u/blahajenjoyerr

My body dysphoria isn't always there and it's not always that bad, but i hate it when people inevitably refer to me as a woman or compliment my feminine features. I also don't refer to myself as a woman/girl/etc unless it's really necessary because it makes me uncomfortable, but i feel like it makes me seem strange to others.

Can i somehow get more comfortable living as a woman? I'll try creating a character that's my ideal self, but i think i need to get comfortable with my real life female self too.

Basically ever since i really got to understanding what trans people are, and then found out about the existence of nonbinary people, everytime i hear somebody saying blatantly transphobic things or unironically making "my gender is attack helicopter" type of jokes i start feeling almost physically unwell. Like my stomach feels tight, i get a little lightheaded, and i just start feeling really uncomfortable, sometimes i feel like i could tear up.

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Is this something an overly emotional cis person could experience too? I've felt the same things when people are being homophobic, even though I'm aroace and not gay (but i guess that's still "weird" and most people in my country don't know it exists, so if I'm assumed to be not-straight I'm assumed to be a lesbian)

Everytime my therapist asks "how does that make you feel" all i can say is things like "kinda bad i guess?" or "good". Sometimes slightly more specific things like disappointed or angry, but I'm generally shit at knowing what I'm feeling or what's the word for it.

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It also doesn't help that I'm uncomfortable talking about feelings other than being generally happy, angry, or annoyed. Emotions in general make me uncomfortable, i can't even say i "love" people and I'm not even sure if i can really love anyone. I usually just say i have friendship feelings towards my friends and familial feelings towards family.

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Idk it's confusing, I'm not even good at wording posts because idk wtf I'm feeling 💔

I have a 'sex favorable ace' blog show up on my tumblr sometimes, and seeing their posts always makes me confused about why they insist on wanting to be in the same community as repulsed ace people.

In a lot of their posts it seems to me that they barely have any shared experiences with us and hate to be assumed to be the "same type of ace" as we are. They try to mask it but i feel like they just dislike repulsed ace people, or at least they don't like to hear us talk about our very real problems.

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At that point it would genuinely make their lives easier to just... not call themselves asexual. It's nearly impossible to talk about asexual issues when these people are there like "🤓👆 um actually, I'm ace and don't have these issues so you shouldn't say it's an asexuality related problem". How are we meant to be taken seriously when talking about the problems we face when people who happily conform to allo society?