u/bleblon_

My boyfriend and I have been in couples therapy for some time now, because we have been struggling with communication and different needs in our relationship. Recently he also broke my trust pretty badly by revealing a bunch of lies he had been telling me for the past two years. This is still something that affects me daily, but he just seems to feel relieved that he has nothing to hide anymore.

We’ve been talking about this in therapy, and I’ve expressed that I feel like it’s so difficult that he’s becoming more and more distant, when I really need him to be there for me at the moment. I know that it’s his way of coping with things, and it makes a lot of sense if you know how his childhood was, but I still need him to work on it. He doesn’t ask about me, he forgets or doesn’t do the things he promised me and he doesn’t console me when I’m sad about things he’s done. He even went so far to tell me the other day, that sometimes he doesn’t console me when I’m sad, because it annoys him. I know it’s mostly not about me, but about him avoiding and not knowing how to deal with difficult emotions.

He’s also gaming all the time, and when he isn’t, he’s watching YouTube videos about that game or thinks about the game, which results in him not listening to me when I talk. It’s like he’s trying to escape difficult situations and emotions and just isolates himself.

I’ve mentioned all this in therapy (and much more I haven’t mentioned here) and the therapist acknowledges that it’s understandable I feel so lonely at the moment. She also says that he needs to hold himself accountable for the things he promises me. But she also says that I need to tell him more about what I need from him and that it’s my responsibility to do that. The problem is, I feel like that’s the only thing I’ve been doing for the past 6 months and it’s like he doesn’t understand. I’ve made lists with ideas of things he could do/say and I’ve told him straight up “I need you do do this/say this” and so on. He just feels criticized. She says I need to express it differently and in a way where I don’t tell him what he doesn’t do, but what I would appreciate he did instead.

I started doing this, and it’s going fine. The problem is, I feel like I have to do it all the time. I’m not sure, if it’s supposed to get better and he will do these things himself eventually, but it just feels so terrible to constantly tell him “I would appreciate if you did/said this right now”. I’m also still scared that I’ll annoy him or something.

He does do the things when I tell him, but I’m just wondering where his responsibility is then? I feel like because he broke my trust, and because he is aware that he’s being distant and he could work on that, he should also put in an effort. I feel like he can just relax, not think and wait for me to tell him what to do, and it’s exhausting already.

Am I wrong for thinking this is an unfair solution to our problems? I already feel like I’m carrying so much of our relationship, and now I have responsibility for his actions and words when I’m sad or angry. I might as well not go to him when I need emotional support then, because it just feels fake, when I always have to ask.

I hope it made sense!

TL;DR My boyfriend is not giving me emotional support, asking about me, he’s being distant and so on, and I feel like our therapist has made it my responsibility to guide him in every way and it’s feels unfair to me.

Jeg har i noget tid overvejet at købe nogle toppe her til sommeren med indbygget bh. Jeg har større bryster, og kan ikke gå i f.eks. tanktops uden bh, og jeg synes ikke det altid er pænt, når man kan se bh-stropperne under (og så er det varmt), så jeg synes ideen er meget god.

Men jeg kan kun finde dem fra Tryless lige nu, jeg synes bare de er lidt dyre.

Så jeg ville høre om nogen har toppe fra Tryless, og om det er pengene værd? Eller om nogen måske har forslag til andre mærker?

Mange tak på forhånd!🫶🏼

I found out about everything 10 days ago. My boyfriend of 2.5 years has been watching porn after I set a clear boundary and he told me he could easily stop. I was shocked, he lied to my face so much and did a really good job at hiding it unfortunately. I feel like I don’t know him anymore.

So far, I know that he’s been watching it on Reddit, TikTok, Instagram and Pornhub. He also mentioned some website with GIFs but he didn’t mention what it’s called.

I found a secret profile both on Reddit and TikTok. He still claims he had no idea about the TikTok account, even though he’s admitted to watching girls there? And he claimed to have no idea about the Reddit account too, until I told him it was obvious he had been using it and he admitted it. But both accounts had no history anywhere.

Also, he told me at the beginning of our relationship that he deleted Instagram, but I found an email from last summer (when we were on vacation with my family) that he deleted his account on Instagram there. He never mentioned anything about it back then (I thought he didn’t have an account at the time anymore) and he says he can’t remember why he deleted it while we were on vacation. It seems weird to me.

I also found out he has three email accounts. But I couldn’t find anything on any of them, other than the emails connected to the Instagram and Reddit account.

I know the three email accounts and I know his usual passwords and usernames (he didn’t tell me, I found them myself, so he doesn’t know). I checked OF and couldn’t find an account, but I’m not sure where else to look. I feel like he’s not telling me everything because some of the stuff just doesn’t add up.

Do I let it go and focus on trusting him, or is there some way to check if he’s still lying? Like what kind of websites should I check and so on.

I don’t know if I’m just being totally paranoid, but something feels off and I’m usually right when I get that feeling. I have no idea how to deal with him being so good at hiding this stuff. I told him and he said he didn’t do that much to hide it (he obviously did). I almost couldn’t find anything on his phone (I didn’t check his computer yet though, except for his Discord which he says he doesn’t use anymore). I know he’s been using incognito mode in his browser (which I just learned is a thing, I feel a bit stupid) and I don’t know if that just means there no way to know.

Any advice on what to do right now would be appreciated! I’m struggling so much right now and I feel absolutely terrible, but I’m really happy I found this subreddit!

I’m a 23F in a relationship with a 24M. We’ve been together for two years and we live together.

In the beginning of our relationship I asked him if he ever watched porn, and he said yes. I thought about it, and I realized it made me really uncomfortable, and we talked about it. I told him that he should just tell me if he still wanted to watch it, and we could find a solution together, but he insisted that he could easily just stop and it wasn’t a big deal.

Then recently I found out that he’s been watching it ever since, and that he never stopped when he said he would. I even asked him multiple times about it, and he lied to my face every time. I even told him it’s fine if he had changed his mind, but I just wanted to know. He still lied.

We’ve talked about it a couple times now, and he knows that lying about it was even worse than actually doing it, and I really hope that we can have open conversations about it from now on. But he still says that he wants to stop watching it.

The problem is, I just can’t get him to explain why he’s watching it. Like, he even told me he sometimes imagines himself with those girls, doing things to them and fucking them. I told him I feel like he masturbates to the thought of cheating on me with those girls, and he just said “technically yes”. It honestly makes me feel physically sick.
He assured me that it had nothing to do with him wanting to actually cheat or to do with me or my looks or what I do and don’t do in bed.

But can someone who watches or has watched porn while in a relationship tell me why you actually do it?

And does it actually have anything to do with your partner or wanting to cheat?

And do you guys think he’s telling the truth when he says he’ll really stop this time? And why did he even lie in the first place?

I really hope someone can help me understand this a bit better, because I cant get the image and thought of it out of my head. I feel like I’m not good enough for him and that I did something wrong or that I’m not attractive enough, and I’m so scared that he compares me to them and wants to cheat on me.

And I want to make it clear, that I have absolutely no problem with him masturbating, it’s the porn that makes me feel like shit.

TL;DR - My boyfriend has been lying about watching porn after I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he said he would stop. Now I’m wondering why he did it, and if it had anything to do with my or my looks, or maybe even him wanting to cheat on me.

Hi, I’m 23F and AuDHD. I’ve been with my boyfriend (24M) for a little over two years now. We have a good relationship and he’s one of my best friends.

However, this morning I found a phone number in his phone with a message that just said “hello”. He hadn’t answered the message, but it also seemed like a message that was just sent to save a number from someone. I looked it up and it was a girl. I figured out that the message was sent at 2am when he had been at a bachelor party and a bar a week ago. (I am well aware that I shouldn’t have been snooping in his phone btw, but I have really bad trust issues, that I’m working on)
I asked him if he gave his number to a girl that night at the bar, and he said “I don’t think so”. I showed him the message and he seemed confused and still couldn’t tell me who it was. We looked up her name and he still couldn’t say anything about it. He says he doesn’t remember talking to her or seeing her there or anything. So he can’t give me any answers.

I’ve been thinking about literally nothing else the entire day and I feel like it’s killing me. I can physically feel the pain and stress from it. My heart has been pounding so much and my stomach has been hurting, I almost haven’t eaten today. It feels so terrible that he can’t answer anything about it, and I don’t know what to do and how to accept it. It’s like this every time we have a problem, it takes me so long to “get over it”. But this time is especially hard because I can’t get an answer from him, so I feel like I’m just stuck and I have to accept that I’m not gonna sleep tonight and I’m not gonna feel well tomorrow either.

I told him this and I asked him to please think about it some more or find a way to give me an answer about who she is and why he gave her his number and so on. Because I really can’t take this, it’s too much and my brain is making so much “noise” and I cant stop thinking about it. I feel like screaming at him until he tells me something, but maybe he just doesn’t remember, and also I don’t want to be like that, but I’m just so frustrated.

If anyone has had the same experience with emotions being too much and difficult to regulate in situations like this, and has any advice for me, I would appreciate it a lot.
I really hope someone knows what I’m talking about and that I don’t seem too crazy and insecure (I know I am though). But I just can’t take feeling like this and not knowing how to react or calm down, because I can’t get any information from him.
I hope it all makes sense, and that it’s okay and makes sense that I’m posting here:)

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years and we live together.

We have a good relationship, and he’s my best friend. Of course there’s been ups and downs, but we’ve been in couples therapy lately (mostly due to me feeling alone in our relationship and us having a hard time understanding each other) and everything is definitely a lot better now.

There’s just something I’ve been wondering:

It feels a bit like he doesn’t really want to make small sacrifices for me just to make me happy, and I have a hard time understanding why.

Like for example I’ve asked him a couple of times to get matching pyjamas with me, because I just thought I’d be fun. His answer is always “I don’t really wear pyjamas” and when I ask him if he will wear it for me, because it’ll make me happy, he says it feels like a waste of money (even though I offer to pay) or too cringey.

Another example is he won’t hold my purse for me, even when I just need to zip up my jacket or tie my shoes. And if I put it on a table in public, he wants me to put it right in front of me, so it doesn’t look like it’s his.

One more example could be that he always complains when he has to go with me to visit my grandma (who’s really sick). I understand he doesn’t know her that well and that it might be awkward, I usually try to go alone, but sometimes I need to help her with something, and it doesn’t work if he doesn’t come along if we’re doing something after for example. I don’t get why it’s so bad, we’re usually just there an hour or two, and he comes with like once every other month. But he still always says it took too long or that it was awkward or something, even though he knows she could die anytime and I really appreciate when I get to see her.

One last example is when I suggest things we could do, he’s sometimes pretty quick to say no. Like for example I suggested a museum I really wanted to go see, and he kept saying he didn’t like museums, even though he’d never been there. I kept begging him to go with me, because I really wanted to go, and he ended up saying yes, but he didn’t even try to enjoy it while we were there and he said it was boring.

I have more examples than this, where we’ve been in similar situations and I’ve been really disappointed.

I get really confused about this, because I play computer games he likes and watch the movies he chooses and so on, only because I know it makes him happy, and therefore it makes me happy (even though I don’t like computer games and action movies).

Maybe I’m just focusing too much on the negatives, but I just think it’s weird and it’s starting to get to me.

I just wanted to hear your thoughts and maybe a bit about how you experience/have experienced your partner making sacrifices for you and so on, because I don’t know if it’s normal for it to be like this.

Thank you in advance!

TLDR: My boyfriend won’t make small sacrifices just to make me happy, such as holding my purse for me and it’s making me confused.