u/barbequebandit_

Edited updated clearer version.

Hey everyone,

I am posting here because I am emotionally exhausted, completely drained, and desperately need some brutal, outside perspective. I just went through a heavy, final breakup today. I need to lay out every single detail of what happened, why it happened, and the deep regrets I’m carrying, because I’m too tired to type this all out on my own.

Our Backgrounds: A Deep Soul Connection Built on Struggle

To understand how deep our bond was, you need to know where we both come from.

I am 21, living in Madurai, Tamil Nadu. I grew up with a single mother and no father. My childhood was filled with severe trauma—I faced abuse from multiple people and had to endure child labor just to get by. Because of all this pain, she wasn't just my girlfriend; she was my salvation, my safe haven, and my only real relief in this world.

She is 26, originally from a hometown in Uttarakhand, but currently living in Mumbai. Her family is incredibly strict, meaning she can never share anything with her parents. She also has a sister working abroad, but they have no proper emotional connection. Just like me, her only true relief and comfort was me.

She is also brilliant but has fought massive battles of her own. She did her B.Tech in Materials Science at IIT Bombay, a degree she absolutely hated and didn't want. Because of the stress, she shut down, didn't communicate with anyone, and didn't do well. After graduating, she was completely bedridden for two years due to the toll it took on her.

It was during her slow recovery from that dark period that we met online through a game called Genshin Impact. What began as just playing together quickly grew into a deep, intense emotional connection built on endless talking, texting, and phone sex.

After we met, she started working on herself. She tried pursuing her true passion—art—and got an opportunity at IIT Roorkee, but she hated the environment there and quit after a few months. Undeterred, she locked in, prepared for the GATE exam, and is actually joining IISc Bangalore this year. That means she dropped out of the traditional path for 5 years after her undergraduate degree to find herself. Despite these massive, elite academic achievements, she has absolutely zero ego. She is the most down-to-earth, kind-hearted person I have ever known. But right from the start, she carried a deep insecurity about our 5-year age gap, saying she should have said no to a relationship from the beginning because of how young I am.

She was the most preeties girl that i ever met and i hope i was someone whom she could atleast look at 💔

The 3-Year Loop and the Hobby Dependency

While she was fighting her way back into the academic world, I was completely stagnant. For the last three years, I’ve been stuck at home in Madurai, supposedly preparing for the NEET exam to get into college. The truth is, I was avoiding the pressure, hiding from reality, and doing nothing at home under the guise of "studying."

To distract myself from the guilt of wasting time, I poured my energy and money into collecting—specifically official and bootleg anime block models, anime figures, and hunting down Hot Wheels cars.

Because I wasn't working, I didn't always have money, and she actually gave me money when I needed it. But instead of using that support responsibly or saving every single rupee to buy a plane ticket so I could travel the 1,500 km to Mumbai or Uttarakhand to finally hold her hand, I used the money to buy these toys and collectibles. While she was pouring her hard-earned "blood and sweat" into our relationship to build a future, I was taking her support and dumping it into plastic figures and toy cars.

The Breakdown of Trust and the Pornography Truth

Before the final crash, she had been feeling incredibly unappreciated and neglected because of my lack of effort. Then, I revealed a truth that completely shattered her trust: I finally admitted that I watched pornography. In the past, whenever she had asked me about it, I lied straight to her face and denied it. Finding out that I had lied to her made her completely confirm her decision that she couldn't be with me anymore.

Because she was feeling so lonely and unappreciated by me, she started talking to another guy and told him about our issues. I have always tried to be transparent with her, so I expected it back. One day, I called her and she lied, saying she was talking to her grandmother. When I called back again, she admitted it was a guy. She actually connected me to him on the call, and this guy started acting incredibly angry toward me and even used a bad word against me in their chats.

She cut me off, and when I called back, she was still talking to him and blocked me on WhatsApp. I panicked and felt a massive wave of hurt. When she finally called me back, I completely lost my mind in a fit of rage and called her a slut. I know she isn't that kind of person at all, but I was just so mad that she blocked me while letting another guy disrespect me. She says she can never forget that I called her that name.

The Airport Incident

The absolute worst moment of our relationship happened during what we call the airport incident.

She was at an airport traveling, and a random group of guys tried to catcall her. She completely panicked, got deeply anxious, and called and texted me because she needed her boyfriend to protect and comfort her. But at that exact moment, a massive fight was happening inside my own house. Because of the chaos at home, I didn't read her texts or answer her calls. In her panic and despair, she texted me saying she wanted to die. Because I was in a state of pure anger from my family situation, I text her back: "Okay, die without knowing what was going on." That moment deeply traumatized her, and she has never been able to move past the fact that I abandoned her when she was terrified.

The Breakup and Her Grace

When she finally ended things, she told me something that completely shattered my perspective: She said she is "nobody's mother to change people, and she can't change everyone in the world." She was totally exhausted from trying to teach me how to be a partner, correcting my behavior, and waiting for me to grow up. The romance died because she felt like she was managing a project instead of being loved by an equal. She also noticed a pattern where every time we had phone sex, we would end up in a massive fight the very next day, so we completely stopped doing it for the last 3 to 4 months.

Despite everything, she handled the final conversation with an immense amount of grace. She apologized for her own mistakes regarding the other guy. And when I went to delete her photos, she got angry and told me she didn't send them to be thrown in the trash bin. She said: "When you love someone, you carry a part of them." She confessed she hasn't deleted mine yet, and she still hasn't changed my contact name on Google Messages (where we are speaking now since I am blocked on WhatsApp).

My Final Move Today

After hearing her words today, the fog finally cleared. I felt a sudden, massive wave of "ick" looking at the shelves of collectibles in my room. I realized they were just physical symbols of my failure—proof of the version of me that was hiding from life, avoiding college, taking her money, and losing the woman who was my salvation. I told her that looking at them gives me an ick now.

Instead of fighting her, begging, or sending a text wall, I recorded three final videos and sent them to her today. I looked her directly in the eyes, completely owned up to all my financial mistakes, the pornography lies, the airport incident, and the name-calling. I apologized sincerely, told her that I still love her deeply, and told her I am stepping back to give her space.

Where Things Stand Right Now

Immediately after sending those videos, I went completely ghost. Neither of us uses any social media apps, so there are no digital games to play.

Right now, I am actively boxing up my entire collection of figures and cars to sell them off. I am completely done with that chapter. I am using that money to buy practical, real-world essentials to rebuild my life—like a good pair of wired earphones to block out distractions so I can study, and fresh clothes to mentally transition into a mature mindset.

My strict plan is to maintain total, absolute no-contact for the next 3 months (90 days). I am going to put my head down, take care of my pets, pour every ounce of my energy into my NEET preparation, break this 3-year loop, and finally get into college. I want to reach out to her in 3 months only when I have proven, through silent action, that I am a grounded man.

My Questions for Reddit:

Did I handle the exit right? Was sending those final video apologies and going completely silent the best way to own up to my financial mistakes, the airport incident, and the name-calling, or should I send one final text explaining why I called her that name out of anger so she understands?

Can the "Mother Dynamic" ever be broken? Given our deep connection, her strict family background, and the fact that we were each other's only relief, can a woman who clawed her way up to IISc Bangalore ever look at a guy as an equal partner again after he showed so much financial dependency and childish behavior? Will she ever realize her mistake in blocking me and bringing another guy into our business?

How do I cope with this level of guilt and fear? I am paralyzed by the fact that I used her money on hobbies instead of a ticket to see her. I am also terrified that during these 3 months of silence, she will find someone else, move on, and be intimate with them, and I will never know because we don't have social media.

Please give it to me completely straight. Thanks

I want opinions on what you people think about this i really cant type all these so used gemini to help me thanks ❤️‍🩹🥀.

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