a day of messaging me since we started dating, we don’t text a lot which I used to be anxious about in past relationships but as the years go by I don’t care about it as much, our 2-3+ messages a day are fine with me, getting nothing so far feels like rejection… and like I’m not on his mind, like not even subconsciously lol

I’m worried he won’t ever message me the entire duration even though before he left he mentioned getting me a souvenir (probably not a big deal), I hate how it makes me sad and makes it hard to just go on with my normal routines, I hate moping, I wish I could just observe without reacting.

I think what makes it hard is I’ve been feeling so insecure, especially about my looks and everything in my life feels so unsure (like many others are going through)

Ugh I wish I could distract myself!! I’d go on a walk right now but it’s night time here.

Basically I want to eventually become sexually active, but I’d like to be on some form of birth control first. I’m thinking pills at first because I haven’t reached the deductible yet for an IUD. (I lose my health insurance in November so I’d also get it done before then)

Want to get on birth control before I have sex for the first time, but I get so worried about it because I have a phobia of vomiting… but I saw a thread on here, where it said people on BC barely ever vomit due to it, and if you eat before taking it or take it right before bed it helps, and it does help relieve my anxiety a little but I still worry.

I do kind of worry about the emotional effects of it too and other things but since I have a phobia of it, vomiting is the first thing that worries me.

Anyone also worry about this/what are your experiences? I know it’s hard to tell since everyone reacts so differently to different kinds of birth control

Hey internet parents, this is gonna sound so stupid idk why I’m getting so emotional lately, it definitely could be from my period but I thought it would’ve been done since it’s my last day.

I have this Minecraft world with this guy I’m dating, we’ve played for several weeks. His friend asked to make a Minecraft server and the guy I’m dating, I’ll call him E considered just having him and his fiancée join our world, which I was fine with, E wanted to keep our area still ours which was nice.

While we all play together I can’t help but feel left out? Like when they all venture together without me somewhere in the world, which is SO stupid because it’s a game but maybe because idk how E feels about me it makes me more triggered, I do tend to get sensitive in group activities and be in my head and it has been awful with my period.

Last night they all decided to go to the end and I wasn’t as prepared I’d never been there, and I die in the game and there was no way I’d be able to find my way back there and join them so they stayed there in the end of course, it just made me feel left out, and I guess discarded. I kinda wished E had gone back but I know that’s kinda a silly request. He brought back items for me which did help but that feeling still lingered, I did end up kinda tearing up from all of this which is SO embarrassing to admit. He said I didn’t miss much when I told him I felt kinda sad and left out but it didn’t really help console me.

I think all of this stems from me not knowing how he feels about me, irl, cause he isn’t the most affectionate person and isn’t verbally affirming which I’m used to, so I think I just build up all these things he does that is hard to read and include the Minecraft game into all of this.

My therapist thinks I have rejection sensitivity and I probably do but idk what to do about it and I’m so annoyed I’m still kinda upset by this the next day. I felt like I missed out on a milestone in the game.

I told my job my last day was the 24th, but they want me to stay until Wednesday but I told them Tuesday (28th), but I REALLY don’t even want to stay that long. I was hoping this week would be more open and I’d only have to work one job instead of two (55 hours)

I have someone that was always there to help me with my job and she’s capable, even though my boss says she isn’t ready to teach (there’s a new person starting Monday… I feel bad about having her work this shitty ass job)

I’m just SO fucking tired of this job and I’m PISSED they’re begging me to stay longer, but I’m considering only staying Monday and giving the new girl the rundown. I’m tired of the stupid commute, the stupid emotional bullshit I had to deal with, the shitty fucking boss that looks at me like I don’t understand him, I work next to the receiving center with constant loud crashing sounds, and RIGHT NEXT TO the fucking trash, they never gave me a chair or a proper stool to reach for things, when it’s cold outside it’s freezing in my area… all for a pathetic 17.50 an hour.