TDLR: I’m very ill and my husband is mad because I’m too sick to play board games, I don’t want anyone touching me, and I refuse to leave the house. WTF. Why are they like this?

Me: 41F (42 next month) Him: 51M. Together almost 11 years.

I have been slowly getting sicker and sicker over the last week. On Friday, I finally went in and tested positive for influenza A. Lovely. I’ve also been having issues with A LOT of swollen lymph nodes, mostly on my neck and head. It turns out I had an abscess under a tooth - there was no pain or swelling, just the lymph nodes. I had it drained, tried one antibiotic which didn’t completely take care of it so now I’m on a stronger antibiotic which is working but is also causing a lot of GI distress. My fever is 102.7 and won’t go down, I was told it’s because of the 2 infections and not to be too concerned, just continue to monitor and if it goes above 103 and still won’t go down to come back in. I’m also dealing with symptoms of perimenopause that my dr won’t confirm because he is a dumbass and I’m going to get another opinion. All that to say, I obviously feel like crap. I even voice how I feel to him so he should be well aware. Hell, I haven’t done my workouts for 2 days - which I do no matter what always - so that should show him right there that I feel awful.

Today is his day off. He is now having as little communication and contact with me as possible because I won’t go to church with him and I won’t play games or cuddle with him. I only go to church for him, I am not religious. I do not like being touched when I am sick. And I have no brain power for playing games and my throat hurts too much to talk. I just want to lie in my recliner, move as little as possible, and zone out.

He is a GROWN adult! Why can he not entertain himself? Even when I’m not sick, he still expects me to entertain him. I’m a freelance graphic designer and I’ve started scheduling work stuff on his days off so I don’t have to be around him all day because he makes life hell when it’s just us two and there are no plans. He also does NOT pick up any household slack when I’m sick and he acts like it’s a personal attack against him if I’m not up for cooking dinner. He grew up as basically an only child because his only sibling was a lot older than him. I would’ve thought this would’ve given him the skills to entertain himself (I was in a similar situation and I LOVE doing solo hobbies) but I was WRONG. Or maybe he got tired of doing things solo and now he hates it, idk. But when someone is sick, you should only expect the bare minimum from them and let them rest so they can recover faster. I really think he doesn’t give a shit about how I feel, he’s upset because he has to “suffer” too. Ugh.

Read a book! Play video games! Paint your miniatures! Go to the game store and shoot the shit with your bros! I don’t care, just leave me alone. I’ve had 3 long term relationships and this is the only one where it feels like my partner is so clingy and obsessed with time together.

A bonus rant: I have been on a health kick since 2024. I have lost 186lbs - from 301 to 115! I lift weights and do cardio and try to move as much as possible to not be sedentary. I also cook mostly healthy meals and try not to have unhealthy foods in the house. He wants to lose weight but will not put in the work. He eats my healthy meals at home but he manages a grocery store and has to look at all the junk food all day so he buys it and binges before he comes home. I find wrappers in his car all the time. He’s tried to workout with me but we don’t have similar schedules and he makes it hell, complaining the entire time and rarely lasts longer than 30mins just lifting weights.

He also eats ALL the food. It’s now a rule that my son and I serve ourselves first because he underestimates how much we eat and doesn’t leave enough for us. He’ll go back for seconds and eat everything that’s left. I’ve started having to hide anything I want to eat. For the 4th, I made a whole spread as we were having a couple people over. Tons of deviled eggs, pasta salad, potato salad, baked beans, burgers. The works. He couldn’t eat it all so there were leftovers. Today, he ate 12 deviled eggs (which was all of them), the leftover burgers and potato salad. He went for the pasta and I asked him to save me some. He got huffy because he couldn’t eat it all. Yet he constantly complains about his weight and he won’t accept any advice! His doctor gave him a list of foods (which I’ve been suggesting for years) and I’ve been adding them into our diet and he hates most of them and complains. I’ve tried preparing different ways, still hates them. So I told him he’ll have to start making his own food since I can’t cook up to his expectations. So he’s mad about that.

He also told me he’s sick of me complaining to him all the time and said he doesn’t want to hear it anymore. When he starts complaining to me, I remind him of this and tell him I don’t want to hear his complaints either and I walk away. So he’s also mad about that.

I’d leave if I could. I just can’t right now and I don’t know when I’ll be able to. My son (12) and I talk about what’s going on (in an appropriate way) so he knows dad’s behavior is unacceptable and how NOT to act.

I’m really not sure where to post this, especially since I don’t want to be flamed, I’m not being performative, and I’m asking genuinely and in good faith. I am not trying to be all “ooh look at me, I’m so hot tee hee”. I am very uncomfortable with this and I want to continue my life without changing my personality or how I look.

Anyway. I recently (within the last 2 years) lost 186 lbs (84 kg). I went from 5’4” (162 cm) and 301 lbs (136.5 kg) to 115 lbs (52 kg).

When I was big, I mostly wore black t-shirts and leggings. Nothing else felt comfortable, I didn’t want to show my body, and most things fit weird even when made exclusively plus sized (like torrid).

Now, I wear what I want. Nothing is really uncomfortable for the most part. Nothing is too tight. I don’t have fat rolls that move around. I can easily find my size in everything. But I don’t dress sexy or to show off my body. I wear a lot of cotton overalls and maxi dresses. The sexiest thing I wear is shorts (shortest is a 5” inseam) and athletic wear, which can be tight. I do not wear black very often because I wore it exclusively before so I’m sick of it. I wear a lot of pink and purple. I do not wear low cut tops or show off my midsection or anything. I am pretty muscular as I lift weights 5 days a week as well as cardio. I have low body fat so my muscles are visible but not in a Hollywood kind of way, I don’t look like a bodybuilder.

Everywhere I go, I am stared at. At first, I thought it was just me and that I was being paranoid. But my husband and friends (even my 12 yo son!)have noticed and made comments about the staring as well. I used to do my running outside early in the morning but moved to a treadmill because I’d have to deal with random creepy men following me or catcalling me. I had to punch a dude in the face when he tried to grab me and I pepper sprayed another. I was also assaulted 7 times last year, 5 of them sexual. Two were coworkers. It even happened once at Walmart. I am 41 yo and by all standards I am average looking. I do not have a large chest or butt anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m small and don’t look like I’d fight back? Idk. I’ve even had a few women make rude comments on my body - I do have some loose skin on my thighs and I don’t try to hide it. Even my husband’s lesbian coworker has made comments - they were complimentary but made me feel objectified.

I just don’t get it. It makes me not want to leave the house! I feel like saying anything to these people will make it worse and I’ll stick out more. When people try to touch me, I do fight back and when rude comments are made i usually make another comment in response. What do I do? I finally feel like I can live my life but I’m tired of feeling eyes on me all the time. Does it get easier with time? Do most women have to deal with this? When I was big, I rarely left my house so I don’t have much reference for this because I wasn’t around people much. Do I just ignore it? Does it get easier to ignore?

Oh, and if it means anything - I live in a small to mid sized city in the Midwest in the US.

So I haven’t been to Adventureland (or any theme park) in about 15 years. I have the following concerns:

(I have checked the website and emailed them but haven’t received a response. I’ve also googled and still have questions.)

Ride sizing:

My husband is on the larger side - 6’4”, 320 lbs and is fairly proportionate, though he does have a belly, he generally carries his weight all over. My kid is 12 yo and he and I are both smaller than average. I would say my kid is about 5’ (60cm). Should we anticipate that my husband won’t be able to fit on most rides like the coasters? I think my kid is tall enough for all of them.

Bags:

Are any bags - like small waist bags/fanny packs/etc - allowed on the rides? I have T1D and I can’t just leave everything in a locker at one end of the park in case I get sick. I need to carry a small amount of essentials with me at all times. I would also like to be able to bring in a small amount of food (like a protein bar/peanut butter packets) for blood sugar issues - I have a few food allergies so I can only eat certain brands/products and I doubt I could find these items in the park.

Speedy pass:
I keep getting conflicting information on this - if we buy speedy passes, we need one pass for each person, correct? Are they worth buying? We are going on June 21st (Sunday) - that’s the only time we have available. Will it be super busy? What should we expect?

What to do first?

I’ve had several people tell me to do the water park first. I’ve also had several people tell me to do the water park last or even in the middle. If we get there at opening, do we beeline for the rides we want to go on first? Some say to start in the back and work your way to the front because most people do the opposite so lines will be shorter. I was thinking of doing the water park last, when the weather is warmer, so we can cool off in the water and then go to the hotel. But I’m not sure if that’s the best way to avoid crowds, so idk. Help! I also would prefer NOT to wear my swim suit around all day and just change once (either at the end or beginning).

We all plan on wearing comfy clothes and sneakers and sunscreen. We’re driving 3 hours out of state so there’s that to consider as well. I grew up in Iowa and Adventureland is very nostalgic for me, we’d go every summer when I was a kid.

Any other tips/tricks/suggestions are helpful. Thank you!

Hi!

I’m 5’4” and will be 42F this August. I had surgery in 2024 and went from 301lbs to 115lbs.

How do I know if my alleged hormone issues are related to possible perimenopause or menstruation/PMS, or weight loss?

I was told that many bariatric surgery patients have hormonal fluctuations post weight loss (even men) because estrogen is released from the adipose (fat) tissue. If weight loss is rapid, the symptoms will be more severe because the body has less time to adapt. Not sure if this is true, it’s just what I’ve been told by other patients. My doctor said it’s possible but didn’t seem too concerned about it.

I did see my gyn and had a hormone panel done but everything came back normal and she didn’t think I was starting peri yet.

I asked my mother about her menopause and peri and how that went for her but she couldn’t remember the timing and it sounds like her symptoms were very mild and mostly unnoticeable.

After the weight loss, I feel like my body is so much more sensitive to hormones and other things as well - fluids and electrolytes, blood sugar, even physical touch. It’s like all of that excess fat blunted everything and now it’s all sharper. I didn’t have much for pms symptoms before and now I feel like I’m losing my mind!

The mood swings are nuts. I’m angry about literally everything. I can be fine one minute and then something super small can set me off and I’ll be PISSED the rest of the day. Sometimes I have severe cramps and migraines. Sometimes I’m completely debilitated from the pain. No 2 months are the same either, so I never know what to expect. The mood stuff is the worst, tbh. I have chronic illness so I can deal with physical pain but the mood swings are next level.

I’m in therapy and also taking antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I exercise 5 days a week (both cardio and weights) and I try to get outside often. I try to meditate and do journaling and practice gratitude.

What am I missing? Do I need different meds? Do I need to be more insistent with my gyn? Would hrt help?

I’m terrified this will permanently impact my relationships. I love my husband and my kid but I’m angry at them all the time for no logical reason. I need help.

Hi! I went from 301lbs to 115lbs currently. I don’t have a ton of loose skin, but I do have a decent amount on my stomach. Despite my low weight, I still have issues with muffin top.

I do not like compressive undergarments unless absolutely necessary (like for a bodycon dress, for example). I prefer cotton underwear and dislike synthetic materials and blends.

Does anyone have any suggestions for high waisted cotton underwear for women? I’d prefer if they would come up slightly over the belly button (I’m 5’4”)as that’s where my muffin top comes from lol. Nothing too tight, nothing fancy. I just need them for everyday wear. I’m autistic and easily overstimulated so no different textures like lace or whatever. I don’t even care about color. Just something that’s comfortable that will also help keep my loose skin in check. I have access to Walmart, Target, Sam’s Club, Amazon, Victoria’s Secret, Old Navy, and Amazon.

Thank you so much!