u/bluepoesy

I am of the crowd that wears makeuo to look 'healthy' and 'presentable'. I do something colorful now and then but just to stay at home and feel like a fairy or something, but in general I prefer the 'natural' look. And yet, I am always looking at makeup or buying it. None at my job notices whether I am wearing a peach or pink blush. As long as my makeup is well applied, nobody gives a sh**. So why do I keep wanting and buying?

This is my realization. I don't need to buy more makeup than what I already have. As long as I keep improving my technique, I don't need more shades and versions of what I have.

I thought I was buying makeup to look good to my partner or in my job, but I already had enough.

I want to learn to become a creative person, a person that not only consumes but creates, because creation is the key to growth and that to happiness. I don't have any talent and I haver never had enough willpower to pursue skills that I wish I had. The only thing I do well is learning languages, but I am not creating anything there, and I already spend my life buried in books or my phone.

I don't have the finances to get an instrument to learn to play it. In the past I tried to learn to draw but I got discouraged soon after I got comments that a 2 years old could do it better. Aaand since I like reading a lot, I have an idea for a novel but for now I am documenting and learning about the topic.

Like I am always looking at palettes and wondering will this look on me? And the reason I never wear eyeshadow is because although i practice, it always look dirty on me if I use neutral colors, it looks muddy, and I do well with colorful bright colors but I am not wearing a colorful eyeshadow look unless I am going to a wedding or something. So basically I wear it like once a month but I am always looking at palettes online thinking this is so pretty this will definetely work this time.

I have known I am pure D for years but I finally give in and dress for my lines. However, I don't have much clothes, and I can only make 1 good D outfit with all that I have and its literally black jeans with a black turtleneck and black booties... Not my favourite.

I have mostly gamine, classic and flamboyant natural clothes and the colors are all over, I don't have a cohesive palette, and D favours monochromatic-ish...

Do I start buying clothes that match others in color? Or that I can make a long outfit with?

I can't declutter because as I said I don't have a lot of clothes :(

Hello, I promise to answer to your comments if you have any question or positive thing to say

I am not from an English-speaking country so please forget my mistakes. I come from a working class background and at 19 I made the mistake to choose a liberal arts degree to study at university. I didn't have any guidance (I was the first person in my family going to university) and advisors at uni lied to me saying that this newly created BA had many professional prospects. I, knowing no better, but doing no research at all, got into it and it was the worst decision of my life.

Fast forward to now at 30. I have only held two short term contract jobs as a teacher, because after the degree I specialized in teaching because turns out it's the only thing you can do with that in my country (or any other). I don't want to name the degree because it will dox me because it has a very specific name. But I have been unemployed for years, living with my parents and not being able to buy anything or travel or live with my partner of five years, whom I am doing long distance with because he also lives with his parents.

My partner has a good CV, plenty of experience and a useful degree, so he has gotten many job offers along the years, but he has rejected plenty of them because he wants to have me live with him but the likeliness of me finding a job is non-existent. We made the experiment of moving together once and it took me 6 months just to find a part-time job that only paid my part of rent but not food or other things.

So basically, we can't do anything because I don't have money, and I can't improve my CV getting another master or anything because I need money for that, and my geographical situation doesn't help me because I don't have a car and I can't afford to pay rent in a place where there are jobs (but again, I have no experience so it's hard to get hired).

I live with my parents who cover my basic expenses but I can't ask for a loan from them because they don't have much money and they have wasted a lot of it on me throughout these years.

Before anybody says I should change careers, that is destined to failure in my country. After 30, if you don't have at least 5 years of experience, nobody will hire you. I have a friend in a tech company and he tried to get me in to do basic skills like client tech support but I didn't even get an interview because of what I said about ageism and lacking experience, so the best I can do is continue of my path of teaching.

I have a job lined up, better than anything I have had before, but I am afraid of not doing it well because it's as a supply teacher and teenagers mock and lack respect to supply teachers, specially women, so I hope I can keep the job.

Thank you.

Hello polyglots.

• I got a French C1 in 2024 but the only skill I have kept us is reading and a little of speaking but nothing much.
• I got a Chinese A2 in 2022 but due to financial circumstances I stopped taking lessons and haven't touched it at all, so my level is like an A1 now (I have checked).

For my work it would be beneficial to start studying these languages again and I need to get to a French C2 and a Chinese B2 in the next years.

I haven't sat to study a language in years and I have lost the habit and I feel that it will be hard to feel the fun that I felt, specially because I can't afford lessons and I don't live anywhere where there are speakers of these languages.

Has anyone been in this situation with your (TL)? Thank you.

I am already a fan of Korean skincare and I want to try the makeup but everything seems like it's made for pale women (understandable). But I know there are women with my skin tone that are fan of Chinese and Korean makeup!

Please, tell me your holy grails, your skin tone and your undertone if possible :)

Hello, I want to start watching more CDramas because I started studying Chinese and I want to expose myself to more TV shows (I already watch Chinese movies). I watched The Untamed and the Sleuth of Ming Dynasty, but I haven't been able to continue any other drama because I haven't found anything up to my standards?

I am used to watching western TV shows and I struggle to find cdramas with good acting or good camera work or good wigs and that aren't cringey. Do you have any recommendations? If possible, not crime or police themed.

I have been trying to get out of my shopping addiction for two years now and I would dare to say that I'm in a safe place now and though I have urges, I give in much less. This post is the conclusion that I've arrived at after these years and it is in no way anything new or groundbreaking but maybe it will help somebody else. English is not my first language so forgive me if there's any mistake.

>The value of an object is based on its monetary cost, and the value of money is time. You spend x time working, you get y quantity of money. With that money, you can have better quality time, be it having a roof over your head that you are paying for**, or with an utility that frees time for you,** such as a dishwasher.

From the outside, it might not look like I haven't got a shopping addiction because I don't have hauls of clothes, makeup, etc. The first reason for this is because not only I come from a low income working class family, but I have always had the smallest income you can get in my country (not the USA). But when I buy, I make wrong choices (e.g. the wrong shade of lipstick) and I spend or used to spend most of my free time browsing online for clothes, makeup, books, skincare, you name it). I consider that the behavior of an addict. I am giving up my free time to these companies for free, so while I say that the value of money is time, again, I am giving up my time for free to this companies. So I work, get 10 euros, get home but have no time because I am looking where to spend those 10 euros, so at the end of the day I have not time nor money and I have an object that doesn't make me happy.

The objects I want to possess are the aforementioned in the previous paragraph, but after observing my purchases I get this pattern.

• I don't read all the books I buy or I don't like all the books I read (that's why I mostly read on my ereader now, pirated books).
• I don't know how to buy clothes. Like I am a child when it comes to it and I don't know how to much styles, colors, etc. I really need to follow a rule when I buy.
• I can't find good shades of base makeup or lipsticks/eyeshadows/blush etc. I think this is mostly due because it is not allowed to swatch in the drugstores of my country, for most products. I want to look at more reviews online from now on.
• Skincare is fine, but I have bought products that haven't made any difference in the past.

As I say, I don't buy too many things, but it's like the things I bought weren't there because I end up not wearing or using them because they don't match my needs. So I don't 'have the thing' and I lost my money.

Talking about needs now. I need x type of lipstick, or y style of pants. Shopping addicts create a need that isn't there for most people. This is what I've realised after noticing that I am bad at shopping, because if I have enough dresses to wear for the limited occasions I have in which I wear dresses, why do I need that one I saw on Pinterest? Or why do I need another shade of red lipstick? Of course, not shade at people who buy multiple things of different categories. If you have enough money and it doesn't constrain you or you are a collector, good for you, but I am sure you like all of your lipsticks and things. Shopping addicts are rarely happy with what they own because it's not enough, while a collector of red MAC lipsticks can stop as soon as she wants, she is a collector and likes them all and will stop when she has owned as many as she likes.

I don't know why we create these needs, it's something psychological. I think in my case is because I have never had nice things in the past and I take the little money I have to surround myself with beautiful things.

Going back to the value of time. Say you work x number of hours, each hour worth 20 dollars. A shopping addict like me (you might be different) doesn't add up the hours. Like I don't say 'in order to save for this trip I need to work x hours. Do I want to work that much? Will it be worth it?'. Instead I say 'I want this material object. When I work x hours I will buy it'. We don't value our time, just the money to get the object.

However, time is the only thing worth having. Quality time, time with friends and family, time to rest, holidays, etc. That's why rich people like Dua Lipa are always traveling the world and the rest of us peasants are working so much. I am not saying that because we buy a frappuccino everyday we can't own a house, but if a frappé costs 5$ (I don't know how much it costs in the US) and you buy it 3 times a week, that is 60$ a month. In my country, you can go once to a good restaurant with 2 other people or go to the cinema several times with someone else, etc. Or hell, fill up your tank, which is a necessity, or buy one week of groceries (in my country).

Basically, I have learnt that I need to reevaluate my purchases because they are not making happy, they not only steal the time I'm working but the time I have free as well, and the object steals from my quality time or actual necessities.

I would be happy if anyone had any reflections to add to this or disagreements or anything.

Hello, I am moving to Estonia and I am from the south of Europe, from a very dry climate.

The skin of my body is dry and atopic, and I have keratosis in my legs. When it gets very dry I even get ugly looking patches and I have to use double moisturizer.

My question is for all the people living in these cold countries, specially during the winter. What do you use on your body so it doesn't get super dry?

I am open also to trying new brands if you have something to recommend, and other tips you can give. My body skin suffers a lot during the winter here so I can't imagine in Estonia...

Also please let me know if I can dm you with questions.

Hello everybody. I want to start doing daily wash. I have always had greasy hair but I have only washed it every two days because of the effort of styling. I have 2B/C hair depending on the day.

My hair is very fine, thin and low density (I have androgenic alopecia and PCOS and before anyone suggests treatments I have that covered).

These last years I have been losing more hair and so the grease is much more noticeable on day 2 and that is why I want to start daily wash. The problem is that it takes me a long time just to look decent because I lather twice, really getting there + conditioner and then I untangle my hair which is the longest part of the process + mousse and finger curl and then dry with diffuser.

I want to ask fellow people like me how do you manage your time to take less time during wash day because it takes me 30 to 40 minutes...

I only use foam as a styling product because my hair lengths look greasy with more than one product but I am open to recommendations about this.

When I put foam on my hair i put one pump on the top half and another on the bottom half (I have chin length hair).

I also want (drugstore) products recommendations, specially a lightweight heat protectant and how to better use it so my hair doesn't look greasy.

Thank you so much :)

F31. I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety at 16, and with depression at 12 while the latter comes and goes, anxiety is a constant in my everyday life. I am never at ease, let's say.

I have always been thin, part of it is genetics and part of it I blame it on my mental health condition. I had to start taking the pill at 21 because my period only came once every 6 months, and although doctors are always saying that is fine that I am skinny because my bloodwork is perfect, there are a lot of things thay are affected by my underweight, such as my fertility, fatigue, hair, etc.

Before anyone suggests that I check my thyroid or any condition, I have already, I am fine, don't have any health issue besides that, bloodwork is perfect, etc.

Since I can't fix my mental health because I can't afford therapy and meditation only helps me briefly, I wanted to ask if anyone in the same situation has been able to gain weight and how. I eat 2 big meals and 3 small meals a day but I don't enjoy most of them most of the time, and even when I do for long periods, like when I travel, I don't gain a gram.

Thank you for your help.

F31. I was diagnosed with chronic anxiety at 16, and with depression at 12 while the latter comes and goes, anxiety is a constant in my everyday life. I am never at ease, let's say.

I have always been thin, part of it is genetics and part of it I blame it on my mental health condition. I had to start taking the pill at 21 because my period only came once every 6 months, and although doctors are always saying that is fine that I am skinny because my bloodwork is perfect, there are a lot of things thay are affected by my underweight, such as my fertility, fatigue, hair, etc.

Before anyone suggests that I check my thyroid or any condition, I have already, I am fine, don't have any health issue besides that, bloodwork is perfect, etc.

Since I can't fix my mental health because I can't afford therapy and meditation only helps me briefly, I wanted to ask if anyone in the same situation has been able to gain weight and how. I eat 2 big meals and 3 small meals a day but I don't enjoy most of them most of the time, and even when I do for long periods, like when I travel, I don't gain a gram.

Thank you for your help.