u/boundless_wind

After 2 years of pure hell, I’ve finally escaped!!! But now I’m completely different. During those 2 years, I split a lot. Like a lot. Every hour would be me just completely becoming a different person. Now that it’s done, I’ve finally feel like I’ve adhered to something, but that’s nihilism. Nothing really matters to me, but I still want to uphold the good in life. I’m not like a depressing nihilist, more like a, if nothing matters, why care so much. I still want to be a good person, push through and stuff, but my whole view on the world took a complete 180. I’m much happier now, and even better with this disorder. It’s just sort of strange. After so much trauma, do people with BPD completely change their philosophy and such?

This has been irritating me so much recently and I just need it out.

Every religion that is popular like Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. I believe they all have many good morals and ideas for people/humanity, but believers take it very wrong. I don’t know if it’s just a human thing to do, but so many interpretations are derived from a single piece of text. How?

Take homophobia for example. There are of course stories about how it is looked down upon to be homosexual or commit those acts, but when does it say to hate on those people? The same for a plethora of other minorities just because they’re different. I do not believe that these texts are saying to despise their guts, kill them, abolish their right, and so on. Isn’t the main premise of religion to spread peace and help?

Furthermore, people don’t view religion as an actual good thing, they just see it as a reward. I feel like fear is just instilled into these people with hell, and bad things to come to them if they don’t follow certain things. So, their motives to do good just becomes corrupt. Believers only want to do good just so they can enter heaven, or have good things happen in their favour. I understand that it’s not all believers, but mainly that’s the case every time nowadays. Religious beliefs have become so morally corrupt that it’s genuinely brainwashing people just to believe such strange things.

I truly do like the concept of religions, but fear and ignorance fill the idea. People take it so wrong and differently than what is truly intended, and wars, fights, just continue to happen. I don’t want to say if religions didn’t exist or weren’t allowed we would be better off, but people need to be so much more educated nowadays. These ideas from religions just keep passing on through people down time and time again, changing the meaning little by little, fully corrupting it at the end.

People genuinely need to stop blindly following faith and beliefs, please question and learn about why you think that way.

Everyone says that after Michael left, the show became bad. I disagree. The character developments, and new characters introduced, were much more interesting. I would even double down to say that it was the same level as the seasons with Michael in them. I loved Nellie so much. She was hilarious, had great growth, and just amazing character in my eyes. Robert California was as well hilarious, his mysteriousness, random intent, and things alike were so likeable. Dwight and Angela became an amazing couple, their whole storyline was by far one of the best, and it happened after Michael left. Of course, I do believe that the writers did lose it a little at some times, and it did become just “repetitive” with how they tried to recreate what was in the past. But many times when they didn’t try to repeat things, it was amazing. Love love loved more episodes after Michael’s departure than before. Call me crazy.

So, through the span of 3 years, I was in a personal relationship with a guy we’ll call “red ball”.

• For the first year, him and I had an on and off romantic relationship. We would continuously flirt every day, we would text all night and call all night, and we would hang out all day. So, we eventually started to get into arguments, and he decided that he couldn’t wait around for me. He begins talking to one of my friends, and I get very jealous. So I tell everyone that he is homophobic (which is true), and he begins to get jumped and bullied at our school. Then, we stop talking.

• Eventually he reaches back out to me and apologizes. Now, I begin to start wanting him again and try talking to him again, but he tells me that he has moved on. He introduces me to this new girl he is talking to, and creates a group chat with us, leaving them so we could talk just the two of us (me and the girl). He would ask me to basically give them my blessing. Briefly, when I did ask him out, he said and I quote “I want to keep my options open”.

• Then he proceeded to switch school due to the bulling caused by me, and started to text me on his siblings accounts because I had blocked him on his original ones. I told him numerous times I was done and didn’t want to talk. So, one day he is blowing up my line again, and I proceed to tell him that I died. He originally tried to go to the funeral, being very distraught about it, but eventually he moved on. :)

• Eventually, he does find out that I’m actually still alive from mutual friends. He tries to initiate something romantic with me, but I shut him down again. Then, for another year, we did another back and forth. Suddenly, he became really rude to me. I realized it was because he had a girlfriend. Every time he got a girlfriend, he would never tell me, but got very rude with me instead. Then when he would break up with them, he’d come crawling back to me seeking my attention.

• So when I got a boyfriend, I blocked him on everything. He was very pissed off, but eventually it didn’t matter to him anymore. He actually ended up getting a girlfriend of his own! But then my boyfriend and I broke up, and he cheated on his girlfriend. Now he told me he didn’t cheat, but I was in a group chat I was in and he didn’t know, and texted out mutual about cheating which I saw. When I confronted him about it, he proceeded to lie and say I “misread” the messages. Then we started to have sexual conversations with no outcome. I realized quickly it was becoming toxic and I was leading him on, so I tried ending things. But he would always say that I wasn’t the bad person, and he was.

• He became severely depressed and started antidepressants, and often refused to take his meds. So he would often get high, and we would call and argue about it.

• So then, he texts me out of the blue, and brings up that I promised to take his virginity. We discuss it, but ultimately I decide I am not ready for that, and we’re not even dating. He proceeds to get angry with me, for breaking yet another promise. Eventually I tell him that we need to end things for good. We haven’t spoken in 3 weeks now, but he says that he misses me and does want to see me. He keeps trying to take me out to dinner, and I keep refusing.

I know we both had our faults with everything, and I was just wondering, should I go back to him? I feel like I do owe him that dinner and to give him a chance after everything.

This happened through the ages of 15-21.

P.S. I originally told him that if he got a job and licence that we can run things back, but he has yet to do those things. Right now we’re no contact.

Me (f26) have been experiencing intense sexual urges. It’s affecting my social, work, and even family life. I’ve become obsessed with the euphoria and dopamine rush that comes along with touching that area. I get aroused by such strange matters.

My boyfriend (m32) has grown gravely concerned for me. Our sexual chemistry was so great, but for the past year or so, my hormones have been crazy. He’s been struggling to deal with them, which has made me realize that I do not like this version of myself and need help. I’ve been craving much more bad things to fulfill what I want, and I need to stop.

For work, I work your standard desk job, and I’ve been struggling to focus. Even being tempted to open inappropriate tabs during work with people around. It’s gotten so bad, I’ve even wanted to just go to the bathroom and go as hard as I can. It makes me so upset, that a girl like me has become like this. Growing up in a strict religious household makes me resent myself even more.

I’ve been skipping family time and things alike, just to have more time for myself. I’m so disgusted. Please send me advice and tell me that I can do this. What can I do to avoid these intense urges? Do you think doing this will help my relationship with my boyfriend? DMS are open, comments are welcome. Thank you. ❤️.

I began consuming large amounts of pornography at the ripe age of 7 years old. It has became such a sinful habit, I cannot control my self no longer. I feel such guilt, I must repent, but I cannot and do not stop.

My brother watched it, and introduced it to me. I wonder if this is a family problem, perhaps god is testing my family? My father and mother have discovered this disgustingly horrible content I’ve been watching. Now, I do not know how to view women. I want a meaningful Christian relationship. But at this rate, I just don’t see that it’s possible. Women have become objects within my eyes, a horrible thought, but sin controls me. The women in my life have realized these awful truths.

For example, I once took photos up a girls skirt, how can I ever be forgiven??? I’ve even tried to touch my female friends, they think it’s casual, but it’s so much more to me. I’ve confided in a female friend about these urges, and she told me about these subreddits to seek help.

In the words of Matthew 5:28, I have to take accountability.

Please I am asking for any advice, I am starting from rock bottom. Thank you so much for reading. God bless.